'Til I Kissed You

by Pam Howes

  ‘You should be the one to tell her it’s over,’ Eddie said. ‘Go and do it now, get it out of the way, then go home and try and talk to Sammy.’

  ‘If I go to Livvy’s tonight, Sammy’s threatened to cut off my tackle. I wouldn’t put it past her to try either,’ Roy said as Eddie and Jon exchanged amused glances. ‘It’s no bloody laughing matter, you two.’

  ‘We know that,’ Jon smirked. ‘But you have to go and see Livvy. She came into work this afternoon and she was really miserable.’

  ‘That’s because I let her down this morning. I was supposed to be seeing her, but Sammy took the morning off, so I couldn’t get out. Hey, don’t you let on to Sean why she wasn’t in work. She told him she was ill.’

  ‘She didn’t look well actually. Said she felt a bit off colour,’ Jon said. ‘I had a feeling she’d got mixed up with a married man, but I had no idea it was you, Roy. She’s not an easy nut to crack. I took her out a couple of times and got absolutely nowhere, in spite of my charms. You’re a lucky sod,’ he finished with a grin.

  ‘You reckon? I’m hardly lucky if I’ve lost everything. I suppose I’d better go and get it over with. I’m not looking forward to this at all. Shall I come back here afterwards or go home?’

  ‘Go home to Sammy,’ Eddie advised. ‘She won’t cut your bits off. Mind you, she did ask Jane to bring the meat cleaver.’

  ‘Don’t even joke about it,’ Roy said, shuddering as he stood up to leave.

  ‘Well, good luck, mate,’ Eddie said as he accompanied Roy to his car. And when you get to Livvy’s try and keep it zipped up.’

  ***

  Roy pressed the intercom and lounged against the wall.

  ‘Hello.’ Livvy answered immediately.

  ‘It’s me,’ he said.

  ‘Hi you, come on up.’ She released the catch and he dragged his feet up to the first floor, feeling sick inside. He knew once he saw her he would find it hard to say goodbye. She opened the door with a smile and his heart thudded. Her hair, piled on top with a few escaping tendrils, along with her big blue eyes, gave her an almost waif like appearance that made him want to sweep her up in his arms and carry her off to the bedroom. She was wearing her denim skirt and a little white top, her feet were bare and he could smell her perfume.

  ‘It’s lovely to see you and so unexpected. Come through to the lounge.’ Taking him by the hand, she led the way, gasping as she caught sight of his face in the light from the window. ‘Roy, what’s happened to you?’ She reached up and caressed his cheek.

  He chewed on his lower lip and half smiled. ‘Can we sit down please?’

  ‘Of course.’ She gestured to the sofa.

  He flopped down with a weary sigh and she sat next to him, tucking her legs up underneath her bottom. Her skirt rode up slightly and she pulled it down, a demure gesture that made him smile. He put his hand on her knees, absentmindedly stroking them.

  ‘So, are we going to sit here all night, or are you going to tell me what’s happened to your face?’

  ‘Sammy hit me,’ he replied.

  ‘Oh, my God! Why?’

  ‘Because she knows about us, that’s why.’

  ‘Who told her?’ she gasped.

  ‘Me!’ he said. ‘Me and my bloody big mouth.’

  ‘But why would you do that? I thought we were supposed to be a secret.’

  ‘She guessed I’m having an affair. All she needed was a name. I couldn’t see a way out, so I told her,’ he replied.

  ‘So what happens now?’ Livvy asked, her eyes searching his face.

  ‘Well that’s it; it’s over. I’m sorry, Livvy,’ he finished helplessly as her eyes filled with tears.

  ‘But I love you, Roy. What will I do without you?’ she cried.

  ‘Livvy, you’re beautiful. You’ll soon meet someone else, someone nearer your own age,’ he said, pushing straying curls out of her eyes. The thought of another man pawing at her made him want to retch.

  ‘I don’t want anyone else. There’s only you, who I can really trust,’ she sobbed.

  ‘Not all men are like your father, Livvy.’ He pulled her into his arms, comforting her. ‘You’ll learn to trust people, it can take time, but you will. You didn’t know if you could trust me, did you?’

  ‘I did, Roy. I knew from the first moment I met you that I could. That’s why it felt so right when you kissed me. I knew you’d be back before too long and I’m glad I lost my virginity to you.’

  ‘Thank you for trusting me, Livvy. I feel guilty for taking it. You should have waited and saved it for someone special.’

  ‘You are that someone special, Roy.’ She put her hands up to his face and moved closer.

  He pulled away. ‘Livvy, don’t, please. This is so hard for me.’

  ‘One last kiss, please, just one last kiss.’

  Roy knew he was lost. He couldn’t fight it and kissed her gently as she knelt up beside him, kissing him back for all she was worth. He squeezed her so tightly that she squealed. He pulled her onto his knee, looking deep into her eyes.

  ‘Livvy, what are you doing to me?’ He could feel a familiar twitching and tried desperately to fight it, but knew he was losing the battle, one that Livvy quickly realised she was winning.

  She yanked his T-shirt out from the waistband of his jeans and slid her hands underneath to stroke his stomach. She unzipped his jeans and slipped her hand inside, smiling at the way he responded instantly to her touch.

  ‘You shouldn’t be doing that, Liv,’ he moaned and his wandering hands soon discovered that underneath her skirt she was wearing the skimpiest pair of knickers. He yanked them off; pushed her backwards against the cushions and buried his face between her thighs.

  She squirmed against his tongue, raking her hands through his hair. They tumbled onto the carpet and Roy undressed her. As usual she was bra-less and her pert breasts were a delight to his eager mouth.

  She tugged down his jeans, releasing his erection, while his teasing of her nipples sent her crazy. Over the next two hours they made love all over the flat until Roy chased her down the hallway before carrying her squealing over his shoulder into the bedroom.

  As they lay on her bed, totally satiated, Roy looked down at her flushed face and smiled. ‘Who am I kidding? I can’t stop seeing you. I love you so much and I can’t live without you.’

  ‘So, what are you going to do?’ she asked, sitting up with her back against the headboard, her knees tucked up under her chin. Her hair had tumbled down over her shoulders giving her the appearance of a vulnerable cherub who Roy wanted to protect with his life.

  ‘I don’t honestly know. Do you mind if I have a fag?’ He climbed out of bed and went in search of his jacket. He found it in the lounge, grabbed his cigarettes and lighter and made his way back to the bedroom, smiling at the trail of clothes that lay around the place.

  ‘Do you always smoke after sex, Mr Cantello?’ Livvy giggled, looking at him.

  ‘I don’t know, Miss Grant, I never look,’ he quipped, adding. ‘The old ones are always the best.’

  ‘Give me a ciggie, Roy.’ He passed her the one he’d lit and took another for himself.

  ‘Liv, I know that this might sound a bit like shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted, but you are still taking the pill, aren’t you?’

  ‘Of course I am,’ she said. ‘Don’t you trust me?’

  ‘I trust you implicitly. I was just making sure, that’s all.’ His mind had wondered back to the confrontation with Sammy when she’d asked if Livvy was on the pill. ‘The way we are with one another you could get pregnant anytime and that’s one complication I really don’t need at the moment.’

  ‘We’ll be fine, Roy,’ she said, staring up at the ceiling. ‘Don’t worry about it. What you do need to worry about is what you’re going to do now.’

  He sighed. ‘Christ only knows. Would you mind if I call Ed? I know I should be able to think things through for myself, but Ed’s my other half in one respect and I alwa
ys trust his judgement.’

  ‘Feel free. He’s a really nice man, isn’t he? How can someone like Eddie have a lovely son like Jon and a bitch of a daughter like Jess?’

  Roy raised an ironical eyebrow and grinned. ‘You’d be surprised how that happened, believe me. Jess’s not that bad really. Ed and Jane spoiled her rotten. Jane’s ex kidnapped her as a baby. The guy had lost the plot, thought Jane and Jess were his wife and daughter and did a runner with Jess while The Raiders were in France on our first European tour. They got her back safely, but you can see how they would want to give her everything as they thought they’d lost her. She was a beautiful baby and that’s how we ended up with Nick. Sam got broody and decided it was time we had one of our own.’

  ‘Were you and Sammy married then?’

  ‘We were living together. We got married after that European tour. Sammy was already pregnant, but Nick was planned.’

  ‘There’s hardly any age gap between Nick and Jason. Was he planned?’

  Roy grinned. ‘Nope. Sam read an article that said you couldn’t conceive while breastfeeding. When she went to the hospital for her six week check up they told her she was pregnant again.’

  ‘God, I bet she was horrified.’

  ‘She went absolutely ape-shit!’ Roy sighed. ‘I got the blame of course. Sammy had insisted it was safe and who am I to argue? I’d been away on tour; we hadn’t seen each other for weeks. I missed Nick’s birth by fifteen minutes and was back on the road the following day. We were all over one another like a rash after the tour and that’s how Jason happened.’

  Livvy smiled and patted his arm. ‘Did it bother you? I mean Jason wasn’t unwanted, was he?’

  ‘It didn’t bother me in the least,’ he said. ‘I don’t think any baby is unwanted, Livvy. Sometimes they come along at the wrong bloody time, but they’re never really unwanted.’ He looked into her eyes. ‘Why are you asking these questions? Are you wondering about yourself? I’m sure your parents wanted you,’ he continued as she blushed slightly. ‘But felt they were doing the best for you at the time by having you adopted. They probably think about you every single day, you know.’ He smiled at her reassuringly.

  Livvy nodded. ‘I’m sure they do. But I could never give a baby away to strangers.’

  ‘There isn’t always a choice. After Jason’s birth Sammy was sterilised; she said enough was enough. But she’s regretted it ever since. When Ed and Jane had Katie she’d have loved another. Sam’s one regret in life, up to discovering she has an adulterous husband of course, is not having a daughter. We’ve even talked about trying to adopt a baby girl in the past, but we’ve never got around to doing anything about it.’ Roy had a faraway look in his eyes. He was conscious of Livvy looking thoughtfully at him.

  ‘I shouldn’t be telling you all this, should I?’

  She touched his arm gently. ‘Go on home to Sammy. I can tell by the way you talk about her and your life together that you still love her. You have a whole load of memories that you’re not ready to walk away from. I’ll always be here for you if you need me.’

  ‘I’ll always need you, Livvy. I love you. I’ll tell Sam we’ve finished, but I’ll see you when I can. We’ll have to be so careful though, we can’t take anymore chances.’

  She nodded and kissed him. ‘Do you realise you’ve reached a decision without speaking to Ed? That’s a sure sign you’re growing up at last.’

  He smiled and went in search of his clothes. He kissed Livvy one last time, threw his jacket over his shoulder and promised to call her as soon as he got back from London.

  ***

  Livvy stepped under the shower and soaped her body. She smoothed her hands over her flat stomach, stroking it gently. No baby was unwanted. That’s what he’d told her. And she still wasn’t sure anyway. But at least she knew that if there was a baby, Roy would at least want it. He didn’t even have to leave Sammy; she would manage on her own. All she’d need was his support and for him to be a father. The panicky feelings she had every time she contemplated the possibility of being pregnant didn’t seem so bad now. She’d give it another couple of weeks and if nothing happened, she’d have to go and see her doctor.

  ***

  ‘How do you feel?’ Jane asked Sammy as she sat beside her on the sofa.

  ‘In a word, Jane, gutted,’ Sammy sighed. ‘I just can’t believe it.’

  Nick and Jess strolled in and Nick put his arms around his mum and hugged her.

  ‘Have you seen your Dad?’ she asked.

  He nodded. ‘The bastard’s with Ed!’

  ‘Nick, there’s no need for that. He is your dad after all and no matter what he’s done, he’s always thought the world of you and Jason.’

  Nick shrugged. ‘Doesn’t excuse him for his behaviour with Livvy though, does it?’

  ‘I can’t blame him totally,’ Sammy sighed. ‘I’ve neglected his needs when I shouldn’t have done. He’s been unfaithful, but he’s admitted it and I hope he’s going to put an end to it.’

  Nick bristled. ‘For God’s sake, Mum, you can’t just forgive him like that. He doesn’t deserve it.’

  ‘I bet it was all her fault,’ Jess retorted. ‘If it hadn’t been Roy she might have made a play for Dad. She obviously likes older men as well as Nick.’

  Sammy shook her head. ‘No, Jess, I doubt very much it was Livvy’s fault. Roy will have done the chasing. The poor girl wouldn’t have stood a chance. It makes me wonder if he’s not done it before. He’s had plenty of opportunity. Me at work all day and him, well he’s been free as a bloody bird to do his own thing for years.’

  ‘You’re wrong there, Sam,’ Jane said. ‘When they were touring they had all that freedom to play around. Apart from Phil Jackson, they say they didn’t, and we really have to believe them. Otherwise it’ll eat away at us and destroy any trust we have. I’d rather not know to be honest.’

  ‘Well I’ve no trust in Roy at the moment,’ Sammy said. ‘How could I after this? I should divorce him. I’ve got ample grounds.’

  ‘Don’t make decisions like that yet, Sammy,’ Jane advised. ‘Your head’s all over the place at the moment. One breath you’re willing to forgive him, next, you want a divorce. You have to talk to him without shouting and screaming at one another.’

  Sammy nodded tearfully. ‘Shall I phone him, ask him to come home so we can talk?’

  ‘That’s better.’ Jane smiled encouragingly. ‘Yes, you should.’

  Sammy turned to Nick. ‘Listen, I know you want to be here for me, and I really appreciate that, but I would rather be alone if, and when, your dad comes home. Take Jason back to the flat with you and Jess. Let him stay for a couple of nights.’

  Nick began to protest, but Jess put her hand on his arm. ‘Your mum’s right, Nick. Let’s go home; she can call us if she needs us.’

  ‘Okay.’ Nick put his arms around his mum. ‘I’ll call you tomorrow. Are you sure you’ll be okay?’

  Sammy nodded. ‘Go and pack a bag, Jason. I’ll see you on Thursday.’

  ‘Call Nick’s flat if you need us.’ Jason hugged her and followed Nick and Jess out of the room.

  Jane picked up the phone, dialled her home number and Jon answered. She asked to speak to Roy. Jon told her he wasn’t there. ‘Well, where is he then? A walk? Oh well, it’s a pleasant enough evening. Tell Roy to call Sammy as soon as they come back. She feels ready to talk. Thanks, Jon, see you later.’ She hung up and turned to Sammy. ‘Eddie and Roy have taken Lennon for a walk to clear their heads. Jon said he’ll get Roy to call when they come back.’

  Sammy smiled wearily. ‘Okay. Shall we have a coffee?’

  Jane stood up and stretched. ‘I’ll make it; you stay there in case he calls.’

  ***

  Jon replaced the receiver and turned to Eddie. ‘I hate lying to Mum.’

  ‘So do I; but thanks, Jon, that was quick thinking. I bet Roy’s still at Livvy’s. I’ll drive over there; see if I can hurry him along.’

  ‘Knowing
Livvy, she’ll be really upset. Maybe he’s comforting her, or something.’

  Eddie raised an eyebrow. ‘And knowing Roy, it’ll be more like something!’

  ‘No, he wouldn’t, would he? He’s supposed to be finishing it.’

  ‘He’s besotted with Livvy,’ Eddie replied. ‘He’ll be finding it really difficult. Right, I’ll see you later.’

  ***

  Eddie pulled onto the back of the car park. He checked his watch. Roy had left Hanover’s Lodge over an hour ago, so surely he wouldn’t be much longer. He was certainly dragging out the goodbyes. He lit a cigarette, looking up at the apartment block and wondering idly which window was Livvy’s. From where he was sitting he could observe Roy’s car without Roy being immediately aware that he was being watched. Eddie wished now that he’d asked Jon which number apartment she lived in and then he could have pressed the intercom and ordered Roy to get a move on.

  A young couple strolled arm in arm past his car going towards the entrance door. He leapt out and caught up with them. ‘Excuse me do you by any chance know Olivia Grant?’

  ‘Yes, she lives opposite us,’ the young man replied, staring curiously at Eddie. ‘Flat number seven. Hey, aren’t you Eddie Mellor?’

  ‘Not me, mate,’ Eddie replied. ‘I’m told there’s a bit of a likeness though.’ He followed them in and up the flight of stairs. The couple paused outside the door of number five and pointed towards the end door on the opposite side of the landing.

  ‘That’s Livvy’s place,’ the young man said.

  ‘Thanks.’ Eddie crossed the landing, his hand poised to knock on the red front door when a noise from within caught his attention. Just the other side he could hear Livvy squealing with laughter and Roy’s deep voice promising what he planned to do now that he’d caught up with her.

  He stood rooted to the spot; hand in the air. Should he knock, or just go away? He heard another outburst of laughter and Livvy pleading with Roy to put her down, before the sounds seemed to disappear deeper into the flat. He shook his head and turned away.