Yours Troolie, Alice Toolie
Page 6
Anyway, Mrs Toddleduck wasn’t very happy that we washed her cat because she needed it to go and get her mail, so I had to go over and say sorry and even make a card. The card was actually VERY cute because I drew this wet cat on the front with big sad eyes and Mrs Toddleduck liked that too. As you know, I basically NEVER get in trouble, so I wasn’t very happy about the whole thing. I told my mum it was your idea to wash a cat (which it was). The good news is that she agreed that we shouldn’t have any more play dates for a while. YAY! :) :) :)
Also I think your (dirty) sock bouquet helped.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Bingo! No more play dates!
Boy, that cat did look a lot like a French Bulldog. I’m pretty sure I even heard it woof!
By the way, I DO know what an assistance cat is … they’re basically the smartest cats in the world. They have to do really important jobs for their owners, like tell them if there’s a fire, turn on the TV and make pancakes. I’m actually a bit of an expert of assistance animals and even had my own assistant cockroach once. I was training it to go and sneak chips from the pantry, but then it ran away.
I’m sorry to hear you got in trouble, but it really was worth it. Now I can get back to all my important plans to rescue my ghost that I haven’t been able to do while all this play date business has been going on. These are the top three ghost rescue ideas I’m going to start on right away:
1. Training a team of spiders to steal the jar back for me using their webs.
2. A pulley system that can replace the class craft cupboard with an identical cupboard without anyone noticing.
3. A key made of gas that can open any lock in the whole world, especially the one on the craft cupboard.
Anyway, nice knowing you.
Yours distractedly,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Those ideas are all impossible, so we might have to get used to the fact that Ms Fennel has locked up our ghost for like EVER.
I’m just so glad that we don’t have to go on any more of those play dates. Even if I had to spend all afternoon making Mrs Toddleduck a card, I guess it’s worth it. Plus, her cat smells so nice now, just like the apple and cinnamon-pie dog shampoo we washed it with! All this pet washing has actually given me a great idea. I’m going to make my own shampoos called Alice’s Sweet Pet Shampoos. Here are my top three smells:
Dear Alice,
Those are okay ideas for shampoo, but these would be a bit better:
1. Deadly Shark shampoo.
2. Anti-Gravitational shampoo.
3. Invisibility shampoo (I could use this and then sneak into the class and get the ghost back!).
Yours originally
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Using invisibility shampoo would only make your hair invisible, so everyone would still see you trying to steal the ghost back and then you’d just get in trouble. So thanks anyway for those suggestions, but if you don’t mind, I’m going to ignore them because of these three reasons:
1. They’re not good.
2. They’re not good.
3. They’re not good.
Oh, wait. I can think of a fourth reason…
4. They’re not good.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
I’m ignoring all that. Anyway, I couldn’t help but notice that you have brought something quite interesting with you to school today. What is that weird slimy, sparkly stuff? Is it part of a grand plan to rescue the ghost?
Yours most interested
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
No, it is not. And I’m not going to tell you what it is because it’s part of my Show and Tell for this afternoon:) So you’ll just have to guess. What do YOU think it is, anyway?
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Unicorn vomit! Jenny Philpot told Ava Tonkatsu who told Lucas Terrazzo who told Conrad who told Casper N and Casper N tells me EVERYTHING so that’s how I know it’s unicorn vomit. Actually, they didn’t even NEED to tell me it was unicorn vomit, because I’m a bit of an expert on endangered animals so I KNEW just by looking at it.
Where did you find the unicorn?
Yours nosily,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
It’s not unicorn vomit! And unicorns aren’t endangered. That’s ridiculous.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Of course they’re endangered! Do you see any unicorns trotting around the place? No. Why? Endangered.
I’m really looking forward to your presentation. I’ve already got loads of questions.
Yours enthusiastically,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Well, you’ll just have to wait for this afternoon for my presentation. I know it’s hard to wait, because my presentations are always SOOOOO amazing and this one is probably going to be the best ever :)
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
WOW! Your Show and Tell was actually pretty interesting. I can’t believe it was homemade slime! I was sure it was unicorn vomit and I had so many great questions about unicorns because I’ve only seen one in the wild before. But slime is really COOL, too. I actually need the recipe for that because I think I could make some improvements that could be very useful in rescuing the ghost.
Yours inventively
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
If you want to know the recipe, you can watch my Youtootube channel! There’s this amazing video of me and Emperor Fluffy Pants making slime. I can see why you thought it was unicorn vomit because it’s SOOOO pretty and sparkly, just like a unicorn! I made mine with my honey and popcorn conditioner (that I invented) and lots of cornflour, then I added food colouring (pink, purple and sweet green) and then glitter! When is your Show and Tell, anyway?
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Mine is tomorrow. It will also be incredible. I’m bringing in my Zombie Mexican Fighting Fish that is sometimes DEAD and sometimes ALIVE. You’ll probably think it’s pretty terrific because you like fish and it’s not every day you see a dead fish that’s also alive.
Also, I’m pretty sure the ghost will appreciate a visit from another dead thing, even if it is locked up.
Yours inspirationally,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
I guess your presentation today was sort of interesting. I mean, I don’t want to be negative, because I’m like a pretty positive person and stuff :) But I’m sorry to tell you, your fish isn’t actually dead. It’s just sleeping and then it wakes up. So sorry, it’s not a zombie like you told everyone, it’s just a sleeping fish :(
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Shows what you know! Which is not much when it comes to fish. My fish IS a ZOMBIE. It was floating upside down for weeks and then it sank to the bottom of the tank and started breaking up. Then the next day, it turned bright red and was swimming around like it was brand new!
Yours intrepidly,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
It probably WAS brand new! One time my cat went missing and I was totally devastated, but the very next week my mum found it but it was a different colour and also a dog. I thought it was a bit weird, but my mum tried to tell me that it was normal for cats to turn into dogs if they get too hot :(
But then one day my REAL cat came back. It turned out that it had just been stuck in the neighbours’ piano. So adults lie and your fish is not a zombie.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
You’ll believe anything if you think that! Besides, I’ve studied m
y fish VERY carefully and it’s definitely a ZOMBIE. If you don’t know much about zombies, these are the top three things to look out for:
1. Always in a bad mood.
2. Always doing things they’re not allowed to do and going places they’re not allowed to go.
3. Very messy-looking.
Oh, plus one more …
4. Always trying to eat brains.
Yours in detail
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Are YOU a zombie then?
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Not. Funny.
You’re always making mean jokes SO I’m not interested in anything you’ve got to say now.
Yours most unamused
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
What if I told you that I have just come up with a plan to get the ghost back? A real plan that will work. Not a wacky plan involving cheese cranes and smoke machines
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
You have my attention.
Yours attentively,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
We should volunteer to do a Mystery Jar stall at the school fete.
Yours troolie
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
What’s a Mystery Jar stall got to do with anything? It sounds like a lot of boring work to me.
Yours curiously
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Boring work that means we’d have to use the craft cupboard and get lots of jars and fill them with random stuff.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
And maybe, just maybe, a CERTAIN ghost jar could easily get mixed up and go missing?
Yours finally catching on,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Wouldn’t that be terrible? :)
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Terrible! ; )
Yours admiringly,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
I have put our names down for the Mystery Jar stall and I think Ms Fennel was really pleased (and a bit surprised) that we wanted to do it together.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Great. This is perfect. By the way, how exactly does this Mystery Jar stall work???
Yours incredibly,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Mystery Jar is like a lucky dip, silly! It’s when people just get a random jar with random stuff in it, so you don’t know if you’re getting something amazing or not! They’re the best! Ms Fennel said we could all use some class time to work on our fete projects and I told her we’d need to use the craft cupboard and also we’re going to need to store our jars in there. I’m actually REALLY excited about the Mystery Jar stall, I totally love them :) So ours has to be the BEST thing at the whole fete.
Also, did you know that since my Show and Tell, everyone has been asking for my unicorn slime? I think we should put some in jars for the Mystery Jar stall.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
YES. That is a good idea. Everyone loves unicorn slime. Also, we need a REAL treasure, so that one lucky person can even become a billionaire. I like that you’re taking the stall REALLY seriously, so no-one will know it’s actually just a big plan to steal our ghost back!
Yours logically,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
I would never suggest doing a Mystery Jar stall just to get Ghosty back ;)
(We should take these last few letters out before we hand this book in!!!)
Also I REALLY like the idea of putting treasure in a jar, but where are we going to get REAL treasure?
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
As you know, I am an expert on treasure. Like I’ve said before, I’ve found real treasure at least six times. If I wanted to, I could sell some of it and buy a skyscraper or a double-decker bus or anything I want, really. But I’m not about to sell my personal treasure anytime soon. It’s too valuable. So we’ll have to get some new treasure. Whale vomit is probably the best thing.
Yours wisely,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Whale vomit? Ewwwwww :) Gross. That’s not treasure!
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
That’s where you’re wrong. It happens to be a fact that whale vomit is VERY rare and is worth billions of dollars and I’m not EVEN joking. They use it to make fancy perfumes. Just ask my old friend, Mr Internet. Also the scientific name for whale vomit is ambergris.
Yours astoundingly,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
I actually did look up ambergris because it sounds totally crazy and also impossible and I can’t believe it’s actually true! But the internet said it was true and the internet doesn’t lie! I am NEVER using perfume again. They should change its name from ambergris to amber-GROSS.
So you go find some whale vomit (aka ambergross) and we can make that one of our prizes.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
P.S. I’ve totally started a craze with my unicorn slime, EVERYONE wants some :) They are going to love it when they see we have it in our jars!
Dear Alice,
Well, I ran into a bit of trouble finding ambergris. Apparently you really need to get out on the open ocean and find a whale that’s not feeling too good. I had a good look around my house and didn’t have much luck.
Gran was over for dinner, so I asked her if she had any lying around at her place, because she does have a lot of cool stuff like 80 different types of garden gnomes and a nutcracker in the shape of an army tank, but no ambergris. Sorry.
Yours unbelievably,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Too bad about your gran not having any ambergross. We can put that Egyptian necklace I found at your place in a jar? I don’t really wear it because it makes my skin itch. Also I’m basically even more famous than ever from starting this slime craze anyway, so I guess I don’t need it… plus, I’m always thinking of others :)
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
P.S. Ms Fennel said we can store all our jars in the craft cupboard!!!!
Dear Alice,
If your skin itches, it means the necklace is cursed, which is cool because cursed treasure is even more valuable. It’s probably worth like 50 million or something, but since you’re becoming world famous from slime, you can afford to give it away.
Yours certainly
Captain Jimmy Cook
P.S. Great news. I hope our jars don’t get mixed up ; )
Dear Jimmy,
I’ve had another amazing idea. We can put the necklace in slime and make TREASURE SLIME! Let’s make the whole Mystery Jar stall a Mystery Slime stall! Everyone loves my slime so it will be SOOOOO great. There can be unicorn slime, glitter slime, fluffy slime…
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Legot slime, marble slime, glow-in-the-dark slime, radioactive slime, plastic army men slime …
Yours slimily,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Pink slime, popping slime, bubble slime, shiny bead slime…
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Asteroid slime!
Yours intergalactically,
Captain Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
I’m going to make a massive batch of slime at my house and Ms Fennel said we can fill the jars at school later
this week when everyone’s working on their fete stalls. You can get the jars right? And not some ugly old gherkin jars with pictures of ham or whatever cute ones :)
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Great idea. I was going to suggest that too. By the way, when it comes to jars, you have totally asked the right guy. My mum loves pickling stuff. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of pickling? It’s a pretty nasty habit. Basically, it’s when my mum takes all this yuck food, like boiled eggs, lemons, turnips and radishes or any old food you can find, and then you put it in jars for about 50 years with vinegar until it’s even more old and rotten. And that’s not even the worst bit. After it gets REALLY old, you’re meant to eat it and I’m not even joking.