Knowing Her

by Raquel De Leon

  She affixed a smile back to her face, resolving not to think about it for a while. The last thing she wanted was to descend into a gloomy mood that could impact Caroline. Caroline had been doing so well processing her feelings to move on and feel happy again.

  “So we’ve done an action-packed adventure with a little heart, what are you thinking of next?” She raised her eyebrows and took a sip from her glass.

  “Hm,” Caroline paused in scrutinizing the pantry, which she’d lingered in front of while Lian had been distracted. “How about a little romance? I’m thinking Ever After.”

  Lian shuffled to her side. She surveyed the snack options before finally reaching in and snagging a bag of sour cream and onion chips. “That’s a fun one. Sounds good.”

  Beside her, Caroline stiffened. “And I just realized how full my bladder is. Be right back.”

  When her phone buzzed again, Lian calmly put her snack and drink down on the nearby counter. She tugged her phone free of her pocket and had to muffle her laughter. Teresa had sent a selfie with April and Vivian. All three were making faces, small Pride flags painted on their cheeks. Each had rainbows on their left cheeks, but the ones on their respective right ones were different. Teresa had a transgender Pride flag on hers; Vivian had a bisexual Pride flag; April, a lesbian Pride flag to round out the set. Their wide smiles told Lian they were having fun.

  Lian suddenly felt wistful. Pride month wasn’t something she loved with an earth-shattering devotion, but it had been a while since she’d had queer friends to go with. Though she and Vivian had known each other a long time, until recently there had been strict boundaries to their friendship. They were friendly, but never on the level of attending any non-work-related events together.

  Not going had worked out. Caroline would have been alone when Colton had to leave. And, well, what flags would Lian have painted on her cheeks? She waffled between the bisexual and pansexual labels, and she still didn’t know if her lack of interest in romance meant she was asexual, aromantic, or if she was just a late bloomer.

  “Everything alright?”

  “Huh?” Lian blinked over at Caroline.

  Caroline casually strolled over to retrieve her soda. “You were frowning down at your phone.”

  “Oh.” Lian shoved the offending item back in her pocket. “No, Teresa sent me a funny picture but then I got lost in thought about something else.”

  “You’re not still blaming yourself for not finding her sooner, are you?”

  Yes. Lian cleared her throat. “Not really.”

  “Uh huh.” Caroline stared at her. “Nice try. I know you. Look, it’s obvious Teresa didn’t want to be found. She didn’t leave any indications about what had really been going on with her. Most people wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that she was trans and had been forcing herself to pretend to be someone she wasn’t. Not to mention, you got the case after it had already been years! The fresh evidence was all gone.”

  “Yeah.” It wasn’t Caroline’s first time giving her the Teresa spiel. “All valid points.” She returned her sister’s stare.

  After a long moment, Caroline rolled her eyes and released a heavy sigh. “Okay, yeah, whatever. Ever After awaits!”

  Lian smiled crookedly, appreciative of the subject change. “The queen is my favorite. She has the best line in the entire movie.”

  Caroline scrunched up her face. “I don’t know, I mean the Da Vinci character had some pretty good ones.”

  “Well…”

  ***

  The day was sunny and perfect, and Teresa had been able to mostly forget that Holly had been forced to cancel. It was the ideal temperature, a cool breeze keeping everyone from getting too hot—even with the large crowds. As an added bonus, she looked fantastic. Her hair was behaving, she’d nailed her makeup, and she'd managed to squeeze into some old denim short shorts that hadn’t fit her in over a year. Being overworked had probably contributed to that, but Teresa wouldn't focus on the negatives during the parade.

  Vivian and April both looked great, too. Vivian’s freshly trimmed asymmetrical cut looked fierce yet tidy, her black hair a striking contrast to her lightly tanned skin. Like Teresa's, her skin would probably darken several more shades by the end of the day. She’d opted to wear a delightful summer dress with little rainbow prints.

  April’s curly blonde hair was up in a loose knot similar to Teresa's, and she seemed comfortable in light skinny jeans and a white t-shirt tucked in the front but not the back. She’d made a point to hold Vivian’s hand as often as possible, something Teresa found to be adorable. Maybe it also made her a little envious, but she wouldn’t say that out loud.

  There was no reason to put a damper on things, especially because she had genuinely been having so much fun.

  A parade float bearing a Turkish flag amidst the many Pride and other country flags caught her eye. She quickly took a picture and sent it off to Sıdıka with the caption ‘and you said my home city was a backwater.’

  ‘That proves nothing,’ came Sıdıka’s response some moments later. ‘You still should have come to Cali.’

  Teresa checked to make sure Vivian and April were still occupied before texting more. They seemed particularly interested in a procession of motorcycles. She typed quickly. ‘What can I say? I’m an east coast gal.’

  She tapped over to another conversation, smiling when she reread the last few messages she and Lian had exchanged. Teresa thought for a moment before sending another. ‘You know, there are some pretty great food trucks parked around here. I’m surprised they weren’t enough to lure you out.’

  Lian didn’t keep her waiting long. ‘It was incredibly tempting, even with all the people. If I’d have known I wouldn’t have been a fifth wheel, maybe I would have said yes.’

  Teresa’s eyes widened. ‘Really? But I told you in advance.’

  ‘Yeah, but then it would have been awkward to accept after, you know.’

  She glanced up as the motorcycles finally passed. Uninterested in some corporate group passing by, she tapped out another message. ‘You could still come.’

  The lack of an immediate reply made Teresa wonder if she’d pushed too much. Just as she was about to put her phone away, it beeped.

  ‘Nah. My sister wanted a movie day. I’m enjoying myself, and I won’t leave her in the lurch.’

  ‘Fair enough.’ Even though Lian wasn’t coming, Teresa smiled. Sister time was important to her, too. With that thought, she put her phone away and resolved not to be on it unless it was necessary.

  April and Vivian made comments as certain groups or floats passed, but it wasn’t until a large rainbow float with a simple raised white background came into view that Teresa found herself legitimately choked up. NEVER FORGET was printed boldly above some images of the Stonewall riots. A large picture of a smiling Marsha P. Johnson sat in a prominent position in the center.

  Vivian drifted closer, her arm snaking around Teresa’s waist. They stood in silence as the float passed.

  “Ugh, did you guys see that awful movie that was supposed to be about the Stonewall riots that came out a while ago?” April asked once the float was no longer in view.

  Teresa grimaced. “I didn’t bother trying to watch it.”

  “Me either,” Vivian agreed. “Especially once I saw who was behind the film.”

  April leaned over to press a kiss to Vivian’s temple. “I regret watching the trailer. Anyway, I’m glad to see a float like that this year.”

  “Me too.” Teresa leaned around Vivian to give April a smile. “It gives me some hope that the community will continue to fight back against people attempting to revise our history.”

  “Straight, white, cis men especially need to stay away from heading these projects,” April concurred. “Let some queer people of color take the lead.”

  Pleased with April’s sincerity, Teresa caught Vivian’s gaze. “Marry her.”

  Vivian laughed, then tossed her head back to lean up and give April a chas
te kiss on the cheek. “You’re sexy when you talk about representation.”

  Teresa sucked on her lower lip to try to stop from smiling—her face hurt from how much of it she’d been doing. She made herself look away, catching on to the intense look between April and Vivian and wanting to grant them a semblance of privacy.

  In the distance, a woman with hair the same style and color of Holly’s made her sigh.

  She found herself watching the woman regretfully, comfortable in knowing she was too far away to be noticed.

  Then, something odd happened.

  The woman, who was embracing another woman from behind, laughed and angled her head. Teresa could see her face clearly.

  It was Holly. Why was Holly…?

  She watched the pair silently, frozen and incapable of turning away. She recognized the other woman to be Holly’s roommate, having seen some photos. Maybe they were just insanely affectionate? But why would Holly lie about not being able to come?

  With her gut twisting, she made some excuse to Vivian and twisted through the crowd to get a closer look. She stopped a few body lengths away.

  “No.” Teresa froze again. She was near enough now, near enough to see matching rings on their left hands.

  Holly wasn’t cheating on Teresa. Teresa was the other woman. She’d unknowingly become a facilitator to adultery.

  Teresa’s stomach roiled and she felt dizzy. She was going to be sick. She needed to go somewhere, anywhere that wasn’t near Holly.

  Maybe she moved too frantically, she wasn’t sure what it was, but then Holly’s eyes suddenly met her own. Holly blanched, her arms subtly tightening around her spouse.

  If there were any doubts in Teresa’s mind, that single look erased them.

  She turned and stumbled away—right into Vivian. Vivian took one look at Teresa’s face and opened her arms. Teresa squeezed her eyes shut, dipping her head almost uncomfortably to rest against Vivian’s shoulder as Vivian’s arms wound tightly around her. She felt another presence; April had taken up a protective stance between them and Holly.

  When she cried, it was partly in relief that she wasn’t alone.

  Chapter Four

  The living room was dim by the time Ever After finished. Lian stretched and peeked to her right, where Colton and Caroline were snuggled together. Colton had made it home just in time for the climax at the ball. Upon seeing the movie he’d set his briefcase down, loosened his tie, and taken his spot next to Caroline.

  “I still maintain that the prince is a dumbass,” Colton said as Caroline stopped the movie.

  “Your opinion is noted and will be ignored as usual.” Caroline kissed his cheek.

  Colton laughed and leaned back. “At least you listen to me about important things.”

  “Hm?” Caroline peered around the room. “What was that?”

  Lian hid a smile and stretched, getting to her feet as they continued to lightheartedly bicker. “I’ll leave you to your foreplay,” she declared just before she escaped from witnessing something she didn’t want to see.

  “You’re just jealous!” Caroline loudly retorted.

  The words followed Lian down the hallway and into her room. She smiled to herself and tilted her head as she closed the door. “Not really.”

  Occasionally, she acknowledged as she tried to decide what to do next, she did feel like she might be missing something. Her one and only serious relationship had lasted almost six years. She’d liked being half of a couple, of having someone to always do things with. Life after David had been… less comfortable. She’d tried dating, but it had felt a lot like being flung into the middle of a three-ring-circus with only clown paint on.

  Her oldest sister had suggested some one-night stands to ‘get laid’ but Lian had never understood the need. Sex could be sweet or exciting, but Lian had never felt a particular interest or draw to it. That’s why she’d thought she and David were perfect together when he’d come out in college as asexual. He hadn’t agreed, stating a need to explore his identity without the pressures of his old life.

  Lian still wasn’t sure what that meant. She wasn’t the type to try and force someone to stay with her, so she’d let him go.

  With a sigh, she picked up her phone. Teresa had stopped texting after a while; Lian assumed she was having fun. The thought made her mood lighten. The people she cared about were happy, and she couldn’t ask for more. With a churning of her stomach, she tried not to think of seeing Teresa’s parents the other day for their volunteer work. They were happy.

  She took a seat at her desk, deciding to pass the time with some gaming rather than thinking. Knowing how good her headset was, she placed her phone in its usual visible spot next to her monitor. It was rare to get work emergencies, but they did happen.

  Thirty minutes in, Teresa’s name flashed on the screen of her phone. Mid-match in a game of capture the flag, she told herself to check it after she was done. It wasn’t until she was about to start another match that she remembered. She hurriedly picked up her phone to unlock it, not wanting to forget again.

  She read the message twice and frowned. “Hey guys,” she said as she pushed the button to activate her headset microphone, “I’m going to have to drop out for a bit. I might be back later.” Barely waiting for acknowledgement from her friends, she exited the game.

  ‘Why didn’t you ever like Holly?’ she read for the third time as she pulled her headset off. The words, which had originally triggered Lian’s old worry about alienating her friends, had changed into different concern the first time she’d re-read it. Teresa had used a past tense.

  Following her instinct, Lian pressed the call button near Teresa’s name. It rang. And rang.

  Just before she was sent to voicemail, Teresa answered.

  “Hello?” Lian inquired as the line remained silent.

  She heard a faint sigh. “Hey, Lian.”

  Lian couldn’t recall a time she’d ever heard Teresa sound so lost: maybe back during the first time Lian had contacted her on Vivian’s behalf. “Hey.” She licked her lips and decided to play it safe. “What’s up?”

  There was another beat of silence. “How did you know there was something going on with Holly?”

  “Hm,” she said to give herself time to think. “Why don’t you just tell me what happened?”

  Teresa let out a slow, shaky breath. “We were having fun at the parade. I thought I saw Holly when I was daydreaming so I kind of drifted that way and—well, it was Holly. She wasn’t alone.”

  Lian tightened her jaw, immediately understanding. “What an ass.”

  “Lian, that’s not the worst part. She’s not cheating on me; she’s been cheating with me! They had matching rings.” Anger and disbelief had seeped into Teresa’s voice.

  Worse than I realized, Lian thought as she rubbed her forehead. “Holy shit.”

  Inexplicably, Teresa snorted with laughter.

  Lian pulled her phone away to glance at the dark screen, wondering what was happening. “Uh…?”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you cuss so much. It’s, I don’t know. Kind of comforting.”

  Teresa’s words were still softly spoken, a hint of bemusement coloring her tone. Lian held back a sigh. “Good. Glad to be of service.”

  “Funny you should say that.” Teresa cleared her throat. “I was wondering if you could do me a favor.”

  Lian sat up straighter. “Of course.”

  “I haven’t even asked yet.”

  “So?”

  “What if I wanted you to headline at a karaoke bar?”

  “I don’t think that’s how karaoke works.” Teresa chuckled, and Lian smiled. “Okay, but what’s the actual favor?”

  “Um, so Holly and I had only been seeing each other off-and-on for about six months, but we first met about three years ago at a conference. We, uh, hooked up there, you know? I just, I can’t help wondering how long she’s been with the woman I thought was her roommate. If, you know—I just feel so damn terr
ible.”

  Catching on, Lian nodded to herself. “I’ll look into it.” She gripped her phone tighter. “How detailed do you want?”

  “Oh, god. Not too much. I just need to know the basics, and I can’t talk to Holly. Jesus, just saying her name makes me feel sick.”

  Lian had to bite back some choice words, mentally steadying herself. “Do you need some company tonight? I don’t have to be at work early.”