By Silent Majority

by Robert Buschel

  I don’t want to leave the Israelis out on a limb by themselves. The Israelis’ role in American history has been crazy as the Americans want them to be. They do what we don’t have the guts to do by ourselves.

  Day 13

  I woke up again in the middle of the night. The Israelis scrapped the plans for a stealth entry into the lab. They just flew some planes over Jordan and bombed it. It was a good surgical strike. Admiral Raven of Navy SOCOM was disappointed his boys didn’t do it. I called the Prime Minister of Israel and complained that this was not what we agreed to. He replied he couldn’t wait for me to make up my mind. I played mad, but I understood. It’s a whole different consciousness for the Prime Minister. Thank God, I don’t have it. It would require some lunatic bombing a bus full of children in Maryland for me to have it. I flew back to Washington, D.C. right away.

  Later in the morning, I ordered our aircraft carriers in the region to be put on full alert. The Jordanians were claiming this was an unjustified strike. The Israelis bombed a hospital. Freaks were jumping up and down in the streets burning American and Israeli flags. I feel like bombing them when I see them. I went on television this morning and spoke to the Press Corp. I told them that I knew the Israelis were contemplating this strike. I wished it could have been resolved without violence, but I can’t blame the Israelis for wanting to defend themselves. I answered the expected questions. Two Israeli soldiers were killed when one of the planes flying by was shot down. They’ll be forgotten by tomorrow. My approval ratings went up five points by the afternoon. Apparently, I looked Presidential talking about the military conflict.

  Day 14

  I was up the whole night in the Situation Room. I felt guilty that I didn’t move fast enough to do a stealth entry. Those two pilots. I don’t know anything about them, except they are dead. Could I have changed the outcome? Would four others have died instead? Would I have put the USA in a bad situation? Would I have set off a war? With my guilt, I agreed to let Israeli planes land on an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Suez. I gave permission to let the planes bomb the homes of suspected Palestinian suicide bombers, and then land on our boat. “It’s funny,” the

  Prime Minister said, that was “a nice consolation, but it’s not enough.”

  Day 15

  Because U.S. troops didn’t engage the Palestinians, I personally didn’t have to engage the White House Press Corps. My press secretary did a great job. She reminded them that these suicide bombers are terrorists who don’t belong to any nationality. They are evil. Language is very important. I swear I think one of the reporters called the suicide bombers commandos. Is a Palestinian state the answer to peace? I don’t know. Should I help reward them for terrorism? Why don’t I let the Mainland Chinese move into Texas and see how it goes?

  Just became acquainted with some new technology: drones. Drones are unmanned aircraft that is coming along as an excellent surveillance and bombing tool. The pilot is sitting in a room in Nevada and goes home for dinner every night.

  Day 16

  I’ve decided to make weekends a little more like weekends. I like to read on weekends, but the meetings have to be limited. Everyone wants to meet every day of the week. Everyone wants to claim, I meet with the President all the time. I’m going to try and only have Intelligence briefings on the weekend mornings. And then do little else. Oh, who am I kidding? I have more appointments and confirmation hearings. Everyone’s hand is out. You would think every single person was important to my winning the Presidency. In this election, each and every person was, not to mention I told them so. You would think those people would let me do my job like I want to. No, they want their patronage.

  Day 17

  I’ve become a part of something today that I feel could be helpful to me on the national security front. I decided to start having massages in the morning, and the masseuse asked me for a password. I didn’t know what to tell him. So I said the CoInTEL password and he said that would be good enough for today. He then handed me a letter. Inside was a typed welcome and tomorrow’s password. It wasn’t a literal password. It was the key to a password. My second grade teacher’s last name and the square root of the number of times I have travelled to Japan. Cole 1.414. I hope that’s right.

  It also warned me of how a certain faction outside the government wishes to end my honeymoon early by releasing a story that I had smoked marijuana in the past. It was signed, The Receptionist.

  I didn’t know what to make of the note, other than to wait and see if it was true. I suspected Peter Spark was behind the whole system. That would be his thing. But that would be redundant. Peter does not have to secretly tell me anything, he can just

  tell me.

  Today the White House released the Justice Department strategy. Incorporating more programs to help solve crime rather than just prosecute offenders. Law enforcement should be more social-worker oriented. That is, if we want to reduce crime, rather than just fight it.

  Day 18

  Sure enough. This message center arrangement was right. The Post came out with a front page article that said I smoked pot in my twenties. Such a triviality. It is an attempt to thwart my momentum before I even get started. There was nothing I could really do about it. It was true. I said that I tried it once like I did. That should pretty much be the end of it. I didn’t gum it, I inhaled it and enjoyed it. I don’t think children should be doing it, but nobody’s evil if they try it.

  The good news is, I delayed the release of my economic package until the end of the week, so it would get the coverage in the paper that it deserves. I like this message center thing so far, whoever is behind it. Seems pretty reliable, but what’s its spin? Relying on this system, and I’m ripe for an escort into a brick wall. Information is not about getting the truth; it’s about getting what is probably true. I’ll get facts, information, and what does it all really mean? People must be able to interpret the information, and decide what they want to do with it. I’m on my guard with this message system.

  Day 19

  I decided to take a shot and turn the whole pot smoking scandal from past campaigns to my advantage. I’ve launched my new campaign about drugs that I felt the American people were not ready for. It involves a complete attack on cigarettes and now I’m considering taking the campaign to alcohol as well. I’m willing to compromise on the beer, where I’ll get the most flak. I might as well plant the seed for the next President.

  The Department of Justice announced today that the United States would realign our ‘racist’ policies in the Immigration Service. Medical screening will be the determining factor in most of these cases. I doubt if there will be much of a change in the numbers of immigrants. But at least it won’t appear so racist on the books.

  Day 20

  Peter came into the Oval Office at the end of the day. He asked me to go into the adjoining office where he works. There was nothing strange about his request, but his mood was unusual. He asked me to call the CEO of Symantec and have a friend of Peter’s who “helped us with the campaign” appointed to the board. Who is it, I asked? Peter said, “his name is William, he’s a professor at MIT. He’d be a good choice.” When I asked Peter how he helped us, Peter didn’t really answer. I’ll bring it up again at another time. I said I’ll make the call. “Put it on the call list.”

  Day 21

  It has been a real fashion show over in the residence. The First Lady is doing photo shoots and getting all sorts of designer outfits for all occasions. Her speaking tour is supposed to raise money for school literacy programs. I am very happy she picked that wonderful cause. I walked in her makeshift dressing room/fashion runway, and she barely noticed I was there. All she did was tell me to check out the dining room, it should look like our Florida home. Sure enough it did. It was decorated exactly in the same way. My relationship with June is great when she’s busy. When she gets bored, oh boy, I’m miserable. I think action ar
ound the White House should keep her occupied. If it can’t, then nothing else will.

  Day 22

  Eating at the dining room table was a pleasant, familiar experience this morning. The Vice President came in to join me for our first breakfast together as President and Vice President. He was upset we weren’t having breakfast in the Rose Garden. It’s amazing how everyone wants to have pictures like no one knows he’s Vice President. Maybe no one does. All Vice Presidents have an inferiority complex. Jack is no exception.

  Day 23

  I’m into my third week as President, and it occurred to me that I’m an only child with no parents. I’m feeling the loneliness of not having any family. My mother had a brother. Who knows where he is today. He could be dead. I remember him as a child. I remember caring about him. I remember being a good nephew with my fun uncle. But he let the vices of life destroy him. My mother told me that he succumbed to gambling. When he lost, he turned to alcohol and drugs. Then his wife left him, my aunt. I don’t have fond memories of her. She was in it for the good times and not the bad times. She was gone when things got rough. My uncle was gone too, when my mother said he wouldn’t give him any more money to destroy himself. He visited some ten years later, but that was it. I haven’t seen him through my Senate campaign, or since I’ve been President. I half expected he would come calling. He didn’t. I assume it’s either he is dead or is too embarrassed to approach me. I feel lonely because I have no one, but I am not interested in resuming a relationship with him.

  I enjoyed visits from relatives from June’s side of the family, but she doesn’t keep in touch with them. Truth be told she is embarrassed by her family roots. She never could accept what she calls her white trash family. She does everything to pretend that they don’t exist. They send cards and photographs. June writes but does not call, and I’ve never heard her speaking to any of her relatives, except for one cousin, Cathy. She is coming tonight for dinner with her husband, Carl. Carl is a dermatologist. He lifted Cathy from the trailer to Park Avenue. So to June, she was acceptable. Carl is a boring dermatologist. He doesn’t do cutting edge medicine, but makes a very good living. This makes him interesting to June, and uninteresting to me. Carl wants nothing from me. I invited the Surgeon General to dinner for conversation help. But Carl doesn’t even want to serve on a Presidential Board for medicine. Thank God June will be so excited she won’t stop talking. I can just eat and be quiet.

  Day 24

  The dinner went better than expected. I brought up the opportunity of being on a Presidential Board of Medicine to Carl, and he accepted. He was falling over himself to accept. I guess Dr. Carl wanted a piece of the prestige. I keep learning that I can persuade people to do things I want them to do. It makes me feel pretty good. It’s funny, I really didn’t care if Carl was or wasn’t. The point is, I asked. If I asked, then I wanted him to say yes. It perhaps is impetuous. I’m ego driven like anyone else.

  Day 25

  So I decided to test drive my new found influence today. I signed a slew of new executive orders. Half of them were undoing the last administration’s executive orders, and the White House staff came up with others.

  Then over a nightcap with Peter Spark he told me how we really won the close election race in Florida. He told me why I have to make that phone call to Symantec.

  Day 26

  It finally hit me. I’m depressed. I’ve felt this way before. It’s not a sad event that touches me off, it’s frustration, feelings of helplessness. I am angry with Peter. I hate Peter. I wrote it. He wanted to win at all costs. He will be the ruin of me, if he hasn’t done it already. I let him have too long a leash because I fell in love with the prospect of power. The idea that Peter can handle things on his own, and I didn’t need to watch. Well, one day a special prosecutor will be watching, and he will see the crimes. No one will believe I didn’t know. I didn’t know! Or I didn’t want to know. I let Peter do what needed to be done. I’m a loser. I am not the President of the United States. I didn’t want to win. I don’t want this job. I didn’t want it. I dreaded waking up this morning.

  What can I do? I can’t be honest with this diary anymore. I can’t be honest with myself. I’ll have to act as if I’m President. I must be the President, even though in my heart I might not have won. I will resign the presidency. I will claim a heart problem, and I am putting the country before myself. How ironic?

  Day 27

  Maybe I feel a little better today. I have a little more of a step in my stride. I’m thinking about being a professor. I will take a few months off, I know how to complain to the doctor about chest pains, and shortness of breath. You think a Naval doctor is going to tell me I’m crazy. I can’t even tell the psychologist that I’m a fraud, and that’s why I’m depressed. I’ve decided to talk to June tonight.

  Day 28

  I was tense all day in my shoulders. Peter and I have been just speaking professionally. No real communication. We had an intimacy to our relationship, but it’s not been that way. Maybe this is the way it’s going to remain until I’m done. I really don’t care. Peter lashed out once at some point in the day, “Do whatever the hell you want without a care for who or what brought you here. Be a Jimmy Carter!” “He was honest!” I shot back. I felt like saying, “You made me William Henry Harrison,” but it was one of those great things you think of after the moment is gone. I guess I can’t die of pneumonia anymore. I didn’t see him the rest of the day. I just read for most of the day. June wasn’t home at night. I forgot she was in New York with Melissa Spark. She’ll be back tomorrow.

  Day 29

  Well my anxiety was at a peak today. I raised my voice to the Secretary of HUD. She probably went home and cried. I’m not very focused. I went right in to see June as soon as I heard that she was in the residence. I told her I’m not feeling well, and the doctors said I’m having heart problems. She said get on medication. I said I’m depressed from my heart too, the medication makes it worse. She said I should go see the psychologist. Resign? I could have said suicide and gotten the same reaction. There is nothing more important to June than being the queen of the country. I just have to breathe. Don’t ever talk resignation again. I won’t. My wife is like William Howard Taft’s wife. She wanted me to be President. I just wanted to be a professor. One day, I can be like Taft. I’ll be in a job I really want and forget I ever was President.

  Day 30

  A Supreme Court position has opened. I will get to fill the seat. What a great honor. I know who needs to fill the seat. I need a thoughtful jurist. The staff I assigned is creating a profile. I also know how I have to go about doing it. I asked Professor Rob Popalizio to accept the nomination. He was a District Court Judge turned law professor. He will be an excellent choice. I hope he does. It will be a big favor to me. He’s perfect.

  Day 31

  Well, I was actually photographed making phone calls today. I called Senators all day asking for their support for nominations of assistant secretaries and other Cabinet positions. Of course the work to get the Supreme Court nominee is the most difficult. If I want the quality cabinet people I demand, then I need to get rid of Papalizio, and not nominate him. Roe v. Wade is going to stand or else. That’s the big fear. I have these ultimatums thrust upon me, if Popalizio is out, then they’ll vote for whomever else I want. I would shoot back that Bob Popalizio is one of your brothers. They shoot back: He’s a brother in the Senate and a black sheep on the Supreme Court. The press and the Senate is going to give Papalizio a full proctology exam.

  Day 32

  Bob Papalizio said that he will accept the nomination as a favor to me. He talked it over with his wife and she was for it. I was grateful and told him that I owed him one. True self sacrifice—an honorable man.

  My son visited the White House for the first time since the election. It was the first time the East Wing residence felt like home. I missed him from the moment he left. Connie
will be coming this weekend. Maybe my spirits will rise. President Lincoln had the hypos, a rich form of depression. So do I. I wish I could hang a lantern on my problem.

  Day 33

  It’s been very hectic strategizing over Papalizio. The meetings I’ve had with Senators. I think I might have to promise my son, Alan to get the Justice I want. I’m not promising too much. I think I know what I’m doing. See the problem is Papalizo is a strict constructionalist. Boy, the conservative and liberal columnists around the country are just cooking Papalizio for dinner. The internet is providing more and more avenues for loud-mouths to just write. People believe what they read. Like every blog is from the New York Times. The Silent Majority really know where he stood on issues it wanted to be outcome determinative. I wanted to invite Professor Pappalizio over for dinner one night, and Peter said that I couldn’t. Word would spread and it would be spun negatively somehow. So I snuck him in on the schedule for a drink and game of chess. I beat him, of course.

  Day 34

  This situation is wrong about Peter and this Symantec Board appointment. I don’t know who this William Goode is. It is becoming more and more real why Peter is so hot for me to make a call and recommend Goode. What do I have to do for Symantec when this Goode is appointed? Peter slipped and said, “whatever they want.” I’ve never seen him like that before. He’s always so calculating and reserved. I demanded he get me a dossier on Goode before I make the call. I could see he was seething when I asked him for it. I’m getting bad vibes from the Goode appointment. I think Peter thinks the momentum of the hundreds of appointments I’ve been making, this one would just slip by me out of habit. I need to trust my instincts. Peter is resentful that I’m making him go through the motions.