Love & Loss (The Austin Series)

by C. J. Fallowfield

  ‘I’ll be just fine,’ I kissed him and left him to go and re-join the group and went to the toilet first. I stood at the sink and looked at myself in the mirror and tried Gabe’s deep breathing technique, but it wasn’t working for me, I was hopping mad. I made my way over to my ex and tapped him on the shoulder. As he turned his eyes lit up to see me, I gave him my sweetest smile before completely taking him by surprise with a stinging slap to the face, which made him stumble backwards and his friends, once my friends too, all sniggered into their drinks. I felt proud of myself, I had this slapping lark down, even if it hurt like a bitch.

  ‘Now we’re even Kai. You ever tell lies about me again and I’ll do more than slap you,’ I hissed and turned to walk away, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back around.

  ‘Mia, shit I’m sorry ok? Give me a chance to apologise,’ he stammered as he let go of my wrist and rubbed his face. I folded my arms across my chest and scowled at him, trying to ignore the stinging in my palm.

  ‘For what Kai? Saying you fucked me, the different ways we’d done it, or that you’d got me pregnant?’

  ‘All of them,’ he muttered, at least having the grace to look apologetic. ‘You don’t understand how hard that was for me Mia, some guy standing on my doorstep when I still wasn’t over you.’

  ‘So what, you thought you’d put him off me by telling lies?’

  ‘I was angry Mia, we were together a long time and you never let me touch you then you go and … and … do it with someone straight away. Were you sleeping with him? The guy that turned up on my doorstep?’

  ‘Yes, we’re still together.’

  ‘But he didn’t knock you up? There was someone else before him?’

  ‘There was no one else before him and I wasn’t pregnant, it was a misunderstanding over a friend who left a test kit in my bathroom. I’m sorry ok? I never meant to hurt you, but it just wasn’t happening for us.’

  ‘But it is with him?’

  ‘Yes,’ I blushed. ‘It’s not that I just slept with the first person that came along Kai, you know how many guys I saw before you, it wasn’t personal, I just didn’t feel that way about any of you. With him I just clicked.’

  ‘Thanks, making me feel really great.’ He rolled his eyes as he swigged on his beer.

  ‘I’m not trying to rub it in Kai, I was mad at you for making up stories about me, but I’ll apologise too. I’m sorry, I understand it can’t have been easy to hear I’d moved on. I thought you may feel better knowing it was for someone I really care about, not just for a drunken night.’

  ‘Shit, he’s not here with you is he?’ he asked, his eyes scanning the room.

  ‘Yes,’ I replied, suddenly thinking what a bad idea this was. Seeing me with another of the men from my past might just tip the scales the wrong way for Gabe.

  ‘He packs a bloody good right hook, mind you your slap still smarts,’ he said wincing as he rubbed his cheek again.

  ‘Sorry, but you deserved it Kai. I better go before he spots me with you and you end up having another fight.’

  ‘What did he have that I didn’t Mia? Please I need to know, you don’t know how many sleepless nights I’ve had trying to figure that out.’

  ‘I don’t know Kai, I’m sorry. I enjoyed your company, but I just didn’t feel that way about you. I think I deliberately picked guys I didn’t fancy knowing it wouldn’t go anywhere, so you couldn’t have done anything to make me change my mind. We just weren’t meant to be. I’m sure there’s someone out there for you.’

  ‘Just not you?’ he asked sadly.

  ‘No, not me. See you around, but if you see Gabe coming I’d suggest you run in the other direction, I doubt he’ll be as understanding as me.’ I smiled at him and quickly walked away and looked over at our table. Crap Gabe was watching me, I really didn’t want another fight. I saw him excuse himself and he walked towards me. ‘Please don’t be mad. I just wanted to say my piece, it’s done.’ I looked up at his face trying to gauge his mood, surprised when he reached for my stinging hand and lifted it up and kissed it.

  ‘You seem to have this slapping down to a fine art baby, nice to see it isn’t always directed at me,’ he said, reasonably calmly as he inspected my hand.

  ‘You’re not mad with me?’

  ‘Yes, but I’m working hard on trusting you and trying not reacting the way I have in the past. I found it harder with that Tyler as I knew you liked him. Are you ok?’

  ‘I am now,’ I smiled as his lips ran over my palm again.

  ‘Come and sit on my lap. We’re short on space.’

  ‘The things I have to do to keep you happy Mr Austin,’ I smiled. I loved being on his lap and he knew it. I followed him to the booth and he sat and pulled me down putting his arms around me and kissing my neck as the girls all smiled at me, before he made me hold my vodka cranberry and ice to cool my palm down. I looked over at Lexi and smiled when she mouthed ‘Ok?’ at me. Doug had his arm around her shoulder as he chatted and he leaned in and kissed her cheek making her fidget, which made me smile again, she was blushing, no one else would know with all that stupid green and red paint on her face, but I did. We all sat chatting and laughing until they started playing the slow songs.

  ‘Come on then, shall we head to Benito’s for some pizza before we grab our taxis home?’ I asked everyone and they all nodded in unison except for Gabe.

  ‘Give us a minute guys, I’d like a final dance with my girl.’

  ‘But they’re playing slow songs Gabe,’ I protested, I’d never had a slow dance with anyone.

  ‘So?’ he asked, amused, as he lifted me up and set me down and took my hand looking at me questioningly.

  ‘Ok,’ I mumbled, embarrassed. He led me to the edge of the dance floor and there was hardly anyone on it.

  ‘Wait here,’ he ordered. I stood awkwardly as I watched him go and talk to the DJ and took a deep breath as he strode back towards me, his physique looked just perfect, and I felt desire for him bloom. I prayed he wouldn’t give me one of his smiles or winks, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stand upright. He did and I let out a little sigh and teetered on my heels, suddenly he was at my side and slipped his arms around my waist. ‘Ok baby?’ he smiled.

  ‘Hmmm,’ I sighed as I looked up at him.

  ‘Are you objectifying me?’

  ‘Hmmm,’ I nodded.

  ‘Good because I am you, I’d like you to wear that outfit on Christmas eve, with no knickers so I can bend you over the foot of the bed and fuck you from behind after cuffing your hands and inserting that vibrating butt plug.’

  ‘O God,’ I mewled and sagged against him, wondering if that meant he saw an end in sight for this sex ban.

  ‘You like that idea?’ he grinned.

  ‘God yes, but at this stage I’d be happy for any physical contact Gabe.’

  ‘With me,’ he stated, but this time it was more of a question.

  ‘Yes you Gabe, always you. I thought we were dancing?’ I asked trying to remember to breathe.

  ‘When our song comes on.’

  ‘We have a song?’

  ‘We do now. While we were apart, every time I heard the next song play I thought of you baby,’ he sighed rubbing his nose up and down mine. ‘I love you Mia.’

  ‘I love you too Gabe.’ He suddenly stooped down and lifted me giggling into his arms and carried me onto the dance floor as the current song ended and set me down and drew me back in his arms as Ellie Goulding “How long will I love you” started playing. ‘This is our song?’ I whispered as he started to move, taking me with him.

  ‘Yes, do you like it?’ he asked. I nodded and bit my lip and let my head rest on his shoulder as I closed my eyes. He kissed my hair while I let him lead me, and as I listened to the lyrics I felt some tears roll down my cheeks. It was the most secure I’d felt with him in weeks, and without sex too. We stayed in the middle of the dance floor hanging onto each other as the song finished and the lights came on. ‘I told you I’m your forever
baby,’ he murmured.

  ‘I hope so,’ I whispered as I looked up at him and he wiped my tears away.

  ‘Hungry?’

  ‘Yes and Benito’s do amazing pizza.’

  ‘Come on then.’

  ‘Thank you,’

  ‘For what?’

  ‘My first slow dance, I enjoyed it.’

  ‘It was your first too?’

  ‘And you?’ I uttered, astonished.

  ‘I told you I didn’t do romance before you.’

  ‘Then you learnt very fast Gabe.’ I smiled as I took his hand and led him towards the others and the exit.

  It was three a.m. when the taxi dropped Doug and Lexi off, I was pleased that she’d decided to spend the night with him and snuggled up to Gabe as we headed onto mine. I put my fingers to my lips as we sneaked up the stairs and I pushed him into my bedroom before I crept over to his and arranged some of his pillows under the quilt to look like a body. It used to work for Lexi and I when we used to sneak out. I returned to my room to find him sitting on the edge of my bed. I leaned back on the door, trying to remember if I’d ever, in my wildest dreams, imagined having a guy as hot as him in this bedroom, in my family home.

  ‘Lust face,’ he whispered.

  ‘You too,’ I nodded and he reciprocated, got up and walked over to me and ran his finger over the low cut edging of my dress, across the top of my breasts making me catch my breath.

  ‘You’re so beautiful baby, this is so hard,’ he groaned. Damn it, that meant no sex, still.

  ‘Come on, we need to sleep,’ I sighed. ‘I need to get up and tell Mum about my op and diagnosis before Georgie gets here and drops me in it. Use my toothbrush,’ I nodded towards the en-suite and he tore his eyes away from me and headed in.

  I took my hat off and raked my hair before removing my makeup, letting out a small groan as he came out of the en-suite in his tight black boxers and hopped into my bed. If he was going to keep taunting me, I was going to make it just as hard for him. I stood and turned to face him as I slowly undid the fastenings on my dress at the front, then let it drop to the floor and smiled as he groaned to see I’d got on my red and black Basque and my red lace fitted shorts. I tiptoed sexily around to his side of the bed and lifted up my hair as I sat on the edge and looked over my shoulder, giving him permission to undo the hooks on the back.

  I bit my lip as I noticed his hands trembling as he carefully and slowly undid each one, laying a kiss on my spine as each section of skin was unveiled. As he undid the last one, I released my hair, stood up and let the Basque drop, before bending over to give him a good glimpse of my red lace clad bottom and rolling each of my over the knee socks down and removing them. After brushing my teeth I heard him groan and shift in the bed as I walked around to my side, in nothing but my knickers and hopped in next to him.

  ‘Ready to sleep?’ I asked all innocently.

  ‘You know I’m not, you’re deliberately testing me, goading me and you promised not to,’ he growled as he glowered at me.

  ‘Am I? Sorry you were walking around in your boxers, I thought it would be ok for me to walk around like this,’ I smiled. He took me by surprise flinging the duvet back and hauling me over his knee and spanking my bottom really hard with one hand as the other covered my mouth to muffle my scream. He gave me six in total as I felt everything south of my navel contract, my toes curl and my eyes roll back in my head.

  ‘Don’t. Tease. Me. Again,’ he hissed before kissing my heated cheeks over the lace and flipping me back onto my side of the bed and turning off his light. I lay trembling next to him, my breathing jumping as erratically as my heart, I was so ready for him and he was still holding off. ‘Turn off your light,’ he ordered. I reached out with a shaking hand and did as I was told, before he grasped me and pulled me onto his chest sighing. ‘Does he still do it for you?’ he whispered.

  ‘Who? Kai?’ I asked as I felt his hand caressing my smarting bottom.

  ‘No, Tyler,’ he said quietly. I bit my lip, shit, how did I answer that without pissing him off? Lying wasn’t going to help, he always seemed to know when I was hiding something. I took a deep breath and decided on honesty.

  ‘Yes, I still find him very attractive, but I’m in love with you Gabe, I’m your girl so nothing would ever happen with him,’ I said firmly. He remained quiet for a while and I could feel his heart racing against my cheek.

  ‘But if we weren’t together, you’d want him?’

  ‘Probably,’ I shrugged. ‘But we are together Gabe, so it doesn’t matter does it?’ Again a lengthy silence and I felt myself tensing up waiting for him to get angry.

  ‘I guess not, but don’t ever cheat on me Mia,’ he said in a relatively calm voice.

  ‘Don’t ever cheat on me Gabe,’ I retorted.

  ‘Never.’ His answer was instantaneous and as I drifted off I wondered if I had Dr Jarvis to thank, for Gabe’s handling of a topic that would have had him in a rage only a few weeks ago.

  Richard Kensington

  I kissed Gabe and left him with Lexi and Doug as I walked through town to the hotel my real Dad was staying in, to head out for our Monday lunch. I felt a bit sick, we’d had minimal contact this last year, despite him having purchased my apartment and I knew he wasn’t happy about this meeting I’d insisted on. I announced myself at the reception desk and was surprised to be asked to go up to his suite on the top floor. The receptionist directed me to the lifts.

  I thought we were going out for lunch, why was I going up to his room? I got in, my stomach churning as I pressed the button for the top floor and smiled at an older couple who got in with me. They got out on the fourth floor and I headed up to the sixth and took a deep breath as I knocked on his door and looked down at my outfit. I’d picked a black knee length fitted pencil skirt, with a bright blue blouse that mum said made my eyes sparkle and I had a pair of heels on. I’d tried to make myself look reasonably smart, thinking we were going out as I knew he didn’t go anywhere cheap, but in the rush to leave I’d left my coat behind and was already feeling shivery without the dread of anticipation at this meeting. I was nearly nineteen years of age and about to ask my biological father to be more present in my life, a man I didn’t really know, or even like very much. Was I crazy? I jumped as he opened the door, shocked to be reminded how tall and imposing he was, and good looking. I could see why Mum had fallen for him so hard. While Gerry was sweet and approachable, Richard was … manly and powerful.

  ‘Mia, please come in.’ It sounded like an order, why did he have to be so damn formal? He was so intimidating, I reckoned he could give Robert a run for his money. I stepped inside, wondering if I was supposed to shake hands with him, kiss him or hug him. What was normal with a guy you saw maybe once a year? I’d worked out on the walk here that I’d only actually met him on seventeen occasions and two of those I’d been too young to remember, Mum had told me that he’d had me overnight. He answered my unspoken question of how to greet him by striding back to his lounge, a glass of brandy clutched in his hand, me trotting behind him like a bloody lap dog. ‘Would you like a drink?’

  ‘No thank you. Are we not eating out?’ I asked.

  ‘Take a seat Mia.’ Another order and I annoyed myself by doing as I was told immediately. ‘I was surprised to get your call asking me to meet you,’ he frowned. ‘I got the impression that you weren’t particularly fond of me from our few encounters.’

  ‘I don’t really know you. That was the point of asking for us to have lunch today.’ I answered, bravely looking him in the eye.

  ‘I see. Just what exactly are you expecting from me?’ he asked bluntly. Wow, he didn’t beat about the bush. Obviously there was not going to be any small talk, he hadn’t even asked how I was and it was over a year since I’d last seen him.

  ‘I thought maybe we could arrange to spend some more time together, to get to know each other.’

  ‘O dear,’ he sighed and ran a hand over his mouth. ‘I’d hoped it was just for money
and that it wouldn’t come to this Mia, forgive me but I’m going to be direct and to point.’ I looked at him confused, had he ever been anything but? I listened however as he continued. ‘Having you and your sister in my life has caused … complications for my family …’

  ‘We are your family,’ I snapped interrupting him, and he looked shocked at my audacity, I guessed he wasn’t used to women making a stand against him.

  ‘My family from another life Mia, a life I walked away from. At one time I had thought that maybe I could merge the two, but it doesn’t seem as if that will be possible,’ he stated flatly fixed me with a cool gaze.

  ‘What exactly are you trying to say?’ I asked bristling. So he wanted to play happy families with his new one and Georgie and I were what? Just an inconvenience?

  ‘I’m in a position where I’ve been forced to make a choice between my past and present and I’m afraid given our lack of relationship as opposed to the one I have with my sons, it’s quite simple, I’ve chosen my current family.’

  ‘She’s given you an ultimatum?’ I gasped. I hated my step mother, she’d made me feel even less welcome than Dad had the few times I’d met her.

  ‘It’s not that simple. I have a very close natural bond with my sons.’

  ‘And you don’t with Georgie and I?’ I whispered as the realisation hit me that we never stood a chance, we were girls, he just didn’t know how to handle us. Yet his twin sons who were ten obviously meant more to him than we did. ‘So if we’d been boys you wouldn’t have left Mum? Is that why you left? You didn’t want daughters?’

  ‘I won’t apologise for the past Mia, it is what it is.’

  ‘I’m not asking you to apologise, I’m asking you to explain why you left us? Why you let me before I was even born?’

  ‘Fine. You asked for straight well here it is. I never wanted a daughter, I wanted a son. My relationship with your mother was … fractious at the best of times. I’d already made it clear that I was considering a divorce and then she deliberately got pregnant with you to try and trap me into the marriage.’