The Girl in Seat 24B

by Jennifer Peel

  Around noon, Dr. White came in and examined me. I hadn’t progressed at all.

  “It’s time to get the ball rolling,” she said.

  She ordered Libby to begin the Pitocin drip into my IV. Emma knew I wasn’t thrilled with the idea. “We’ll start with a slow drip to see if that does the trick,” she said as if that would appease me.

  “I’m just surprised I need this kind of help. My labor has always started on its own before.”

  She smiled at me. “Every pregnancy is different. This isn’t a sign that something’s wrong. Just relax.”

  Michael tried to be reassuring after Emma and Libby left.

  It was anything but reassuring. I was frustrated and lashed out. “I should have just known this wasn’t going to be a typical delivery. This whole pregnancy has been so different.”

  He held my hands again. “I know, Carly. You don’t know how sorry I am for that. I wish I could go back and recapture everything I missed.

  I was trying so hard not to be upset with him, but when he made comments like that, it reminded me of all the hurt and pain he had caused me and my children this past year, and especially during this pregnancy. I knew this wasn’t the right time and place for it, but when was it ever going to be?

  I felt the urge just to smack him, but instead I just shook my head. “Why the sudden change of heart, Michael?”

  He began to rub my hands he still held, and he nervously moved to the edge of my bed from the chair he had been occupying. He looked at the monitors that were keeping track of the baby’s and my vitals. I could tell he was trying to gather his thoughts, and I just let him. I had waited this long, and it looked like we had plenty of time at the rate my labor was progressing.

  After several minutes he looked my way and into my eyes. “Carly, when I met you, you turned my whole life upside down. Before you, I thought I would never get married or have children, and then, in an instant, you changed that. Everything suddenly became secondary to you. I wanted to do everything to make you happy, even if it meant putting my career aspirations on the back burner.”

  “I never asked you to do that,” I interrupted.

  He reached up with his free hand and touched my cheek. “No you didn’t. You wouldn’t, but I wanted to because I thought that’s what you wanted. I knew you didn’t want to be constantly traveling around like you had growing up and I didn’t want to be away from you. So we made choices together. And for a long time I was happy about those choices, but then…”

  I kept waiting for him to elaborate. He just kept searching my eyes and rubbing my hand and touching my face.

  I shrugged my shoulders. “I became undesirable and lost my luster as my dad feared.”

  He scooted closer and wiped the corner of my eyes, where the tears were beginning to form. “No. That’s not what happened.”

  “Please don’t lie to me now, ok? You told me you didn’t love me and you left me and you didn’t even care about how much you were hurting me or the kids or even your parents. You hid money from me and rented apartments and accepted jobs, all without any regard to my feelings. All that didn’t happen overnight, so don’t try and spare my feelings now!”

  Libby came rushing in. My blood pressure and heart rate were spiking. By this point, I was full on bawling and Michael was trying to calm me down.

  “Is everything ok?”

  “No, everything’s not ok.” I was tired of pretending.

  Michael looked up to Libby. “Could we please have a minute?”

  She just shook her head and walked back out. I’m sure she thought I had lost my mind. As soon as she exited, Michael wrapped me up in his arms. At first I tried to push him away, but he gently persisted, and I finally gave in.

  He soothingly rubbed my back and began to whisper in my ear. “Listen to me, Carly. You are the most desirable creature on this planet. It was me that became undesirable. I felt worthless and I began to doubt myself. I let that fester and I wrongly placed the blame on you and the kids.”

  “Why didn’t you just talk to me?”

  “Because I was confused and ashamed. I knew I shouldn’t feel that away about you. But things kept getting worse at work and I felt trapped.”

  “You feel like I trapped you?”

  He pulled me tighter. “No. I did that to myself. You are the most freeing and wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. And I’m sorry I lost sight of that. And I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you and our family. I know there isn’t a way to make up for this past year. And I know I don’t deserve you, but I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose you. My work, my life means nothing without you. I love you, 24B; and I’m going to do whatever it takes to prove that to you.”

  My crying ceased, but he still didn’t let go. It had been so long since I had heard those words. I wanted to believe them, but…

  “Michael, I just don’t know if I can ever trust you again or forgive you. What happens the next time you become unhappy? Are you just going to walk out on us again? How can I take that risk or subject our kids to that again?”

  He released me and sat back, but took back my hand. His eyes were wet too. “Carly, I know it’s a long shot, and I’ve given you no good reason to want to work this out, but if you give me some time to show you how much you mean to me and how much I love you, I’ll prove that I do.”

  He kissed my hand. “Please,” he begged.

  I didn’t know what to say or do as I looked into his sincere, tear-filled baby blues.

  Chapter 21

  I didn’t have to answer right away because it was finally show time. A contraction came on full force. I squeezed Michael’s hand tightly, and he quickly realized what was going on and turned toward the monitor that measured the intensity of the contractions.

  “Almost there,” he said. “Slow and steady, Carly.”

  I tried to regulate my breathing pattern, but I was caught off guard, and the emotions weren’t helping.

  “Focus on me. Deep breath in … now let it out.” He smiled. “You can do this.”

  After sixty seconds, it was over. I took a deep cleansing breath in. Michael kissed my forehead. “Good job, Mom,” he said.

  He retrieved the lotion. “I think it’s a good time for this now. Or would you rather I paint your toe nails?”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yes,” he laughed. “I noticed they weren’t painted and I remembered how important that was to you when Ashton and Mia were born. Though I can’t figure out why.”

  I smiled. “It’s a woman thing.”

  He winked. “Then painted toenails it is.”

  I just shook my head at him as he pulled out the bubble gum pink nail polish and proceeded to paint my toes. This was a first for us, and the gesture meant a lot to me. Libby came in as Michael was finishing up my right foot. She looked relieved to see that I was no longer upset and just downright giddy over what she called the sweetest thing she had ever seen. “If all husbands could be like Michael,” she exclaimed.

  Michael rightly set her straight. “No one deserves a husband like me, especially my wife.”

  We just looked at each other. I didn’t bother to see what Libby’s reaction was to that statement. I didn’t know what to do with this man. If it was a matter of just being in love with him, then it was a simple choice, but this was anything but simple, and I wasn’t sure love could or should fix this. How do you even begin to rebuild a trusting relationship after this? I didn’t have time to contemplate it because another contraction hit just as strong as the last one, ten minutes previous.

  Michael handed the nail polish to our sweet nurse, and she finished up my left foot while Michael held my hand and talked me through it again. As much as I really did hate him, I was so glad he was there. While I loved his mom, she never could have replaced Michael in this situation.

  My labor continued like this for a couple of hours. Contractions every ten minutes, but unfortunately I still wasn’t progressing very fast. I was now at a
three and seventy-five percent effaced. They upped the Pitocin which increased the intensity and left me worn out, and I wasn’t even to the worst part yet.

  “Honey,” Michael said as he fed me ice chips.

  I looked at him strangely. Honestly, that was not a word he ever used.

  He gave me a knowing smile. “I really think you should consider the epidural this time. Dr. White said it may even speed things up if you can relax.”

  “I’m really tired of people telling me to relax.”

  He set the ice down and took my hands in his face. “Carly, you’re in control here. I’ll support whatever you want to do, but honey, you’re already exhausted.”

  The ever present tears started up again. “I just don’t want to do anything that will hurt the baby.”

  Dr. White entered during our conversation. “If it makes you feel better, I’ve had an epidural for both of my deliveries, and women have them every day with no complications. I really do think with the amount of Pitocin you have in you, this would help, but it’s your decision. I’ll give you some time to talk it over.”

  I leaned my head against Michael’s shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me.

  “What do you think?” I asked.

  He thought for a moment. “I think it’s time for you to let go. You don’t always have to be so strong.”

  “Yes I do.”

  He chuckled a bit and then kissed my head. “I love you.”

  “So you say.”

  He didn’t respond to my rebuttal. What could he say? He could say he loved me until he was blue in the face, and I still might not believe it.

  “So what do you want to do?”

  A doozy of a contraction came before I could respond. It was strong enough that I hurt Michael’s hand.

  “I’m sorry. You should take off your wedding ring.”

  He had with Ashton and Mia. Apparently, I become like the hulk when in labor.

  He brushed my hair back and looked lovingly into my eyes as he held up his left hand. “I don’t plan on ever taking this ring off.”

  I just closed my eyes and sighed. I couldn’t think about that right now. “I think I’m going to get an epidural.” I opened my eyes to find him smiling at me.

  He kissed me quickly, with no thought on how I would feel about that. “I’ll go let Dr. White know.”

  I just nodded my head, lay back against the bed and closed my eyes, waiting for the next wave of pain. I rubbed my abdomen. “It won’t be long now,” I whispered quietly to my baby.

  I wanted that baby in my arms more than anything at the moment. I knew I wasn’t the only one anxious to meet her. Jack and Danielle had called at least four times to get an update. Ashton and Mia were beyond ready to come to the hospital. I just hoped the epidural really would expedite things. I wanted the kids to be able to come today; to have the three of them together was going to be amazing.

  Michael wasn’t gone long. He informed me they were calling up the anesthesiologist. He took up his position by my side, and we went through two more rounds of contractions before the anesthesiologist arrived. Libby also came in to assist and prep. As they completely undid the back of my gown, I wondered why I even put anything on. Michael was right, there was no need for even trying to be modest today.

  They had Michael hold me still against his chest, and when the next contraction hit, they apparently inserted a needle in my back. Michael said I didn’t even want to know how big it was. All I knew was I felt so much better that I wanted to kiss Dr. Madsen. I love anesthesiologists, I decided.

  From then on, Libby was almost a constant presence in my room as they monitored me. Both Libby and Emma encouraged me to try and sleep if I could. Before I closed my eyes I looked at Michael. He just sat on the bed and stared at me sweetly. “You should get something to eat.” He had skipped lunch.

  He reluctantly agreed. He kissed my forehead and lingered. “I’ll only be gone a few minutes.”

  “That husband of yours sure loves you,” Libby commented.

  I didn’t disagree, I just closed my eyes, tried to rest, and tried not to think about it. I focused my thoughts on the baby girl that would finally be joining our party. I’m not sure when Michael returned; I was tired enough that I drifted off. I woke up to Michael staring at me and Libby checking the monitors. The contractions were finally closer together. It was weird, but in a very good sort of way, to feel the pressure of them, but not the pain.

  “I’m going to check you again,” Libby announced. “Seven centimeters and one hundred percent effaced,” she happily reported.

  Both Michael and I lit up at the news. It really wouldn’t be long now. Michael called his parents to give them a report. “It shouldn’t be too long now,” I heard him say. It was already five in the evening. It had been a long day, and I’m sure the kids thought it was an eternity already.

  While we waited, Michael brought out the lotion and rubbed my upper back, shoulders and neck. He really did have the magic touch.

  As he rubbed, he commented. “If I haven’t said it lately, you really are beautiful. I almost changed the screen saver of you after the salacious comments I received from some of Joe’s campaign workers. Even Joe is taken with you. If he wasn’t such a decent guy, I think you could have a shot at being First Lady.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re such a liar, Michael Bishop.”

  “Carly, I’m not lying. You have no idea the effect you have on people.”

  “Does he know about us?”

  Michael stopped rubbing, and I looked toward him. His countenance was thoughtful. “I told him about a month ago, and he told me I was a fool and I quickly agreed with him.”

  “Maybe I’ll vote for him after all.” I smiled.

  He grinned. “You may want to rethink that. He’s the one that suggested I file for the stay.”

  “Why would he do that?”

  “I don’t know. I think he felt sorry for me. He hinted that perhaps his marriage had a rough patch that had to be worked through, but he wouldn’t discuss it, and I didn’t press.”

  “Aren’t you writing his biography?”

  “Some things should just be private, don’t you think?”

  I nodded my head yes. That was one thing I always admired about Michael; he was never one to dig for dirt and smear people. There were too many people out there willing to tell all, even about themselves.

  A little before seven I began to feel what they called break through pain. The contractions were close and strong, and I was feeling them. I also felt the urge to push. The delivery room became a flurry of activity as Libby and two other nurses readied for the delivery. Michael and I smiled at each other. This was it. Michael helped position me and held my hand. As soon as Emma was there and ready, I was more than ready to push, and thankfully, I was really good at pushing. In two pushes her little head was delivered, and as soon as her mouth and nose were suctioned out, I heard the most wonderful sound, her cry. For a brief second I glanced at Michael, and I was surprised to see tears in his eyes. I was already crying. I had been waiting for this for so long.

  It didn’t take much for the rest of her to be delivered. As soon as they pulled her tiny body out, Emma laid her on my chest. She was perfect. She had lots of dark hair, she was mad as heck, and she was letting the world know. I was just thankful she was breathing on her own. I couldn’t touch her enough. Michael placed his hands on her. I could tell she was definitely smaller than Ashton and Mia.

  “Do you want to cut the cord?” Emma asked Michael.

  “Yes,” he said eagerly, but not before kissing me. “I love you. Thank you.” I think he was crying more than me. He had never reacted that way before.

  As soon as her cord was cut, the nurse took her and wrapped her up, placed some ointment on her eyes, and took her to be cleaned and weighed there in the room.

  “So, what are you naming this sweet thing?” Libby asked.

  I looked at Michael. “Her name is Danielle Roger
s.”

  Michael’s eyes widened. Rogers was my maiden name and now my middle name. I wanted her to have a piece of me. It only seemed right, but I quickly added, “Bishop.” He was visibly relieved.

  “But I’m calling her Dani,” I informed both my husband and Libby.

  Libby began cooing at my little Dani. I was already missing her from my arms. “You should go over with Dani,” I instructed Michael. I was a paranoid mom. I needed him to watch over our daughter, even though she was in the room with us. I never wanted her out of our sights. Not that I couldn’t hear her. I think the whole floor could. She and Mia were definitely sisters. While they cleaned her up, I had the fun of delivering the placenta, but thankfully no stitches this time. Libby called out that Dani weighed six pounds and one ounce and was eighteen inches long, just a little thing. Ashton was almost two and a half pounds bigger than her and Mia had been a pound bigger than her. No wonder I didn’t need any stitches. Bless her.

  Those moments right after birth seemed to be so surreal; there was so much going on around me, it was kind of hard to take it all in. I just loved that feeling of not being pregnant and being able to breathe normal again, but none of it really mattered until that baby was in my arms.

  When both she and I were cleaned up and I was free to sit up, Libby carried over my now-swaddled and capped daughter. She was really ticked. I think she must have liked it in the womb, but as soon as they placed her in my arms, she quieted, and I swear she smiled. This only caused me to cry more.

  I looked over to Michael who was now back on the bed with us. “She knows I’m her mom.”

  Michael kissed my head, and we both just looked at her in awe. It looked like she had blue eyes, but at this age, it was hard to tell. She definitely had mine and Mia’s hair color. Sepia, Michael liked to call it. We both took turns saying how beautiful and perfect she was. And Michael kept saying, “Just like her mother.” Like I said, I didn’t know what would become of us, but I was so glad he was there to share this moment, and even happier that he seemed to really love her. I had been so worried he wouldn’t.