The Pull

by Sara V. Zook

  “My coming here was all your idea, remember?” Livvy lashed out.

  I nodded. She was right. “It was a very bad idea. I just didn’t know what to do with you.”

  “What to do with me?” she yelled out. “I’m not a puppy, Darin, a stray you just took in!”

  I closed my eyes. It was still coming out all wrong. “I’ll set you up with a real estate agent to find you a nice apartment. I’ll pay for the down payment on the apartment and pay for it every month. I’ll get you a car. There are places that can help you find a job. You’ll get back on your feet in no time, I know you will. You’ve always been smart. You’ll figure everything out, and it’s not like I’ll totally leave you. I’ll back you up financially always, whatever you need. You don’t have to worry about going hungry. And maybe we should even have the real estate agent check out listings in a different area, a different town so we don’t have any drama by accidentally running into each other, or having you run into Vi.” I stopped talking to look at Livvy. Her face was twisted in anger, her eyes filled with hurt. I swallowed again and handed her the envelope.

  “What’s this?” She looked down at the piece of paper now in her hand.

  My heart was pumping wildly in my chest. “Divorce papers. Everything I just said is in there.”

  “Divorce papers,” Livvy whispered, staring at the envelope as if it were a bomb about to go off. Then she raised her eyes to meet mine. They gleamed with tears.

  I couldn’t deal with this—with that look in her eyes that told me how disappointed she was in me, at what I’d turned into. I turned to leave.

  “I hate you,” Livvy growled out at my back in a voice so full of disgust I barely recognized it.

  Those words cut through me worse than any knife ever could. I whirled back around to face her. “What do you want from me, Livvy? I’m trying my best here! What do you want?”

  She lowered her eyebrows, letting the curls dangle in front of her eyes. I’d never seen a look so fierce on her face before like she wanted to claw my eyes out. “I’d rather be homeless and sleep in the fucking rain than ever take charity from you.” At those words, Livvy plucked her cell phone up from the bed and whirled it at my head. I ducked. It crashed into the wall behind me, shattering into pieces. “What do I want from you, Darin Thorne? What do I want?” she screamed out. “I want all of you, every single piece of you, your heart, and your fucking soul, and I don’t think I deserve anything less!”

  I reached forward and grabbed her angrily by the wrists. I gritted my teeth together. “It took me forever to get over you, Livvy. You have no idea what it was like for me to live like that—without you—to the point where I could even function again.” My voice sounded deep, disgruntled, foreign to even myself. “I didn’t ask for this shit. I wish so badly that you were never in that accident. I spent nights awake wishing with all that I had that I’d been the one driving that night, that if I’d been the one behind that wheel, that somehow everything would’ve changed, that we’d still be living in our dream house right now with five little kids running around us in circles. I know that I can’t possibly ever get over you, Livvy, and I know that I will always love you no matter what I try to tell myself, but…”

  Something changed in Liv’s eyes. I was still gripping tightly onto her wrists, probably hurting her as I did so, but she didn’t say anything, not right away.

  “Say it again, Darin,” she whispered.

  I loosened my grip but still held on. We were face to face with each other, both of us furious and full of pain. “Say what?”

  She licked her lips. “That you still love me.”

  The rhythm of my heart changed pace again as if I were now skipping whole beats. This couldn’t be healthy on a man’s body. I lowered her arms and stared at her face—her beautiful face. I closed my eyes and thought back to our wedding day, how she’d clung onto me and we vowed to be together forever no matter what…no matter what. The pain I was feeling was too great to bear. I could feel myself slipping, giving in. She was right here in front of me. I could feel her.

  I released her arms and slid my hands up behind the back of her neck. Her skin was heated with the anger I’d caused to stir within her. I pulled her into me and bent down, my lips meeting hers, briefly at first and then hungry, wanting her, needing her so badly that I could barely contain myself. I wasn’t forceful like before, but I was pouring my heart out to her, and as she kissed me back sometimes hard, sometimes gentle, I could feel her own pain seeping from her body as we sought out comfort in each other. She was mine, and I was hers alone.

  I could feel the hot tears streaming down her cheeks and found that my own were wet, too. I was also crying as the relief I’d been seeking seemed to seep away as we pressed our bodies into each other. I pulled away from her and stared into those blue eyes. This was my wife.

  “I’m so, so sorry, Liv,” I whispered, then took her hand and pulled her down onto the bed, my body hovering over hers as I dipped my head down again and pressed my lips into the soft, fragrant skin of her neck. She raked her fingers through my hair. I wanted her, needed her, all of her. It had been far too long, and I’d fought a good fight, but it was time to surrender to all this. I recognized the relief in Liv’s own eyes as she fumbled to unbutton my pants.

  “I’ve missed you so much, Darin,” Liv whispered in my ear. “Welcome home.”

  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  We had long fallen silent as Livvy lay falling asleep beneath the sheets in the spare bedroom curled up to my side, her head resting on my arm as I caressed her gently with my fingertips. There was no more need for words as I stared up at the ceiling. I knew I should get up and get dressed. Violet would be home at any moment, but I couldn’t force myself to stir Liv or myself. It felt so good to have her back in my arms like this. I finally felt at peace for the first time in a very long time, probably since before Livvy’s accident. I did feel like I was home again. Everything felt right.

  I couldn’t believe I’d almost thrown this all away. I realized it didn’t matter how hard I tried to push the emotions away or who came in between us, loving Livvy was what made me whole. It pushed its way to the top above all else and destroyed that empty hollow feeling that had haunted me for so long.

  The envelope that contained the divorce papers lay on the floor. How silly it seemed now. I could never separate myself from Livvy Thorne, nor did I ever want to.

  Liv stirred for a moment. I looked down at her as she now slept so soundly curled into my side. Her long, dark lashes fluttered against her pale skin. She was so stunning, it nearly took my breath away. Nothing could feel this good as I hugged her even tighter, pulling her toward me as much as I could. I promised myself I would never let this woman go again. Never again.

  SIXTEEN

  Darin

  An ear-piercing shriek jolted me upright in the bed. The lights flicked on and I hurried to cover my eyes as they struggled to adjust. I was in a state of sheer confusion as the screaming continued.

  Someone sat up beside me. I glanced over to see Livvy covering herself up to her neck with the sheet. And then I remembered…I’d slept with Liv. The squeals were coming from Violet who’d just discovered where I was—and who I was with.

  “What are you doing?” Violet cried out, standing at the entrance of the room.

  I went to stand up, then realized I, too, was naked. It wasn’t like Violet hadn’t seen me without my clothes on before, but she hadn’t seen me without them while I was in bed with another woman. I didn’t know what to do. Livvy had claimed the sheet. I scrambled to find my pants. There they were, what seemed like a mile away from me. I dived for them. Everything was a blur as my eyes continued to struggle to adjust to the bright lights. The window showed that it was dark outside. I searched for a clock. What time was it? Then again, what did it matter? Violet was obviously home and fully aware of what went down when I handed
Liv the divorce papers.

  “Violet, calm down.” I managed to pull up my jeans and button them. “Just stop screaming.” I looked over at Liv. She gave me an uneasy look back, the sheet now wrapped around her body, her bare arms exposed. “Will you just give me a sec to explain?”

  “Explain?” Violet cried out. She was definitely on the verge of hysteria. “What’s there to explain, Darin? The plan was for you to give her the divorce papers, then leave her, not sleep with her!”

  I growled in frustration. I knew this was coming right before I fell asleep, but I hadn’t cared much then. Violet was going to slap me, I just knew it. Maybe she’d kick me where it counts. It didn’t matter if she did. I deserved everything she was about to give me.

  “I know,” I sputtered out. “I…”

  “Ugh!” Violet glared at Livvy, then turned around and fled from the room.

  I ran my hand over my face. I could hear things shattering, things Violet was throwing. I sighed and turned to Livvy. I could tell she was anxious about what I was going to do next. “Don’t worry,” I told her. “I haven’t changed my mind. I won’t change my mind. I’ll be back.” I leaned down and gave her a quick kiss before going out to meet my doom.

  The kitchen was covered in glass, sugar, and flour as Violet had tossed a row of canisters onto the floor. I made my way through the mess in my bare feet, wincing as a shard of glass wedged its way into the bottom of my heel. Cursing under my breath, I found Vi in the bedroom. A suitcase was already half full as she opened up her dresser drawers to empty out more clothing.

  “Vi,” I said. She completely ignored me as she turned the drawer upside down over top of the suitcase. “I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say. I was truly sorry I’d hurt her like this. It’s not exactly the scene that had played out in my mind the night before. I hated the guilt that was now lingering as a consequence to my actions. “I tried. I really did, and I want you to know that I sincerely mean that, Vi. I know I’ve broken every promise I’ve made you.”

  She attempted to zip up the suitcase but failed. Then she struggled to jam the clothing down as low as she could get it with one arm while tugging at the zipper with the other. Satisfied with shutting it halfway, she tore off the ring from her finger I’d given her and slammed it down on top of her dresser.

  Another pang of guilt nailed me. “You see, the truth is that I made promises to Livvy, too. I made those promises to her before I even met you, Vi. I am so thankful that you’ve been in my life. I’ll always treasure the years we’ve had together. I’ll never forget them, but now that Livvy is back, I just can’t stand the thought of living without her. I can’t stand the thought of her being with another man other than me.” Violet stopped moving about the room for a moment and just stood there, her eyes welling up in tears. They began flowing down her cheeks as a sob escaped from her throat. “I hope you find the man you deserve. I mean, I know you’ll find him. It won’t take long for someone to snatch you up.”

  Violet reached across the bed and slapped me across the face—hard. Ouch, that stung, and I had known it was coming. I ran my hand across my cheek where she’d made contact.

  “You were just supposed to give her the damn papers!” she yelled out. “I want to tell you one thing, Darin, and listen to me very carefully. I will never take you back. Not ever! So don’t even bother showing your face in front of me again. It’s over between us. I’m too good for you anyway. My sister always told me that. You don’t deserve me.”

  I nodded my head in agreement. “You’re absolutely right.”

  I watched Violet heave the heavy suitcase off the bed and drag it across the floor. She stormed out of the house and out of my life as the front door slammed behind her.

  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  I sat on the deck with Livvy on my lap, a blanket covering us, watching the sun come up. We’d spent all night talking, kissing, making love.

  “This is a perfect morning,” Liv whispered, her head leaning back against my shoulder. “I could start every day just like this one.”

  I chuckled. “I don’t know how many days I can get through at work without any sleep the night before.”

  She nuzzled her nose against the edge of my stubbly jaw.

  “I’m going to take a week off work,” I told her.

  “You are?”

  “Yeah. I could use some time off. I have the vacation days to use up, so let’s go on a trip somewhere.”

  “Hmmm, that sounds good.” It was as if she were purring in my ear. “Where are you going to take me?”

  I thought for a moment. “Somewhere up the coast. Remember we visited that place in New Hampshire with the bed and breakfast?”

  “Oh, I loved that place! Seems like ages ago we were there.”

  “It was ages ago,” I reminded her.

  She giggled. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

  The sky seemed brighter, bluer, and I knew it was because of my happiness. “Liv, you make me so happy. I can’t believe I have you back.”

  She turned toward me and kissed me slowly. “I love you.”

  “Love you, too.” I groaned. “I hate to make this morning end, but I have to get going to work.”

  “Okay.” She wiggled herself free from me and wrapped the blanket around her shoulders. “Guess I’ll get some sleep.”

  I snorted. “One of us should.”

  She reached up and put her arms around me. “I can’t wait to go up the coast with you.”

  “Well, get on the computer—after you’ve taken a long nap of course—and find some places we can stay.” Livvy grinned at me. It didn’t matter that I was tired and would probably pass out headfirst onto the top of my desk at work today, all that mattered is that I had my wife back.

  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  Livvy

  The phone rang and stirred me from my sleep. I rolled over and looked at the clock. A little after noon. “Hello?”

  “Who is this?”

  I yawned. “Who is this?”

  “Livvy, is that you?”

  It took me a moment to realize it was Beverly. “Yeah. Hey, Bev.”

  “Are you sleeping or sick? You sound weird.”

  I chuckled. “I was napping. I’m up now, though.”

  “Oh, sorry to disturb you.”

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  “I was just checking in on you. Haven’t heard from you in a while. How are things going?” she asked.

  I stretched my legs and sprawled out in the humungous bed. “Really good.”

  “Oh yeah? Does this mean good news about you and Darin?”

  I smiled to myself. “He came to his senses. He was ready to hand me divorce papers and that’s when he came to his senses. We’re going to take a trip together sometime soon. I think we both could use a vacation and some time to catch up with each other. We have to get to know each other again.”

  “That sounds like a good idea. Wow, I had no idea. I’m so very happy for you, my friend.” Beverly paused for a moment. “But what about…what’s her name? What happened to her?”

  “Oh, you mean Violet. She still has a pile of her stuff here she’s got to come get sometime. We haven’t heard from her since she left last week. Not even so much as a call to Darin,” I explained.

  “My prayers have been answered. You have your health and your husband back,” Beverly said.

  Yes, yes I did.

  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  We were standing on a beach, the water rushing over our feet. It was a beautiful autumn day. The air was chilly, but the water was still warm from the heat of summer. We were alone, the sand all ours as we stood there in each other’s arms holding onto what mattered most to us.

  “
I’m sorry for what I put you through,” Darin whispered, shame filling his eyes as he lowered his head.

  I placed my fingertips underneath his chin, leading his head back up so I could look into his eyes. I gave him a reassuring smile. The bottom of my skirt was fluttering around like crazy in the wind. “You can always say that if and when you die, you want your spouse to be happy, want them to be able to move on with someone else so that they’re happy again. You don’t want them to be lonely. The thing is, you’re not supposed to know that person’s moved on or see it for that matter. You’re dead and not knowing what lies behind you. I was forced to see it.”

  Darin leaned over and kissed me sweetly. “Forgive me, Liv, please.”

  “I do, Darin. I really do. This was all supposed to happen for a reason. Now we can move on with our plans, with our life together. Nothing is standing in our way. We can have that family we’ve always talked about having. How many kids did you say you wanted? Five?”

  Darin laughed.

  I laughed, too. “I have my health and you, my love. Nothing else matters.”

  “Liv, will you marry me again?”

  My heart fluttered in happiness. “We never stopped being married, Darin.”

  “No, but I want us to have this fresh start. I want to go renew our vows to one another. What do you say?”

  I pressed my cheek to his chest and hugged him tight. His arms wrapped around me, and I knew this is where I truly belonged. “I say yes.”