Once Again

by Amy Durham

  My lips curved into a smile when I remembered seeing Lucas there. As if taking instructions from my thoughts, I felt myself being lowered to the ground behind the house, directly outside the window to the back room.

  I watched from outside as Lucas and I talked about the paperweight he chose for his mother. It was the strangest feeling, standing outside the house, yet seeing myself inside. Dreams really could play tricks on you, couldn’t they?

  As the thought entered my mind, the image in front of me changed. Suddenly I no longer saw Lucas and myself as we were that day in the antique store. Instead, I saw the versions of us from my previous dream.

  The room wasn’t filled with shelves of antiques, but was instead almost barren. A miniature wooden table sat off to one side of the room, with two plain chairs. What looked to be a wood stove was on the opposite end.

  We were worried about something, Lucas and me. I couldn’t hear our voices, but I could see the concern on our faces. Tears streamed down my face as Lucas did his best to console me.

  I knew something was terribly wrong. In my heart I knew Lucas was trying to leave. Not because he didn’t love me, but because he believed it was necessary to keep me safe. I wanted to beg him to stay, but deep inside I knew that to stay would mean his death.

  I watched as Lucas put his arms around me and held me. Even from my place on the grass outside, I could feel the warmth and the strength of his embrace. I cried harder as he whispered something in my ear, clinging to him with all my might. How I wished I could understand what he was saying.

  My heart splintered in two as he turned and walked toward the back door, the love that was inside spilling over into my being until it bubbled over. The injustice of what was happening washed over me in violent waves that brought me to my knees.

  Through the window, I read Lucas’s lips as he said one last “I love you” then walked out the door.

  The finality of the door closing behind him echoed like thunder in my mind.

  CHAPTER 11

  “Layla!”

  My eyes flew open and I looked around frantically, assuring myself that I was in my bedroom. Mom stood in my doorway.

  “Jessie’s here,” she said.

  I yanked the headphones out of my ears and...

  Two hours? I’d only meant to unwind. How had I managed to sleep for two hours?

  And the dream... it had been so real, so vivid. I was trembling, and even now I wanted to sob in despair.

  “I fell asleep,” I answered, as if she hadn’t already figured that out. “Tell Jessie I’ll be right down.”

  At least my clothes were ready, which was more than I could say for my hair. I dressed in a matter of seconds and pushed my feet into my boots, pulling the bottoms of my boot-cut jeans over the tops. Running across the hall to the bathroom, I twisted my hair into a messy knot and secured it into place with a large clip. It wasn’t my first choice for a hair-do, but it looked good enough, sort of casually elegant.

  I pulled a few wavy strands loose to hang around my face, then brushed a bit of pink blush across my cheeks. I grabbed my eyeliner pencil and spruced up a bit around my eyes. Apparently, I’d cried during the dream, because the liner I’d applied before my impromptu nap was all but invisible.

  Satisfied that I looked acceptable, I ran down the stairs to find Jessie. She was waiting in the kitchen, having a lively conversation with my mother about our cross-country team.

  I groaned to myself. I’d only barely managed to convince Mom that Lucas was just my friend. If Jessie brought up that Lucas was meeting me at the game Mom would be all over me again.

  “Hey Jess,” I said, picking my purse up off the table. “Ready?”

  “Sure.” Jessie was all smiles, and thankfully she ceased her talk about the cross-country runners before Luke’s name was mentioned.

  The football stadium was packed, the stands overflowing with people, most of them kids from Sky Cove. Our opponents, from nearby Camden, made up a smaller portion of the crowd.

  Jessie and I found seats near the top of the stands on the Sky Cove side. Marsha and Tiffany found us soon after. With the sun now below the horizon, the air felt chilly and crisp, but not at all unpleasant. Perfect football weather. Of course, I knew next to nothing about football, other than what a touchdown was. But I quickly figured out that, for most of the students here, the game was more of a social occasion than a sporting event.

  I had to make myself refrain from looking around for Lucas. It would be too obvious, to my friends and probably to everyone else.

  But it was so hard not to. Not only because I looked forward to being with him, but because the feelings from my dream were still hanging around, nagging at my heart. In the dream, I had been devastated by Lucas’s departure. Heartbroken by his tearful “I love you” as he left.

  And though I knew it had only been a dream, it was proving difficult to convince my emotions that the real, live Lucas was fine and exactly as he had been at school today. That he hadn’t decided to skip town for my well being the way dream-Lucas had.

  Or that he hadn’t decided being friends with the new girl was too much of a liability.

  And didn’t it just make me so happy to have those doubts bouncing around my head?

  Three minutes remained in the second quarter when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

  “Room for me?” asked Lucas. The noise from the crowd was loud, so his face was bent to my ear. His voice, deep, rich and full of amusement, made my heart melt.

  Relief flooded through me as I scooted closer to Jessie, making room for Lucas on the end of the bleacher. I knew the smile on my face was gigantic, both from Luke’s presence beside me and the release of tension that had tormented me since the dream.

  “Did you win?” I asked, leaning closer to make myself heard.

  “Yes.” He smiled. “We did.”

  “Did you win?”

  He nodded, but like last time, he clearly didn’t think much of his own success.

  I was very aware of Jessie, Marsha, and Tiffany - and probably a lot of other people - watching us. I didn’t want to say or do anything that would make him uncomfortable or give anyone the wrong idea about us.

  Despite the way I felt about him, I still had no idea exactly what we were. And though it was sometimes frustrating to be so uncertain, I was really enjoying getting to know him without any expectations or pressure.

  He slipped on a gray hooded sweatshirt, bearing the Sky Cove cross-country logo, then picked up my hand.

  “Glad to see you, Layla.” He winked, then playfully kissed the back of my hand.

  He laid my hand on my knee, then positioned his own knee so that the side of his hand brushed against mine. Perfect and sweet, the subtle gesture proved Lucas to be a romantic. And, unlike the ending of my dream, here.

  I swallowed past the lump of joy in my throat.

  CHAPTER 12

  As far as successes went, the last Friday of September had been a big one for Sky Cove Senior High. Lucas and the cross-country team won their meet, and the football team won soundly over their rival. Apparently, Todd Miller had even been the MVP of the game.

  The football stands began to empty, and all over the stadium, kids started making plans to continue the evening somewhere else. The Pizza Place was the most popular choice, I gathered from what Jessie and the girls said, because it had picnic seating outside to accommodate larger crowds.

  And though the breeze was chilly, it wasn’t uncomfortable outside, even this late in the evening.

  “You guys ready?” Jessie asked, looking to Luke and me. Over her shoulder Marsha and Tiffany looked on.

  “Sure,” I said, looking up at Lucas. I had no idea if he was planning to go with us.

  “Did you drive?” he asked me.

  I shook my head. “I rode with Jessie.”

  “You want to ride with me?”

  The girls giggled, in that way only girls can do.

  Marsha shouted, “Of course she does!” a
nd Jessie and Tiffany immediately agreed. Jessie promised to save us a seat at their table, and also to bring my purse, which was still in her car.

  Luke and I didn’t hurry as we walked to his Bronco. Having arrived at the game late, he’d had to park a good distance away, in the parking lot of the elementary school on the other side.

  He took my hand again and led me through the crowd of people in the direction of his car. When we’d left most of the noise behind us, he leaned closer to me.

  “I thought about you this afternoon.” His voice was soft, almost unsure, as if testing my reaction.

  “While you were running?

  “Yes. Sometimes I - ” he broke off. “Sometimes I let my mind wander while I run.”

  “And you thought about me?” I was rather stunned by his admission.

  “I wondered what you were doing, how you were feeling, what you’d look like tonight.” One corner of his mouth lifted in a smile.

  Breath became difficult to draw. Was there another guy on the planet who was this good with words?

  “So,” he went on. “How did you feel this afternoon?”

  “If you mean was I excited about the game tonight,” because no way could I get into the dream business, “I was.”

  “That’s good.” He squeezed my hand. “So was I.”

  When we reached the Bronco he proved himself a gentleman once more and opened my door. He cranked the ignition, and in minutes we arrived at The Pizza Place.

  We drew looks from the gang when we walked in, although the looks no longer lingered into stares. I supposed seeing us together had become common.

  Music blared from overhead speakers while kids laughed and chattered. The scents of tomato and garlic filled the room as surely as the exuberance of the crowd.

  Jessie and the girls had secured a table inside, and Lucas and I joined them there. Soon after, Corey and Will, Luke’s cross-country teammates took a seat at our table. The voices inside the restaurant were almost as loud as they were at the game, a constant stream of talking and laughing that you could almost feel.

  Words began to form in my mind again, forcing the buzz from all the talking to the background. They flitted through my consciousness, seeming random and meaningless at first. The feeling was as disconcerting as it had been at school that first day, and though I tried to focus on what I was seeing, I found it impossible to pinpoint the origin of the thoughts. It was as if they weren’t mine, as if I were somehow picking up on the thoughts of another person in the room.

  The idea was so implausible I almost laughed at myself, but that didn’t stop me from looking around the room. Aside from the people at our table, I saw various faces I recognized from school even though I didn’t know their names. Others I remembered, such as Lance the head-nodder and Miller the idiot.

  I closed my eyes, and once again the sentence formed behind my lids.

  It won’t be long now, my love.

  The words might’ve sounded mysteriously romantic under other circumstances, but as it was all they did was creep me out. The vibe it gave me felt almost threatening.

  Luke touched my arm, and I opened my eyes. The haze lifted from my mind, and I rejoined my friends, deciding the anti-social moment was nothing more than over-excitement.

  The conversation bounced from school romances to who got caught cheating in Calculus and everything in between. I discovered that Lucas seemed just as comfortable in a large group as he was one-on-one. There was no hand holding at the table, but he was attentive and polite, getting up to refill my drink twice and discreetly refusing to let me chip in my share on the pizza.

  It was then I realized that this had turned into a date.

  Some girls might have been disappointed that he wasn’t more obvious about it, but for me, the fact that he kept things just between us made them all the more special.

  I had no choice but to admit to myself that our friendship was moving in the romantic direction. And all the caution and self-preservation in the world could not keep me from being ecstatic about it.

  “Drive you home?” he asked in a soft whisper at my ear, as things began to wind down. “Or would you rather ride with Jessie?”

  My heart swelled to the point that I thought my chest would no longer be able to contain it. I had never known a more perfect night.

  “I’ll go with you.”

  “Will it be okay with your parents if I drive you home?”

  “Yes. My mom thinks you hung the moon.”

  “That’s good,” he said. “Though it’s not your mom I’m most interested in impressing.”

  We said our goodbyes, and no one seemed surprised when we left together, though Robbie and Lance eyed us a bit more than everyone else. I couldn’t find it in me to feel guilty. After all, I hadn’t exactly lied to them. And it wasn’t as if I’d turned them down and then accepted an invitation from Lucas.

  I realized then why he’d been so careful to not ask me to be his date. It was so the things I’d told the other boys when I turned them down would still be true.

  He insisted on walking me to the door when we arrived at my house, and exchanged polite hellos with my mother, who had waited up, and was, of course, thrilled to see him.

  She excused herself – my mom was cool like that – and headed off to bed.

  Luke stayed where he was beside the front door.

  The quiet of my house after the noise at the game and the pizza place was a welcome invasion. I took off my sweater, hanging it across the back of a chair, enjoying the way the cool September air felt against my skin.

  “I’d hang out with you a little longer,” he said, “but I don’t know that I could stay awake.”

  “You haven’t stopped all day,” I said. “School, your meet, the game.”

  “It’s been a good day. A better night.” He picked up my hand, held it in both of his. “Can we do this again sometime? Maybe just the two of us?”

  I laughed. I was helpless to stop it. This whole night had been amazing and ridiculous and astonishing, and my mind just couldn’t keep up.

  Lucas was interested in me. In that way.

  “Is this where you tell me you’re not ready to start dating?” he asked with a smirk. “That you’re still getting to know everyone?”

  “You heard that?” I asked, my giggling finally dying down a bit.

  “Told you before, news travels fast.” He grinned, crossed his arms over his chest, and leaned against the door, waiting for an answer.

  “I was honest when I said those things,” I said. “When I said them to Robbie and Chris and Lance.”

  “Lance asked too?” He seemed surprised.

  I nodded. “Yesterday.”

  “And you told him the same thing?”

  “Yes. And it was true when I said it to him.” I leaned against the doorframe, putting myself a bit closer to him. “But it wouldn’t be true if I said it to you right now.”

  “Is that a yes?” He reached out and tucked a wisp of hair behind my ear. “Will you go out with me? On a proper date?”

  My skin tingled where his fingers brushed against my cheek. All the breath in my lungs backed up and I had to remind myself to breath.

  “I’m not sure how it could be more proper than tonight,” I whispered when I found my voice again. “But, yes. I’d love to go out with you.”

  “A proper date means just us,” he smiled. “And something a bit more grand than a loud ballgame and a crowded pizza parlor.”

  “Okay.” I refused to let my mind start imagining what he might have in store.

  He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and held it up. “Can I have your number? So I can call you?”

  I tried to remember the last time someone asked for my number. These days, with cell phones more common in school than pencils, most people just traded phones and put their own numbers in.

  I reached in my purse and retrieved my own. “Only if I can have yours, too.”

  When we’d exchanged numbers and stored t
hem in our cells, he picked up my hand again and stepped closer.

  My heart hammered, my pulse thundering in my ears. I hadn’t given much thought to sharing a first kiss with Lucas, but darned if I wasn’t excited about it now.

  “We’ll talk soon, Layla,” he said, looking me directly in the eyes. “Thank you for tonight.”

  “I should be thanking you. For the pizza and for driving me around.”

  He shook his head. “My pleasure.”

  And then he lowered his head. I watched his face move closer to mine, braced for something I knew would be spectacular.

  To my surprise, he pressed a soft, warm kiss to my forehead. His lips lingered, for several seconds, and I closed my eyes, letting the beauty of the moment spread through me. He didn’t smell like fancy cologne, but rather soap and laundry detergent, a combination that on him was pleasant and welcoming.

  His gentle kiss was more intimate and meaningful than any lip-lock driven by passion could have been.

  He didn’t say goodbye as he left. He just smiled, walking backwards down the porch steps and sidewalk, all the way to his truck.

  And I stood in the door, grinning like a fool.

  ***

  Lucas floated through my dreams again, and for once I wasn’t surprised. A few times I roused awake, just enough to realize I was dreaming and remember the evening we’d just spent together.

  I was quite sure the smile was present on my face even as I slept.

  Images of us from the game morphed into new images. The two of us walking along the beach, the cool fall air whipping around us. Running along the water’s edge, cold salt water splashing our bare feet and dampening the bottoms of our jeans.

  Suddenly I was running alone, my dress soaked with the cold rain falling from the sky. An urgency clawed at me, and I pushed my legs to run faster. Fear coursed through me as I called for him, though the screams that left my throat were silent.

  I had to run harder. If I wasn’t fast enough all would be lost. I would not be able to save him.

  An outcropping of rocks came into sight, jutting out from a hillside that almost reached the water. Though my dream was soundless, in my mind I could hear voices on the other side of the rocks. Angry voices. Violent voices.