White Rose of Winter

by Anne Mather

  ‘Whoever it is I’m not in,’ she said unevenly to the housekeeper. ‘I – I can’t face anyone now.’

  ‘Very good, ma’am.’ Mrs. Hudson went to answer the door as the bell pealed through the house, and Julie closed the lounge door behind her and leaned back against it as though she would repel any intruders by force.

  However, her momentary peace was shattered by the sound of footsteps crossing the hall and the door was manually propelled open and Julie stood uncertainly to one side as Robert entered the room exuding an air of coldness and the more masculine scents of tobacco and shaving cream.

  He didn’t immediately see her behind the door and he looked about him with obvious impatience before he caught sight of her. Then he firmly closed the door again, and unfastened the buttons of his suede overcoat.

  Julie moved away from the door, away from him, and crossed to stand on the hearth before the artificial logs of the electric fire, wishing he would say something, and when he did not, she said carefully: ‘If you’ve come to see Emma, she’s not here.’

  ‘I know that.’ Robert removed his overcoat revealing a dark lounge suit beneath. ‘I’ve been to the hospital. I expected to find you there. I was going to bring you home. How did you get here? Did Hillingdon bring you?’

  ‘Francis?’ Julie frowned. ‘No – why?’

  ‘He said he was going to the hospital to see Emma.’ He shrugged. ‘It doesn’t matter. It’s not important.’

  Julie took a trembling breath. ‘You’ll know that Emma is much better, then?’

  ‘Yes. They let me see her. She was asleep, of course, but I could tell she was breathing quite naturally, and her colour was better.’

  ‘Good. Good.’ Julie was nervous and it was beginning to show.

  ‘Damn you, aren’t you going to ask me why I’m here, then?’ he snapped.

  Julie made a helpless gesture. ‘All – all right. Why are you here?’

  Robert moved away from the door. In the shaded light from the lamps she could see that he looked tired, too, and there was still a look of strain around his eyes and mouth. His gaze flickered over the vase of roses on the side table and she thought he was going to make some comment about them, but instead he said: ‘I came to see you, Julie.’

  ‘Oh, yes?’ Julie tugged at her ear. ‘Why? I don’t see what more we have to say to one another. Unless you’re going to tell me when I may expect your mother to confront me with the knowledge of Emma being your daughter all along.’

  ‘Julie!’ His tone was tortured. ‘Stop talking like that. No one will ever learn of Emma’s parentage from me!’

  Julie stared at him. ‘How can I believe that?’

  Robert shook his head slowly. ‘You must think me some kind of a brute if you think I would make public the fact that my brother chose to father my child! So far as everyone else is concerned, Emma is Michael’s daughter, and she’ll remain that way. I could never do less for a man I loved and admired.’

  Julie felt the prick of tears behind her eyes. ‘I see. Then – then why did you have to know? Why did you make me tell you?’

  Robert halted before her, looking down at her intently. ‘Because I’m selfish enough to want to be certain that the reason you married Michael had nothing to do with falling in love with him.’

  Julie trembled. ‘Michael was very kind to me. I – I don’t know what I should have done without him.’

  ‘But you should have told me!’ Robert exclaimed harshly. ‘Julie, I was the one you should have turned to – not Michael!’

  ‘How could I do that? You weren’t there. And I could hardly write after everything that had been said and baldly state that you would have to come home and marry me because I was pregnant? How – how charming that would have sounded!’

  Robert’s eyes dropped disturbingly down the length of her slender body. ‘You don’t seem to understand,’ he said thickly. ‘I would have welcomed those words from you.’

  Julie’s breathing felt constricted. ‘How can you say that? After the way you replied to my letter.’

  Robert heaved a sigh. ‘I know, I know. But I was angry, don’t you see? Try to understand me, Julie. You’d just refused to listen to anything I had to say. You’d refused to marry me, when I practically begged you to do so. You’d refused to understand my position with regard to the Guaba project. How was I supposed to guess the real meaning behind that stilted little letter? I tore it up. I wasn’t even going to reply. But then I had second thoughts.’

  Julie’s nails dug into her palms. ‘Why?’

  Robert shook his head. ‘Oh, I don’t know. I suppose deep down I couldn’t accept that everything was over between us. I think I half expected to see you again when I got back from Venezuela, to take up where we left off.’

  ‘That was certainly not the impression your letter conveyed,’ said Julie tautly.

  ‘I know.’ Robert raked a hand through the thickness of his dark hair, allowing his hand to rest at the back of his neck. ‘I realize by replying at all I drove you to take some other means to support yourself and the child, but did you have to marry my own brother?’

  Julie held up her head. ‘It was no easy decision, believe me. But I was alone, and Michael was the only human being to show me a little understanding – a little kindness. He – he asked me to write to you and tell you the truth. He – he knew you would shoulder your responsibilities, but – but I didn’t want you on those terms—’ She moved quickly away to the other side of the room, unable to be this close to him without revealing her feelings.

  But Robert moved after her, putting his hands on her hips, drawing her resisting body back against his with possessive pressure. Then she felt his mouth against the side of her neck, and his aching groan: ‘Dear God, Julie, don’t send me away again!’

  Julie lay back against him. It was exquisite agony to feel the hardness of his body demanding a response from her. ‘Robert,’ she breathed protestingly, ‘you may be Emma’s father, but you’re engaged to Pamela Hillingdon, and you’ve no right to make love to me like this.’

  ‘Haven’t I?’ he asked huskily, twisting her round in his arms and looking deeply into her tear-drowned eyes. ‘I think I have every right. I love you, Julie. I’ve never stopped loving you, even when I hated you, and believe me, when I found you had married Michael, I did hate you. And you love me, so don’t try to deny me.’

  Julie moved her head slowly from side to side. ‘I – I won’t deny that I love you, but I’ll never be your – your mistress!’

  Robert’s brows drew together darkly. ‘Is that what you thought I meant?’ he demanded harshly. ‘Is that why you – ran away from me last week-end?’

  Julie shivered. ‘What else could I think? As – as I’ve said, you’re Pamela’s fiancé—’

  ‘To hell with Pamela,’ he muttered savagely. ‘I don’t love Pamela. I never did. I told her so this morning.’

  Julie blinked. ‘You told her?’

  ‘Of course. You didn’t think that once I knew that you – that you hadn’t stopped loving me, I could bear to share my life with any other woman?’ He drew her closer so that she was intensely aware of his male strength. ‘Oh, Julie, you don’t know the agonies you’ve put me through, remembering – remembering—’ His mouth sought hers gently at first and then with an increasing familiarity.

  Julie clung to him weakly, her senses swimming, her body moulding itself to his almost without her will. When he finally set her free he was pale and strained.

  ‘You’ve got to marry me, Julie,’ he said, taking deep breaths of air into his lungs. ‘Tell me you will, or God help me – I – I don’t know what I’ll do!’

  ‘Oh, Robert!’ Julie smoothed her hands down his cheeks, feeling the roughness of his sideburns beneath her fingers. ‘I’ll marry you whenever you say. But first, I – I’ve got to apologize, too. I was a fool six years ago. What happened was as much my fault as yours, you must know that. And – and afterwards, when I was carrying the child, it – it �
�� oh, how can I say it?’ She shook her head. ‘I wanted it, can you understand that? I wanted your child!’

  Robert pulled her close to him again, his hands in her hair, his eyes half closed and disturbingly passionate. ‘You shouldn’t say things like that to me right now,’ he groaned. ‘Because, I’m wanting you very much and I’ve determined that I shan’t touch you again until we’re legally bound together.’

  Julie smiled as his mouth moved across her neck, and then she said gently: ‘And did you mean what you said about Emma?’

  Robert looked into her face. ‘Of course. Only you and I will ever know the truth of that.’

  ‘And your mother?’

  ‘If she’s guessed, and I told her today that it was all over between Pamela and myself, she’ll never say anything. That’s not her way.’

  ‘No.’ Julie nodded. It also explained Lucy’s rather strange and cryptic comment when she was leaving.

  ‘Tell me something,’ said Robert suddenly. ‘If – if I hadn’t guessed about Emma, would you have ever told me?’

  Julie bent her head. ‘And have you think I was trying to come between you and Pamela?’

  ‘Hell, Julie, you must have known last week-end that what I felt for Pamela was a very paltry thing compared to my feelings for you.’ He shook his head. ‘Thank God Sandra cut down the swing. It’s a terrible thing to say, but without Emma’s accident we might have been fencing about with one another for months.’

  Julie looked at him. ‘You would have married Pamela in the spring.’

  ‘You think so?’ Robert shook his head again. ‘From the moment you walked off the plane, from the moment I learned that Michael was dead even, I knew that sooner or later I would have to tell you how I felt.’

  Julie touched his cheek. ‘But that day I went out with Francis, you were so angry—’

  ‘I was jealous!’ he muttered violently. ‘And if you’d had more confidence in me, you’d have seen my selfish anger for what it was.’

  ‘Oh, Robert,’ she said again, sliding her arms round his neck. Then she frowned. ‘But how did you find out about the swing?’

  ‘Mrs. Hudson told me.’

  Julie smiled. ‘Of course. It was lucky you were there, though. It could have been so much worse. Why were you here anyway?’

  Robert sighed. ‘I’d been to see the Hillingdons. I’d lunched there and afterwards Francis tried to sell me some story about Emma being happier if she attended the village school.’

  Julie nodded. ‘I – I asked him to speak to you.’

  ‘Yes, I know. And I was pretty mad, particularly as, after last week-end, I’d decided to give the idea a try myself.’

  ‘Had you? Had you really?’ Julie hugged him. ‘Oh, darling, I’m so glad.’

  ‘Well, it was obvious that Emma wasn’t going to respond to a woman like Sandra Lawson. Besides, I didn’t like the idea that she might have been placed in the household as a kind of watchdog for my misdeeds.’ He smoothed her hair behind her ears. ‘When will you marry me? Soon? It must be soon.’

  Julie’s eyes suddenly widened. ‘The white roses!’ she exclaimed, as everything clicked into place. ‘You sent me the white roses.’

  ‘Of course.’ He nodded. ‘Who else?’

  Julie shook her head. ‘But after yesterday evening at the hospital I hardly dared to think of you, let alone imagine you might send me flowers!’

  Robert’s gaze caressed her, bringing warm colour to her cheeks. ‘I didn’t want to leave you like that yesterday evening, but I had to speak to Pamela before I could approach you. As you said, I wasn’t free, and I needed to be. I needed to be very much.’

  Julie drew back a little. ‘Do you – do you think the reason Michael left Emma in your care was because he hoped this might happen?’ she whispered.

  Robert frowned. ‘Perhaps. I should think it’s very possible. He knew that without some good reason you would never contact me and he needed to know that you would always be cared for.’

  ‘But he can’t have known that you – that I—’

  ‘Can’t he?’ Robert shook his head. ‘He must have guessed that visit he made to England when Emma was a toddler that I was more than ordinarily interested in you – in your lives out there.’

  Julie allowed him to draw her closer. ‘Oh, Robert,’ she said, ‘I’m so lucky.’

  For a long moment there was an intimate silence in the lamplit lounge, but then Robert put her determinedly away from him. ‘I must go,’ he said rather thickly, ‘or I won’t go at all.’

  Julie unbuttoned his jacket possessively, pressing herself against his warm body only thinly clothed in a silk shirt. ‘You could use the spare bedroom now that Sandra Lawson has gone,’ she suggested, but Robert shook his head.

  ‘I somehow don’t think that would work out,’ he stated firmly. ‘Julie, I adore you, but I’ve got to be sensible. Now that I know you’re going to marry me, I can wait.’

  Julie allowed him to fasten his jacket again and smiled. ‘All right. When will I see you again?’

  ‘I’ll come for you in the morning and we’ll go to the hospital and tell Emma, eh?’ he murmured. ‘Do you think she’ll mind?’

  Julie shook her head. ‘She adores you, you know that.’

  ‘And one day, when she’s old enough to understand, we’ll tell her the truth,’ said Robert, bending to kiss Julie’s cheek. ‘And she will understand,’ he added gently, ‘because she’s your daughter.’

  ISBN: 978-1-472-09776-7

  WHITE ROSE OF WINTER

  © 1973 Anne Mather

  Published in Great Britain 2014

  by Mills & Boon, an imprint of Harlequin (UK) Limited

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