Resisting the Hero

by Cindi Madsen

  “Let’s do this,” she said, even though, technically, she was alone. She pushed on the accelerator, but the car didn’t speed up. It was getting slower and slower, more drifting down the hill than speeding up.

  “Oh, come on. The light just came on yesterday. Doesn’t that mean I get at least ten to fifteen miles?”

  The car shuddered in answer. The engine revved as she depressed the gas pedal and then the car died completely. She tried to restart it—at least so she could get it out of the middle of the road—but all she got was a clicking noise. “How embarrassing,” she muttered, turning on her hazard lights. Cars started around her, and she picked up her phone. Anna had been heading home to put Ella down for a nap, and Kaleb was at work. Was she really willing to pay a tow truck in order to avoid calling in favors?

  She lowered her phone, trying to decide which option was the least awful. When she glanced in the rearview mirror and saw the squad car turn down the road, her heart sank and she prayed with everything in her that it wasn’t either of the cops she knew.

  …

  Even though there wasn’t much going on in town, Connor usually preferred driving the streets to sitting in the office and answering calls or filling out paperwork. Especially since he and Kaleb could shoot the shit all day—it made the hours go by faster. The slow days always made him wonder about moving to a city, where he might make a bigger impact and do more with his SWAT training. But he’d miss it here. He liked his mornings running next to or swimming in the lake, serving in a town where he knew most everyone, and working with his best friend.

  He leaned forward, peering out the windshield. There was a white Jetta in the middle of the road, the hazard lights blinking.

  “Oh, Faithie,” Kaleb mumbled. He pulled the squad car behind the Jetta and flipped on the lights.

  Connor tensed. Last night he’d put himself out there—not even realizing he was going to do it until it was out of his mouth—only for Faith to shove it in his face. The rejection took him back to those awful junior high days, too, and he hated it, to say the least. He’d planned on avoiding her for a while. In fact, he was thinking tonight he’d go to the Rusty Anchor and talk to the waitress who’d given her his number. Or maybe call Leah. Whatever it took to get Faith off his mind for good.

  So of course it was her car in the middle of the street. Working in a big city was suddenly looking better by the minute.

  Kaleb got out of the car, and Connor decided he might as well, too. His partner would probably wonder what was going on if he didn’t.

  The door of the Jetta opened and Faith exited the car, her head down.

  “I thought you were over this,” Kaleb said.

  Faith kicked at the ground. “I was. I am. Just not paying attention, is all.”

  Connor glanced from her to Kaleb, who was pinching the bridge of his nose, then back to her. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing.” Faith’s eyes met his, and he could see the embarrassment in her features. “I ran out of gas. I was on my way there, I swear.”

  The gas station she must’ve passed on the way to Capanno’s last night was just up ahead. Between Kaleb’s reaction and hers, he realized what that gas station meant to Faith, and the pieces of the puzzle started dropping into place. “Put it in neutral and we’ll get it off the street.”

  She nodded and got back inside. Connor and Kaleb pushed the car to the side of the road. Kaleb shook his head. “She used to do this all the time in high school. She swore she was over it. I think I only made it worse when I used to fill her tank for her. She’s gotta learn to face it sometime.”

  Connor could feel the exasperation coming off Kaleb, and he didn’t want him to aim it at Faith, not when she’d already looked so humiliated. “You move the squad car,” Connor said. “I’ll talk to Faith.” When Kaleb looked like he might argue, Connor patted his shoulder. “Seriously, I got it.” He went around to the passenger side of the Jetta and climbed in, closing the door behind him.

  Faith ran her thumbnail along the bottom of her steering wheel. “I’m sure Kaleb told you all about my problem. I know, it’s stupid. And I swear I was on my way there. I was going to go in this time.”

  After last night, Connor decided he was done trying to be a guy he clearly wasn’t. Thinking he could try a relationship with Faith was a stupid idea anyway. But now she was sitting there, looking…fragile. Not a word he’d usually use for her.

  He twisted in the seat to face her and his knee knocked into the glove compartment—he always felt so cramped in these tiny compact cars. “We can play this a few ways. I call in a favor with a tow truck driver I know and we get you to the station on the other side of town, or you can sit here while I go fill up a plastic tank that’ll get you at least enough gas to get there. Or…” He tugged her arm from the steering wheel and wrapped his hand around hers. “You go in, with me.”

  “I’m not scared of going in,” she said, her jaw set, but her eyes didn’t tell the same story.

  “Right. I’m asking you to go with me for purely selfish reasons, actually. I’d rather have you with me.”

  She shot him one of her signature you’re so full of crap looks.

  “Why do it with yourself when you can do it with someone else?” He aimed a smile her way. “That’s always been my policy.”

  The corners of her mouth quivered, and then she not only smiled, but laughed. The sound ignited a dozen fireworks in his chest. His new goal in life was going to be making her laugh. She glanced toward the gas station and all happiness drained out of her expression. She blew out a long breath and turned her eyes on him. “Okay. I’ll go with you.”

  They both got out of the vehicle. “We’re walking,” Connor said to Kaleb—he didn’t think putting her in the back of the squad car like a criminal would help the situation. Besides, the walk would give her a chance to collect herself, and he could tell she needed that..

  Kaleb popped the trunk and tossed Connor the plastic gas can they kept inside. He raised his eyebrows, silently asking Connor if he was sure about this. Connor nodded. He wanted to take Faith’s hand, but he was very aware of Kaleb watching them.

  For a moment, they walked in silence. Then he said, “Had to watch the movie with myself last night. Even Penny fell asleep.” He didn’t want to bring up a sore subject, but he wanted her to know that as frustrated as he was after she left, he didn’t call Leah.

  Faith’s eyes darted around the area like she was on patrol. It made him do a cursory glance as well. “I was going to give Kaleb your sweatshirt to give to you, but I figured he’d have too many questions, so you can get it the next time you come by. Or I could drop it off.”

  “I’d prefer the drop-it-off option.” He put his hand on her back, figuring he could at least get away with that—with both Fitzpatricks. Faith’s steps slowed as they neared the station, until he felt like he was practically pushing her forward. Her skin paled and he could see her chest rising and falling with quick breaths.

  “Faith.”

  Her eyes stayed glued to the station.

  “Look at me.”

  For once in her life, she actually did something he said. He took her hand. “I’m trained, armed, and you’re safe with me.”

  “My dad was trained and armed,” she said, glancing at the ground.

  He had a dozen things he could say about that, how her dad was off-duty, and therefore, not wearing his vest. He was against two shooters. He was trying to save others’ lives before his and didn’t wait for backup, which Connor admired the guy for, even though it was a more dangerous option. But he didn’t think any of those would help Faith right now. It was probably time to let her in on his connection to her dad, though. Well, part of it at least. “Did you know your dad was the reason I became a cop?”

  Her head jerked up.

  “Like I said last night, Star Wars was the start of my wanting to be a hero. But your dad, he was a real hero in the real world. I went out of my way to meet Kaleb at the academy
once I found out he was Patrick Fitzpatrick’s son—it’s how we first met.”

  “I know he was a hero,” she said, and her voice cracked. Tears shimmered in the corners of her eyes. “It’s just knowing it was here. At this gas station. I feel stupid for not being able to perform a function as simple as getting gas. Especially since I’m going into a career where I’m supposed to help counsel people to get over their fears. But it doesn’t make me less afraid.”

  Connor cupped her cheek, brushing his thumb across the top of it. “I know, baby. But I’ve been trained to handle dangerous situations. I have a gun strapped on my belt and a partner a few blocks back. I got you.”

  He stared into her clear green eyes, the overwhelming urge to protect her growing stronger by the second. “I got you.”

  …

  Faith’s breath was lodged in her throat, all her words gone to wherever her fear had also disappeared to when Connor touched her. It was the most intimate moment she’d ever had in public, the cars driving on the street and the people around fading away. It was just him and her, and they could take on anything. She didn’t want to think about how much she was failing at avoiding Connor right now. The important thing to focus on was getting over her fear of a stupid gas station. Taking on one problem at a time—it was part of her training and everything, so it had to be a solid idea.

  She took the gas can from him and grabbed onto his other hand. That way he’d have one hand free to draw his gun if needed. And while she knew that was unlikely, it was also nice to know.

  Her knees shook when they walked over to the gas pump, but she gripped the handle of the tank and Connor’s hand tighter. He pulled out his wallet and she had to race him to get her card slid first. He grabbed the nozzle before she could, though. He filled up the tank as full as it could go, capped it, and lifted it. “Anything else?”

  Faith glanced toward the front doors of the store. She was so close, and everything in her wanted to flee, but she still had one thing to check off her list before she’d consider this trip a total success. “I’m buying a pack of gum.”

  “Okay.”

  Her heart hammered as she stepped inside. The contrast of the warm day and icy cold air conditioning made her skin even clammier. When her footsteps faltered, Connor gripped her hand tighter. His other hand wasn’t free anymore, but she wasn’t sure she could let go. He glanced around the area and gave her a sharp nod.

  She tossed a pack of Big Red gum on the counter, paid for it as fast as humanly possible, and then took Connor’s hand and nearly sprinted out of the store. Her muscles shook from the adrenaline, but the farther away they got, the easier it was to breathe. She glanced at the jewelry store, her reward for learning to go near the station. But she decided she’d done enough for today. Especially since she wasn’t sure that small container of gas would get her across town, and that meant she’d have to pull up to the pumps and finish filling her car.

  Still, she’d gone in…

  With Connor’s help.

  She glanced at him, his large profile lit up by the sun. After everything that’d happened last night, she deserved for him to tell her to deal with her problems herself. Kaleb would’ve lectured her the entire time. Yet Connor just let her use him to hold herself together, strong where she struggled. A hot flush swirled through her chest. “You’re making it really hard to resist you, Connor Maguire.”

  A slow smile spread across his face and his fingers curled tighter around hers. “That’s the idea, babe.”

  “I’m sorry about last night. I’ve been hurt before, and I’m trying not to make the same mistakes. But I shouldn’t have stormed off like that, and I can’t thank you enough for what you just did for me.” Another few steps and her brother would be able to see their every move. So before she lost the chance, she tipped onto her toes and kissed his cheek.

  …

  Connor couldn’t remember the last time he’d smiled for this long, but he didn’t care to stop. They’d gotten Faith’s car running and followed her to the gas station, where she filled up. By herself. Even though he’d wanted to go hold her hand, he could see the sense of accomplishment on her face when she waved and got back into her car.

  He couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss she’d given him. He decided right then and there that cheek kisses were totally underrated.

  He sat back in his seat, trying to get comfortable for the second round of patrol. Every time Faith brought up the danger element of his job, he wanted to make a joke about how he was more likely to get a permanently flat butt or paper cuts doing reports than shot at. Luckily he’d had the good sense to hold it back—definitely not the thing to say to a girl whose father had been shot. He’d like to believe things would be different now. He’d felt a shift between them, but he knew better than to think she’d easily admit it, if nothing else because she was the most stubborn woman he’d ever met.

  Connor turned toward Kaleb, who hadn’t said much since they’d refueled Faith’s car. Out of respect for the guy, he couldn’t put off any longer the uncomfortable chat they needed to have. “What if I like your sister?” He’d never been one to dance around a subject. Now it was out there, so he could see just how pissed Kaleb got.

  Kaleb’s knuckles turned white as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “You don’t.”

  “I do. She’s different.”

  Kaleb sighed and finally glanced at him. The line of his jaw was tense, and he had the kind of look in his eye that perps got when they decided it’d be a good idea to take on an officer. “She is different,” he said, his words sharp as ice picks. “She’s my little sister.”

  “I know.” A rock formed in Connor’s gut. He’d take a bullet for the guy sitting next to him, no second thought. “I’m not talking a one night stand. I want to take her out. See what happens if I give the relationship thing a chance.”

  Kaleb rubbed a hand across his forehead. “I think that’s worse.”

  “I could use your help, man. I don’t want to screw it up before it even starts.”

  Kaleb shook his head. Luckily he needed his hands to drive, because the guy looked like he wanted to take a swing at him. “You must be tripping, dude. I’m not going to tell you how to get my sister to fall for you so you can end up being a dick to her when you get sick of her. She’s had enough of that.”

  The words pricked his chest, especially after all the time he’d spent at Kaleb’s house with him, Anna, and Ella. “That’s really what you think of me?”

  Kaleb pressed his mouth into a tight line. “You’re like my brother. But I’ve seen you with women. And I don’t want to think about you and her… No. Just no.”

  “I’m not asking for permission. I’m letting you know that I’m going to ask her out. I guess I’m hoping for a little understanding.”

  An angry vein popped out in Kaleb’s forehead. Great. Now he’d have to spend the rest of the day in a car with his pissed off best friend. He should’ve waited until the end of the day to bring it up. Faith had accused him of diving in without thinking before, and he was starting to see her point. Maybe he should think things through better. He’d always gotten himself out of trouble before, though. He’d figure out something. Of course, in this case, Kaleb could try to persuade Faith not to go for him. He wasn’t the interfering type, though.

  Usually.

  Kaleb’s eyes hardened, his gaze fixed on the road ahead of them. “Doesn’t matter what I think. She’ll never go for you. Not long-term, anyway.”

  Connor liked a challenge, but Kaleb’s words, combined with what he knew about Faith, made it seem like more than that. “I’m smart, strong—and good-looking, as I’m sure you noticed as we ride around all day.” He hoped the joke would ease some of the tension. “And I’m—”

  “A cop,” Kaleb said, as if the words were a death sentence. “Say she gets over your player past and you two actually work out, she’s not strong enough for this lifestyle. You saw how she was today.”

  Connor
opened his mouth to argue that she was strong. She only needed someone to help her—needed him.

  “She’d spend every day stressed out and scared you wouldn’t come home. She’d end up depressed and a shell of herself, just like my mom. Faith doesn’t need that life, and I don’t want it for her. Maybe that makes me a hypocrite, considering I’m a cop, too, but I don’t care. It’s my job to protect her, and she’s got a bright future ahead of her. I’m asking you to let her be.”

  With every sentence, Connor’s protest faded more and more. Kaleb hardly talked about his mom. Between what Connor heard through town gossip and the few serious talks he and Kaleb had had over the past few years, Connor knew she’d spiraled into a deep depression after her husband was killed. Kaleb had basically taken over at eighteen, everything from running the house to taking responsibility for Faith. His mom had since moved in with her parents and hardly visited. Faith had stayed away till now, and obviously she was still affected by her father’s death.

  Connor knew what it was like to have a mother who was a shell of herself. To see someone so broken he didn’t know if she’d ever be okay again. He’d never wanted to be responsible for that kind of damage, which was why he’d made a decision a long time ago not to ever let himself get in that deep with another person.

  So he got it, he did. Didn’t mean he liked it or that it was easy to swallow. It felt like he’d finally gotten his hands around Faith, and now she was slipping through his fingers. Even more surprising was the incredible sense of loss that immediately filled him when he thought about letting go completely.

  Chapter Ten

  Faith ran along the lake, telling herself to push for two more minutes and then she could walk for two. She couldn’t stop thinking about Connor. He’d helped her confront one of her biggest fears, even after she’d pushed him away. Her heart tugged and she could feel the ghost of his hand on hers, holding her steady. She’d texted him that night, saying she was thinking about taking him up on his offer to help train the last two weeks before the 5K.