'Til I Kissed You

by Pam Howes

  ‘Would you like me to make you a sandwich of your own?’ Eddie asked.

  ‘No thanks, yours was very nice,’ Roy quipped.

  ‘You’re a bit more cheerful today.’ Eddie offered him a cigarette.

  Roy lit up and blew a wobbly circle of smoke above his head. ‘Hey look, a crooked halo!’

  ‘I wonder why that would be.’

  ‘Who knows? Anyway, yeah, I am feeling happier. I made a big effort with Livvy at the weekend. She stayed over, did all the cleaning and my laundry.’

  ‘Sounds like she’s the one making the effort.’

  Roy ignored the jibe and continued. ‘We’ve chosen names for the sprog. She bought one of those books last week but we couldn’t agree. Anyway, we narrowed it down to two of each and she picked Joshua for a boy and I picked Harley for a girl.’

  ‘Nice,’ Eddie nodded. ‘Our favourite bikes.’

  ‘That’s why I chose it. She’s certain it’s a girl, but who knows?’

  ‘Jane was the same when she was carrying Jess, and she was right.’

  ‘Oh well, maybe Livvy’s right, too. Women have a sixth sense about these things,’ Roy said and swigged the last of his coffee.

  ‘Talking of sixth sense, Jane’s got a bee in her bonnet that Jess and Jon are getting a bit too close for comfort.’

  ‘Actually, mate,’ Roy said, ‘Jane mentioned to Sammy a while ago that she thinks Jon’s got the hots for Jess.’

  ‘You’re joking? Fuck! I’ve just waved them off on a trip to Brighton. I’ve booked them into The Ship for a couple of nights before they visit Angie’s mum.’

  ‘Don’t worry, Ed. Like you say, Jane’s probably got it all wrong. It hasn’t been an easy ride for Jess recently. Jon’s being supportive from what I can see.’

  ‘That’s what I said. Right, let’s get to work. We’ve a busy few months in front of us.’

  ***

  In spite of heavy traffic, Jon and Jess arrived in Brighton just before six and checked into the hotel. Jess held onto Jon’s arm as they followed the porter with the cases down a plush carpeted hallway to their adjacent rooms.

  ‘Dad could have saved some money if he’d known we’ll be sharing the same bed,’ she said quietly as they went into her room.

  ‘What he doesn’t know won’t hurt,’ Jon said, slipping the porter a couple of pounds. ‘We’ll unpack first then call home. Come to my room when you’re ready.’

  As Jon left, Jess gazed out of the window. It was dusk and the fairground lights from the Palace Pier were reflected on the sea. Directly opposite was the stretch of beach she’d walked on in April, following the argument with her dad. She swallowed the lump that rose in her throat as she remembered sitting with Nick on the pebbles. She drew the curtains and sighed. Then she thought of Jon, waiting next door, and smiled.

  She unpacked a short black dress, hung it in the wardrobe and put the rest of her clothes in the drawers. Jon had promised to take her for a special meal in The Lanes tomorrow night and she planned to wear the dress over her new lacy underwear. Her case empty, she pushed it under the bed and went to Jon’s room.

  ‘You okay?’ he asked.

  She nodded. ‘I felt a bit sad when I looked out the window. I remembered sitting with Nick on the beach.’

  ‘Come here,’ he said, taking her in his arms. He kissed her and held her close. ‘Feel better now?’ he whispered into her hair.

  ‘Much.’

  ‘I’ll call home,’ he said. ‘Let them know we’ve arrived.’

  Jess checked her watch. ‘Mum should be home from work now.’

  ‘Have a bounce on the bed, it’s very comfy,’ he said, grinning. ‘The bathroom’s really nice, too. Have you got a bath or a shower cubicle?’

  ‘A shower cubicle. Why, what have you got?’

  ‘Both. We could take a bath together later, if you like.’

  Jess smiled. ‘I would. Ring home then it’s done and we can relax properly.

  ***

  Eddie popped his head around the lounge door and smiled at Jane who was lying on the sofa. ‘They’ve arrived. The rooms are nice and they’ve got sea views.’

  ‘Good. But I still feel anxious about them,’ she said as he strolled into the room.

  ‘Well there’s absolutely no need. Stop worrying. Here, have another drink.’ He topped up her glass with Chardonnay and sat down, lifting her legs across his knee. ‘It’s nice to have the lounge to ourselves.’ Katie and Dominic were in bed and Lennon was snoring softly on the rug in front of the fire.

  ‘Oh, that’s lovely, ‘Jane said as he massaged her feet. ‘How was your afternoon with Roy?’

  ‘Great, we got loads done. Three new songs are ready for Friday’s rehearsal. I’ll play them for you later.’

  ‘That’ll be nice. Are they ballads?’

  ‘Two are rockers, right up Roy’s street. He absolutely belted them out, and the other has a waltz rhythm. How was Sam today?’

  ‘Fine, she was out with Stuart again last night.’

  ‘Getting to be a regular thing, dates with Stuart.’

  ‘She’s seen him every night since we went out on Saturday. He seems really smitten. She’s going to his place for a meal tonight and he’s promised to cook for her.’

  ‘Bit cosy, isn’t it?’ Eddie frowned.

  ‘What do you mean cosy? Why shouldn’t he cook her a meal?’

  ‘Not so much the meal, but her going to his place. Things might move forward.’

  ‘I hope they do. Sammy needs to feel loved again.’

  ‘Hmm.’ He wasn’t convinced and switched on the TV. ‘We’ll watch this film then listen to the songs.’

  ‘Sounds good to me,’ she said, snuggling up to him.

  ***

  Sammy stirred in her sleep and turned over. There was an arm lying around her waist and for a moment she wasn’t sure where she was. She opened her eyes and looked around. It definitely wasn’t her bedroom and the arm wasn’t Roy’s. She inclined her head to see Stuart’s gentle green eyes looking into hers.

  ‘Hello.’

  ‘Hi!’ he said. ‘You look kind of puzzled.’

  She smiled and reached to stroke his cheek. ‘I thought I was dreaming for a moment.’

  ‘I’m sure I am. I’ll wake up soon and find out that this is all just a dream.’

  ‘You won’t, because I’m here and it wasn’t,’ Sammy said, thoughts returning to the previous night. They’d eaten the Chilli Stuart had made and shared a bottle of wine, sitting side by side on the rug in front of the fire. They’d held hands, reminisced about the sixties, and listened to music.

  Stuart made coffee accompanied by brandy and by the time Sammy stood up to drive home, although not feeling drunk, she realised she’d had more than she should.

  Stuart had drunk as much, if not more, than she, so he wasn’t capable of driving either. He suggested calling her a taxi and picked up the phone while Sammy flopped back down beside him. They were locked in one another’s arms in seconds, kissing passionately, the phone back on its cradle.

  Sammy looked into his eyes, willing him to ask her to stay. When he did he offered her his bed, telling her he’d sleep on the sofa. She kissed him and unbuttoned his shirt, saying she was happy to share his bed. Stuart hauled her to her feet, asked if she was sure and when she nodded, he led her upstairs.

  They tumbled onto the bed and he slowly undressed her and she him. She felt no shyness as he looked at her and told her how beautiful she was. She admired his physique, and his body felt good under her hands.

  He was a skilful and passionate lover and she was amazed how easily and often he brought her to orgasm. Being used to Roy and his ways she never expected another man’s touch to have quite that effect. They made love most of the night and eventually lay spent in each others arms.

  She sat up and yawned. ‘What time is it, Stu?’

  ‘About six. Surely you don’t want to get up yet? You’ve only had an hour’s sleep.’

  ‘Of
course not, but I’ll need to leave about seven-thirty. I have to go home and get ready for work. I haven’t even got a toothbrush or clean knickers with me. I bet Pat will be wondering where I am. I should have called her last night.’

  ‘She’ll have guessed you stayed over. I’ve a spare toothbrush, but I can’t help you in the knickers department. Anyway,’ he said, pulling her back into his arms, ‘I’d rather have you without.’

  ‘Men,’ she said, kissing him on the nose. ‘You’re all the same!’

  ‘Well can you blame me when you are so deliciously irresistible? Can I make love to you again?’ He circled her nipples lightly with his fingertips, his mouth seeking hers.

  She sighed as he nibbled her ears and ran his hand over her stomach. ‘You don’t have to ask,’ she said. His politeness was so refreshing after Roy expecting sex as his rights. Sammy pushed the sudden image of Roy’s face away as Stuart’s hand slipped between her thighs. Why on earth had she thought about him? She closed her mind and concentrated instead on the wonderful feelings she was experiencing as Stuart’s fingers explored.

  ***

  Pat was at the kitchen table reading a newspaper as Sammy sloped in and sat down opposite.

  ‘No need to ask what you’ve been up to!’ Pat raised a neatly plucked eyebrow. ‘So?’

  ‘So!’ Sammy replied, flicking her hair back and pouting. ‘Did you know I’m deliciously irresistible?’

  ‘Are you now? I didn’t realise you were going to spend the night with him.’

  ‘Neither did I. It kind of took us by surprise. But I’m glad I did. He was wonderful and I’m feeling on top of the world.’

  Tim sauntered barefoot into the kitchen, put his hands on Sammy’s shoulders and kissed the top of her head. ‘The wanderer returns.’

  ‘She spent the night at Stuart’s,’ Pat told him.

  ‘As in “spent the night”?’

  Sammy nodded. ‘Same as.’

  ‘And?’ Tim said, taking a seat.

  ‘It was a wonderful night, of course.’

  ‘Good for you, girl. Play Roy at his own game, eh?’

  ‘Oh, Tim, trust you.’ Pat glared at her tactless husband who shrugged. ‘She didn’t do it to get back at Roy. She did it because she wanted to. Didn’t you, Sam?’

  Sammy nodded. ‘That’s right. No strings, no hang-ups and no false promises. You can stick love as far as I’m concerned. If last night was pure lustful sex, then I want more. It causes no pain, no hurt, just pleasure.’ She stood up and stretched. ‘Right, I’m off to have a soak before I get ready for work. I’ll call Jane first and let her know I’m going to be a bit late in.’

  ***

  ‘Sorry, love, didn’t mean to put my foot in it,’ Tim said. ‘I’m glad she enjoyed herself. It kinda worries me though, this no love thing. I suspect Stuart’s more than a little in love with our Sam, and at the end of the day, she’s still very much in love with Roy.’

  Pat sighed. ‘Maybe, but we’ll have to wait and see. No doubt someone will get hurt along the way, but I have a feeling that it won’t be Sammy this time.’

  Tim nodded in agreement. ‘I’ll call the estate agents later. See if the vendor’s accepted our offer. If they haven’t, I’ll go up a couple of grand, no more for now.’

  ‘Well I’m off for a shower so I’ll leave you to it,’ Pat said.

  ***

  ‘Morning, Jane.’ Sammy smiled wanly as Jane placed a mug of strong coffee and a chocolate donut in front of her.

  ‘So, come on, don’t keep me in suspense. Why are you late? Why so tired and what did Stuart cook for you?’

  ‘You’re a nosy cow, Jane Mellor,’ Sammy said as her mum’s head popped around the door.

  ‘Morning, girls, everything okay? You look tired, Sam, didn’t you sleep well?’

  ‘Like a log,’ Sammy replied. ‘But I was late going to sleep and early waking up.’

  ‘I see, well I’m going to get stuck into that pile of invoices on my desk. See you later.’

  ‘You stayed over at Stuart’s, didn’t you?’ Jane whispered as Molly closed the door.

  Sammy nodded. ‘I did, and to answer your question, he made a stunning Chilli.’

  ‘Well, you obviously had a good time. How was he - you know?’

  Sammy smiled. ‘Great, bloody great in fact!’

  ‘Really? So - you weren’t disappointed, I mean, after Roy?’

  ‘Not at all. I thought Roy knew every trick in the book, but Stuart had a few surprises up his sleeve. He was so polite, too. Actually asked if he could make love to me again this morning. Didn’t just assume it was his right because I was in his bed.’

  ‘He’s such a nice guy. How do you feel about him?’

  ‘I really like him, obviously. I wouldn’t have slept with him otherwise. But I don’t feel love for him.’ Sammy bit into her donut as Jane frowned.

  ‘Well, I think he loves you, the way he looks at you and everything.’

  ‘Jane, I love Roy, and in spite of the fact that he’s hurt me, I’d take him back today if Livvy could be guaranteed to be out of his life for ever. When I was driving home from Stuart’s this morning I felt more on an even footing with Roy. I hope that doesn’t sound like I’m using Stuart for sex. I wanted to sleep with him because it felt right and I needed to know that it wasn’t me being crap in bed that pushed Roy into Livvy’s arms. After last night I know it wasn’t.’

  ‘You shouldn’t have felt like that anyway. Roy still wanted you. He asked Ed if you’d slept with Stuart and Ed asked me. You hadn’t then, so I said no. He told Ed he couldn’t bear the thought of you sleeping with Stuart or anyone else.’

  Sammy took a sip of coffee. ‘Really?’

  ‘Really. Sam, don’t divorce him. It’s such a waste. Live apart like you are doing, but don’t divorce him.’

  Sammy shrugged. ‘We have to be legally separated for two years before we can be divorced anyway.’

  ‘I’d think twice about the whole thing. If you still love him and he still loves you, it doesn’t make sense to me. He’ll be away with the group for weeks on end next year and she’s not going to like it one bit. She won’t be able to go with him in her condition and then with a new baby to look after. He’s going to spend a lot of nights on his own.’

  Sammy nodded, feeling a rush of guilt. If she hadn’t forced Roy to move out, Livvy wouldn’t have been able to spend any more nights with him and the relationship might have fizzled out. But then, Sammy thought, why should she feel guilty, she’d only done what Roy had done. Maybe if she hadn’t drunk so much wine, or accepted that final brandy, common sense would have told her to go home. But she’d really wanted to stay with Stuart. So why were doubts crowding her head?

  She took a deep breath and reached for the phone. She dialled a number that she’d never dialled before, but one that was firmly etched in her mind.

  ‘Hi, it’s me. Did I wake you? I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have called. No, no, I’d better go, I’m sorry.’ She hung up quickly.

  Jane stared at her. ‘Did you just call Stuart?’

  Before Sammy could reply the phone shrilled out. She stared at it as though it would bite her.

  ‘Answer it,’ Jane ordered, but Sammy shook her head. Jane sprang across the office and snatched up the receiver. ‘Hello, Cantello Designs! Oh hi, Roy. No, she’s here, just a minute.’ Jane held out the phone but Sammy shook her head.

  ‘I can’t,’ she mouthed. ‘I think she’s with him.’

  Jane spoke into the receiver again. ‘Roy, are you alone? Okay, hang on. He’s on his own. You woke him up.’

  Sammy chewed her lip and took the phone while Jane tactfully left the office.

  ‘Hi, Roy. I just wondered how you were doing.’

  ‘I’m fine, Sam, but I’m missing you very much. How’s Jason and how are things with you and Stuart?’

  ‘Jason’s okay and me and Stuart are just good friends,’ she replied, swallowing hard. ‘Well, um, it was nice to talk to you. I just
wanted to say good luck with the rehearsal this afternoon. I know getting the band back together means so much to you all.’

  ‘Thanks. Sammy?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘I’m so sorry for everything. I still love you, darling.’

  ‘Oh, Roy, don’t, please.’ She wished she hadn’t called him now. Hearing him saying that was so painful.

  ‘But I do love you, you know I do.’

  ‘It’s too late for all that.’

  ‘It’s not too late. I’ve never stopped loving you. And why would you bother calling me if you didn’t care. Come over and see me, Sam, please.’

  She hesitated. Roy must have sensed her hesitation and tried again. ‘Come to the flat for lunch. You haven’t seen it yet, I’d really value your opinion.’

  ‘I’m not sure, Roy. I don’t know that I want to be alone with you.’

  ‘For God’s sake, Sam, it’s me, your husband. Speaking to you has made me realise just how much I’m missing you. Sammy, I beg you, please come.’

  ‘What time do you have to leave for your rehearsal?’ she asked quietly.

  ‘I have to be at the studio for two. If I leave here around one-thirty it should give me plenty of time.’

  ‘I’ll see you about twelve then. Bye.’ She hung up and leant back in her chair. What the hell was she doing and why? She could hear Jane out in the corridor talking to Ruby. ‘Jane,’ she called. ‘Come in here, quick.’

  Jane popped her head around the door. ‘What’s up?’

  ‘Close the door,’ Sammy mouthed. ‘I’m going to see Roy’s new flat at lunchtime. For God’s sake don’t tell my mother. She’ll be really angry with me. If Stuart calls tell him I’ve gone to the bank. I’ll ring him back later.’

  Jane nodded. ‘I’m sure you and Roy can work things out if you really want to. I know he’s been a bastard but you can find it in your heart to forgive him. As far as I’m concerned, Livvy, the baby and even Stuart, don’t come into the equation.’

  ***

  Sammy’s finger hovered over the bell as the door flew open, startling her. She felt her stomach looping as Roy stood there smiling.

  ‘Hi,’ she said, smiling back.

  ‘I spotted your car from the window. Come on in. You look very nice,’ he said, admiring her black suit and cream sweater. ‘But then, you always do.’ He bent to kiss her cheek.