Knowing Her

by Raquel De Leon

  “Fuck.” She covered her face with both hands and let the water stream over her body. “Why am I such a mess?”

  ***

  The ride back to Teresa’s apartment was peaceful, if a little awkward in the beginning. Teresa surprised Lian by letting her drive the entire way back, though that came with its own price. Lian bit back a smile as she recalled some of Teresa’s jibes. “Are you actually going the speed limit? Who does that? Not even cops do that.”

  She hadn’t minded the teasing, especially after the first several minutes of uncomfortable silence. Teresa’s assurances aside, she still had the feeling she’d said or done the wrong thing. At least they’d found their groove again, though it lacked the casual intimacy they’d gained on the night of the dinner.

  It had been an eventful weekend.

  She bit her lip and adjusted her seatbelt, in her Civic and nearly home. Caroline and Colton were out shopping, so she wasn’t in a hurry. Merely a few blocks away from the house, her phone rang. Her dash revealed Ana Barrera on the caller ID.

  With a swallow and a tightening of her hands on the steering wheel, she accepted the call. “Mrs. Barrera,” she managed to get out, “hey.”

  “Lian!” Ana audibly clicked her tongue over the line. “How many times do I have to say it? You’re family!”

  Lian bit back a smile, the tension in her chest slightly easing. “Yes, ma’am.”

  Ana muttered something unintelligible in Spanish. “Well, at least you’re respectful. Even if you do make me feel old.”

  A giant smile split Lian’s face. “Yes, ma’am,” she repeated.

  There was a long moment of silence, and then a heavy sigh. “Anyway, I was calling to see if you could stop by today.”

  Lian’s stomach churned. She licked her lips. “Sure. When did you have in mind?” It was a lot easier to avoid the Barreras when it was one of the aunts or cousins inviting her to things. When it was Ana, Lian never declined. She couldn’t.

  “Whenever you want. I’ve already been to church, so I’m just finishing up some things around the house today.”

  Having reached the last turn before her street, Lian lingered at the stop sign. Right would take her home. Left would take her back to the highway. She flipped her blinker down and turned left. If she waited, her anxiety would get out of control. “I’m already in my car. I’ll be right over.”

  “Good. I have some fresh cinnamon from the Farmers Market that will make some great tea. I’ll set the water to boil.”

  “See you soon.” Lian gripped the steering wheel as the call ended. Tea meant that Ana wanted to talk. Had she found out about Teresa, somehow?

  The drive was only fifteen minutes in light Sunday traffic but felt like a small eternity. Only Ana’s car was in the driveway when she arrived. She intended not to think too much about that, failing immediately.

  Ana knew something. She couldn’t know everything. Unless… she’d mentioned the Farmers Market. Sunday Farmers Markets were usually something Ana did with Vivian. Had Vivian divulged the truth? She’d done valiantly so far, going months without revealing Teresa to her parents. Everyone had a breaking point.

  Lian parked and tried to calm herself down. Vivian would never say something without Teresa’s permission. As confused as Teresa was, she still wasn’t ready to come out.

  She unbuckled herself and cleared her mind. Ana greeted her at the door with a smile, her dark curly hair twisted up and held with a clip. Seeing much of Teresa in her appearance, Lian found herself studying the Barrera matriarch closer than she normally did. Ana was dressed casually in tan chinos and a white peasant blouse with subtle floral stitching on the sleeves and hem. Though she would be turning fifty soon, Ana didn’t look a day over forty. Her wrinkles were deep but soft. Lian tried not to stare when she realized where Teresa had inherited her dimple from. She’d seen Ana countless times over the years, and yet had never really paid attention to it.

  Ana opened her arms and Lian stepped forward to receive the obligatory hug and kiss on the cheek. She didn’t mind when Ana did it, knowing the affection to be genuine.

  “I’m so glad you could make it. Please, come in.” Ana stepped back and held the door open.

  It had been a few months, but the Barrera home was still more familiar than the one her parents had ended up in. They’d moved to Florida some years back, and Lian had rarely made the trip down. She followed Ana to the kitchen and didn’t dwell on why that was.

  Despite her earlier reservations, Lian smiled when they reached the long chestnut table set off to the side. The lightly scarred table had been around since Vivian was a toddler—a gift from Ana’s mother, she’d been told. Ana had stories for several of the marks.

  “It’s a beautiful day,” Lian said as she took a seat toward one end. Ana sat at the head of the table just to her right, two steaming mugs waiting on coasters. “I’m surprised you’re not out in the garden.”

  “I was earlier,” Ana admitted as she pushed a worn wicker basket toward Lian, which contained an impressive sampling of loose-leaf teas. It was only a fraction of Ana’s complete collection, but she kept some out for company.

  Throughout the years they’d had several important chats over tea, and Lian didn’t doubt that Ana had done the same with members of her family.

  “Thanks.” Lian’s smile remained as she accepted it, browsing the many tins and boxes of different blends. Ana had been the one to show her where to buy tea locally, something she was still grateful for. She chose a soft turmeric-ginger tea that would pair well with cinnamon.

  Ana’s was already steeping, a thick stick of cinnamon protruding out above the white rim of her mug. “It’s been a little while. I haven’t seen you since the day at the shelter, and I feel like I hardly even saw you then.”

  Lian schooled her features, glad she was still preparing her tea. She took her time filling the infuser before dropping it into her mug, then carefully selected her own stick of cinnamon and added it in. She nodded and sat back. “That’s right.”

  “Vivian hasn’t been stopping by as much either, though I suppose that had to return to normal sooner or later. At least I can rest easy knowing it’s not just work keeping her away. April and Makayla have been good for her.” She paused and reached over to lightly squeeze Lian’s arm. “Not that there’s anything wrong with focusing on your career. I just know she’s always wanted a family of her own.”

  Lian didn’t comment. She and Vivian had both commiserated over their parents wanting to rush them off into marriage in the past—though Lian had come to understand a lot of Ana and Miguel’s concern came from wishing Vivian would meet someone other than Jack. With April, everyone was happier. She thought of the additional paperwork April’s hiring had brought to her desk. Well, mostly happier.

  “But that’s not why I asked you to come.” Ana sighed and crossed her legs. She clasped her hands, and then looked directly at Lian. “I need you to convince Vivian to give up the search. She’s moving on with her life. That’s a good thing. It was selfish of me and Miguel to let her oversee it for so long. Instead, we’d like to retain your services directly. We’ve been thinking about it for a while. It’s time.”

  In hindsight, Lian realized, maybe it would have been better if Ana already knew everything.

  ***

  Teresa only stopped by her apartment long enough to leave her bags. She’d intended to tackle her laundry but had lacked the energy once she’d shut the door behind herself. Artemis was over at Vivian’s; picking her up seemed as good excuse as any to get out of the empty apartment. A quick text to Vivian confirmed that she was home.

  Half an hour later, she was seated in Vivian’s kitchen with a fresh cup of coffee in hand. She and Vivian were grinning while they listened to Makayla explain the pros and cons of being a crime-fighting, dance-powered superhero princess to Artemis in the other room.

  “So,” Teresa began as she cradled her mug in both hands, “Makayla told me you and April have agreed to
let her get a cat next year.”

  Vivian reached up and adjusted the hair framing her face with the back of her hand. “Yes. We’re going to remodel this place a little, then she and April will be moving in.”

  Teresa put her coffee down so quickly it nearly sloshed over onto the table. “Really? That’s fantastic!”

  “Yes,” Vivian softly repeated. Her grin shifted into a smile, one small and hesitant and full of wonder. “It really is.”

  Something about it made Teresa look away; it made her think of the crooked smile Lian had given her over the roof of her Camry as they’d parted ways. She pressed a hand to her chest, absently rubbing a spot just below her clavicle. She barely remembered the drive back, having argued with herself for the better part of the trip, but she remembered that smile.

  “I saw Mom today.”

  The non sequitur made Teresa freeze. Well, that was one way to take her mind off Lian. She held her breath and began gently twisting her mug back and forth by its handle. “How is she?”

  Vivian didn’t answer until Teresa involuntarily looked up. “Good. There’s a Farmers Market a few blocks from here on Sundays. She loves going when the weather is nice, and it was a beautiful morning.”

  Her chest feeling tight, Teresa waited for Vivian to continue. If she hadn’t known, could she have accidentally run into them that morning? The thought was both terrifying and fascinating. She waited for Vivian to push. How long was Teresa going to wait to contact their parents?

  Instead, Vivian only took a sip from her coffee. “How was your trip?”

  Teresa let her breath out in a rush, feeling slightly dizzy as she began to breathe normally. “Great. Terrible. Confusing.” Unexpectedly, talking about Lian seemed like a safer option.

  Vivian raised both eyebrows and leaned forward. “You can’t say that and not elaborate.”

  “I had a really good time.” She paused and licked her lips. “Too good of a time. We were in close quarters for basically all three days, you know? Also, were aware that Lian looks incredible in a three-piece suit?”

  Vivian tilted her head and studied Teresa. “Did the two of you…?”

  “No!” Surprised at her own volume, Teresa looked down. She clasped her hands together and crossed her legs. “No,” she repeated in a much lower voice. “Me and Lian? That’s just, no.”

  “Hm. Why?” Vivian leaned back in her chair, her expression neutral as she took another drink.

  “Besides you, Lian is basically the first real friend I’ve made since moving back. I really like her. I don’t want to mess that up.”

  Vivian scrunched up her nose. “What makes you think you’ll mess that up?”

  Teresa shot her an incredulous look. “I’ve told you about my love life.”

  “You have,” Vivian conceded with a nod. “Everyone’s got history, Teresa. And, a year ago, I might have agreed that it’s not worth the risk. But I’ve found that sometimes messy can lead to something amazing.” She met Teresa’s gaze. “April actually thought something might eventually happen between the two of you. The night of that Pride concert? I don’t think you realize how different you act when you’re around one another. It’s hard to put into words.”

  An easy rejection on the tip of her tongue, Teresa found she couldn’t speak. She had a caretaker personality. Lian was a nice person. Really, they were just so different that sometimes it could be awkward.

  Except it really hadn’t been, not since the beginning. Falling into a friendship with Lian had been easy. She really, really liked when they spent time together. They just… fit. Did that translate to something romantic?

  She released a heavy breath. “I don’t know. I think it was just the situation. It’s not like I really felt a spark there before. We’re good friends.”

  “Okay. You’re right.” Vivian placidly set her mug down.

  Ready to explain in further detail why she and Lian wouldn’t work, the easy capitulation made Teresa falter. “Right.”

  “You shouldn’t try to force feelings that aren’t there,” Vivian stated with a sage nod.

  “Exactly.” Teresa frowned. Was Vivian trying to use reverse psychology, or something?

  Looking thoughtful, Vivian added, “You did just get out of a relationship.”

  “Wait, hold on. Weren’t you just saying—”

  Vivian rolled her eyes. “Well I’m sure you know your feelings better than I do, Teresa.”

  Teresa opened her mouth. Closed it. “Yeah,” she finally muttered. “Though, I guess I could just wait and see. Go on like normal and see how things, you know, develop.”

  “Whatever you think is best.” Vivian smiled evenly and stood up. “I should probably check on Makayla. It’s too quiet in the living room.”

  Watching her with narrowed eyes, Teresa didn’t comment or move. She wasn’t sure how, but Vivian’s maturity suddenly seemed very annoying. She’d been ready for a fight. Not casting her friendship with Lian in a romantic light made sense. Didn’t it?

  She pulled out her phone and pulled up her chat history with Lian. Her thumb hovered over the chat box as she re-read the visible messages. They hadn’t made any plans to do anything together, though there was their usual lunch with Sharon coming up.

  ‘We still on for Thursday?’ she typed out before she could second-guess herself.

  An answer didn’t come immediately. She sucked on her lower lip and stared down at her phone, idly touching the screen now and then so it wouldn’t go to sleep.

  Her heartbeat accelerated when Lian’s answer finally came. ‘Of course. The bistro again, right?’

  She chuckled. ‘Yes. You won rock-paper-scissors, remember?’

  ‘A truly delicious victory. See you there?’

  ‘Absolutely.’ Smiling to herself, Teresa was startled to find Vivian standing at the entryway to the kitchen, arms crossed, and a smirk on her face.

  Again, Teresa narrowed her eyes. “What?”

  “Nothing.” Vivian’s smirk remained.

  “Uh-huh. I feel like you owe me lunch for all this nonsense.”

  Vivian snorted. “If anyone owes anyone else lunch, it’s you that owes me. We just watched your cat for an entire weekend.”

  “You mean that marshmallow that’s probably draped in Makayla’s lap as we speak? You’re right, I’m sure she was so hard to have around.”

  They stared at one another, and then burst into laughter. “Want to make something together?” Vivian asked with an affectionate smile. “I picked up a bunch of fresh ingredients today.”

  Feeling more excited than the situation probably called for, Teresa grinned. “Sounds great. Did you have anything particular in mind?” She hadn’t cooked with her sister since they were kids. They’d always had fun together.

  “Nope. Let’s just see where the ingredients take us.” Vivian strode closer, her smile widening when she stopped next to Teresa. “Just like the old days.”

  Except, Teresa thought with a pang that she quickly pushed away, their mother wasn’t with them. She acknowledged the moment and let it go; there was food to make.

  Chapter Thirteen

  When Thursday rolled around, Lian was conflicted. She wanted to see Teresa. They hadn't seen one another since Sunday, an unusual gap of time considering where their friendship had been before the trip. The prospect of seeing Teresa was as daunting as it was thrilling; Ana had complicated an already complicated situation.

  If Lian didn’t take the case, Ana would just hire someone else. It wouldn't take much for a new investigator to figure out who Teresa was. Though they’d exhausted several avenues in trying to locate Teresa before, Teresa was involved in Vivian’s life again. The connection from Teresa’s dead name to her real one wasn’t as big of a jump.

  If Lian took the case, then either her personal or professional integrity would need to be compromised. She needed to give Ana an answer soon.

  Lian didn’t excel at subterfuge. She could evade with the best of them and lie when it was ab
solutely essential—but struggled with her conscience when either was necessary. Complete honesty with Ana would make her feel the best, but it wasn’t her place to out Teresa. The only viable option seemed to be to tell Teresa and let her make the choice. However, Lian knew that would make Teresa feel guilty and pressured to come out.

  An hour before lunch, April asked if she could tag along with Lian and Vivian. Feeling relieved, Lian readily agreed. April changed their group dynamic when she was around, and Lian was prepared to take advantage of that fact. She just needed a little more time to figure things out.

  They carpooled to the bistro. Lian was content to sit in the back of April’s Buick and be forgotten. When they arrived, she tucked her hands into her slacks and trailed behind Vivian.