Ruin

by C. J. Scott

"I'm not twelve anymore! You can't keep me here against my will." I held up my hands in surrender. I was over this conversation and over them. "I hate this place. And sometimes...sometimes I hate you both too."

  He stared at me in stunned silence. I'd never spoken to my parents like that. Never disobeyed a direct order and never ever told them I hated them. Maybe it was too harsh, but right then, I did hate their stifling attitude. It was burying me alive.

  "Kate," Mom pleaded, tears in her eyes.

  My heart softened a little, and I blew out a long breath. "Don't." If I gave in now, if I took back what I'd said, they'd never take me seriously. They needed to learn that I wasn't a child anymore.

  I didn't go to my room and pack anything, I just left, grabbing my handbag on the way out.

  I walked into town and bought some meat at the butchers and groceries from the little supermarket then begged Mr. Phillips the store manager to drive me to the Merriweather house. I would have walked, but I had too many things to carry and the dark clouds were massing overhead.

  He helped me take the bags into the kitchen then drove off. I gave Jane a hug, and she knew right away something was wrong.

  "What is it?" she asked.

  "I had a fight with my parents."

  She sighed. "I suppose it was inevitable." She peered into one of the bags and pulled out the meat. "Your Mom still gave you all of this anyway? That's good of her."

  I didn't have the heart to tell her I'd bought them. She liked my parents. In her eyes they were good people, not backward and xenophobic. I didn't have the energy to discuss it with her.

  "Is Ben around?" I asked.

  "On the roof."

  "He should come down. The storm's about to break. I'll go look for him." I left before she could stop me.

  It had already begun to rain. The smell of damp earth hung in the hair, an oddly delicious smell that made me pause and draw in a deep breath. The city never smelled like that. I'd forgotten how much I liked it.

  I walked around the perimeter of the house until I found Ben. He was standing at the base of a ladder, the harness on the ground at his feet.

  He looked up at my approach. "Kate!"

  "Hi." I tucked my hands into the back pockets of my shorts. I'd worked out what I wanted to say to him in my head, but I couldn't get any of the words out. I suddenly felt awkward, pathetic. I hated it. I wanted to return to that comfort zone where we could just be together, not speaking, and it felt good. Right.

  "What are you doing here?" he asked. His damp hair clung to his forehead, and the shirt stuck to the contours of his body. He looked totally hot. Would he let me dry him if I offered?

  "I came out to make sure you were off the roof. It's raining."

  His eyes turned smoky and dipped to my breasts. "I noticed."

  I looked down. My bra showed through my white T-shirt, and my nipples showed through that. I didn't try to cover them up. I didn't feel the need. He could stare all he wanted.

  "I have to take these back to the stables." He picked up the ladder and went to grab the harness.

  I got to it first. "I'll take it."

  He hoisted the ladder up and ducked his head into the rain. It was coming down harder, the raindrops splashing through the leaves. We walked faster, but by the time we reached the stable block, we were both wet through.

  Ben leaned the ladder against the wall inside, and I set the harness down next to it. He shook his hair and droplets sprayed around him in an arc, some landing on me.

  "Sorry," he said when he realized.

  "It's okay. I'm already wet."

  His attention focused on my breasts again, and this time his cheeks colored. He thrust his hands in his pockets and looked out the stable door. The sky had darkened since our dash from the house. Despite being early afternoon, it looked like dusk.

  "We should get back." He hadn't even gotten the last word out when the steady rain became a torrent. It crashed onto the stable roof, sounding like a freight train hurtling toward us. It dripped through the gaps between the beams and plopped onto the tools and equipment. A drop splashed my nose.

  Ben took my hand, and we moved further back where the smell of old leather was strong.

  "It's drier here," he shouted above the rain.

  I sat on an upturned crate and indicated he should sit next to me. He pretended not to notice. At least I was pretty sure he was pretending. He'd been staring at me when I patted the crate.

  It had grown a little colder and being wet, I shivered. I looked around for a blanket, but there was nothing to throw around my shoulders. Ben sat down and put his arm around me. He may have been damp, but he was warm. I sighed against him.

  "Better?" he said. He didn't need to shout now that he was close. I could hear him clearly and feel his voice rumbling through my body, all the way down to my toes.

  I closed my eyes and nuzzled into his throat. The pulse of his blood matched mine. My breasts rubbed against his chest, pebbling my nipples. I lifted his damp shirt and rested my palm against his ridged stomach. He sucked in air between his teeth.

  "Are my hands cold?" I asked.

  He shook his head.

  I looked up at him and a shiver wracked me, not from the cold, but from what I saw in his eyes. Hot, hungry desire. His hand stroked the side of my breast, his other hand held me against him.

  "I've missed you," he said.

  My throat tightened. I fell into his gaze. It was so intense and full of a range of emotions, I couldn't begin to untangle them. "I've missed you too," I managed to say.

  He let me go to graze his knuckles down my cheek while his other hand continued to stroke my breast through my damp T-shirt. It sent a rush of tingles down my spine, along my limbs. Made my heart race and my breath ragged.

  I cupped his face and rubbed my thumb along his hard jawline. I wanted to kiss him, hold him, fuck him, but more than that I just wanted to look. I wanted to drink him in because I didn't know if this moment was going to last. I needed to commit every piece of that divine face to memory.

  He heaved in a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I shouldn't have sent you away," he said, voice thick and gravelly. "I thought it would help me get over you. I thought I could conquer my feelings for you. I needed to conquer them, Kate. I needed to set you free. I didn't want to be responsible for..."

  I could barely think let alone speak, but I managed to whisper, "For what?"

  He couldn't have heard me over the rain driving into the stable roof overhead, but he answered me nevertheless. "For this." He pressed his hand to my ribs underneath my breast. Near my heart.

  My heart swelled until I thought it would burst. "What made you change your mind?"

  His hand moved to cup my breast. His thumb stroked my nipple, sending a thrill through me. "I don't want to conquer this anymore. I want to feel again. Being with you helps me do that."

  I wanted to ask him more. Wanted to know why he'd stopped feeling, and if this meant he was going to stay longer in Winter. But the way he teased my nipple with his thumb pushed all sensible thought away. Small waves of pleasure washed through me, spread to every piece of my body, leaving a trail of burning desire behind.

  I couldn't stand it anymore. I needed to feel his hands all over me. Needed to feel him. He must have needed it too. He removed his T-shirt then helped me remove mine. The damp cotton stuck to me, but we got it off and my bra soon followed.

  He dipped his head and licked my nipple. I groaned and tilted my head back, arching my back up. "More," I murmured. He sucked one into his mouth. A jolt of something like lightning went straight to my inner thighs. A muscle throbbed there in eager anticipation.

  "Kate," he murmured against my breast. "I adore you."

  "Take me, Ben. Here. Now. I can't wait." I fumbled with the fly on his jeans until he stood and undid it himself. I got up and shucked off my shorts as he removed his jeans and kicked them away.

  We were both naked, but neither of us paused to take in the sight of the oth
er. Primal, urgent need consumed me, and Ben too if the dark swirl in his eyes was any indication.

  I clasped his arms near the bird tattoo and relished the power pulsing there. He grasped my waist and pulled me to him. Our bodies slammed together. Our lips connected brutally. It was like we needed to devour one another in order to be close enough to find satisfaction.

  His rod-like cock throbbed against my stomach, a drip of pre-cum seeping out. I dug my fingernails into his shoulders and may have raked his skin. There was no time to check. No way we could have interrupted our passion before we were satisfied.

  He picked me up, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. We were naked, damp, and totally exposed to anyone who walked through the stable doors. I didn't care. All I cared about was having him inside me.

  He pressed me against the stable wall between a spade and a chain hanging on hooks. He kissed my throat as he pushed the head of his cock inside. I was slick and open, ready for him.

  He slipped all the way in, no resistance.

  He swallowed my gasp and gave a responding groan low in his throat. We just stood there, our bodies entwined, pulsing and twitching with desire. It was like we hadn't seen each other in months, not days.

  I couldn't stand it. "Take me, Ben."

  He did. He held my ass and pounded into me. I lost all sense of time and place. I wrapped one arm around his shoulders and the other reached out, searching for something immobile to hang onto. My fingers touched the chain, and I wound it around my hand. It rattled and clanked but the hook held.

  "Kate," he said, his voice slurred. "My sweet, perfect Kate."

  It was what my heart wanted to hear. It burst out of my chest, or so it seemed. I cried out as my body exploded around his cock. His tempo increased, and he swelled inside me before he pulled out and spilled onto my stomach.

  We stayed like that, with me against the wall, my legs around his hips, for some time. I was in that zone where every sense is hyper-tuned to just two things—him and me.

  Eventually, our breathing returned to normal, and I could focus again on the world.

  Outside, it was still raining but with less frenzy.

  "So you missed me too, huh?" he said, a smile in his voice.

  "Was it that obvious?"

  He chuckled and eased away, letting me down. He cleaned my stomach with his shirt and handed me my clothes. "You'd better put these on. We probably should get back to the house."

  I didn't want this to end. He hadn't turned cold, hadn't tried to push me away. It was the perfect end to hot sex, and no way was I letting him leave.

  "Not yet," I said. "It's still raining. Come and lie with me for a while."

  He looked around. There was nothing to lie on except the ground and the old cart. He pushed it and the wheels held. "Your carriage awaits, Cinderella," he said, offering me his hand.

  I took it and let him draw me close to his body. It hummed against mine like a finely tuned instrument. "You got the right fairytale this time," I murmured.

  "Yeah? It was a guess." He helped me onto the back of the cart. "Fairytales didn't feature highly in my upbringing."

  "Too girly?"

  He leaped up and settled beside me. The cart was dusty and rickety, but neither of us cared.

  "I guess," he said, guarded.

  "Your Mom didn't think about rounding out your education with stories about princesses?"

  I laughed.

  His eyelashes lowered as he settled back against the cart. "It wasn't really on her radar."

  My laughter died. "Ben, what is it? What's wrong?"

  He shook his head. "Nothing. Forget it."

  I didn't know why talking about Cinderella had upset him. Or was it discussing his mother that bothered him? I leaned back, nestling into the crook of his arm. He kissed the top of my head, and I sighed.

  "Thank you," I said.

  "For what?"

  "For not walking off this time."

  I felt his chest rise and fall with his deep breath. I waited for him to say something, but he didn't.

  "What's different, Ben? Why did you stay this time?"

  "I...I think I can change. You make me believe and hope."

  Change? Hope? "Why do you need to change? You're wonderful the way you are."

  "You think that, but you don't know me. Not really."

  I shifted so I could look at him fully. His eyes swam and a small muscle throbbed in his jaw. "Then talk to me," I said. "Tell me why you need to change."

  He shook his head. "I can't. Do you understand?"

  "No."

  He dragged in a breath and let it out slowly. "All I can tell you is that I didn't have the sort of childhood you had."

  "You mean you didn't live in a dull town that hasn't been introduced to the twenty-first century?"

  He smiled and kissed the end of my nose. "I mean a happy childhood with loving parents who care about you."

  I sat up properly and tried to look into his eyes, but he turned away. "Your parents...they didn't love you?"

  He twisted a lock of my hair around his finger then let it unravel. He did it twice before he answered. "I think my mom did. I remember her swinging me around by my arms, smiling. I must have been very little."

  "What happened?" I asked softly. I was afraid that if I spoke loudly, it would shatter the fragile trust he had in me.

  "Dad..." He drew up his knees and rested his elbow on them. He rubbed his hand through his hair and closed his eyes. "Dad made life difficult for her. He...wasn't a good man. She stopped smiling altogether when I was about ten up until the age of nineteen."

  "What happened when you were nineteen?"

  "She died."

  A lump lodged in my throat. I could hear the pain in his voice, and it clawed at my heart.

  But there was anger too, directed toward his father I guessed.

  "Where's your dad now?"

  "I don't know if I believe in God, and I don't know what happens after we die, but if there is a Hell, I hope he's rotting in it."

  "Did he...hurt you?"

  He opened his eyes. They were like two oceans, deep and swirling and the brightest blue I'd ever seen. I circled my arms around him and held him tight. Outside, the rain stopped, but we didn't get off the cart, and I didn't let go. He pressed his forehead to mine and sighed.

  Oh God. He didn't have to say anything. I knew it was true just by the haunted shadows in his eyes. My stomach heaved. I tasted bile. It made me so angry to think that someone could hurt a child. His own child. It was unfathomable. Sickening. It made my argument with my parents seem petty.

  "That's the part I don't want to talk about it, Kate. I just want to forget...everything."

  "Okay." I drew away to look at him. "But I want you to know that I care about you, and that also means I want to know everything about you. The good and bad."

  He pushed a damp strand of my hair off my forehead and smiled gently, achingly. "I don't want to darken your world. The worst thing in your life is that your parents smother you because they love you. I can't darken your world, Kate. I won't."

  "But—"

  "Shhh." He pressed his finger to my lips. "I started out thinking I shouldn't even be with you because I didn't want to taint your charmed life." He gave me that crooked smile that I'd already come to cherish. "This is progress, right?"

  I kissed his finger. I wasn't going to push him. He had made progress in the few days since we'd parted. I wasn't going to let him revert to that way of thinking again, wasn't going to let him put an end to this. Whatever we had was too new and too fragile to undergo that kind of interrogation.

  I changed the subject slightly to let him know I understood, and I was right there with him.

  "I know Mom and Dad love me, but isn't there a saying that goes if you love someone, set them free? Why the hell can't they do that for me?"

  "Could you imagine letting the best thing in your life walk away? I don't know if I could do it."

  I sighed and leaned
my head on his shoulder. "Maybe it's tougher because I'm a girl. If I'd been a boy, they might treat me differently. Or if I weren't an only child."

  "Maybe."

  "And Dad is the protective sort. That's why he became a cop in the first place I guess."

  His body went rigid. He didn't move for several long beats, and then he withdrew his arms from around me.

  "Ben? What's wrong?"

  He blinked slowly. "Your dad...he's a cop?"

  "Yeah, why?" I bit my lip. I'd forgotten I hadn't told him. Forgotten that I hadn't wanted to tell him because I was afraid of his reaction. But whatever reaction I'd expected, it wasn't this shock.

  A bad feeling congealed in my stomach and began to fester.

  He gripped the side of the cart so hard his knuckles turned white. "I...I didn't know."

  "Okay, but so?" Why was he making such a big deal of Dad being a policeman?

  "Jesus, Kate, why didn't you tell me?"

  "I don't know." My voice sounded small, far away. "Does it matter?"

  "I wish I knew." He jumped off the cart, grabbing his shirt, and strode to the exit. He stopped in the doorway and lowered his head.

  "Ben? Are you all right?"

  He sighed heavily then returned to me. "Yeah. I guess I just freaked for a second."

  Who would freak out over hearing their lover's father was a cop?

  A criminal.

  I started to shake all over. I couldn't help it. It shouldn't matter what he was or what he'd done. I knew all along he was running away from something, and I should have guessed it was a crime. It didn't matter. It couldn't have been a big deal because he was kind and gentle and honest. That's all I cared about.

  He put his arms up to help me off the cart, and I fell into them. Our bodies collided, and we held each other for a long time, our heartbeats synced. I buried my face in the hollow of his throat, breathing in the scent of him. He caressed the back of my neck and his lips warmed the top of my head.

  It was a tender, beautiful hug.

  A goodbye hug.

  Chapter 7

  The rain had stopped, leaving everything fresh and clean. Little rivulets of water flowed down the driveway, and fat drops hung precariously from the tips of leaves before succumbing to gravity. They reminded me of tears.