The UN Series Complete Box Set

by Shantel Tessier

  I’ve spent those three days in the gym, beating the shit out of some punching bags and lifting weights. It hasn’t helped though. And honestly I’m madder at myself more than anything. How could I snap at her about something she doesn’t understand? Something that she hasn’t gone through? She has no idea about the things that haunt me. And I know that’s no one’s fault but my own. And I wouldn’t put that on someone else even if I could.

  I went and bought a new phone since I destroyed the one I threw at my wall. I’ve picked it up to call her a hundred times, but what would I say? The words I spoke may have been harsh, but they were true. We were doing nothing but fucking around. And all those feelings of hope—I have shoved them to the back of my mind. That was just my cock talking. My outburst opened my eyes to that. I will never be more than what I am now. Reckless.

  I take off my gloves when I hear my phone ring. I bend down to pick it up off the gym floor.

  “Hello?” I growl, somewhat out of breath. I pull my sweaty shirt away from my chest while I wait for them to answer.

  “Tate,” comes a woman’s voice who sounds familiar but I can’t quite place.

  “Yes. This is him. Who is this?”

  “Tate. This is Tricia, Missy’s mother,” she says softly and then the voice makes sense.

  “Hello, Tricia,” I say nicely this time. “What can I do for you?” I ask, thinking maybe they need me to work up at the repair shop this weekend.

  “I…Well…” she mumbles. “Missy is gonna hate me,” I hear her whisper to herself, and I instantly stand up straighter.

  “What’s Missy gonna hate?” I ask. “Is everything okay?” I ask reaching down to grab my gloves in order to leave.

  She sighs heavily. “No, Tate. Nothing is okay. I need to tell you some things. Can we meet?” Then I hear her sniff.

  Fuck! What could possibly be happening with Missy?

  I feel my heart pounding in my chest, and I pick up my pace to get out of the gym. “Absolutely. I’m on my way,” I say before she tells me to meet her at her house. I shove the front door open and run through the parking lot to get to my truck. I don’t even have time to go home and shower or change. And I could care fucking less.

  ******

  MISSY

  Do you ever have the thought ‘life couldn’t get any worse?’ Then it laughs in your face and says ‘yes it can?’ Well, that is what has happened to me.

  I thought losing a baby and the man I love was as bad as my life was gonna get. I have been trying to fight it, to stay positive and look forward to what lies ahead for me. But nothing good is to come.

  My mother had taken me to the doctor to have some tests run. She wanted to know why I was having such horrible cramps. She thought that maybe the miscarriage had caused some serious problems. Come to find out, she wasn’t too far off.

  “I’m sorry, Missy, but after looking over the test results, I have discovered that you have uterine fibroids,” the doctor says and I close my eyes, trying to remember what exactly that means. A tumor? Is it deadly? The cramps almost make me feel like I’m about to die.

  “Do you know what has caused this?” my mother asks.

  The doctor places my file on the counter. “Not really. It could be genetic changes or her hormones. She had a miscarriage and she explained to me that her periods have never been heavier than usual. But several factors could be the cause.”

  “What can you do about it?” my mother asks frantically.

  Why can’t I get bad news when I’m alone? Why do I have to bring others down with the choices I make?

  “I can go in and remove them,” he offers.

  “Surgery?” my mom squeaks as her eyes widen behind her red-rimmed glasses.

  “Yes.”

  “What kind of surgery?” my mother continues to question in horror.

  “Well, more often than not they can return. The only way to prevent that would be a hysterectomy,” he offers, and I start shaking my head quickly.

  “No way,” I say aloud.

  “Or I can put her on some medicine to help shrink them,” he offers. That is something I’m willing to try.

  “What would you suggest?” she asks as she fiddles with her purse that sits in her lap.

  He continues to look at her as if I’m not the one who gets the final decision. “I would suggest surgery.”

  I start shaking my head once again. “You said that meds could help,” I say.

  “Thank you,” my mother responds softly. “I think we need some time to decide,” she says to him, as he stands.

  Doesn’t matter. I’ve already made up my mind, and they are not going to change it.

  I started arguing with her the moment the doctor stepped out. She cried. I cried, to the point that I felt emotionally drained. I just wanted out of there and to be left alone.

  “I want you to come home, Missy,” she says as she hands me my jeans.

  I shake my head, crawling out of my hospital bed. “No, Mom. I want to go home. My home.”

  “What will you do if the pain returns?” she asks with worry on her face.

  “I’ll take the meds he prescribed me.” She hates the fact that I won’t have the surgery but she also understands that I someday want to have children. Although the doctor said with my miscarriage and the severity of the fibroids that I may have a hard time carrying a child to full term. But I’m not going to give up on that. Miracles happen every day.

  She wipes the single tear off of her cheek and I turn, giving her my back, not wanting to see it. “What about Tate?”

  I spin back around to face her. “What about him?” While we were waiting for the doctor to see me, she asked how Tate had felt about the loss of our baby. That’s when I finally told her that only Braxton had known. She was not happy with me after that.

  “You need to tell him.” I shake my head. “He deserves to know,” she insists and it surprises me. For some reason, she’s on his side.

  “It won’t make a difference. What’s done is done,” I say before grabbing my bag and walking out of the room with her following behind me.

  I hear my front door open and close, and I close my eyes with a sigh. “I said you didn’t have to stay here, Mom. I’m fine. Just resting,” I remind her.

  Geez, I thought she was never going to leave my place earlier. And when she does leave, she ends up coming back. My father has been calling her, wondering what’s wrong. She told him about the fibroids but kept my past with Tate and the baby a secret. She said he deserves to know as well but will wait until I’m ready.

  “Missy…” I hear her voice, but I keep my eyes shut.

  “I just need some rest,” I say snuggling up to my pillow, trying to forget everything about my past and not worry about my future. I refuse to have the surgery. I want a husband one day. And I want to be able to give him children. Right now the meds are working and the pain has gone away. I just want to wallow in my heartbreak.

  When I don’t hear her speak again I open my eyes and see her standing by my bed, looking down at me. Her cheeks and nose are red and I can see through her red-rimmed glasses that she’s been crying.

  I sit up and give her a small smile. If she weren’t here for me, I would be crying as well. But I feel like I need to be strong for her. I’ve had months to move on from losing a child. She just had it thrown in her face today and then my fibroids. I need to take it easy on her.

  “It’s okay, Mom. We’ll take it one day at a time. Okay?” I repeat the same words that Braxton had told me. The same words I’ve been chanting daily.

  She nods her head quickly before she speaks. “Okay.” Then she looks away from me and her eyes settle on something behind me.

  I turn around slowly to see what she’s looking at when I find Tate standing there with a look of pain on his face. His dark blue eyes are also a little bloodshot and staring right into mine. His lips are frowning. He’s in a tank top and sweatpants. It looks like he hasn’t slept or showered in days. “Tate?”
I say in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

  He goes to open his mouth, but my mother speaks getting my attention. “I’m so sorry, Missy.”

  I scrunch my eyebrows together in confusion and she lets out a little sob. I look up at her and she looks away and that’s when I know exactly what she’s sorry for. “No,” I say in shock. “Mom. Please tell me you didn’t?” I ask as I feel my throat tighten.

  She turns around and walks out of my room, leaving me alone with Tate. How could she do this to me? How could she tell him something that she knew meant so much to me? “She shouldn’t have made you come,” I say not turning to face him.

  He doesn’t say anything but I hear him walk around my bed until he’s standing in front of me. He drops to his knees by my bed and grabs my hand. “She didn’t make me come,” he speaks softly and then swallows nervously. “Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice cracks and his eyes drop to my stomach.

  I close my eyes. I can already feel the tears coming and my heart beating faster. “Why would I have told you?”

  My eyes spring open when his other hand lands softly on my face. “Why wouldn’t you have told me?” he repeats in shock. “Because that would have been our child.”

  A sob bubbles up my chest, and I can’t hold it in. I jerk away from him. “You wouldn’t have been there for us anyway,” I cry out, and he stands up quickly.

  “Missy…”

  “No,” I interrupt him. “You didn’t want me. You sure as hell don’t want kids. You wanna know why I didn’t tell you?” I ask my voice rising, finding the anger that I didn’t know I had. “You wouldn’t even look at me, let alone talk to me. You…”

  “I’m sorry,” he yells interrupting me. He spins away from me and runs a hand over his face. He spins back to face me and sits down beside me on my bed. “I’m so sorry, Missy. I never meant to cause you pain.” He swallows and I see his eyes start to fill with tears. “I ran from you because I thought that was the best thing for you. Don’t you see?” he pleads in desperation. “I wanted to protect you from me.” He closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath, before opening them. “I’m no good, Missy. I knew that I would hurt you. I knew that I would bring you down. I just wanted you to be free from me. From the pain I would cause you in the long run.” His eyes plead with me to understand. For me to see it from his point of view.

  Tears run down my face and I shake my head. “I loved you, Tate.” I say the words that have weighed me down. So many things have brought me pain. Him leaving. The baby. How much I loved him. The fact that I still love him. I just want it all gone. “You’re right,” I say swallowing the lump in my throat, refusing to look him in the eyes. “After the baby…” I pause. “I hated you. I hated you for what you made me feel back in Vegas. I hated what I lost.” I cry, shaking my head at myself. I was so stupid. “But I realized it was never your fault. None of it was,” I say still looking away from him. “And I’m sorry for how I treated you.” I did the same thing to him as he had done to me. I ignored him every chance I got. It made me feel better to be the one pushing him away.

  “Missy.” His voice shakes as he says my name, and I close my eyes. I’ve caused him pain—on top of the daily demons that he already has to fight. This is why I kept my pain to myself.

  He places his hand on my face and gently urges me to face him. “Look at me,” he pleads, and I give up the fight. “You’re sorry?” he asks wide-eyed. “I’m here because…” He pauses as he tries to find the right words. “I’m here because I want a chance to make it right,” he says and my heart skips a beat. “I want a chance to prove to you how sorry I am. I never meant to hurt you.” He leans in and places his forehead against mine. “I want to be a better person for you,” he whispers. “I know I don’t deserve anything. But I promise that, for you, I’ll try to make things better.” He pulls back and wipes the tears that run down my face. “You make me feel things that I haven’t felt in years.”

  “What are you saying?”

  He sighs heavily. “I’m saying that I’m sorry. And I want the chance to make it up to you.” He pauses. “I’m not doing this because of the baby. I hate that you went through that alone, but I’m doing this because I can’t stay away from you. You make me feel hope when I’m around you and I’m a total dick when you’re not around.” I let out a little laugh. “You’re all I think about.” His eyes search mine. “Give me the chance to make it right. To show you that I can be better for you.”

  Before I can answer, he looks away from me. His eyes land on the bottle of my pain pills that sit on my nightstand “Are you in pain?”

  “It comes and goes,” I say truthfully.

  He nods. “Your mother says that she has been trying to get you to come home with her.”

  I sigh. “Did she tell you everything?”

  “I hope so,” he says lifting my hand. And places a soft kiss on it. “Come home with me. Let me take care of you.”

  “Oh, no, Tate. You don’t have time for that,” I say but my heart soars at the fact that he’s trying to help me.

  “I won’t take no for an answer. Let me.”

  I shake my head. “You don’t have to feel obligated to help me out,” I say then yawn. These meds make me sleepy.

  He releases me and stands from my bed. “What are you doing?” I ask as he starts to look around my room.

  “I’m looking for you a bag. I told you, I won’t be taking no for an answer.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  TATE

  I sit in my kitchen with a bottle of water in front of me. I’ve been staring at it for hours. I brought Missy home with me and led her to my bed. She was asleep before her head even hit the pillow. I turned off the light and made my way to the kitchen. I’m been sitting here for so long that my ass is numb and I still need a shower.

  As soon as I pulled up to Tricia’s house she met me outside. Tears were running down her face and she was sobbing so hard it was hard to understand her. At first nothing about what she said made sense.

  Missy in the hospital.

  She needs surgery.

  A baby.

  Then she mentioned the one word that I was able to grasp. Vegas! I had not only took her virginity, I also hadn’t used a condom with her. I remember pulling one out of my wallet but don’t ever remember using it. But when Tricia said Vegas and baby I knew I hadn’t used it.

  I tried to calm her down and tell her she had to have been confused. Missy couldn’t have had a baby. I had seen her since she started coming around once again for Sam’s wedding, and she wasn’t pregnant back then. That’s when she told me that Missy had lost it.

  It all made perfect sense! That’s why she had disappeared on us. That’s why she was so depressed for weeks. I did that to her. I turned her world upside down for what? A one-night drunk fuck!

  Then when she was in my bed last time I told her she had no idea what it was like to have haunting memories and nightmares. I personally gave her the biggest nightmare she will ever have. And she went through it alone.

  Except she wasn’t alone. She had Braxton!

  Tricia probably told me more than she should have because next time I see that little piece of shit I’m going to punch him so hard he’ll be in pain for days.

  “What are you doing sitting in the dark?” Parker asks as he walks into the kitchen.

  I look up at him and notice he’s in his uniform. He must have just gotten off work. I didn’t hear him come in. “Can I talk to you?” It comes out as a growl, and I want to punch myself for hiding behind the rage. Earlier, sitting in Missy’s room, she let me see her heartbreak and for the first time in years, I let mine show as well. Now I’m back to nothing but rage. That’s what I know best.

  I’ve always been the secretive type of person but enough is enough. How much longer can I continue to go down this path? Hurting everyone in my wake. It needs to stop, and I’m the only one who can do that.

  I never wanted children. Ever! I see what they can do to a fami
ly. I watch men and women use them like they are a fucking prize to be won. When all a child needs is love. All I ever wanted was to be loved and protected. My parents failed and so will I.

  “Sure.” He sits down across from me and waits for me to say something.

  I’ve become my mother’s husband in more ways than one. The one girl who I have felt differently about has suffered a tremendous loss and I abandoned her when I should have been there for her. I’ve learned over the years that you don’t have to use your hands in order to cause pain. Words can cut like a knife and actions can prove how heartless you are.

  “Tate?” Parker speaks. “What do you want to talk about?”

  “Missy was pregnant.” I say the words that I haven’t wanted to admit. I’ve always known myself to be a bastard but to admit it to a friend makes me feel pretty fucking small.

  He continues to look at me with a straight face. “What do you mean was…?”

  I run a hand over my unshaven face. “Our night in Vegas. I got her pregnant.”

  His eyebrows raise to his hairline and he places his elbows on the table leaning over. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes,” I snap. His face hardens, and I take a deep breath and lower my voice. “Look,” I say. “I’m not good at this.” I gesture between us.

  “Talking to your friends,” he says with a smirk, laughing at me on the inside.

  I grunt in response. “Her mother called me today and told me everything.

  She had a miscarriage.”

  The smirk falls off of his face and his eyes soften. “I should have been there for her. I should have done something…” I say, getting angrier at myself and he cuts in.

  “You’re here for her now.”

  “You think that counts?” I snap. “You think she cares that I brought her home with me tonight and laid her in my bed? Hell, I’m afraid to even be around her. I should be in there holding her, apologizing until I’m blue in the face, but instead I’m hiding out in the kitchen in the dark.” I take in a few deep breaths trying to calm down.