The Path to Finding You

by S M Broad

  He’ll be okay, he has to be okay.

  What feels like an eternity later, I hear the front door open, but I’m too stiff to speak.

  “Leila?” Latham’s worried voice haunts me, but somehow, I manage to snap myself out of my trance. “Leila!”

  “Bathroom!” I call to him, hearing his feet thunder down the short hallway, hands bracing the door frame tightly when he sees us.

  “Jesus Christ.” He takes four steps into the room and then bends down to touch Kohen’s pasty forehead.

  “Fuck, he’s burning up. We have to get him to the hospital.” He lifts Kohen’s slumped body like a sack of feathers and sprints out of the house with me trailing right behind him.

  Please let him be okay, don’t take him from me.

  Chapter 15

  “Okay, mom, that sounds good. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  “Love you, sweetheart.”

  “Love you too.” I disconnect the call from the weekly check-up with my mom and look at the time on my phone for what must be the fiftieth time in a minute, fidgeting restlessly as I wait.

  11:25 a.m.

  He should be here soon. We texted the whole time he was gone, but I haven’t seen him since he asked that I don’t come by, and I’m anxious. Actually, anxious isn’t even the word for it, I’m fucking terrified to see him.

  Kohen spent two weeks in the hospital, on a strict detox regime, and he’s finally being discharged today, two days before Thanksgiving. I shuffle back and forth on the balls of my feet, tucking my hands into the front pocket of my blue hoodie as I wait outside the discharge area at the hospital for him to come out. He did ask me if I would pick him up, and I couldn’t say no. I look up from rechecking my phone just in time to see the top of his now short, dirty blonde hair as the electronic entrance doors slide open. I stand taller to get a better look.

  Dressed in a pair of grey sweats, a plain white long-sleeved shirt, and black Chucks, he carries a paper sack from the pharmacy and a clear personal effects bag in one hand while spinning the white hospital band on his wrist with the other. I put up my hand, waving like a lunatic at him. He looks around for oncoming cars before he spots me, jogging across the street. The closer he gets, the more focused he becomes in my line of sight. I see that his color has significantly returned, and his cheeks don’t look as sunken. He looks healthy, or at least healthier than he did the last time I saw him. He smiles brightly at me, making my heart tumble around my chest. He looks like the man I used to know.

  He looks like my Kohen.

  “Hey!” I say, too excited to see him standing in front of me and not the horrible alternative scenario that played in my head the entire time he was in the hospital.

  “Hi.” His eyes are brighter, bluer, and less bloodshot.

  “You look good,” I say, wanting to smack myself for how sexual I inadvertently sound.

  “You do too.” He grins at me playfully while I try not to freak out about how hot my face just got.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Better.” He moves toward me, then stops for a moment. “Can I give you a hug?”

  “Yes, of course.” I nod for him to step into the space in front of me and let my eyes drift shut when his arms circle my waist, squeezing me. We linger a few minutes longer than I had anticipated, but I take full advantage and soak in the feel of him.

  “God, I forgot how amazing your hugs are.” Kohen tightens his hold on me before relaxing.

  “Are you hungry?” I ask, patting his lower back. He releases me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder protectively as we walk the short distance to my car.

  “I could go for a burger.” He rubs his stomach, and I grin because I’m so happy he’s eating more normally. “I mean unless you want something else. Something green and leafy.” He makes a face.

  “When have you ever known me to turn down a fat, juicy cheeseburger?” I give him a look with one of my brows lifted.

  “Oh, thank God.” He laughs lightly. After we’re in my car with our seat belts buckled, he clears his throat. “So, I talked to Latham.”

  “How did that go?” I check my directions before pulling out onto the road, keeping my eyes forward.

  “Good. At least I think so. He brought me some clothes and his clippers so I could cut my hair. I apologized, and he told me I better be at Thanksgiving dinner. So,” He shrugs.

  “That’s great. I have to go over there about eight, so I can help Aayla with the apple pies.” I glance at him quickly. “Do you want to come with me?”

  “Yeah, that sounds good to me.” He replies, settling his head on the rest. We stop at an In-n-Out Burger, ordering two cheesy doubles, two curly fries, and two milkshakes. I get chocolate, Kohen gets vanilla. We take the food back to my house, settling onto the couch to watch a movie while we eat.

  “What do you want to watch?” I ask, crunching on a crispy fried potato as I look over my extensive movie collection. “Hairspray? The Notebook?” I smirk at him, knowing he hates all these girly movies.

  “No, I got it! Legally Blonde.”

  “The Bend and Snap, you know me so well.” He jokes, wiping an imaginary tear that makes me chuckle.

  “I know.” I shrug, turning back to grab something he really likes instead. I put the DVD in the player and take my spot next to him on the couch.

  “Guardians of the Galaxy. Now you’re talkin’.” He props his feet up on my coffee table, relaxing.

  “Star-Lord for the win, I love me some Chris Pratt.” I grin. He rolls his eyes, stuffing a handful of ketchup-drenched fries into his mouth.

  “You’re disgusting.” I push his shoulder gently. He smiles at me with a smashed potato stuck against his teeth. “Gross!”

  His shoulders bounce as he laughs heartily. “You love me.” He leans over and kisses my forehead, freezing mid pucker against my skin. Clearing his throat, he pulls away. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t worry about it.” I groan internally while slurping my milkshake as we finish our dinner and watch the rest of the movie.

  “Hey, Leila?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m really sorry.”

  “For what?” I turn toward him, tucking my left leg under myself.

  “That you had to see me like that. It couldn’t have been easy for you.” He brushes some hair off my shoulder.

  Easy? Hell no. More like scary as fuck.

  “I’m just glad you’re sitting here with me now.”

  “I am too.” His eyes go back to the screen. “Thank you, you know, for dinner and everything else, too.”

  “Don’t mention it.” We watch Rocky next, both of us quiet the entire time. My phone pings halfway through the movie, alerting me that it’s time for Kohen to take his medicine. I head for the kitchen, shaking out one of the Naltrexone pills prescribed by his doctor from the plastic orange container. I bring it back on a small square napkin and hold it out for him to take. He looks at it, then at me, shaking his head the whole time.

  “I don’t want it.”

  “You have to.”

  His voice wobbles. “I don’t want to relapse. I can’t, Leila.” He looks at me seriously, like he’s trying to tell me something in a secret code. I sit down next to him, placing my hand on his forearm as I talk.

  “It’s okay, Kohen. Remember, you told me that Dr. Kitsch said this medicine is best for you because you’ve already detoxed. That it has minimal side effects, low addictiveness, and the least potential for abuse?” I give him a reassuring smile. “I won’t let it happen again, I’m here for you.”

  “Promise?”

  “Yes, of course. I promise.”

  “Alright.” He takes the small white pill, swallowing it in one gulp. He sits back against the couch again and moves his hand closer to mine, palm up. Giving me a choice to hold his hand or not. I want him to know that I really am here for him, so I interlace our fingers together silently. My brain is screaming, this is a terrible idea the entire time.

  As the
last credit rolls across the TV, I check my phone, noticing how late it’s gotten and decide to go upstairs.

  “I should go to bed.” I give him a smile and head to my room, stopping to pee and brush my teeth. I change into my long pajama shirt, and crawl into bed, nestling into the comfort of my fluffy pillow. My eyes shut before I’ve laid down, but pop back open when I hear a creak from the floorboard right outside my room. I move my head sideways to see Kohen standing there in the doorway, biting his lip like he wants to say something.

  “Are you okay?” I ask sleepily, watching him teeter from foot to foot. He enters my room hesitantly, walking over to the bed with caution.

  “Do you, uh…I mean, is it okay to...Can I lay with you? Just for a little bit. I’ll keep my hands to myself; I swear. I don’t want to be alone right now. It’s too quiet downstairs.”

  Don’t do it, Leila.

  My brain warns me, but there’s so much sincerity in his words that my heart and mouth answer for me.

  “Sure.” I scoot to the other side of the bed to make room for him, watching as he strips off his white shirt, slipping into the sheets next to me. I turn on my side to look at him, and he mimics the way I’m lying so he can see me too.

  “Good now?” I ask, my eyes growing heavier by the second. I only hear one word as I drift off to sleep.

  “Perfect.”

  I try to clear my head, my brain only focusing on waking up next to Kohen in my bed this morning. I watch him sleep for a few minutes, running my gaze over his peaceful face before slipping quietly downstairs for coffee, and maybe also to get away from him. I pull a carton of eggs from the fridge, along with some cheese and onion for omelets. I unload my full hands and set the stuff on the counter before grabbing a knife and a cutting board. I chop the onion and set it aside to scramble the eggs.

  I crack four of them, pour in a splash of milk with a pinch of salt, and I’m almost ready to start whisking when I feel something irritate my eye. Without thinking, I rub a finger over it and immediately regret my decision. I blink in rapid succession to clear the sting, now blazing my eyeball to smithereens.

  “Son of a bitch that hurts!” I yelp, turning to run for the bathroom mirror to check my eye when I smack right into a hard, wet surface. I was so zoned out, too busy trying to blind myself that I didn’t even notice that Kohen came downstairs and got into the shower. I never heard the water shut off. I step back, the vision in my right eye blurry as it waters profusely. With one eye closed, I stare at him, dripping wet with only a fluffy white towel covering his bottom half.

  Holy shit, he’s gorgeous.

  He says something, but it sounds like muffled white noise in my ears as I tune him out to eyeball his glistening chest. He waves a hand in front of my face, and I shake my head to clear the haze.

  “Huh? You want me to stay?” My brows crease as I try to make sense of his odd question. His deep, husky chuckle gets my attention better.

  “I asked if you were okay.” He eyes me with an amused smirk.

  Just kill me now.

  “Oh, my God.” I bring my hands up to cover my beet-red face, stopping when I remember what brought me to the bathroom in the first place. “I need to wash my hands.” I hold them up like there’s something visible there, slipping past him to get into the room. I inhale his clean, musky, soapy scent on instinct, but hold back the breathy moan that wants to tumble out. I lather and rinse my hands, and then lean forward to flush my irritated eye out with warm water.

  “What happened?” Kohen’s voice rumbles from behind me. I straighten, trying not to shiver from the heat of his warm chest at my back. “Turn around and let me see.”

  “No, um.” I clear my throat. “I’m fine. I just had something in my eye.” I reach for a towel to dry my face.

  “Leila.”

  “Huh?” I look at his face in the mirror, swallowing a gulp when he brushes my shoulder.

  “Let me see your eye.”

  “Alright.” I swallow again, slowly turning to face him. He touches my face gently, holding my eyelid open to check me over. “It’s just red. I think you’ll be okay in a little bit.” His eyes linger on me, and I nod, unable to reply. His hands drop, skating down my bare arms as he looks at me. The proximity of his half-naked body to mine is stifling, intense. Kohen’s eyes bounce across my face, gauging my reaction to his soft touch. I can’t speak or move. I’m simply frozen before him, left wondering where his own thoughts are.

  Danger! Danger Will Robinson!

  “Uh, let’s go eat.” I break the trance his gaze had me in, ducking under his elbow and walking back to the kitchen with my chest heaving as my breath catches up to my racing, thundering heart.

  Chapter 16

  I stretch my arms, star fishing out on my Queen Size bed, hitting my foot on something hard…and hairy.

  What the shit?

  I look down the length of my body to see a muscular leg sticking out of the grey sheets. I kick it again, making the rest of the lump groan.

  “Ouch.” Kohen’s voice is muffled as I roll over, seeing his face stuffed into one of my pillows. I poke at his sheet covered ass, trying to move him. “Ughhhh, Lei. Stop.”

  “Excuse me, sir. What are you doing in my bed again?” I sit up, staring at his bare back. This is the second time we’ve woken up together after he’s promised to just lay with me for a while.

  “I must have accidentally fallen asleep.” He mumbles, sliding his face toward me, a line of spit following his mouth. “Sorry.”

  “Eww, Kohen. You drooled on the pillow.”

  “Like you don’t drool, Lei. Don’t forget I’ve woken up next to you before, Ms. Saint Bernard.” He wipes the trail hanging from his face, grinning at me.

  “You take that back, Kohen Parker! I do not drool.” I slap his shoulder, giggling when he lunges toward me, grabbing my wrists softly.

  “Yeah, and I’m Channing Tatum.”

  “Oh, really? Tell me, Mr. Tatum, how was it working with Joe Manganiello on the set of Magic Mike?” I let out a high-pitched squeak when he grabs me around my waist, throwing me down on the bed. His fingers dig into my sides, and I squeal, kicking my legs.

  I hate being tickled.

  “Stop, Kohen! Ah!” I wiggle around, trying to get free. “Stop!” I screech, laughing louder.

  “You think you’re so funny, don’t you? Smartass.” He continues his tickle torture, making me jerk violently on the bed until I accidentally connect the top of my foot with his family jewels. His hands drop from the hold he’s got on me and fly to his groin as he howls.

  “My giblets!” His eyes pinch close, and he whines while curling into the fetal position. “Son of a shit!”

  “Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” I bite my lip because I don’t know how to help him. “Are you okay?”

  He rocks back and forth a few more times before he goes still, turning over to smirk at me. “I’m fine.” He laughs harder when I jump at him, punching him lightly in the stomach. “You hit like a girl.”

  “I am a girl! And you are so not funny, ass!” I brush some hair out of my face. Kohen’s deep, rich laugh washes over me, making me momentarily tense as I try to neutralize the buzz pulsing through my body. He wipes the fake tears from his eyes, sitting up. He leans back further, sobering when he sees my sleep shirt has ridden up past my hip, exposing my tiny powder blue boy shorts. He blows out a breath, biting his bottom lip as he leans down, his face an inch from mine.

  “Leila.”

  “What are you doing, Kohen?” I ask breathlessly, unsure of how to feel about what I know is happening. Once it’s set in motion, there’s no stopping it.

  “I want to kiss you so bad.” He leans farther toward me, biting his bottom lip harder.

  Stop, Leila. Don’t let this happen.

  Instead of listening to my head, I lean up on my elbows to meet him, our lips pressing together in the softest kiss. He pulls back abruptly as if he changed his mind, but I don’t react to the hurt. I somehow keep a
composed face even though I’m feeling absolutely moronic. Rolling off my bed to go downstairs, I wave my hand.

  “Come on, we’ve got to get ready to go to Latham and Aayla’s.”

  His silence follows me all the way to the bathroom.

  “These smell so good, Lei.” Aayla breathes in the cinnamon scent from my homemade apple pies. “I’m hungry.” She rubs her belly.

  “You always are.” I laugh lightly, picking up a square of Colby Jack cheese off the elaborate charcuterie board on the counter.

  “Well, I am eating for three people.” She turns sideways, pushing the fabric of her cream top tight against her growing bump to show it off while her long plum-colored skirt swishes around her legs. Her smile sparkles brightly as she picks up an olive from the platter, popping it into her mouth with a satisfying sound. I contemplate telling Aayla that Kohen kissed me, but I decide against it because I don’t even know why it happened or how to handle it. I’ve sort of been ignoring him all day because my feelings are all over the damn place.

  “How are the little sweet peas?” I ask, changing the subject and biting into a baby carrot. Movement from the doorway catches my attention, and I look over and see Latham and Kohen talking. I keep my eyes on their exchange but give Aayla my ears, listening to her.

  “Growing every day, I can’t believe I’m at the end of the first trimester already.”

  “When do you find out the genders?” I glance at her quickly and pull out a stool for her to sit, pointing to the seat silently. She rolls her eyes and plops down to get off her feet as my gaze goes back to the guys. We sit for a few more minutes, snacking and laugh when Audra and Hensley go tearing through the kitchen, giggling with each other. They look too cute in their flowery dresses.

  “Slow down, Hensley!” Latham calls after her with a smile.

  “Dr. Simmons said we could do an early ultrasound at sixteen weeks that might tell us, but we’d do another at twenty weeks just to be sure.” She chews on a slice of yellow bell pepper with ranch dip smeared all over it. “We could do the 3-D ultrasound too, she said that those are ninety-nine percent accurate at sixteen weeks.”