The Sassy Belles

by Beth Albright

  Vivi and I looked at each other and held in our giggles. We knew we were looking at the newest member of the Sassy Belles.

  * * *

  The next day proved to be another busy one. Harry called around four to say he’d be late with another campaign event. I still had a big workload in front of me and would also be working late, so we agreed to meet at home at eight and order in something quick and easy. But it was only six when my stomach started rumbling, so I made my way into the back room to grab a snack and catch the news. I could not believe they had moved Dallas’s Search for Lewis segment up to the very beginning of the six o’clock newscast. The main anchor tossed the story to Dallas who was reporting live from Walmart.

  “Lewis Heart seems to be everywhere and nowhere these days. Billy Wayne Carmichael says he spotted him today in the drugstore section of Walmart on Skyland Boulevard, standing in the ointment aisle. Mr. Carmichael, please tell us what you saw.”

  “Oh, I know it was him for sure. He was standin’ near the Preparation H, fidgeting from side to side. I could tell he had himself a problem. I had gone in with my wife today ’cause she had a problem, too, and so we was headed right down the same aisle when he looked up at us. He knew he was spotted ’cause he took off without his salve.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Carmichael. I do appreciate your…candor.” Dallas turned back to the camera for her sign-off. “This is one of many such sightings of missing play-by-play announcer Lewis Heart. We will continue in our dedicated campaign to find the missing voice of our Alabama Crimson Tide. Reporting live from Walmart, I’m Dallas Dubois, WTAL.”

  I nearly threw up. She was so transparent. There was now a billboard on every corner; Dallas and her enormous cleavage, with her perfect megawatt smile and her microphone. I was sick of seeing her. In fact, it put me off accomplishing anything else that evening. I finished what I was working on, then closed up and headed home. It was nearly six-thirty by then and I decided to call Kitty as soon as I arrived at my driveway. This would have to be the day Kitty talked to Meridee, or I promised I would do it myself.

  I grabbed my cell phone from my leather Hermès as I pulled into my driveway and hit speed dial for Kitty. Ringing… Answering machine…

  “Hey, Mother, it’s Blake. Look, today is the day. You have to talk to Meridee. It’s been way too long and she could be a vital piece of the puzzle here. I need this done today, do you understand? If you don’t talk to her by tonight, I will.”

  I hung up and sat in my car in front of the house when I realized Harry’s car was there. I wasn’t expecting him home for at least another hour or more, but I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d stopped by to get some things he’d forgotten for the campaign event tonight. Seeing his car made me nervous. I had gotten up my courage earlier and planned to try to talk to Harry about the separation over dinner. It would be the perfect time. We had been so busy since Lewis went missing, and the Myrna case had started to escalate, and Harry’s campaign was growing. I just hadn’t had time to have the talk with him. I thought that since I finished earlier than expected, I’d try to get home and actually fix supper for a change. It would relax me and help me prepare for what I was about to tell him. But now, seeing him home early, another thought struck me—maybe he was really trying this time. Maybe he’d gotten home early to put together a special dinner for us. We had kinda missed our anniversary. Despite the fact that Sonny and I had been getting closer, and that Harry and I had been slipping apart, there was a big part of me that still loved him and thought we deserved a fighting chance. After all, ten years of marriage should not be given up on lightly.

  I hurried up the steps of our porch, thinking of candlelight and my crystal vases full of flowers, my heart filling with hope. As I put my purse on the front hall table, I could smell the coffee on and something sweet in the air drifting around from the kitchen. I was smiling ear to ear as I made my way across the hall and through the dining room. I couldn’t believe he’d finally decided to do something special. Guilt about Sonny flashed in my head for a second, but I pushed it away, deciding that I needed to focus on Harry. Whether things were truly over or really just beginning for us was about to be seen, and I needed a clear head and a clear heart to make that decision. I knew this would be the moment to make it or break it. Maybe we deserved this second chance.

  I swung open the kitchen door, expecting to find him, but there was no one there. I called out for him, but he didn’t answer. I decided to go back outside, thinking somehow I had missed him and he was leaving to meet Dan. But when I got out front he wasn’t outside. His car was in the driveway so I knew he must be around somewhere. I stepped down the porch steps and walked to the side gate that led to the backyard. I spotted another car in front of the house next door. Maybe Dan dropped by with him and they were sitting out back, I thought. I opened the side gate and headed down the side of the house. It was a tight walk along the path between the house and the hedges. Little squares of cement strewn unevenly like a rocky trail in front of me led to a gorgeous entertainment area complete with outdoor bar and fireplace. I was still in my office suit, a navy blue Michael Kors number, and my tallest black patent leather stilettos, which were sinking into the ground with each step. The bushes along the path were blooming and my hair was getting caught in the hydrangeas and crepe myrtles, pulling it out all over my face. It was a little overgrown and I made a note to myself to have the landscaping service come by. I finally got close enough to hear voices coming from the patio, but Dan was not the voice I heard. I’d recognize that limelight-suckin’ reporter’s delivery anywhere. What in hell was Dallas doing at my house? She must have gotten straight off the air and come right over. I decided I needed a better look, but I didn’t want them to know I was there. I glanced around at my options, then slowly climbed up the rose trellis a couple of steps to peek over the hedges. I could hear Dallas now as clear as a bell, but I could only see the top of her big, blond head.

  “Thanks so much for seeing me, Harry, especially on such short notice.”

  “No problem, Dallas. I know Blake gives you a hard time, but I really believe you have good intentions about helping us find Lewis.”

  Ugh! I felt my blood start to boil and my eyes bugged out, but as much as I wanted to storm back there, I knew it was best to stay hidden so I could hear their little chat. I lifted myself up another couple of inches, and now I could see them both clearly, though I was still disguised by the overgrown rose bush.

  “Oh, I’m not worried about Blake, it’s you I’m concerned about, Harry.” She moved closer to him. “You know, if you agree to help me with this list of Lewis sightings, I can certainly pay you back.” Dallas licked her lips seductively. Harry was pouring her a glass of bourbon and handed it to her while she pushed her scheme. He had a drink in hand, too, and they both took a sip and continued their little meeting. They were face-to-face when she said, “Oh, it is so warm out here!” She slowly unbuttoned the top two buttons of her hot-pink sleeveless blouse. Harry had moved face-to-face with her, removing his tie and unbuttoning his shirt.

  “What did you have in mind?” he asked her, taking a swig of alcohol.

  “Well,” she said, taking the last gulp and setting the glass on the table, “I just thought you would like a little extra coverage of your, uhm, studs, I mean stumps,” she giggled, gently biting her lower lip. She reached down and grabbed him inside his waistband of the front of his pants and pulled him into her. “I know how expensive TV advertising is, so I’ll make
sure I am right there with the cameras at every fundraiser.”

  “I like the sound of that,” he said.

  “I thought you would. You help me win this Emmy by leading me in the right direction on my Find Lewis campaign, and I’ll be there for your campaign and…whatever else you need.”

  I could not believe my ears. Or my eyes!

  “Sounds like a plan to me.” He began pulling her blouse off her shoulders as she unbuttoned his pants. The trousers fell down around his ankles. She arched her head back as he kissed her neck and slid her bra strap over her shoulder and down her arm, freeing one breast and lowering his head toward it. Just then, my heel snapped off and the trellis broke with a loud crack. Down I slid with a thump into the crepe myrtles. Dallas screamed and grabbed her breast with one hand and her bra strap with the other, and Harry fell over when he tried to move because his pants were down around his ankles.

  “Sorry for dropping in like this, but I was sorta looking for my husband,” I shouted, anger just pouring out of me.

  “Oh, my God! Blake! How long were you there?”

  Oh, don’t you ask all the right questions? What a politico you’re gonna make, I thought.

  “What the hell does it matter how long I was there, you ass? What I see right this second is enough,” I shot back. A rage came over me like nothing I’ve ever felt. The adrenaline was unreal. “How dare you!” I screamed, limping over on my broken shoe. “At my own house—and look at you, you sorry bastard, flat on your face! With your pants down! Both of you disgust me!”

  “Blake, wait.” Harry kept stumbling, trying to stand up while Dallas was running around looking for her jacket. “Please, Blake, I can explain…” Harry continued. He was just embarrassing himself.

  “Explain?” I shouted. “Oh, my God, Harry, seriously, what’s to explain? You have your pants down and Dallas’s bare breast was practically in your mouth. I just can’t wait to hear you explain that,” I hollered. “Please, do tell. Were you trying to lick off some spilled alcohol or help her breast back into the bra it accidentally popped out of? Please, I can’t wait to hear your explanation.” I crossed my arms and stared at him as he managed to stand and zip his pants. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. I looked at Dallas as she began to sneak back through the house. “And you, don’t even think I’m done with you yet,” I screamed as she stepped inside to escape.

  “Blake, really! It’s not my fault if you can’t keep your husband happy.”

  “Aaaaggggghhhhh!” I screamed and went chasing her out of my house through the kitchen and out the front door. She ran down the steps with her pink stilettos in one hand, trying to button her blouse with the other as she made her way to her car. I slammed the front door behind her and went back outside to Harry.

  When I reached the backyard, I stood there staring at him, waiting for any kind of reaction. But he just stood there. Finally, he muttered, “It wasn’t anything, really. Please, Blake.”

  I had nothing to say back. I shook my head. “You make me sick.” I turned and ran out and jumped in my car and went straight to Mother’s. I cried so hard all the way there, I could barely see to drive. When I pulled in, I saw Kitty’s car in the driveway. I was still hysterical when I ran in the back door. I stepped up into the kitchen, and both Meridee and Kitty were sitting at the yellow table. It was such a relief to see these two women I depended on sitting there in front of me that I cried even louder.

  “What happened, child?” Meridee said.

  “Honey, what is it?” Kitty said.

  “Sit down, sweetie. Let me get you a Coke and some cookies.” Meridee jumped up to get the snacks and Kitty got up to hold me and push the hair back from my eyes. My mascara had run down to my chin. I looked like a prizefighter stepping out of the ring.

  “Harry…” I sobbed. “Dallas…” I was choked up and just couldn’t seem to get the words out. “…breast…on the patio…” I screamed before falling into a heap on the kitchen chair Meridee had pulled out for me.

  “Oh, my God, I’m going to kill that son-of-a-bitch with my bare hands!” Kitty started for her purse, but Meridee grabbed her arm.

  “Wait, just a minute, now. We don’t need both of those Heart boys dead or missing or whatever the hell they are. So, Kitty, you just sit your round butt back down here and, Blake, you listen to me. We will get that good-for-nothin’ bum, but first things first. You need to stay here and calm down for a while. You’ll need some things from home so you can stay with me, but I’m not sending you back there. Now, Kitty, you’ve gotta go get her some clothes and whatever else she needs—but don’t you dare lay a finger on Harry or Dallas while you’re there. Focus on Blake and what she needs.”

  Kitty nodded, full of purpose, her face blazing with motherly rage and a fierce protectiveness. She grabbed her keys and purse and was out the door. Meridee pushed the Coke and Keeblers toward me.

  “Okay, Blake. Tell me all about it.”

  I had calmed down some and had to talk it out.

  “We’ve been having a little trouble,” I said.

  “A little?” She wasn’t trying to be sarcastic, but it was true. A little was quite the understatement.

  “He’s been wrapped up in this campaign all spring, and with Lewis disappearing and my case on the Brooks Mansion, we have been distant forever. I just never thought…” I couldn’t finish. And it only made it worse that it was Dallas.

  “Let’s call Vivi,” Meridee suggested. “I think you need her.”

  Before I knew it, Vivi arrived with a bag full of Taco Casa delicacies. This was my comfort food and she knew it. She had run through the drive-through of the little Mexican restaurant nearby and grabbed my favorite things—a combo burrito, some frijoles, some sopapillas and an iced tea with lemon. She brought enough for all of us and spread it out on the kitchen table.

  “Come on now, sugar,” she said, opening the bags. “This’ll make you feel better.”

  I love living in a place where food can solve almost all the world’s ills. Vivi held me while I cried some more.

  “That bastard,” she said, stroking my hair. “What the hell is he thinking? Every time somebody runs for office, an affair seems to pop up like toast. And Dallas! Well, that girl is a giant skank.” Vivi was infuriated.

  Kitty returned and we sat together quietly eating and just being close to each other. I had a good support system. That’s the way us Belles are. Got your back for life, no matter what.

  An hour or so had passed when Vivi heard a car through the kitchen window. She peered over the sink. It was Harry, finally realizing that he’d better make his apologies. I was sure he’d just talked the whole thing over with Dan. A scorned and angry wife would not be very good on the campaign trail.

  “I’m not seeing him,” I announced. I promptly left the table and locked myself in the bathroom down the hall. I have to say, Harry was brave, coming over there to face me and my reinforcements. He knew he might, literally, get the living hell beaten out of him.

  Harry came rushing in as if from a fire. He didn’t even have the sense to knock.

  “Where’s Blake?” he asked, out of breath.

  “Young man, you sit your cheatin’ ass down right now,” Meridee ordered. “You aren’t gonna talk to Blake, you’re gonna talk to me.”

  “And me, too.” Vivi stepped into the kitchen from the darkened hallway like a member of the mafia. Harry was forced into the chair and grilled for thirty minutes, his phone ringing incessantly the en
tire time—no doubt Dan was trying to figure out what the damage was.

  By the time my girls were through with him, Harry was bawling like a baby. Mr. Perfect had fallen off his self-made pedestal.

  “It was one time! I’ve never been unfaithful! Dallas and I were just talking about her search for Lewis…Blake and I haven’t gotten along in months. Ever since the investigation started, she’s been so distant.”

  Vivi broke in to the monologue.

  “Blah, blah, blah, and that gives you permission to go bang somebody else?” Vivi did have a point. And a way of getting it across.

  “We were only kissing,” he said, defensively. I don’t think he had any idea how absolutely ridiculous that sounded, but he continued anyway. “Dallas called me this afternoon to see if we could go over the call list for her Search for Lewis campaign. She thought that since Lewis is my brother, I might be better able to tell which were real possibilities and which were was just crazy calls. I told her I would help her. I had to run home to grab some flyers for Dan and she said she’d swing by for a minute. I was supposed to meet Dan at the office to go to the meet-and-greet this evening.” He was breathing fast, like he had been running. It seemed like he was desperate to be believed.

  “Well, I guess you missed the campaign thing with Dan. Now it’s obvious where your priorities are. In your pants. Typical politician.” Vivi was disgusted and she had no skills to ever hide her feelings.

  Harry went on. “Anyway, when she walked in, she mentioned she was stressing because this search had turned into such an overwhelming project. I offered her a drink and before we knew it, both of us had had a few bourbons. She went to the bathroom and when she came out, she had taken off her jacket. It was a warm day and both of us had had a little too much to drink. I swear, I never meant to…uhh…” He stopped, realizing no one was going to be on his side in that house. His usually composed, stoic face said it all.