Knowing Her

by Raquel De Leon

  “No, that’s sweet, but no. I’m actually at Vivian’s. I kind of feel bad for ruining her day with April, but she was insistent.”

  “Of course she was.” Lian felt proud of Vivian by proxy. Vivian could have been bitter about Teresa staying away so long, keeping such big secrets. Lian had seen it countless times in other cases. That wasn’t Vivian, and she knew if the roles were reversed Teresa would be equally supportive. They were of the same stock, even if Teresa had been away from her family for over a decade. “Vivian loves you.”

  “I know. I love her too,” Teresa replied, finally sounding happy. “I’ve kept you too long. Talk to you soon?”

  “Definitely,” Lian said with more force than was probably necessary. They exchanged succinct goodbyes and hung up. She held her phone for several moments after the call ended, allowing herself to process the conversation. She blinked and woke her phone back up, snapping out a quick text to Vivian.

  She smirked when the response came.

  ‘You may use whatever MBI resources you need, just make sure your logs are accurate. I would offer to cover the cost of your normal fees, but I know that would only insult you. Thank you for agreeing to help Teresa.’

  ‘I never said it was for Teresa, but thank you,’ Lian typed, not confirming what Vivian had already guessed as a courtesy.

  ***

  A few days later found Teresa pacing in her living room. Work had been blissfully busy, the care of her patients taking precedent over the mess that was her personal life. Lian had gotten back to her the day after the parade, but Teresa hadn’t been ready. She had to function during the week, after all.

  Lian was good at reading people. Teresa hadn’t made a big deal out of the few times Lian had shown a mild aversion to Holly, figuring Lian would have spoken up if there was a meaningful reason for it. Teresa had since promised herself to never take Lian’s reactions for granted. Maybe she’d even introduce all her future dates to Lian to save herself time. Well, no. That probably wasn’t feasible.

  She hadn’t so grossly misjudged someone in a long time, especially not a woman she’d chosen to be intimate with. She tried to comfort herself with the knowledge that she was normally searching for tells that someone might be phobic in whichever ways they found her existence most offensive.

  Someone knocked on the front door and Teresa mentally shook herself. It was probably Lian but, knowing her recent luck, it could also be someone trying to sell fake life insurance policies.

  Artemis curled around her legs as she tried to make it to the door. With a click of her tongue, Teresa scooped her up so neither of them would get hurt. She took a breath before unlocking and opening the door.

  Lian nodded a greeting, hands in the pockets of her charcoal slacks.

  “Please, come in,” Teresa murmured as she pulled the door wider and stepped to the side. Her stomach was twisting in a way it hadn’t since the first time she’d met Lian. She held Artemis closer to her chest.

  “Thanks.” Lian strolled past, her shoulders relaxed and her gaze curious.

  Teresa shut the door and took a steadying breath, focusing on the feel of Artemis’s purring. She turned with a smile on her face. “That’s right, I forget you haven’t been here before.”

  Lian smiled faintly. “We usually meet for lunch, so.”

  “Only because you seem to always be craving something.” Teresa forced a chuckle and tossed her head back; she’d forgotten to put her hair back up in a ponytail and it kept falling into her face.

  “So, this must be Artemis,” Lian said with a tilt of her chin.

  At the prompting, Teresa took Artemis in both hands, carefully holding her up so Lian could see her better. “Yes, this is my baby.”

  Lian’s smile became crooked. She tugged a hand from her pocket and reached out halfway. “May I?”

  “Of course.” Teresa bit her lip. Artemis’s purring, which had paused as Teresa shifted her around, immediately resumed once Lian started lightly scratching behind her ears.

  “I had a cat when I was little. I named him Fireball because he was always picking fights. Not like this little sweetheart.” Lian smiled when Artemis closed her eyes and leaned into her touch.

  An odd feeling filled Teresa as she observed the exchange. Though she and Lian had been friends for months, Lian was usually reserved when they spent time together. Artemis had disarmed Lian without even trying.

  As if remembering herself, Lian cleared her throat and retrieved her hand.

  Comprehending the transformation in mood, Teresa nodded toward the living room. “Why don’t we go take a seat? Let’s get this all out of the way.”

  “You know,” Lian said as she followed Teresa, “you don’t actually have to do this. You don’t need to know if you really don’t want to.”

  Teresa sat on the couch and was unsurprised when Lian took the adjacent armchair. “No, you’re wrong. It’s precisely because I don’t want to know that I need to. I don’t know how I missed this and I’m having a hard time trusting my own judgement. I looked past all the signs that something wasn’t right with Holly because I was lonely. I need to know more.” Her stomach roiled anew.

  Lian frowned, her brow furrowing. “Has she tried to contact you?”

  “No, but it’s only a matter of time.” Teresa held Lian’s gaze until she nodded.

  “Okay.” Lian straightened, placing her hands carefully on each knee before she focused back on Teresa. “I’m sorry to say that it appears they’ve been married for at least five years and have been together a couple of years more than that.”

  It felt like all the air had been stolen from Teresa’s lungs. She buried her face against Artemis’s fur. “Oh god.” It was somehow worse than she had imagined. Maybe she would actually throw up. “How could I be a part in ruining that?”

  “It’s not your fault, Teresa. In my experience, people like Holly tend to be master manipulators. You’re probably not the first or the last.”

  Teresa shook her head. “That doesn’t make me feel better.” She could hear Lian shifting around, but she refused to show her face. Artemis’s fur seemed like a great place to reside for the foreseeable future.

  She felt the sofa dip next to her, then Lian’s warm hand briefly against her back.

  “I’m sorry. I’m not good at this.” Lian’s voice was regretful and low.

  Artemis squirmed in Teresa’s grip, so Teresa set her down. She covered her mouth as Artemis laid down half on Lian’s legs and half on her own. The bile that had been threatening to rise up her throat calmed. “She likes you.”

  Lian angled her head, studying Artemis as she yawned and then settled against her hip. “Did she like Holly?”

  Teresa blinked and considered the question. “She didn’t not like her. It was more like she was… indifferent, I guess?”

  Lian instantly began scratching behind Artemis’s ear again. “That’s a good, clever girl.”

  Her face and tone were so serious that Teresa faintly snorted, an odd humor worming its way through her body. “You really didn’t like Holly, did you?”

  “Sorry,” Lian admitted with a shrug, “sometimes I notice things I shouldn’t. It’s cost me a few friendships before.”

  “No, I,” Teresa shook her head and fidgeted with the knee of her jeans. “I just wish I’d asked you about it sooner. I might have saved myself some time and embarrassment, since apparently my own instincts aren’t as good as I thought.”

  Lian frowned again, her attention dropping to her lap as she appeared to debate with herself. “I’m not always right, you know. I’m human. Things happen.”

  Teresa reached out to lightly brush Artemis’s head with her fingertips in hopes of steadying herself, accidentally grazing Lian’s hand. “But you would know better than to get involved with someone like Holly. Not like me, who forgot everything I should know just because Holly made me feel attractive and interesting,” she spat out. The creeping bile had returned.

  Lian froze, then g
rabbed Teresa’s hand. “Stop that,” she ordered sternly. “If April turned out to be a manipulative asshole, would you blame Vivian for falling for her?”

  “What?” Teresa recoiled at the thought. “Of course not.”

  “Then do yourself the same courtesy.” Both Lian’s expression and grip softened. “You’re not the one at fault here.”

  A strange sensation grew in Teresa as they regarded one another.

  Whatever it was passed when Lian dropped her hand and looked away. She straightened almost imperceptibly, calm once again descending over her. “I know it might seem like an awkward time, but Sharon was wondering if you’d still feel up to doing the group thing for Pride.”

  Feeling a twinge of regret, Teresa almost declined. She’d wanted Holly to go with her to that, too. She clenched her teeth then made herself relax. “Sure.”

  Holly hadn’t been the reason she’d moved back home. At the time, that had just been a happy coincidence. Teresa needed to remind herself of all the good things she’d gained since moving back. She refused to let Holly ruin them, too. It was funny, how the careful distance Holly had cultivated in their relationship would make it so easy for Teresa to cut Holly out of her life. That had probably been the point, she thought irritably. “You know, I haven’t cried since I found out.”

  “Is that a good thing?” Lian asked neutrally.

  Teresa sucked in a breath, held it, then slowly released it. “I don’t know.” She squeezed the bridge of her nose and then waved a dismissive hand. “Enough about all this. Please, would you like to stay for a drink or dinner?”

  Lian glanced away. “Can you cook anything like your sister?”

  Grinning, Teresa stood up and pointed herself in the direction of the kitchen. “Please. Who do you think helped teach her? I was Mom’s number one assistant.”

  Hit with a pang of longing, she pinched the side of her thigh. She was glad Lian couldn’t see her face. She’d been avoiding thinking about her parents but, since it was Pride month, she couldn’t seem to help herself. That was an earth-shattering matter for another day.

  ***

  Lian felt awkward as she waited for Teresa to prepare dinner, wondering at the abrupt escalation in their friendship. In the armchair she had a clear line of sight to the kitchen and, by extension, Teresa. She cuddled Artemis and listened as Teresa prattled on about her preferred recipes, trying to ignore the almost frantic edge to Teresa’s movements as she gathered pots, pans, and ingredients.

  They weren’t quite good enough friends yet for a dinner like this, Lian thought, but it was also obvious Teresa didn’t want to be alone. Lian wished she knew how to be a better friend. She wanted to say the right things to Teresa, have the other woman be able to laugh, cry, or whatever she needed to release the pent-up feelings she was holding onto. Just as it had been ages since Lian had dated, it had been even longer since she’d had friends she could physically spend time with. Online friendships were more manageable.

  She was rusty. She made inane comments and noises as Teresa explained the pros and cons of cooking with olive oil, wondering if she was doing as poor of a performance of a friend as it felt.

  “What about you?” Teresa paused. She pulled her hair up into a tail and then stood in front of the sink. “Do you like to cook?”

  Lian smiled, then pressed her lips together. “Not in the least.” She waited as Teresa washed her hands and began patting them dry. “Though I do enjoy watching cooking shows. Not the competitive ones with prizes, but the ones where some cook shares their recipes.”

  Teresa paused again, her lips formed into a bemused smile as she looked at Lian. “Well then, I guess you’ll have your own personal cooking show tonight, hm?”

  For whatever reason, Teresa seemed to relax. Her movements became fluid, a refined confidence to them that Lian had observed on numerous occasions. Lian felt a pleasant warmth grow in her belly, realizing she’d been tense in response to Teresa’s mood. “I guess you’re right.”

  “Well then,” Teresa said as she pulled on an apron. “Let’s do this properly. I didn’t have any meat out, so it’s a vegetarian night. We’re doing some fettuccine with our own nice creamy sauce, maybe some mushrooms, onions, and spinach to go with it. Does that sound good?”

  Having an errant flashback to movie night with her sister, Lian shooed away thoughts of marriage proposals in response to homemade dinners. “That sounds great.” Lian watched with interest as Teresa began filling up a pot with water, a smile on her face as Teresa gamely explained everything she was doing.

  She held her breath as Teresa began cooking, delightful smells giving Lian hunger pangs. . On the one hand, she was furious with Holly for hurting Teresa. On the other…

  Teresa bent her head as she scrutinized the contents of a pan, a few wisps of curly hair falling loosely around her face.

  Though Lian mentally cast Holly in a despicable light, she could intellectually understand why anyone might have found Teresa too appealing to ignore. Teresa was funny, thoughtful, sweet, and generous; even Lian’s logical mind could admit she was attractive. She had an energy that could fill up a room when she was comfortable doing so. Like Lian imagined everyone else was, she was drawn to Teresa’s quiet, genuine vivaciousness that had nothing to do with who Teresa was (the sister of Lian’s boss, the subject of her longest-running case) and every bit to do with the kind of person she was.

  “Do you prefer your pasta al dente or soft?”

  The question made Lian rapidly blink. She cleared her throat. “You’re the chef, I’m just here to eat.”

  Teresa laughed, a full-body reaction that made her shoulders shake and her dimple appear. “Alright, I don’t want to hear any complaints.”

  Lian smiled, watching her and thinking there couldn’t possibly be anything to complain about.

  Chapter Five

  The group unanimously decided to attend the music night meant to promote local artists. It took place in a park with two stages, a plethora of food stands, and tents selling a variety of handcrafted Pride paraphernalia.

  Lian arrived as the sun began to set, fresh from her quick stop home to shower and change. The park was reasonably crowded, but not so much that it would make her feel like she couldn’t breathe. On the more active music nights it could be considerably wilder, with a lot of non-LGBTQ+ people crashing for the chance at a fun party environment.

  She’d chosen to dress casually in an old favorite ripped pair of jeans and a faded black Brandi Carlile shirt, a beaded rainbow bracelet on her wrist. Her hair was in a loose knot near her nape, and her face was bare of makeup like usual. It was an appearance she rarely took public, usually not bothering to change out of her work clothes for socializing. Pride events were different, or so she’d decided. The last-minute addition of a black zip-up hoodie tied around her waist had been Caroline’s suggestion, citing the fact that summer hadn’t truly set in yet.

  She checked her phone, trying to determine where Vivian and April had set up their blanket based on April’s descriptions. After several moments of searching, she spotted them near a sturdy red maple. April and Vivian were seated on the serape-style blanket, April’s back partially pressed to the trunk of the tree and Vivian lightly leaning into her. They were both dressed casually in jeans and light shirts.

  Teresa was already with them, sprawled half an arm’s-length away in tan linen capris and a dark off-the-shoulder top that frilled at the edges. When she peered at it more closely, she noticed the frills were trimmed in the colors of the rainbow.

  Sharon and her girlfriend had yet to appear. Lian didn’t mind, especially since it meant she’d get time to acclimate to their growing group.

  “Hey,” she said with a wave as she reached the blanket. She approximated a smile and briefly looked at each person, taking a seat at the edge of the blanket nearest Teresa as everyone greeted her back.

  “I thought you were cutting out of work early today?” Teresa asked with a slightly raised eyebrow.
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br />   Vivian made an amused noise in her throat. Lian ignored her. “I was finishing up my corporate case today. Sometimes things run a little long.” Though Lian usually had infinite patience at work, she’d found herself irritated when the corporate representative had insisted on going through every line of her final report. At the end she’d concluded that, like most men she’d met in similar circumstances, he simply enjoyed the sound of his own voice. He wouldn’t care that he’d made her late in meeting friends. “I’m sorry I missed Makayla.”

  “She was a little bummed she didn’t get to see you, too.” April smiled. “She almost convinced me to let her stay longer, but Viv put her foot down.”

  “People have already started drinking a little more,” Vivian clarified with a vague gesture around them. “She’s only eight, despite her protests of nearly being nine.”