Resisting the Hero

by Cindi Madsen

  “I can get her to move if you want,” Connor said.

  The coarse dog hair tickled her palm. “Don’t make her move.”

  “She rarely snuggles up to anyone but me. Usually I have to make her go outside when I have company because she has jealousy issues.”

  Another line? The truth? After the severe errors in judgment she’d made with the last guy, she couldn’t stop overanalyzing. Couldn’t stop thinking that if she let herself slip a little with Connor, she’d fall all the way. She wasn’t sure she was breathing anymore—her chest definitely felt too tight.

  “Why are you so tense?” Connor asked, bumping his shoulder into hers.

  Faith’s muscles only tightened further, so much so, they started to ache. “I’m not.”

  “Whatever you say.” He turned on the movie and sat back, his arm against hers, his hand resting lightly on her thigh—the impact was anything but light, though. Yes, the chemistry was definitely there, but she was pretty sure Connor would have chemistry with a toaster.

  As the movie started, she relaxed a fraction. Okay, I can do this. No reason I can’t spend a nice evening with a super-hot guy who makes me laugh. I’ll just set a few boundaries. I’ve already made it clear that sex is off the menu. But cuddling… She leaned back, letting her head rest on Connor’s shoulder, the way she’d been tempted to do since he first sat down. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Between him and Penny, she was perfectly warm, to the point she was almost getting drowsy.

  Yes, cuddling was definitely the way to go. Which led her to thinking about which other lines might be possible to cross.

  She glanced up at Connor, watching the lights from the television screen dance across his features. He looked down at her, and his fingers tightened on her arm. Then he was dipping his head, curling her closer.

  She tipped up her chin, parting her lips slightly, anticipation zipping across her skin.

  Then the doorbell rang and Penny shot off the couch, barking and dancing around in front of the door. With a sigh, Connor paused the movie and got up.

  “I saw your light was on, so I thought I’d bring this over and see what you were up to,” said a high-pitched feminine voice, a boatload of come-hither in her tone. “I just pulled it out of the oven, and I know you’re always ravenous.”

  Nice double entendre. Now there’s no having to guess why you’re here. Not only did he bring girls here all the time, they showed up for booty calls the second they saw he was home.

  “I’m, uh, in the middle of something,” Connor said, stepping closer to the door, angling his body to block whoever it was—all Faith caught was tall brunette and an air of desperation. By the time he’d gotten rid of her and came back into the room, a pie plate in his hand, Faith’s body had remembered how to work. She stood, the quick change in mood jarring her system.

  “My neighbor’s always cooking,” he said, a sheepish yet still too good-looking smile on his face.

  Walking-distance booty calls? Yeah, she was so out of here, before she got herself hurt all over again. “I think it’s time for me to go.” Once she was home, she’d berate herself for being stupid enough to come into Connor’s house, even though she knew better.

  Connor’s smile dropped. “Faith, come on. She’s nobody, I swear.”

  “You call girls you sleep with ‘nobody’?”

  “I’m not… We’re… It’s not what you think. It’s not like we’re in a relationship or anything.”

  A knot formed in her gut. “I know exactly what it is. That’s the problem.”

  Connor set the pie plate on the side table and then grabbed her hand. “Come on. The movie’s barely started, and I was looking forward to watching it.”

  Faith slid her hand out of his. “This was a mistake. We’ll just stick to being friends and…” She looked in his eyes and couldn’t believe the disappointment coursing through her veins. “I need to go.” She started toward the back door, the way they’d come in.

  Connor reached it the same time she did. “Hold on, I’m not going to let you go alone. If you’re determined to leave now, I’ll walk you back.”

  She wanted to say she didn’t need him and charge into the darkness. While the rational part of her brain knew it was a safe town, she also realized that walking around alone this late at night was on the chancy side. There was brave and then there was being careless.

  Connor whistled and Penny came running. “Looks like we’re all going for a nice evening stroll.” How could he be so calm when she felt like something was breaking inside of her? And how had she let him have this much of an effect on her already? She’d sworn she was being more careful.

  At least I stopped it before it went too far.

  “I’d drive you,” Connor said, “but I had three beers tonight, between the restaurant and here. Not feeling the effects so much anymore, but not worth the risk. Penny will be glad for the walk, anyway.” He opened the door and they all stepped out.

  Kaleb’s house wasn’t too far from here. A little farther than the restaurant and in the other direction, but she thought it’d be better to walk there than to get her car and run out of gas halfway home—there was no way she was facing the gas station this late at night. “I’m just going to walk to Kaleb’s.”

  “I thought your car was at the restaurant.”

  “I’d rather get it later. Like you said, we’ve been drinking.”

  He narrowed his eyes, looking like he didn’t quite believe her—she’d barely had one sip of beer at his place—but he nodded. “Whatever you want.”

  With every step, Faith grew more indignant. Did he think she’d really wanna sit around and cuddle after seeing another woman practically throw herself at him? Did he even care the night was ending like this?

  Then there was the other thing she felt—something she hated to admit, even to herself. She wanted to prove she could win Connor over from a woman like that. She’d won before.

  Only to find out, several months down the road, that she’d actually lost.

  So, sexy Star Wars collector or not, she didn’t need to get attached to a guy who’d hook up with other women, whether it was the neighbor or a random girl in a bar. A big ol’ no thanks on feeling like crap when that happened.

  She kept her eyes glued straight ahead, not looking at the guy or even his adorable dog. Connor Maguire wasn’t the man for her, so there was no reason to wonder what it would’ve been like to at least kiss him once.

  …

  Connor kept glancing at Faith marching along, arms crossed in his way-too-big sweatshirt. Having her curled next to him, her lips so close to his one moment, only to have her so far away the next made him want to slam his fist into something. He threw his head back and exhaled. Damn, Leah had the worst timing. They’d fooled around last summer, but then she told him another guy wanted her to be his girlfriend. Connor had a feeling she’d expected him to fight for her, but he’d simply told her good luck. When the two of them split a few months back, Leah started showing up now and again with food and an hour or two to kill. Then she’d gone out of town to visit family. But apparently she was back, and he couldn’t help wishing she’d stayed gone forever.

  He glanced at Faith again and tried to tell himself he didn’t care. But dammit to hell, he did. The contrast of their walk to his house earlier, her hand in his as they shared memories, only made this quiet walk more torturous. She was so close, but not laughing. Not holding his hand. Not looking like all her cares had ceased for a while.

  Lead filled his stomach. He’d caused that. But what could he do? He couldn’t change who he was.

  Just when the silence was about to make him poke his eyes out, they reached Kaleb’s back gate. The lightning bugs glittered around them, the same way they had the night at the gazebo. But now it didn’t feel magical. It felt like they were getting laid and he was being punished for ever having been.

  Connor reached inside the gate and unlocked it, opening it up for her. As she stepped forward, h
e kept hold of the top of the gate, his arm in her way. “You can’t be pissed at me for my past.”

  Fire lit her eyes as she looked up at him. “I can be pissed at you for any gosh darn thing I want, Connor Maguire. So don’t tell me when I can and can’t be angry.” She gave the gate a yank, but he kept hold of it. The woman drove him so crazy he couldn’t think straight. He couldn’t decide whether to tell her to march her self-righteous self on inside or pull her into his arms and kiss the hell out of her.

  His gaze moved to her full lips. Even twisted in anger like they were, his vote was kissing.

  “Hey, jackass,” she said between gritted teeth. “Let. Go.”

  Penny sat a few feet back, her head tilted, one ear cocked, watching and waiting. He probably did look like a jackass. But Faith needed to see he could be just as stubborn as she was. He didn’t know what he was doing anymore. This girl was driving him crazy. Making him think things he swore he never would.

  “Sweetheart, there’s no reason to be jealous of other women. I haven’t even wanted to sleep with anyone else since you showed up. And, Blondie, if you knew me better, you’d know that’s saying something about how I feel about you.”

  A laugh bubbled out of her, the kind of laugh that’s filled more with pain and doubt than happiness. “Guys like you don’t change. We both know it, so let’s not kid ourselves.”

  He didn’t like the way she lumped him in with other guys who were obviously jerks—he had good reasons for living his life this way. He stared into her big green eyes and said the most sincere thing he could. “I’m not saying I know how to be an awesome boyfriend. But for you, I’d be willing to try.”

  Faith flinched, like his words had hurt her. He didn’t get it. He was offering all he could here, and she was acting like he’d struck her.

  He cupped her chin and leaned his head down so they were eye-level. “Faith.”

  “Please let me go,” she said, her voice raw.

  Connor’s gut twisted, and while he wanted to do something, anything to fix her sadness, he couldn’t deny her when she asked like that. He reopened the gate, swinging it wide. He and Penny stood on the grass and watched her go through the backyard. He waited until she was safe inside, and then turned and made the achingly quiet walk home.

  Chapter Nine

  Faith hoped a night of sleep would erase last night from her head, but the second she woke up, she remembered the way Connor had stood there and said, I’m not saying I know how to be an awesome boyfriend. But, for you, I’d be willing to try.

  For a moment the words had hung in the air like sparkly, hope-filled little lightning bugs. But then she’d heard Jeff’s voice in her head, his words so similar. I told you from the beginning I wasn’t good at relationships.

  Then came the tumbling images of walking in on him and the girl from his office, in flagrante, each second a painful freeze frame seared into her brain. It was bad enough he was with someone else, but Faith had thought of Lisa as a friend. After all, they’d had meals together. Faith had set her up with guys so they could double.

  And Faith had just stood there staring as they tried to cover themselves with the sheet, a hundred excuses exploding from both of their mouths. Things like “It just happened,” “It has nothing to do with you,” and the killer—“I told you from the beginning I wasn’t good at relationships.”

  As if it were her fault for asking him to be her boyfriend in the first place. For thinking that buying a place together implied a deeper level of commitment.

  When he’d told her he couldn’t go listen to her big presentation, she should’ve known he was staying home for more than work. It wasn’t like he’d ever been one of those guys who lived for his job. He blew it off for things like golf or a last-minute trip all the time. As soon as the shock wore off—well, enough to move—she’d sprinted out of the condo and down the stairs, gotten into her car, and driven away. She’d wanted to drive out of town, to somewhere else, anywhere else. But she had a monthly mortgage and credit card bills for things like a new bed, dining room table, and couch, and she’d refused to let that lying jerk get everything after what he’d already taken from her.

  Of course he hadn’t just agreed to buy the condo or pay for the furnishings he was still using until she’d dragged in a lawyer.

  Faith threw her covers over her head and groaned. Why did it continue to sting, even though he’d been the one to do something wrong? It wasn’t so much the guy, but the betrayal of trust. She’d even spilled her guts to a certified therapist and the you-got-cheated-on thorn was still in her side.

  I can’t get over the fact that my ex was a cheater and I can’t get gas at the station where Daddy died. Talking it out, all those years of therapy and everything I’ve learned, and I’m still screwed up. I’m a fraud, and my whole career’s a fraud.

  The loneliness she’d fought for years crept up, wrapping its suffocating tentacles around her. She felt herself falling into that dark place that seemed to want her so badly. It whispered to give up. That she’d never be enough for a guy. That she was alone.

  Faith heard the door creak open and then the pitter-patter of little footsteps.

  “Auntie Faith,” Ella whispered, right next to Faith’s covered head. Then the covers slid down and Ella’s chubby cheeks came into view.

  And just like that, light pierced the darkness, pushing it away.

  Faith covered a yawn. “Good morning, pretty princess.”

  Ella climbed onto the bed, struggling for a moment, before getting herself all the way on. “Can we paint nails? ’Cause look.” Ella shoved her fingers so close to Faith’s eyes that she saw double. The pink had chipped off at the edges, and apparently Ella was one of those girls who couldn’t deal with anything less than flawless nails.

  Faith sat up against the headboard. She should go running, since she was still training, but she didn’t want to. Surely a day off was in order, especially since she’d done double duty yesterday—a run in the morning and a swim at night. “Just let me take a shower and we’ll fix them, okay?”

  “Yay, yay, yay!” Ella jumped on the bed and then dived onto Faith, hugging her neck so tightly her airway was in danger of being cut off. But Faith didn’t let go. It reminded her that she wasn’t alone. No matter what happened, she had family, and she thanked her lucky stars that she didn’t live so far away from them anymore.

  Now she just needed to figure out a way to avoid her brother’s friend and partner. Because Connor, the hero-complex player, with his promises to try, could quickly undo the little bit of healing she’d done. And as of right now, she was back on the No Heroes, No Players Wagon.

  With that thought in mind, she took a quick shower. Ella came in as she was coating her eyelashes with mascara and ended up getting full makeup, along with freshly painted nails.

  “Wow,” Anna said when the two of them walked into the kitchen.

  Faith grabbed an apple out of the fruit basket. “Hope it’s okay. I can’t seem to say no to the girl.” She leaned against the counter and crossed one ankle over the other. “So, what’s on the agenda today?”

  Anna boosted Ella onto the counter and handed her a string cheese. “I’m taking Ella to story time at the library, and then I’ve got to go dig through the community center for the fall decorations. Now that the gazebo’s repaired and looking brand new, all we’ve got left to do is wrap the fake leaves around it and strategically place the pumpkins and hay bales throughout the park. But we’ll do most of that just a few days before. I can’t believe we only have two weeks left until the festival.” Anna ran a hand through her hair. “I sure hope I’m not forgetting anything.”

  “I noticed the stands that Kaleb made in the backyard.” When she’d come in last night, she’d noticed the white pillars of varying heights next to the studio.

  “Yeah, he finished them up late last night. I’m going to put them in the tent so all my pieces can be easily seen when people walk by.”

  “Well, if you w
ant, I’ll tag along and help wherever I can. And then when we’re done, can you take me by Cappano’s? I left my car there last night.”

  “Of course. You sure you’re up for all the errands? I’m sure it’ll be boring.”

  Faith shrugged. “I’ve got nothing else to do.” And with any luck, it’d keep her mind busy—sitting around might lead her to think about the very thing she was trying to not think about. Maybe tomorrow she’d even take another trip to Charlotte. Swing by the medical school and remind herself what she was working toward. Between what’d happened in Atlanta and the shuffle, she’d lost sight of her goals, and she wasn’t going to do that again. She wanted to finish her internship and become a certified counselor.

  All day she focused on that and enjoying being around Anna and Ella, helping out whenever she could. They ate lunch at the diner and scheduled a time to meet up with Mr. Landcaster early next week, since he was supplying the hay bales for the park and running the hay rides for the festival.

  By the time Faith made it to her car that afternoon, she felt like the pieces of her new life plan were already coming together—she’d just been focusing on all the wrong things. A hint of fall weather hung in the air, and a few of the leaves on the trees were even starting to change—fall might actually arrive just in time for its celebratory festival. When she turned the key, she noticed her car took a little longer than usual to start. Okay, she was definitely going to have to face THE gas station. Good thing today was the day she was getting her life together again. And once she succeeded, she was rewarding herself with jewelry.

  She took a deep breath and pulled onto the road. She drove toward the gas station, slowing a bit when the sign for it came into view. I can do this. All she had to do was compartmentalize and restructure. She’d heard it dozens of times.

  It was a place to get fuel, and she needed gas to keep her car running, simple as that. There were more safety features in place nowadays. People went there every day and came out just fine.