Waiting for Baby

by Cathy McDavid

  “How’s school?” he asked once they were all seated.

  His question earned him a round of frowns and one dismal head shake.

  “You always ask the same thing,” LeAnne objected.

  “I’m interested.” Jake washed his pizza down with a glass of fruit punch, something the younger girls loved and he tolerated.

  “Mom’s taking me into Payson tomorrow after school to get my learner’s permit.”

  At Briana’s announcement, Jake choked. He’d known this day was coming but it still took him by surprise. “Driving? You’re only fifteen!”

  “Fifteen and seven months. Which is when I can legally get my permit.”

  “Can I ride with Briana?” Kayla piped up.

  “Absolutely not.” Jake massaged a throbbing temple. When had his baby girl become old enough to drive? “Maybe I should go with you.”

  “It’s all right. You don’t have to.”

  Briana was being too blasé, a sure sign of something amiss. “I want to go,” he said, applying pressure with the skill of an experienced parent. “It’s a big day for you.”

  “What about work?” Panic widened her eyes.

  Eyes, he suddenly noticed, made to look larger by mascara, their lids faintly tinted with blue shadow. He didn’t recall giving Briana permission to wear makeup. Obviously, her mother hadn’t seen the need to consult him on the matter.

  “I’ll leave early,” he answered, searching for other unwanted signs of maturity, like piercings and tattoos and hickeys on her neck. Fortunately, there were none, or else she wouldn’t be getting her learner’s permit for another ten years.

  “Really, Dad. It’s okay.”

  He recognized that tone. Whenever he heard it, a sour taste filled the back of his mouth. “Travis is going,” he said flatly. “Isn’t he?”

  All three girls stopped eating in midbite. Briana stared at her plate, guilt written all over her face.

  Jake set his paper napkin on the table although he would’ve preferred to pound his fist against the unyielding surface. His ex-wife’s fiancé was accompanying his daughter to get her learner’s permit. The son of a bitch. Where did he get off? He wasn’t Briana’s father. He wasn’t even her stepfather. Not yet.

  “Please, Daddy.” Briana’s voice fell to a whisper.

  Translation: Don’t ruin this for me.

  “No. I’m sorry, honey.” Jake could stomach a fair amount of insult but he drew the line at this.

  “You promised I could get my permit as soon as I was old enough. And I’ve been studying for the test.”

  Though he recollected no such promise, he didn’t dispute his daughter. Obtaining her learner’s permit wasn’t the issue. Rather, it was who went with her to the Department of Motor Vehicles. Or, more correctly, who didn’t go with her.

  “Fine, you can get it tomorrow.”

  “I can?”

  “As long as Travis doesn’t go with you. Your mother can take you. Alone,” he stressed. “Or I will.”

  “Then you can take me.” Briana’s anxiety fled in an instant. She didn’t care who went with her, only that she got to go.

  “I’ll call your mother and tell her.”

  Jake knew it wasn’t fair of him to put Briana on the spot like this, yet he’d do it again in a heartbeat. Travis might be sleeping in Jake’s bed but he sure as hell wasn’t about to usurp Jake’s place at his daughter’s side during those all-important milestones.

  “And I’d really prefer that only your mother or I give you driving lessons. Our insurance doesn’t cover Travis.”

  “Yes, sir,” Briana answered, cheerful once more. “I really didn’t want him to go anyway.”

  In another moment, all three girls were eating and chatting as if no tense words had been spoken.

  “What are you doing Friday after school?”

  “I’m going to Mindy’s for a sleepover,” LeAnne said after a sip of fruit punch that left a pink mustache above her upper lip.

  “I have an orthodontist appointment.” Kayla peeled back her lips to show off her recently acquired braces.

  Jake had foolishly hoped his daughters would be free and that he could squeeze in an extra visit this week. So much for spontaneity.

  “What about you, Briana? We could have a driving lesson around the ranch. Early, before it gets dark.”

  “I…um…” She snapped her mouth shut, her indecision plain as day.

  “Never mind,” Jake grumbled. If she was going somewhere else with her mother and Travis, he didn’t want to hear about it.

  “She’s giving riding instructions to those funny people with the mule,” LeAnne piped up.

  “Don’t call them funny,” Briana retorted hotly.

  “Your sister’s right, sweetie. That’s not very nice.”

  LeAnne glanced around the table in a bid for support. “Well, they are.”

  Jake didn’t know what baffled him more. Briana sacrificing her precious social time to work with Lilly’s clients, or her quick and emotional defense of them.

  “That’s very good of you. I’m sure they appreciate it.” Of his three daughters, his oldest was the only one to take a real interest in horses and the ranch.

  “She spends practically every day there,” LeAnne said with the conspiratorial demeanor of someone revealing a secret.

  “Really?”

  Jake hadn’t been to the stables to check on Lilly’s group in over a week. Not since last Tuesday when she’d acted so odd. He’d shown up, determined to be friendly and courteous, but drawing the line there. She’d appeared equally determined to avoid him and did everything from making flimsy excuses to turning on her heel and changing direction when she saw him coming. He eventually got the hint and made his own excuse to return to the office.

  He hadn’t spoken to her since, although he knew from Gary’s reports that she’d accompanied her clients the required number of times as stipulated in their agreement.

  What had brought about the sudden change in her? Had she sensed his lingering interest and decided to put a halt to it before things heated up again? If that was true, she had good reason to avoid him. He’d hurt her badly and too recently for her to have fully recovered.

  Unless it was the other way around.

  Could her abrupt retreat be because she had a renewed interest in him and didn’t want to risk more heartache? While that scenario was somewhat tempting, he knew better than to consider it even for a moment.

  “So I like giving riding instructions,” Briana said, her tone defensive. “What’s wrong with that?”

  LeAnne shuddered. “They’re strange.”

  “They have special needs.” Jake stood and began clearing the table. He tapped Kayla on the shoulder and pointed to the refrigerator. She rushed over, opened the freezer compartment and gave a delighted squeal when she discovered the carton of ice cream he’d bought for dessert.

  “I don’t care,” LeAnne continued with the typical unrestrained candor of a child. “They make me feel weird. Don’t they make you feel weird?” She waited for Jake to answer.

  He was torn between being honest and being diplomatic. Admittedly, there had been one or two moments at Horizon when he’d experienced some discomfort and one or two instances at the ranch last week when he’d had to force himself not to stare. It took an exceptional person to work with special-needs individuals, someone with an enormous capacity for caring.

  Like Lilly.

  “You feel a little weird at first,” Briana said, showing a capacity to care as enormous as Lilly’s. “But then you get over it and realize they’re okay.”

  “She’s right,” Jake immediately agreed. “And what she’s doing is very commendable.” His gaze traveled from LeAnne to Kayla. “Don’t either of you give her a hard time.”

  They nodded in synchronized solemnity.

  “How ’bout you come with me on Friday?” Briana asked cheerfully. “You haven’t been to the stables in a while.”

  “Sure.” Ja
ke smiled and dished out the ice cream. “I’d love to.”

  If he took Briana up on her offer, he’d get to spend extra time with her. Be a proud and doting father. Show his younger daughters that, like their sister, he accepted special-needs individuals. Also important, he’d see Lilly and reaffirm with her—and himself—that their relationship was strictly business.

  His smile grew. Between going with Briana tomorrow to get her learner’s permit and to the stables on Friday, the rest of the week was shaping up quite nicely.

  “L-LOOK AT ME, Miss R-Russo. I’m r-riding.”

  “You’re doing great, Samuel.”

  Lilly waved at the beaming man who clung to the saddle horn for dear life. His undersized body rocked back and forth in rhythm to Big Ben’s slow steps. They’d had quite a time getting Samuel to wear a helmet; he didn’t like anything constricting on his head. He’d finally relented when someone else nearly got his turn on Big Ben.

  Jimmy Bob led the mule and rider around a circular pen, his smile equalling Samuel’s in size. There wasn’t anything about the ranch Jimmy Bob didn’t love. Even the dirtiest, most backbreaking chores were completed with enthusiasm.

  “Keep up the good work,” Lilly hollered to both men, pleased with Samuel’s progress and his growing confidence.

  So far, everything about the center’s new program met or exceeded the staff’s expectations. The clients were responding well to the mule and he to them. Corrective shoeing had helped with his limp, enough so Big Ben could be ridden for two hours at a stretch without tiring. Not that they worked him hard. Mostly he walked. Slowly. Twice, Jimmy Bob got the mule to trot a few paces and yee-hawed like a wild cowboy when he did. Big Ben responded with his usual calm.

  It had required some trial and error, but they’d developed a successful routine, thanks in part to Jake’s daughter, Briana, who’d generously spent several afternoons with them. She or one of the hands helped them groom and saddle Big Ben. Then each of the six clients was given a twenty-minute ride on the mule, always under the supervision of two people, one from the center and one from the ranch. Anyone not riding was assigned chores, also under the same supervision guidelines. When they were done, Big Ben was brushed down and returned to his stall, where he was duly rewarded with carrots and petting.

  After a week and a half, the group from Horizon had figured out the chores, which mostly involved cleaning stalls and pens and raking the barn aisle. Lilly appreciated Jake’s kindness. She didn’t think they were anywhere close to earning back Big Ben’s board or the wages he paid the ranch hands who helped them.

  At the thought of Jake, she automatically glanced over her shoulder to search for any sign of his pickup truck. He hadn’t dropped by to watch them since the Tuesday after her doctor’s appointment, when she’d received the startling news that she was pregnant.

  A baby. Lilly still couldn’t believe it.

  There’d been no more cramps since that last incident in her car, and she’d had no spotting like in her previous pregnancies, and every morning when she woke up free of pain, she thanked God with all her heart.

  As the baby’s father, he has a right to know.

  Dr. Paul’s words resounded in Lilly’s head. Despite that, she’d decided to wait until her fourth month to tell Jake. What would be the point if she lost the baby in the early stages?

  You’re scared, she told herself.

  Yes, she was—scared of telling Jake and, even more, of losing the child who’d already become so precious to her.

  “Have you seen Briana?” Jimmy Bob asked when he and Samuel passed the railing where Lilly stood.

  “I don’t know if she’s coming today.”

  “She said on Wednesday she’d be here after school.”

  “It’s still early. Maybe she’s not home yet.”

  Lilly had only the briefest glimpse of Jimmy Bob’s crest-fallen face before he and Samuel passed out of range. She worried a little about Jimmy Bob’s adoration of Briana, concerned the teenager might unwittingly hurt the young man if he got carried away—as he often did. Jimmy Bob’s affection knew no bounds. Lilly made a mental note to keep tabs on the budding friendship, prepared to step in if necessary.

  Hearing the rumble of an approaching vehicle, she turned and suffered a moment’s confusion at seeing Briana behind the wheel of Jake’s truck. Hadn’t he come with his daughter? And since when did she drive?

  Then, when the truck pulled in to an empty spot, she saw Jake in the front passenger seat, motioning with his hands and giving Briana what appeared to be parking tips. After a moment, they emerged from the truck and headed toward the barn.

  All at once, Jake looked Lilly’s way.

  Instantly, every nerve in her body went on high alert. Her eyes shot down to her waistline. Not that she was showing yet. At seven weeks, her clothes had barely started feeling tight. Still, she was glad her bulky coat completely concealed her upper half.

  Loosening her fingers from their death grip on the pipe railing, she reminded herself to stay calm. No reason to assume Jake was here to see her, especially after her cool treatment of him the previous week.

  She hadn’t meant to be ill-mannered but having only learned about the baby so recently, she’d been in no frame of mind to deal with Jake and the ever-present attraction she felt when they were together.

  Her hopes of escaping his attention—if that was indeed what she wanted—were dashed when he changed direction and walked straight toward her.

  “They look like they’re having fun.” He nodded at Jimmy Bob and Samuel, who were making yet another round of the circular pen.

  “They are. Very much.”

  He didn’t wait for an invitation, simply stood beside her as if she’d been waiting for him all along. So close, his arm inadvertently brushed hers when he moved. The touch was no more than a whisper but enough to make Lilly keenly aware of his proximity.

  Had she ever reacted like this with her ex-husband? Probably. At least in the beginning, when their relationship was new and thrilling. Sadly, they’d forgotten that initial magic in the wake of endless heartbreak and disappointment. Not to mention financial pressure. Had even one small thing gone differently, they might still be married.

  But then Lilly wouldn’t be pregnant now and hoping against all hope that a different gene combination would swing the odds for a healthy baby in her favor.

  Then what? Either way, healthy baby or not, Jake would have a role in her life—a significant one.

  “Can any of your clients drive?” Jake asked.

  Lilly brushed a lock of wind-blown hair from her eyes, using that as an excuse to mentally regroup before answering. “Some of the older ones may have had a driver’s license years ago but I doubt they’re allowed on the road. If they were, they’d be capable of independent living and wouldn’t need our services.”

  “I was talking about a tractor here, around the ranch.”

  “Hmm. I don’t know.”

  “Does he drive?” Jake indicated to Jimmy Bob.

  “He hasn’t mentioned it, and trust me, Jimmy Bob would.” Lilly’s involvement in the lives of their clients was restricted to Horizon and what was in their files or told to her by them in the course of a normal work day.

  They watched Briana show Samuel how to hold on to the reins properly and sit straight so his shoulders weren’t hunched. Though standing and not riding, Jimmy Bob mimicked his friend.

  “Do you think he’d like to learn?”

  “I’m sure he would. The question is, would his parents consent?” She angled her head slightly to stare fully at Jake, something she’d been avoiding since he’d arrived. “What exactly are you getting at?”

  He shifted and either consciously or unconsciously narrowed the space between them. Her awareness of him immediately intensified.

  “We’re short one hand this week. Little José went home to El Paso for his great-grandparents’ fiftieth wedding anniversary. We need someone to drive the tractor and pull the
flatbed trailer behind it.”

  “I…um…” Lilly wavered. Jimmy Bob’s Down’s syndrome wasn’t as severe as most, but his capabilities were still limited.

  “A tractor’s much easier to operate than a car, and there’s no traffic to contend with.”

  “Someone would have to teach him. Someone with a lot of patience.”

  “I had Briana in mind.” He grinned. “She just got her learner’s permit yesterday. I think she’d enjoy being the one giving instructions rather than taking them for a change.”

  “Is she competent enough? You said she just got her permit.”

  “That’s true but she’s been driving ATVs and the tractor around the ranch for years.”

  Lilly considered her concerns about Jimmy Bob’s fondness for Briana. “A staff member would need to supervise them.”

  “Absolutely.”

  “And what about our agreement? Driving ranch equipment isn’t in it. I’ll have to check with our insurance agent about our coverage.”

  “I’ll do the same. And amend our agreement if necessary.”

  “It’s really up to Jimmy Bob’s parents.”

  “Can you call them tomorrow? We’re in a bit of a bind and could use his help. The Weather Channel’s predicting rain, and we have to move the hay into the barn,” Jake added by way of explanation.

  “I guess I could.”

  Lilly was a little baffled by Jake’s request. According to the terms of their agreement, the center’s clients were obliged to perform whatever reasonable chores he or his manager asked of them. Filling in for an absent hand didn’t strike her as particularly unusual. But she couldn’t shake the notion that he had something else in mind.

  “Seriously, do you really need Jimmy Bob? Don’t you have plenty of ranch hands to drive the tractor?”

  “Sure, but I thought he might enjoy it. And I want to set a good example for LeAnne and Kayla. They’re both a little…shy about special-needs individuals.”

  Lilly was touched. “That’s very nice of you, Jake.”