The Pull

by Sara V. Zook

  Tim seemed like a nice guy. He told me about a girl he used to be engaged to but figured out she wasn’t the one for him luckily before he married her. That was over a decade ago. He said he just couldn’t find the right person for him. He didn’t spend a lot of time dating, because he said he could tell right away if it was worth his time and effort or not.

  “There’s a lake nearby,” Tim told me, wrinkling up his sandwich paper in his hand and tossing it onto the food tray. “It’s a nice day. Feel like taking a walk around the water?”

  I took one final slurp of my soda and gave him a smile. “I’d love to.”

  His face lit up. “Come on. Let’s get out of here then.”

  The lake he spoke of was pretty small. There were some benches placed around it and a paved pathway with only a few people walking on it, most of them either jogging or walking their dogs.

  “I always liked coming here. It’s peaceful,” Tim said.

  I nodded, staring out across the rippling water. “It’s beautiful.” I smiled at a woman with a brown Labrador who came right up and nosed my hand with his head. She dragged him away. “There used to be a place like this near my old house. You could take small boats out on it. Darin and I…” I stopped talking at once. I had done it again, slipped his name. I gave Tim an apologetic look. “I’m so sorry, Tim. I keep mentioning Darin, and I’m trying really hard not to.”

  He let out a chuckle. “It’s fine, Livvy, really. I mean, you were married to the guy.”

  I am still married to the guy.

  “You two have made memories together. I’m not offended.”

  “Good.” I gave him another regretful smile.

  Tim put his hand on my shoulder as if to reassure me. “Your skin is freezing.” He looked up to the sky for a brief moment. “I guess it is chillier than I thought.” He stopped walking for a moment and took off his coat. “Here, take this.”

  “Oh no, I couldn’t…” He hung his heavy coat around me anyway. It was filled with heat and warmed me immediately. “Thank you.”

  We continued walking, and I thought about the events leading up to my calling Tim on the phone. Darin kissing me had definitely been the deciding factor. Well, not so much the kiss, but the way he’d acted after the kiss. He’d ignored me like I was some high school girl who had this huge crush on him. He made me feel like an idiot when he’d been the one to initiate the whole thing.

  “It really made my day to hear your voice on the other end of the phone today.” Tim’s fine, wispy hair blew up in the small breeze. He shoved his hands in his pockets and gave me a quick smile.

  I wondered what Darin would think when he found out I’d gone out with Tim. He was probably still at work right now, but I hoped he somehow had found the time to call home to Violet, that she’d spilled her guts. She’d been more than thrilled to see Tim show up at the door asking for me. The emotion was plain to see all over her face. I hoped Darin was jealous. It would serve him right for all the crap I’d had to endure with Violet. I knew this wasn’t right, going out with Tim just for the purpose of revenge and also to see if another man could take my mind off Darin, but I couldn’t resist testing the waters. I did feel a little pang of guilt with how nice Tim was being, though. I did think he was kind, but through our conversation and the way we interacted together, it was nothing more than a mere friendship to me at this point. I wasn’t attracted to him in that way.

  “Livvy?” Tim said.

  “Hmm?” I felt him pull his arms around me so that I was now facing him. He stared intently down upon me with those grayish eyes of his.

  “Are you still cold?” he asked, wrapping his arms tighter around me.

  “No,” I said nervously, as he was getting too close. I didn’t want him to kiss me or anything, but I was trying desperately to enjoy the moment of being in a man’s arms. But again, Darin had made his way into my thoughts. It’s not Darin’s arms I’m in. No, it wasn’t, and it wasn’t the same. It felt…awkward. “It’s been really nice to escape reality for a while with you, Tim,” I said, pulling away from him but adding a smile so that it didn’t seem like a mean gesture. “I think I’m getting a little tired now, though. If you wouldn’t mind taking me home?” The word caught in my throat. Home. I didn’t really have a home anymore, did I? That home I was referring to belonged to my husband and another woman now.

  “Yeah, of course. Let’s get going.”

  I let him lead me back to where he had parked his truck.

  Tim tried to entertain me with stories about his work as he drove and about all the things he had to videotape out on the road for the news station. I remained mostly quiet on the drive. I didn’t want to mention Darin again, and I felt guilty for leading this poor guy on. I’d used him, plain and simple. He obviously had enjoyed my company much more than I’d enjoyed his.

  Tim pulled his truck up to the side of the road that led to the entrance of the driveway. He put the vehicle into park and let it sit idle.

  I turned to him as I slipped off his coat and handed it back. “Thanks again for the nice day, Tim.”

  “The pleasure’s all mine.” He laughed, those lines expanding out from his eyes. “I had a great time. I really like spending time with you, Livvy.” His gaze shifted to my lips and then back up to my eyes again. “I hope we can do it again soon.”

  I pressed my lips together in a quick smile and nodded.

  “Livvy?”

  I raised my eyebrows in question as Tim leaned in for a kiss. I panicked and turned my head so that his lips landed square on my cheek instead of my mouth. Tim pulled away, his eyes shocked at what had just happened. I knew it. I’d given him the wrong signals. He thought I was into him.

  “Did I…did I do something wrong?” Tim asked, a hurt expression on his face.

  “Oh, no,” I tried to sound reassuring. “I’m just not quite ready for all of this yet,” I explained.

  “Oh,” he mumbled, settling back to his side of the truck.

  I opened the passenger door and climbed out. “Goodbye, Tim.” I didn’t hear him say goodbye back. He still looked a little stunned, so I shut the door and began the walk back up to the front door of the house. Darin’s car was parked right outside of the garage. I frowned when I saw it, then heard Tim’s truck speed away from behind me. I lowered my head in anguish as I took my first step up the cement stairs. I felt so utterly empty inside, emptier than I could remember ever feeling in my whole life.

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  Darin

  I heard the rickety old truck pulling up to the house as I lay in bed, my arms resting above my head. I heard the front door open knowing Liv was home, but I didn’t want to see her. I was still pissed off. I’d gone for a walk that had turned into a full blown sprint through the development, trying to rid myself of this awful aggression building up. It hadn’t helped much.

  Violet had stayed out of my way when I came back in. I headed straight for the shower, put on comfy clothes, and had been on this bed ever since. It was coming up on dinnertime, but I wasn’t hungry. I hadn’t had lunch, either. The way my pants now hung loosely on my hips was proof that my appetite suffered.

  “Feeling better?”

  I lifted my head to look up. Violet stood in the doorway wearing sexy red lingerie as she posed with her hands on her hips. Her hair was down and flowing around her shoulders, and she had a wicked smirk on her face. She shut the door and locked it behind her, strutting over to the bed and curling up next to me. She began running her fingers through my hair. It did feel comforting.

  “I know what you need, baby,” Vi whispered in my ear, her fingertips still caressing my scalp. “I always know what you need, what’s best for you.” She gave my ear a slow kiss. “I just got off the phone with that lawyer.”

  I sighed, giving in to what she was saying as I tried to let the stress roll away from my body. “I set you up an appointment for to
morrow, and I’d like to go with you.” She leaned over and nibbled on my neck. “If that’s okay with you.” Her voice was low, husky, inviting.

  “You can come with me,” I whispered back, turning so that we were now facing each other. I knew I’d been acting terribly. Shane was right. I was going to end up losing both of them if I wasn’t careful. I’d treated Violet poorly today. I needed to make up for it. This wasn’t her fault. “I just can’t wait to get all this over with.”

  “Me either.” She turned me over so that I was on my back again. Then she climbed up on top of me and straddled me.

  I looked up at her. God, she was sexy in that skimpy clothing. I just wanted to rip it off of her right now and not think about anything else. No, tonight I refused to think about anything else. Tonight Violet would have my full attention. With one strong motion, I had my arms wrapped around her and pulled her down on top of me.

  FIFTEEN

  Darin

  “John Baneright.”

  I looked at his extended hand for a moment before raising mine to shake it. “Darin Thorne.”

  The lawyer nodded. He gestured for us to take a seat.

  The office was luxurious and spacious. I wriggled around in my leather seat to get comfortable. Violet reached over and took my hand. She pressed her lips together and gave me a reassuring smile.

  “So, Violet has filled me in on the details of your marriage,” Mr. Baneright explained. “Can’t say I’ve had a client with a similar experience as yours,” he added with a chuckle.

  So glad I can amuse you. “Yeah, I’m sure you haven’t,” I replied dryly.

  “So what are your wishes in this whole thing?” Mr. Baneright asked, leaning back in his own overstuffed leather chair and crossing his legs.

  I swallowed and thought for a moment. I couldn’t believe I was actually here talking about this divorce, but I’d promised Vi. I had to start taking steps forward. “I honestly just want to make sure that Livvy is taken care of financially.”

  The lawyer’s eyes shifted Violet’s way for a few moments, then returned back to me. I should’ve asked Violet to explain in more detail what exactly she’d discussed with this guy. He reached over and grabbed a pen from his desk and began writing. “May I suggest a stipulation added for your own safety of course?”

  I nodded.

  “I think it would be better stated that she be financially taken care of until she remarries,” the lawyer suggested.

  The thought of Livvy going out with that cameraman hit me again, followed by the rage of jealousy washing over me. I tried to shake it off as I glanced Violet’s way. Her eyes were locked on me, waiting for my reaction to the suggestion. I was Livvy’s husband. I continued to stare at Violet. But not anymore. I’m about to break that bond with a divorce. When I looked at Vi, I saw a woman with a lot of spunk who had every right to be upset about the circumstances she’d been presented with recently. I saw a woman who had stuck by my side through thick and thin, who had lifted me up in the worst times in my life and given me a reason to live again. She had put me first before anything else in her life time and time again, and now I had do the same. She deserved that at the very least. The word divorce left a bad aftertaste in my mouth. It was so…final. But after last night, I came to the realization that I didn’t want to lose Violet. She had been able to take my mind off my problems for a while. She was the only one who had ever managed to make me sane again. I owed her a lot. I owed her this divorce, and so I was going to go through with it.

  “Type it up,” I told the lawyer. “Make it happen. Put in the stipulation.”

  “Very well, then,” Mr. Baneright said, sounding pleased. “I’ll get the paperwork done and let you know as soon as it’s finished. You can review the draft, making sure there’s nothing else you wanted added or excluded from it, and we’ll go from there.”

  I saw a smile spread out on Violet’s face. I reached over and kissed her. This would all be over with very soon. I craved nothing more but relief from this relentless anguish.

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  Livvy

  Ugh… Another missed call from Tim. I glared at the cell phone as if it were to blame and tossed it on the bed. I had lost count of how many times he’d tried to get a hold of me. Texts and messages, I hadn’t answered one of them. I had no interest in him, didn’t he realize that by now? His persistence was annoying me. I could toss it on top of the growing pile of things really getting to me lately.

  Darin had insisted I need this cell phone. It was a safety net in case I needed someone when away. He told me I needed to take it everywhere with me. Why was he still trying to protect me when he didn’t care anymore?

  A ding went off on the phone indicating Tim had left a message. I did feel bad about not returning the calls, but I wasn’t ready to date, and even if I was, he wasn’t the guy for me.

  I leaned back against the pillow and stared up at the ceiling. I twisted my wedding band around on my finger. It made me want to curl up and bawl, but I didn’t feel as if there were many tears left in me anymore. I was just having so much trouble accepting the fact that Darin truly wasn’t mine. It was like some weird prank and I was waiting for it to end. A real life nightmare that there was no escaping.

  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  Darin

  I waited until I knew Violet was out of the house. I’d sent her shopping with her sister and suggested they go see a movie afterward and grab something to eat. I explained that this was a sensitive situation, and if I was going to present divorce papers to Livvy, I wanted to do it alone. I didn’t want to make things more uncomfortable or worse for her by having Violet sitting there gloating by my side. Vi was so thrilled that I was going through with it, she didn’t put up much of a fight when I’d asked her to stay out of the house. Meanwhile, I’d spent most of my morning trying to mull up enough courage to actually do this. Shane’s words still haunted me. You can finally be happy again. What did he know? I was happy with Vi. I didn’t want to succumb to those memories of Livvy anymore. I had pushed them deep down and far away before. I didn’t want to dredge them up now and feel regret. I had made my choice last night. It was time to climb out of this pit of hell I’d dug myself into.

  I held the envelope. My hand was trembling and sweating at the same time. Damn it. “Quit being such a fucking coward,” I chastised myself. If I didn’t end this now, it never would end, and I couldn’t live like this anymore. It was taking its toll on everyone.

  I sucked in a deep gulp of air and headed toward Livvy’s room. I was angry at this entire situation. It wasn’t fair I’d been placed in it and had to make these decisions. I hated the world and everything in it right now. I was ready to unleash my wrath along with this constant stream of jealousy that had been pumping through my veins since Livvy’s date with the cameraman.

  I was about to knock on the door but decided against it and burst on in. Livvy was lying on the bed with her eyes closed, and they instantly popped open when I entered so abruptly. She sat up on her elbows. The sight of her pissed me off even more. “How’d your date go?” I knew I sounded insane with such resentment in my voice as it continued to rip through me.

  Livvy just stared up at me for a few moments before crawling off the bed and standing up in front of me. She batted away a curl that was falling in her eye with the back of her hand. “It was fine.” She studied me as if trying to read me and then crossed her arms in front of her. “How was your big date night away from home with Violet?”

  I tightened my grip on the envelope that I held at my side. “That’s really none of your business, now is it?”

  Livvy shook her head, more curls pulling away from her ponytail and hanging loose as she did so. She chuckled and then let out a long sigh. “Well, I can say the same of you, Darin. Me and Tim are none of your b
usiness.”

  “Me and Tim?” Oh my god. The rage became even more intense. I didn’t even think it possible. I wanted to destroy this guy, tear him limb from limb until his existence was wiped from the earth. Why did I keep feeling this way? Why was I acting like this? I just wanted this handled in a respectful manner, and I couldn’t get a grip on my own emotions to make that possible. “That guy is a douche bag.” I saw the satisfaction in her eyes as I let that comment slip from my lips. She was delighted that I was pissed.

  “Is anyone good enough for me, Darin? You said you wanted me to move on, yet here you stand acting like I’ve done something wrong.”

  “You didn’t even know him. He could’ve been a creep.”

  “How do you get to know someone? Don’t you have to talk to them to get to know them?”

  “There are other ways, like over the telephone.”

  Livvy laughed. “Listen to you, Darin. You’re unbelievable! Such a hypocrite.”

  Her words stung, and I knew she was right, but the jealousy was too strong. I felt like I needed to keep lashing out on her to make myself feel better. I blinked a few times, my breaths coming rapidly as the adrenaline rushed through me.

  “Why are you here, Darin? What do you want from me? It’s obvious you came here with a purpose, unless that purpose was to start a fight with me. If that’s the case, I’m going to go take a nap. I’m not going to waste my time and energy arguing with you.”

  “No,” I blurted out. “I didn’t come here to fight.”

  She put her hands on her hips waiting for an answer to my attacking her.

  I swallowed hard. “I can’t live like this anymore. I’ve put Violet through so much as it is. I’ve asked too much of her.” I had had this whole speech in my head this morning. It had sounded good when I’d rehearsed it silently, but the words were becoming lost to me now, jumbling up inside my head and no longer making any sense. It was coming out all wrong, and I still sounded too harsh, too blameful. Liv just stood there, watching me, taking it all in. “You seem fine health-wise and all,” I continued to ramble. “I think it’s time that you move out and find your own way. I need you to leave me and Violet alone. We need some peace after all of this to get ourselves back to normal. She had to live with you haunting my past for a very long time, and now that you’re actually physically here…well, it’s just too much to ask.”