The Path to Finding You

by S M Broad

  “Do that! Auntie wants to shop!” I say excitedly, making Aayla smile again.

  “Latham wants to do a gender reveal party, but wants to be surprised, so I don’t know who to give the envelope to.” She eyes me with a squinty look. When I notice her face, I press a finger to my chest.

  “Who me? No, I want to find out with you guys. What about Boone?”

  “You know, I think he’d really love that.”

  “Me too. So, do you have any names picked yet?”

  “We have a couple boy names, but we can’t agree on anything for girls. We just love Hensley’s so much that we think nothing will top it.”

  “You’ll figure it out, sweets. You may not even need it.” I rub her arm. “So, do I get to know the boy names?”

  “I’ll tell you one name, one. We like Kyler.” She whispers, making me smile.

  “That’s totally cute!” I look over again and see Latham give Kohen a clap on the shoulder, pulling him in for a quick man-hug then look back at Aayla. Her eyes water over, overwhelmed by their brotherly moment but still smiles, happy that they’re talking again. When they go separate directions, Latham walks our way.

  “Are you guys ready to eat?” Latham asks, kissing Aayla on the forehead.

  “You’re kidding, right?” She scrunches her face, making him chuckle.

  “I guess I should have just said it’s time to eat.” Latham helps Aayla off the kitchen stool, walking with his hand on her lower back as we make our way into the dining room. We sit down at the table with Karla, Kassie, Jason, and Audra. To their left is Latham’s dad Boone, his brother Davis, and his friend, whom he introduced earlier as Eviana. Aayla, Hensley, and Latham sit across from them at the long table that’s set up. There’s quiet chatter until Kohen shuffles in, standing at the head of the table. He clears his throat, and everyone goes silent.

  “I just want to apologize for the way I’ve been acting, especially to Davis. My behavior was unacceptable, but I hope one day, you can forgive me.” He says as Davis stands and reaches across the table to shake his hand.

  “It’s water under the bridge, and I’m happy you’re here with us.” He pats Kohen’s shoulder and then retakes his seat next to Eviana.

  “I know I haven’t exactly been the best version of myself, but with some help, I’m getting better each day.” He looks at me before addressing the whole table again. “This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful that I have this family to steer me in the right direction. I’m thankful that I’m alive, and I’m really thankful for Leila.” The entire group shares a collective look of surprised joy, while I just stare at Kohen as he continues to talk. “Without her...I know I wouldn’t be here. Now, let’s eat some good food.” He nods gently before taking his seat next to me.

  “Well said, my brother.” Latham raises his water glass. We’re not serving alcohol this holiday to help Kohen’s recovery, but nobody seems to mind in the least. Everyone is just happy that he’s here and doing well.

  “Happy Thanksgiving!” We toast before enjoying a huge dinner together with all the trimmings. The conversation is just as wonderful as the food. A while later, when we’re all stuffed and lazing around, I get up to go get a drink and see if Kohen is ready to leave and catch him and Aayla hugging. She pulls away and smiles widely at him.

  What the hell is that about?

  “Hey, I’m beat. Are you ready to go?” I ask, walking around the corner. He looks back at Aayla then nods at me.

  “I’m ready.”

  Chapter 17

  Kohen: I need you to come home.

  I stare at the message from Kohen, panic rising in my chest as I apologize to my client for cutting the photoshoot early so I can get home to make sure he’s okay. It’s been an abnormally long and tiring week for me, and this only adds to my worry.

  Kohen has been quiet, and although I’m a little grateful for the silence because I still don’t know how to feel about our kiss on Thanksgiving. His cryptic text isn’t helping my unnerving thoughts.

  Settle down, maybe he’s just trying to work through his own thoughts as well.

  I scramble to load up my Cooper and drive faster than I should to get home, sighing a relieved breath when I see Kohen’s Jeep parked in the driveway in the exact spot it was when I left for work. I pull in next to it and climb out of my car, hurrying up the walkway onto the porch and push through the door.

  “Kohen?” I call before the front door even latches closed, a memory of the night I found him in the bathroom walloping me. The first thing that I notice as I enter the house is the scent of toasted bread, the second is a packed duffle bag by the door. “Hello?”

  Curiously, I walk a few steps toward the kitchen and freeze when I hear Kohen’s voice.

  “Hey.” He calls from behind me, making me spin. My eyes land in the living room where Kohen stands in jeans and a worn-out blue t-shirt, accentuating his beautiful azure eyes. He’s still as a statue, waiting and watching me. He’s got his Jeep keys in one hand, free hand tucked into the pocket of his jeans.

  “Is everything okay? Your text kind of freaked me out. I cut my session short because I was worried.”

  “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I’m okay.”

  “Are you going somewhere? I, uh, saw your bag.” I hike my thumb behind me, nervous to ask him anything because I’m afraid of the answer I’m going to get.

  “I think I need a break.”

  “From what?”

  “Meetings, everyday life.”

  “What does that mean?” I ask nervously when he steps closer to me, dangling the black carabiner from his index finger.

  “I’m going away for a few days.”

  “Oh.”

  “I want you to come with me.”

  “What? What about AA?”

  “I talked with Tommy.” Kohen mentions his sponsor. I met him after one of the meetings. He’s a very nice guy, a recovering addict himself who lost his wife to a heroin overdose.

  “What’d he say?” I ask curiously, backing myself up against the wall for support.

  “He thinks it’ll be good for me. Come with me. Please.” His voice sounds hopeful, but all I can do is blink.

  “I don’t think that’s a very good idea.”

  “Why not?”

  I don’t trust myself to not get tangled up in my feelings for you.

  “It’s…” I sigh. “It’s just not.”

  “Come on, Lei. Take a break from work and come with me.”

  A million thoughts scream at me as I stand there, overthinking.

  “Where are you going?” I bite my lip. He smiles crookedly because he knows he’s got me right where he wants me.

  “It’s a surprise.”

  “Kohen.”

  “Trust me.”

  No, no, no-no.

  I think it over and over, but the word no is not what comes out of my mouth.

  “Okay.”

  After we eat lunch, I pack a weekend bag, and we climb into the Jeep to set off on our road trip to an unknown destination. Almost five hours into our drive, the bright day sun has faded into a sky of watercolors as the highway stretches on. I try to justify my answer, deciding it was based solely on my heart’s secret desires and the fondness I still have for Kohen. The desires I refuse to acknowledge out loud. The only problem is that the longer I’m around him, the more I can’t deny my feelings are still heavily present and growing stronger with every passing day.

  “Are you gonna tell me where we’re going yet? My ass is asleep.” I whine, flexing my numb toes in my Chucks, and squeeze my tingling thighs for relief.

  “You’ll see, only about half an hour left.” Kohen chuckles, tapping the steering wheel to the beat of “Callin’ Baton Rouge” by Garth Brooks. He keeps his focus mainly on the road, glancing at me with a cocky smirk occasionally. I purse my lips but perk up when we come closer to a big blue sign that says Welcome to South Carolina as we rumble over the invisible st
ate line.

  “Are we going to the beach?” My excitement grows as I turn my head to look at Kohen. His only answer is a big, toothy smile as he turns the song on the radio up. I watch out the window, singing along to the lyrics under my breath. After Kohen’s allotted thirty minutes, he turns down a road, and a tan-colored house comes into view. He slows, pulling into the driveway, parks, and shuts off the Jeep engine. The large, two-story beachy feeling home has white lattice lining a carport, as well as a cute medium-sized palm tree in the front corner of the yard just before the sidewalk leads up to wooden steps.

  “Holy shit, this place is gigantic.” I stare in awe. “How can you afford to rent this?” I blurt, tearing my gaze from the house to look at Kohen.

  “I’m sorry, that was rude.”

  “I don’t think you could ever be rude, Leila.” Kohen snorts when I give him an incredulous look. “Alright, maybe you can, but it’s not a rental. This is my family’s beach house, nobody’s come out here since my dad and Kyle died. I thought it was time.” He looks away, the deep emotion in his eyes tugging my heartstrings. I immediately reach across the space between us to grab his hand.

  “Are you okay?” I clutch his fingers in my palm until he brings his eyes back to mine with a gentle smile.

  “Yeah, I’m good. Come on.” He nods toward the house, and I jump out, following him excitedly up the steps and into the front room when he unlocks the door. The interior has a definitive beach vibe with tan and coral themes, adorned with seashells and dried starfish hanging on the walls in the spacious living room and kitchen. I notice there’s no dust, every surface is spotless.

  “I thought you said nobody has been here in a while?”

  “They haven’t, but my mom has a maid come by once a week to keep the place clean.” He busies himself with our bags, setting them on the blue tile floor. Nodding to myself, I let my eyes roam the high ceiling and gape at what must be at least a sixteen-foot blue Marlin mounted to the wall as I make my way around the cozy dining area.

  “Who caught that?” I point to the taxidermy fish.

  “My dad and I did when I was fifteen, although Kyle tried to take all the credit.” He chuckles softly, shaking his head at the memory. “It’s seventeen feet long and almost two hundred pounds.”

  “That's incredible.”

  “We used to have some of the best summers out here.” His tone turns sad, a shadow haunting his face.

  “You miss them.” I feel like smacking myself.

  No shit, he misses them, idiot.

  “That was stupid of me to say, of course, you miss them.” I watch him lean into the fridge and pull out two bottles of water. He hands me one and cracks the top of the other one for himself.

  “No, no, it’s okay. My therapist says talking about it will help ease the ache.”

  “You’re going to therapy?”

  “Once a week since I got out of the hospital.”

  “Really?”

  “It makes me feel better.”

  “Is that where you go on Wednesdays?”

  “That’s where I go.” He nods. “I thought you knew.”

  “I didn’t want to pry.”

  “You have every right to question me, Leila. I would understand if you did.”

  “I just thought you were working out.”

  “I do. I go to therapy, and then I go to the Y to lift.”

  “That’s great, Kohen. I’m so proud of you.” I’m stunned, but still can’t hide my smile.

  “Well, I have you to thank...For a hell of a lot of things.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  “Really, I do.” He blinks with a faraway look on his face then focuses on me again. “You know, I can’t change them being gone, my dad and Kyle. I can’t change that, but I can live for them. I think they’d want me to.”

  “They absolutely would.” We share another smile before Kohen motions for me to follow him up a staircase, where he shows me the four bedrooms on the second floor. They’re all decent sized, decorated in a subtle nautical style and soft pastel colors.

  “Choose any room you’d like.” His hand stays on the doorknob as he watches me take in the decor. I already know which one I want, so I point to the room across the hall with the ocean view.

  “This place is gorgeous.”

  “You haven’t seen anything yet.”

  “How could there be more?”

  “Had to save the best thing for last, come on.” He walks ahead of me, leading me down the same set of stairs past the dining room into a den. My heart, breath, and pulse freeze at the sight before me. Large, spotless glass doors lead out onto a quaint patio right on the beach, with a set of short wooden stairs leading off the side down to the sand. The bright, sparkly blue Atlantic Ocean stretches so far out in front of me, it looks like it’s dropping off the end of the earth. It’s a breathtaking sight.

  “Holy shit.” I amble forward, stepping out the door that Kohen opens and nearly die of happiness when the salty air blows across my face. It’s chilly but still amazing, and I inhale a deep, calming breath. I curl my fingers around the wooden railing, staring out at the mostly empty beach.

  “It’s pretty dead this time of year, being the end of November and all, but I needed this.” He motions to the wide-open space. “To get away, to just be.”

  I nod, agreeing. “The quiet is usually so stifling, but here it’s just peaceful.”

  “That’s why I’ve always loved coming here. I hate the quiet most of the time, my mind runs wild, but when I hear the waves crashing on the shore,” He looks out at the ocean. “Everything seems to fade away, my mind becomes clear again.”

  “Damn,” I smirk when Kohen looks at me quizzically. “That’s really deep.” I crack, defusing the intensity of the situation the only way I know how to. He shakes his head with a light laugh.

  “You’ve been to the beach before, seen the ocean, but you seem so enamored by it here.”

  “I’ve seen the Pacific, not the Atlantic. I don’t know, this feels different, I guess. I can't really explain it. It’s more relaxing because I’m not sad that I’m twenty-five hundred miles away from my best friend. This is just an escape, and it’s friggin’ beautiful.”

  “So, you hate it? That’s what I’m hearing, right?” His teasing voice is light, playful. It’s so much like the old Kohen that it makes my heart skip, an unstoppable carefree laugh slipping out of my mouth as I look at him.

  “It’s awful.” I wink, looking back at the Atlantic before a somewhat startling thought enters my head.

  Maybe he’s why it feels different here.

  Chapter 18

  The fall morning air is cool, crisp, and refreshing as I sip my hot cup of coffee, gazing out at the rippling waves of the frothy ocean. I woke up early, got the coffee started, and decided to take a walk on the beach to think. I sat bundled in my hoodie and sweats and watched the sunrise above the water. Soaking in the peacefulness, I let my mind wander before making my way back to the beach house. I know things with Kohen have shifted somehow, but I have to keep my heart guarded. I have to keep my feelings neutral, distant.

  Good luck with that.

  “Good morning.” Kohen’s deep, scratchy voice pulls me from my silent conversation with my inner bitch. I turn to see him leaning on the door jamb of the open glass door, watching me. Nervously, I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear.

  “Good morning.”

  “Thank you for making coffee.” He sips from a red mug, making his way across the wooden planks of the patio.

  “You’re welcome.” I shift my leg away from him when he sits down at the cafe style table next to me. “I was thinking about going into town in a little bit, maybe do some shopping. Want to come with me?”

  “I think I’ll stay here, just hang out. I don’t really feel like going anywhere.” He shrugs, but the movement is a little jerky, which makes me worry. He seems tense, uneasy about something.

  “Is everything okay?”

 
“Yeah, it’s fine. You should go. Have fun.”

  “Alright. Can I borrow the Jeep?”

  “Yeah, just grab the keys from the bowl.” He touches my arm hesitantly before getting up to go back inside, leaving me sitting there to finish my own coffee alone.

  I spent a little longer than I expected to in town. Mostly just window shopping, but I also picked up gifts for Hensley and the babies. I got Aayla and Latham a little something too. A candle that smells like the beach. I pay, tucking it into my other shopping bags before piling myself into Kohen’s Jeep for the short drive back to the beach house. The sun is just starting to set when I pull into the driveway, kill the engine, and climb out. I hoist my shopping bag with me up the stairs and into the house, setting it down right inside the door.

  “Kohen, I’m back! What should we do for dinner?” I call out and am greeted with momentary silence before the first few chords of a song start to play, making me rock back and forth because I recognize it. I walk around the corner into the dining room and stop short. The outside patio is lit with white rope lights with candles flickering in the breeze on the cafe-style table.

  Kohen stands before me in the open doorway, dressed fancier than his standard go-to jeans and a t-shirt. He looks dashing in khakis and a black button-down shirt. I look at my boring, faded jeans, Sperry’s, and raggedy brown sweater. Frowning, I rethink my shopping choices because I should have bought the navy cocktail dress I saw in one of the boutique windows. But, it’s not like I knew he had some fancy dinner planned.

  He doesn’t take his gaze off me while “Who I Am with You?” by Chris Young filters through the stereo system speakers, stirring up every single emotion I’ve ever felt since the day I met him. My feet move before my brain can catch up. Drawing me closer to him with every step.