This Changes Everything

by Helen Mcginn

  ‘Dad, he’s on the other side of the world in the middle of a job. He’ll be back in a few months.’ Ollie was filming a wildlife documentary somewhere in South America; Emma wasn’t entirely sure where. ‘Anyway, we don’t want to throw too many of us at the poor guy all at once. We might scare him off.’

  Patrick smiled at his daughter. ‘You’re right, I’m sure.’ Indeed, she usually was.

  It was Emma who’d been so supportive from the beginning, sitting quietly opposite her father as he read that first email from Ed confirming his wish to meet. It was Emma who’d persuaded Patrick to suggest a meeting, at a time and place of Ed’s choosing. And it was Emma who’d driven him down to the country pub where they’d arranged to meet just a few weeks later.

  Patrick and Emma had arrived early and she’d left him alone in the quiet pub garden, waiting for Ed. He’d never known time pass so slowly as it did that day, waiting for his son to walk through the door. And when he finally did, Patrick felt he was looking at someone he’d known all his life.

  Ed walked towards him, a cautious smile on his face. Having done this once already with Julia, Ed wasn’t nearly as nervous as before, knowing he was meeting a man whom his mother clearly adored. ‘You must be Patrick. I’m Ed.’ He held a hand out.

  Patrick took it, tears in his eyes. ‘I am. And I can see that you are Ed.’

  Both stood looking at one another for a moment before Ed put his arms around his father and the two men embraced. Relief flooded through Patrick’s body.

  ‘Thank you.’ It was all Patrick could manage.

  ‘You really don’t have to thank me.’

  Patrick stood back from him, looking at Ed’s face. ‘I’m just so happy you’re here.’

  ‘Me, too. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get to meet you, either of you. But to then find that you’re both still very much here… I just feel very lucky.’

  ‘You do?’ Patrick was stunned. For years he’d carried his guilt with him. Even when he’d tried to escape it by going to some of the worst places on earth, it followed him like an unwanted rucksack on his back. The fact that he’d had no choice in the matter was of little comfort. And yet here was his son, standing in front of him, saying he felt lucky.

  ‘Yes, I really do. My parents were devoted to me and I didn’t know any different. Of course they told me what had happened when I was a bit older but I think I felt guilty wanting to know who my real parents were when they’d been so good to me. So I left it and the longer I did, the better I got at burying it… wanting to know about you, I mean.’ Ed sighed. ‘But then I had my own children and I guess that brought things up I hadn’t dared think about for years.’

  ‘I’m just so sorry—’ Patrick shook his head.

  Ed quickly cut him off. ‘Please don’t say sorry. I promise you the last thing I want is for anyone to be sorry about anything.’

  ‘Well, that is an extraordinary thing for you to say. I’m very grateful.’ Patrick smiled. He reached across the table and put his hand on Ed’s arm. ‘Now, can I get you something to drink?’

  When, an hour later, Emma had arrived as arranged, she’d walked into the garden to find the two men deep in conversation.

  ‘Am I interrupting anything?’ She smiled at them both.

  ‘Emma!’ Patrick beamed at her. ‘This is Ed.’

  Ed stood, taking her hand in both of his. ‘Emma, it’s so lovely to meet you.’ He looked earnest, she thought.

  ‘Likewise, Ed.’ She smiled warmly. ‘Goodness.’ She looked from one to the other, shaking her head and laughing a little at how similar they looked.

  Since that first meeting Patrick and Ed had been in regular contact via email (both preferring email to phone calls) but this would be the first time Patrick would be meeting Ed’s family. His heart lurched at the thought.

  They headed out of the front door towards the car. ‘You go in the front, Patrick,’ Monty, Emma’s husband, called over his shoulder to Patrick as he opened the passenger door.

  ‘Are you sure?’ He looked across at Monty, perfectly dishevelled in his old, faded blue linen suit and thick glasses, smiling his usual conspiratorial smile.

  ‘Yes, please do. I suggest you pick the music before Emma makes us listen to some dreary play.’

  ‘Right, for that, Monty, I’m going to make you listen to a dreary play…’ Emma reached forward through the seats to turn the dial on the radio.

  Soon, they were on the long A roads heading west. The sun shone intermittently behind cotton-wool clouds strewn across the warm May sky.

  ‘You all right there, Dad?’ Emma proffered a tin of travel sweets from the back seat with one hand.

  ‘All good, thank you.’ Patrick ignored the ache starting to settle in to his knees and hips, a cruel reminder that he was getting really quite old.

  ‘So, come on, what else can you tell us?’ asked Monty. ‘I mean, you find your first love, then find your first child. Can we expect any other surprises this weekend?’

  ‘Monty! Stop being deliberately mischievous. Poor Dad is worried enough about this without you making it worse.’

  ‘No, no, it’s fine. I know, Monty, that in your own weird and wonderful way you’re actually trying to make it better.’

  ‘Exactly, Paddy!’ Monty laughed. ‘Em, have you got the directions?’

  ‘Darling, concentrate on the road.’ Emma shot him a disapproving look. ‘Yes, Dad forwarded the email to me from Ed. The accommodation looks amazing. Seriously, Dad, are you sure you’re OK with all this?’

  ‘Look, I’m the one who should be worried about you. I mean, it’s a lot for you to take in.’

  ‘Dad, we’re fine. Excited, even. Sure, it was a bit of a shock but really, how wonderful that you all found each other again! Before it’s too late, if you know what I mean.’

  ‘I do, thank you, Emma.’ Patrick laughed gently.

  ‘It might have been more tricky if Mum were here but you know what? I think she would have understood. She would have been happy, for you. Really, I do think that.’

  ‘Thank you, Em. You always know what to say.’ Just like your mother always did, he thought. The thought of Kathy reassuring him she’d be fine as he left for another stint away, God knew where, not knowing if he’d ever come home, still physically pulled at his heart. She had been an amazing woman, not least to put up with him and his barely there presence. And the one thing that she had always said to him, whenever he returned, was, ‘Well, you’re here now.’ As if that was all that mattered.

  ‘Rufus! Ned! Will you PLEASE stop arguing! We’ve got three more hours in the car and I’m not listening to this all the way there.’ Annie shot James a glance, looking for backup. His eyes were fixed on the road.

  ‘Stop that now, boys, otherwise we’ll leave you behind.’

  ‘Why don’t we play I Spy?’ Julia sat in the back with the boys – her choice – and promptly picked something beginning with P. The boys immediately yelled out ‘POO!’ with glee.

  ‘Did you leave food for the dogs for Mum?’ James asked Annie over the noise in the back.

  ‘Yes, and food and wine in the fridge.’

  ‘So where are we going, exactly?’

  ‘I told you, darling, it’s a big self-catering place. Ed knows the guy who used to live there, Harry. Remember, the man who ran the pub Jess and I stayed in when we went to meet him for the first time? Apparently Harry’s mother’s family used to live there but they sold it many years ago. Anyway, it looks gorgeous. Big garden, beautiful views…’

  ‘And this is on Ed?’ James had already voiced his mild discomfort at this arrangement.

  ‘Yes, he insisted. Said that if we were all going down there, he at least wanted to find us somewhere to stay. Sophie’s sorted out the food, apparently. I did offer. I’ve made lasagne and we’ve got a ton of cheese. And everyone’s bringing wine, obviously.’

  ‘Who else is going to be there apart from your sister? What about the rest of Ed’s family?’

&nbs
p; ‘Well, he hasn’t really got any on his parents’ side. I think there’s an aunt but I’m not sure if she’s coming. Sophie and the children, obviously, but then it’s really just us. And Patrick and his daughter, Emma, and her husband, Monty. Is that right, Mum?’

  ‘Yes, they left earlier this morning so they’ll probably be there just ahead of us. Emma is delightful – she’s an artist – and Monty’s a journalist, I think. Not sure what he writes about. They’re both adorable, anyway. Where exactly is it we’re going again? I couldn’t hear you properly.’

  ‘Boys! Quiet a minute!’ Annie snapped. It worked. She continued over her shoulder. ‘I was just telling James. It’s like a big holiday rental but Ed knows the old owner. Says the house is perfect for us all for a couple of nights. We’ll probably leave before lunch on Sunday, though, if that’s OK with you.’

  ‘Of course, we’ll still have plenty of time.’

  ‘How’s Patrick feeling about meeting Ed’s family?’ asked Annie.

  ‘Good, I think. A bit nervous but excited.’

  ‘Mum, I need a wee,’ Ned piped up from the back.

  ‘Seriously? But we’ve only been going for about twenty minutes!’ Annie closed her eyes and took a breath. ‘Didn’t you go before we left?’ Annie turned and looked at him, trying not to sound too irritated.

  ‘Yes, but I need to go again.’

  ‘OK, we’ll have to find somewhere to stop. Darling, how long until the next services?’ Annie looked at James.

  ‘There’s one in about ten minutes, I think.’ James glanced in the rear-view mirror, recognising Ned’s wriggle as quite severe on his scale of needing to go. ‘We’ll stop as soon as we can, fella. Just hang on in there.’

  ‘How about another game of I Spy to take your mind off it? You start, Ned.’ Julia thought distraction was their best chance. ‘Come on, I Spy…’

  ‘With my little eye…’ continued Ned, still wriggling. It was going to be a long journey.

  The sky was dark by the time James was navigating the small, winding Cornish country lanes. The boys were both fast asleep in the back, either side of Annie. Julia now sat in the passenger seat, piecing together the landscape outside. The lights from houses were few and far between.

  ‘Annie, text Ed and let him know we’re nearly there.’

  She reached for her phone, the glare lighting up her face in the dark space of the car. ‘No signal.’

  ‘Let’s hope the sat nav’s right, then. The turning should be just up here on the left.’ James swung the car slowly into the next left-hand turn, picking up a beautiful tree in full blossom in the headlights as he did so.

  Julia looked at it, the sight prodding at something in her mind. As they drove down the long tree-lined drive to the house, Annie started to wake the boys. ‘Rufus, darling, we’re here at the house. Time to wake up… Ned,’ she shook him gently, brushing the hair from his hot forehead, ‘wake up, my sweet.’

  They turned a corner, the house temporarily hidden by thick rhododendron before it came back into view, a sturdy Georgian house with large windows throwing warm light onto the gravel drive.

  ‘Wow, look at that,’ Annie whispered. ‘What’s it called again?’

  ‘Lyn House,’ replied Julia. She looked up at it through the windscreen. ‘I’ve been here before.’

  ‘When?’ Annie gazed at it, mentally moving in.

  ‘With Patrick. Years ago. This is near where Aunt Tessa lived.’

  Annie looked at her mother, her eyes wide. ‘Really? Does Ed know?’

  ‘No, I don’t think so. I know I’ve told him about Tessa, how I spent summers down here but I just said it was on the south coast. I don’t think I ever mentioned Porthlyn, or the house. Too many ghosts.’

  ‘Ghosts?’ Rufus said sleepily.

  ‘No, not ghosts. Granny said “hosts”, didn’t you, Julia?’ James looked round at his mother-in-law. ‘Do you want a moment whilst we take the kids in?’ he asked.

  ‘No, no, it’s fine. Just… I wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.’ Julia slowly undid her seatbelt, not taking her eyes off the house.

  As they got out of the car the enormous red front door opened and there, in the light at the top of the steps, was Ed. Next to him – same long legs, wide shoulders – was Patrick. Julia looked at them standing together, the sight of father and son making her heart soar.

  ‘How was your journey?’ Ed called out as he came down the steps. ‘Hi, Julia.’ He kissed Julia on the cheek.

  ‘Hi, darling.’ She held her palm to his face for a second. ‘How are you?’

  ‘All good, everyone’s very excited. Come on, you go inside, I’ll help James with the bags.’

  ‘Hi, Uncle Ed.’ Ned and Rufus stood grinning up at them.

  ‘Hey, boys!’ The novelty of their newly acquired uncle was still evident as demonstrated by their excited faces. ‘Go on inside. I think Emma has got plans for hot chocolate and marshmallows by the fire for you boys.’

  The boys ran up the steps into the house, shouting a cheery hello to Patrick on their way past. Julia embraced Patrick before she followed them inside.

  ‘Hi, Ed!’ Annie gave him a big hug.

  Ed knew Annie dealt in hugs, not kisses. ‘Hi, Annie. Hello, James.’ Ed extended his hand. ‘How was the trip?’

  ‘All good, thanks. Wow, what a place!’ James took in the scale of the house. ‘You know Julia knows it?’

  ‘How funny, Patrick said he knew it too.’ Ed looked at Annie. ‘How come?’

  ‘We’re not really sure. She just said as we drove in. Knew the name of the house. James, did she seem OK to you?’

  ‘I think so. She mentioned Aunt Tessa. I think she must have lived near here. I’m sure she’ll fill us in.’ James picked up the boys’ bags from the back seat and closed the car door. ‘Remind me of Patrick’s daughter’s name again?’

  Ed took a bag from James. ‘Emma, and her husband’s called Monty. They’re brilliant. So, Julia’s been here before too, then?’

  ‘She must have been, I suppose.’ Annie shrugged her shoulders. ‘I’m sure they’ll tell us. When did you arrive?’

  ‘Earlier this evening, enough time to put food and wine in the fridge and light the fire in the sitting room. It’s a bit draughty. Sophie made a cottage pie for tonight. there’s plenty keeping warm in the Aga, if you’re hungry.’

  ‘Is Sophie here?’ Annie couldn’t wait to see her again.

  ‘Yes, she’s inside. Our kids are in bed but definitely not asleep. They’re too excited. I think she’s probably showing your boys to their room unless they’ve been sidetracked by hot chocolate.’

  Annie and James followed Ed up the steps into a reception hall. The ceilings were impossibly high and a staircase swept up one side of the room. On the other, to the side of an enormous fireplace stood a piano. And in the middle of the room, Julia and Patrick stood as if frozen to the spot.

  ‘Is everything OK?’ asked Ed.

  Julia turned to look at them in the doorway. ‘We know this house. We used to come here.’ Her voice was quiet.

  ‘We knew the person who owned it,’ said Patrick.

  ‘Hang on, I’m confused,’ said Annie.

  ‘You knew Harry’s mother?’ Ed tried to process the connection. ‘Why didn’t you say?’

  Patrick looked at Julia. ‘I thought I’d better wait until Julia was here.’

  ‘Maggie,’ said Julia. ‘She was a friend of ours.’

  ‘You knew someone who lived here?’ Annie’s eyes lit up.

  ‘Yes. Maggie was, briefly, the girlfriend of our friend Richard. The one’s whose ashes we took to Rome,’ said Patrick.

  ‘Hang on, who’s died?’ Emma came into the room, Monty behind her. ‘Oh, hi! You must be Annie! I’m Emma.’ She crossed the room and greeted Annie warmly. ‘And this is Monty.’

  Monty ambled over, glass of red in hand. He proffered the other hand to first Annie, then James. ‘Pleased to meet you both.’

  ‘Hi, Julia. You look
so well, as always.’ Emma kissed Julia on the cheek. ‘What’s Dad on about?’

  ‘Hello, darlings.’ Julia looked at Patrick. ‘We were just saying we’ve been here before. In this house, I mean. Years ago. We spent a summer here. Well, we spent lots of summers here in Porthlyn, but our last summer here… We loved this house.’ Julia looked around the hall, taking in the familiar walls despite the lack of paintings.

  ‘Careful!’ Sophie shouted from the top of the stairs, children in pyjamas racing down ahead of her. ‘Sorry, ours heard the words “hot chocolate” and there was no stopping them.’ Sophie came down the stairs, realising halfway down that everyone was standing still, like a game of grown-up musical statues. ‘Hey, what’s going on? Is everything OK?’

  ‘Well, yes. But I think we’re about to be told something we didn’t know.’ Ed looked at his parents.

  ‘Not until I’ve said hello to Annie and James.’ Sophie crossed the room to hug them both. ‘Right, sorry, go on.’

  Patrick looked at Julia before speaking. ‘Well, it was in this room that I first danced with Julia.’

  ‘So you did.’ Julia smiled, holding Patrick’s gaze.

  ‘It was our last summer together. Back then, I mean.’

  ‘What an extraordinary thing!’ exclaimed Monty. ‘Well planned, Ed!’

  ‘But it wasn’t… I mean, I didn’t know.’ Ed shook his head in disbelief. ‘So, you knew Harry’s mum?’

  ‘Yes, she was my best friend down here. Well, that summer, anyway.’ Julia laughed at the memory of her friend with her cat’s-eye glasses and ever-present cigarette hanging from her red painted lips.

  ‘We used to sneak up here for great parties.’ Patrick looked at Julia and squeezed her hand.

  ‘Well, I think this calls for a toast. I’m going to get some glasses. Come on, Monty, give me a hand. Sitting room in five!’ called Emma as she turned and left the room.

  ‘Oh my God, Mum, that’s such a mad coincidence.’ Annie shook her head.

  Sophie hugged first Julia, then Patrick. ‘Full circle, though, don’t you think?’

  Julia wiped an eye briefly with her hand. ‘Come on, let’s go and sit by the fire.’