Carved in Ice

by Ivy Smoak

Kins was sitting at the kitchen island eating a bowl of cereal. Her eyes were glued to Miles. Or they were at least glued to his abs.

  “Um, hey, Miles.” She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “What are you doing here?”

  “He’s V,” Liza said as she came into the kitchen from the command center. “Nice to officially meet you by the way, Mr. Miles Young. It’s nice to put a face to the name. Or a name to the face. Or well…I knew what Miles looked like, but I didn’t know what V looked liked…you get it.” She stuck her hand out for Miles to shake.

  He laughed and shook her hand.

  “Although you do owe me an apology. I’m pretty sure I guessed you were Miles and you legit lied to my face. Not cool, buddy.”

  “I…”

  “And I really don’t know why you lied about it to me anyway. I can keep a secret. Even from my bestie.” She winked at me. “Don’t do it again.” She pointed at him.

  “You’re V?” Kins asked.

  “Yeah.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “I’m sorry if I lied to you too. It was never my intention to have to mislead anyone but Summer.”

  “You’re really V?” Kins looked at me and then back at him. “Oh. Oh!” she said a little louder. “Oh.” The last oh sounded disappointed.

  This was awkward. I remembered Kins calling dibs on Miles. What could I say to make it better?

  “There is one thing I don’t get,” Liza said, breaking the tension in the air. “Why did you refuse to call her Summer? I mean, you knew her best. Yet you kept calling her Sadie.”

  Miles looked over at me. “Because I’m not the same person she remembers and she’s not the same either. Not to mention it felt wrong to call her Summer. It made my lies feel worse.”

  “That sounds…heavy,” Liza said.

  “Wait, you knew him?” Kins asked me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone,” I said. “I was part of the witness protection program. At least, I thought I was.” I looked back at Miles. I knew we had both changed. But I wanted to hold on to a piece of who I was. Didn’t he?

  “Another question,” Liza said. “Did you two have fun reuniting last night?” She wiggled her eyebrows, causing her glasses to slide down her nose.

  “Didn’t you say you had something important to discuss?” Miles asked.

  Liza slid her glasses back up. “Right. I do.” She held up her finger and ran back toward her computers. She came back with a file folder and paged through it. “Remember when we thought Mr. Crawford was bringing in new recruits? Well, he wasn’t.” She pulled out a picture.

  I leaned forward to get a better view. It wasn’t the clearest image, but it was unmistakable. My old babysitter’s face was staring back at me, smiling. “Julie?”

  “Yup. Julie Harris is alive and well. And I’m guessing that’s Jacob, although I couldn’t get a good visual on his face.” Liza pointed to the man beside her.

  “Right, her fiancé.” I put my hand on my chest. I had been hoping it was them. God, it felt like a miracle. “She’s okay?” For months I had been worried about what had happened to her. She had just disappeared. I thought she was dead. I was almost certain of it.

  “She’s definitely okay. But actually, it turns out that Julie isn’t who you said she was. Your glowing comments of her led me on a wild goose chase.”

  “What?”

  “Julie Harris isn’t on our side. She’s the daughter of Deidra Harris. Maiden name Deidra Roberts.

  Roberts?

  “Julie is Don’s niece.”

  “She…” my heart felt like it stopped. “She babysat me all the time. My parents trusted her. She…” my voice trailed off. “How could she?”

  “You were meant to see that article about how she went missing. You were meant to feel bad for all these months. All of this was planned. For years maybe. First to trap Mr. Crawford, who surely saw the same articles. And then to trap you.”

  “What do you mean to trap her?” Miles asked.

  “I got audio of the whole plan,” Liza said. “I left a bug in the hotel room that we rescued you from and listened to them scheming. We can finally end all of this. Tomorrow night at 9 p.m. you’re going to get a phone call. Julie is going to sound distressed. And she’s going to beg you to come save her.” She put air quotes around the word save. “But really you’re gonna get payback, bitch!”

  I didn’t care that she had just called me a bitch. I didn’t care that Julie was a traitor. All I cared about was that this could finally end.

  “So we already know that Julie was in his pocket. What if the cops were in his pocket back then too? If where you grew up was anything like what power he has here…” She clapped her hands together and smiled. It was like she was waiting for me to guess what she was about to say.

  I didn’t know what she was getting at. “It probably was. It was like that everywhere I lived with him.”

  “Exactly.” She squealed.

  I looked over at Miles to see if he had any idea what Liza was trying to say. There was a frown on his face that I didn’t quite understand.

  “Summer, did you actually see your parents’ bodies?” Liza asked.

  I could picture them clearly. A bloody, mangled mess. The death in their gazes. It was a vivid image in my memory. But I had never actually seen it. I had just imagined it. I had been haunted by the pictures in my head for years. “No. I didn’t.”

  “What if they’re alive?”

  I shook my head. “That’s not possible. I went to their funerals.”

  “But what if they’re alive?” she said again.

  Chapter 41

  Wednesday

  What if my parents are alive? The thought swirled around in my mind. I thought Miles had abandoned me. He hadn’t. I thought Don was an abusive foster father. But he was tied to my mother’s past. Everything I thought was real ended up being misconstrued.

  What if my parents are alive? I kept repeating it over and over again. What if? What if? What if?

  “I think they just got some model to pose as Julie’s fiancé in that newspaper article,” Liza said. “That whole thing was fabricated. She’s probably not even engaged. Which means the guy in this picture most likely isn’t Jacob.” She handed it back to me. “And it was probably someone else that Mr. Crawford would trust. Could that be your dad?”

  I stared at the image. What if?

  My father was always smiling. But I couldn’t see the man’s face in the image, mostly just the back of his head. Even his hair was covered by a knit hat. It could have been anyone.

  But what if?

  “I went to the funeral too,” Miles said. “There were two coffins. There…”

  “But was it open casket?” Liza asked.

  “No,” he admitted.

  I continued to stare at the image. Turn that frown upside down. Don had left me a note saying that. But the only person who had ever said that to me before was my dad. Could Don have been keeping my father away from me? What if?

  “And that original image I captured before.” Liza pulled it out of the folder she was holding. “We couldn’t see either of their faces in this one.” She handed it to me. “That might not be Julie here. It could have been your mom, Summer.”

  I stared at the two people walking next to Mr. Crawford. And stared. And stared. What if?

  “Does it look like them?” she asked.

  Would I even recognize them if I saw them? It had been so long. What if?

  “If they are alive, we have to assume that Don has them if he has Mr. Crawford. We need an extraction plan for all three of them just in case. We have a lot to do.” She started shuffling through more papers.

  “No,” I finally said.

  Liza looked up at me. “No? It’s better to be safe than sorry…”

  I shook my head. “They would have found me already if they were alive,” I said. “They’re dead. I know they’re dead.”

  “But what if they were being he
ld against their will?”

  I clenched my jaw. My memories were so vivid. My dad always seemed to sense my pain. I remembered him running out into the yard when I cut my knee at the creek. He was always there. Always. “My dad would have done anything to get to me. Anything.”

  “Summer…”

  “He would have found me already.” He would have saved me before Don had ever hurt me. He would have. I know he would have.

  “Mr. Crawford couldn’t find you…”

  “Mr. Crawford isn’t my father!” I felt Miles’ hand land on my shoulder. I turned to look at him. “Miles was just a kid and he kept looking for me. He found me here.” I locked eyes with him. “If my dad was alive, he would have already found me.” I knew it in my bones.

  It was more than that, though. I considered Miles to be my best friend growing up. But looking back on it, it wasn’t entirely true. My dad was my best friend. No one had ever been there for me more than him. I had never loved anyone more than I loved him. I knew it because even though I had Miles back, it still felt like there was a hole in my heart. It still felt like I was bleeding.

  I turned back to Liza. “Besides, I talked to Mr. Crawford about my parents dying.” I tried to recall the exact words. “He referred to my father in the past tense. If he had just seen him, why would he have referred to him that way?”

  “Well, what did he say exactly?” Liza asked.

  “He said he was a good man.”

  “Maybe he's not a good man anymore.”

  How dare you.

  It was like Miles knew her words stung me. His fingers tightened on my shoulder. “Liza, drop it,” he said. “We need to focus on our plan for tomorrow night.”

  “Great. Well, Eli will be here soon. He’s getting discharged today. And I called Patrick. He’s meeting us here in about an hour.”

  “My Patrick?” Kins asked.

  “What other Patrick?”

  “But he doesn’t know about any of this. He never believed me when I said Summer was good. He…”

  “I explained it all to him. He’s all caught up. We need as much help as we can get tomorrow night. We’re bringing in everyone we have. Including Dr. Miller.” She almost whispered the last sentence as she avoided eye contact with me.

  “My therapist?” I asked.

  “Apparently Miles’ too,” Liza said. “Besides, I think it would be good if you two both chatted with him at the same time. Sorted out all your inner demons and all that so we can go into our planning with clear heads. Dr. Miller will be here any second.”

  “We don’t need therapy,” Miles said. “We’re fine.”

  I didn’t say anything.

  “Right?” he asked me.

  I didn’t get a chance to respond because there was a knock on our entrance window.

  Miles looked up. “Why isn’t Athena alerting us that he’s here?”

  “Oh, I had a fun night too,” she said and winked at me. “Our whole place was bugged and I had to do a sweep.”

  I had completely forgotten that Don had said he had been watching me.

  “Our apartment was basically infested.” Liza laughed at her own joke. “Athena’s been compromised so I shut her down.”

  “When the hell did that happen?” Miles asked.

  “I think it’s been going on for awhile. Your glamorous system has been selling us out. She was the leak that let Don know we were onto his plans in that theater. This time, there won’t be a leak. We’re finally going to get him. I’ll go let Dr. Miller in. And don’t freak out, he’s not actually staying for the meeting later. He’s a doctor after all. I know that he knows that Miles is V. But the less he knows about what we actually do here, the better. Agreed? Agreed.” She walked out into the hall.

  “Why did Patrick believe her when he wouldn’t believe me?” Kins said. “Maybe we’re the couple that needs therapy. I need to go call him.” She walked past us out of the kitchen.

  “You don’t think we’re fine?” Miles asked once she disappeared.

  “I think that I want to remember the past but still be happy with you now.”

  “That sounds like a splendid idea,” Dr. Miller said as he appeared in the kitchen. “It’s nice to see that you’re both not wearing any disguises.” He smiled and sat down at the kitchen table. “I was told we had some time to talk if you don’t mind taking a seat.”

  Neither Miles nor I moved.

  Dr. Miller gestured to the seats in front of him. “Just for a few minutes.”

  I sat down and Miles slowly joined us.

  “Do you mind if I speak candidly?” Dr. Miller asked. He didn’t wait for us to respond, he just started talking. “Miles, you’ve been haunted by the memory of this woman for years.” He nodded toward me. “And I know that there was a lot of pain. Clearly secrets and other hurts. It’s easy to throw blame around. But as I understand it, you were both placed in a terrible situation. One that would have been hard for even adults to face. And as children, you both held on to hope. That’s remarkable by itself.

  “You both tried your best to cope in different ways. You both made mistakes. You both let each other down. Yet you somehow kept fighting for this.” He gestured back and forth between us. “Find a way to let go of the pain. If you can somehow do that together, then I think you two will make it. Please just don’t let your past hurts cause future ones. You love each other, that’s all that matters.” He tapped the table with his knuckles. “Is there anything that either one of you needs to say?”

  “How do you recommend letting it go?” I asked.

  “You could write down everything that hurt you, and then burn it or throw it out. Even exercise is a great way to release pent-up anger and aggression. Or you could just talk it out. Right here, right now.”

  I looked over at Miles.

  “I don’t know what you want me to say,” he said.

  “Miles, you made it seem like if we stay together you’ll always be miserable. Or that you could let everything go including me. I don’t want either of those options. I said I was sorry. And I said I forgave you. I don’t know what else you need unless you tell me.”

  He ran his fingers through his hair. “You could do anything and I’d still love you. I told you that. It’s not about what you did. It’s what I did. I don’t know how to forgive myself.”

  “For what?”

  “For not finding you sooner. For not being able to stop Don from hurting you. For…”

  “None of that was your fault.”

  “Well it was my fault that I hated you for shutting me out. I hated you for years, Summer. I was haunted by your memory.”

  “You think I didn’t hate you for shutting me out? You think I just loved you for the last ten years? I hated you, Miles. I fucking hated you too! I was haunted by the memory of this boy that I thought loved me but then kicked me to the curb when I needed him the most!”

  “I never stopped writing to you!” He stood up. The chair squeaked behind him.

  I blinked back my tears.

  “I never fell in love with someone else,” he said. “I never saw my life with anyone else. You gave up on me, Summer.”

  A part of me did. He was right. I never stopped loving him, but I did give up on him. I stopped writing. I fell in love with Eli. I gave up on him. “I’m sorry that I let you down.” I stood up and tried to walk away, but he grabbed my wrist.

  “I’m sorry that I gave you a reason to,” he said.

  I stared into his eyes. They were different than I remembered. They weren’t filled with warmth and laughter. My youth had been stolen by death and by Don. But I had stolen Miles’. “I froze your heart.” That’s what Dr. Miller had said before. That Miles’ heart was frozen.

  “I let you burn.” His voice broke. “I can’t forgive myself for that. Ever.”

  The way he said it made me feel cold. I talked about how Don’s touch made me feel like I was on fire. He listened to me. He could feel my pain. He always had been able to.

&
nbsp; “Tell me you don’t want me, Miles. Tell me to walk away. Tell me you don’t need me as much as I need you.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know how to breathe without you.”

  “I don’t know how to breathe without you.” I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted him to decide to move past this.

  “I can’t take away the things that Don did to you. And I can’t undo the things I’ve done.”

  “I’ve already forgiven you.” I leaned forward and touched the side of his face. “But you know that. You need to forgive yourself.”

  “I killed someone, Summer.”

  I didn’t realize he was torn up about that. But of course he was. His heart wasn’t as frozen as he seemed to think. He was full of love. He always had been. “You saved me. He would have killed me if you hadn’t taken his life first.” Miles leaned into my touch like I was the only one that could support him.

  Dr. Miller cleared his throat. “Can we rewind for a second? Miles, did you say you killed someone? Summer touched base on that topic in our last session and I did have some questions about that.”

  “It’s a figure of speech, doc!” Liza practically fell into the kitchen and Kins toppled in on top of her. “Like, man you killed that test,” she groaned and shoved Kins off of her.

  “That wasn’t how he used it…” Dr. Miller’s voice trailed off. “Were you two eavesdropping on our session?”

  “It was her idea,” Liza said and pointed at Kins.

  Kins just shrugged. “Will you two kiss and make up already?”

  I looked up at Miles. And suddenly it was like I was transported back in time when he first held my hand in his tree house. When he first kissed me on my grandmother’s roof. There weren’t any lies between us like when we danced in central park. Or when we made love under the stars. I was Summer Brooks again. And he was Miles Young.

  My heart stammered as he moved a fraction of an inch closer.

  “Don’t give up on me this time,” he whispered. “Promise me you won’t give up on me.”

  “I will never give up on you, Miles.” We weren’t kids anymore. I could keep a promise. And I knew I’d keep this one until my dying breath. I would never let him go again.