PREGNANT BY MY MOTHER’S RAPIST 2

by Niki Jilvontae

  As soon as I was inside I fell on to the bed and cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. I could hear my family still yelling and discussing what would happen as I laid there and Berry barked in her bag. I got up and took her out to lay on the bed with me as KJ knocked on my door.

  “Go away brother, I’m okay. I just need to be alone.” I said as KJ told me he loved me and he would always be there.

  “It’s okay sis. I know you can’t see that right now, but everything gonna be good again. Just get you some rest and I’ll be right outside on the porch when you wake up. I love you Na Na…forever; no matter what.” My brother said as I cried and told him that I loved him too.

  I laid back on my bed and cried with Berry in my arms until everyone’s voices finally disappeared, then I fell asleep. My uncle Bear came to me in my dream that day and told me everything would be alright. He told me I should watch the signs and keep my eyes open though, and I planned to do just that. I could see his chunky, chocolate face as clear as day in my dream and feel his strong arms around me. I felt so loved and complete with him in this field of roses; so much so I never wanted to leave. That beautiful feeling soon ended though when the sound of my phone ringing woke me up sometime later.

  I reached over and answered the phone without even opening my eyes and when I put it to my ear and heard the voice on the other end I wished I hadn’t.

  “Kaniyah, baby. Don’t hang up. I just had to call and tell you how much I love you and to not listen to what people saying. You know how I feel about you and you being my daughter shouldn’t even matter. Love is love baby, and we can’t deny what we have. Just say you love me too Na Na and I’m coming to get you.” Anthony said and I gasped as I sat up in the bed and looked at the phone.

  I couldn’t believe the audacity of that sick ass nigga, justifying what he had done with love. I could tell he was just as insane as my mother said he was and I wasn’t about to feed in to that bullshit. I tried to calm my rage as I focused on the beep sounds coming from Kenan’s background, but nothing would work. Before I knew it, the anger deep within me had burst forward and I went Spicy on his ass.

  “YOU SICK MUTHAFUCKCA. FUCK YOU ANTHONY, KENAN, WHATEVER THE FUCK YO NAME IS! AIN’T NO LOVE BETWEEN US BITCH. I HATE YOU. I HOPE MY BROTHERS CUT YO FUCKING DICK OFF AND STICK IT UP YO MUTHAFUCKING ASS. FUCK YOU KENAN!” I yelled as I cried like a crazy lady and Kenan laughed on the other end of the phone. His laugh was eerie and cold, and it made my heart race as I sat there and looked around.

  “Oh Na, you just like yo mama huh? Y’all can’t deny the love, and you can’t deny me either. You are mine Kaniyah, just like yo mama and that baby inside of you. The sooner you realize and accept that, the easier this will be.” Kenan said as I continued to curse and cry into the phone while he laughed. “When you finish all of that look down at the bed and see what I left you.” Kenan said and I suddenly felt scared as hell.

  I looked down at the foot of the bed and spotted a small pink box right by my feet. I felt my heart race uncontrollably as I reached down and plucked it up into my hands.

  “Yes, now open it.” Kenan said into the phone like he could see what I was doing.

  I couldn’t pay attention to that at the moment though, I just wanted to know what was in the box. With shaky hands I lifted the lid on the small box and pulled out the silver, diamond necklace with a huge medallion made like a lock. I held it in my hands and looked around as I spotted the open window over my bed.

  “Oh, you see now; you have the lock and I got the key. I got the key to your heart, your soul, and your life Na Na. Don’t you ever forget that. I’ll be back for what’s mine soon baby. Believe that.” Kenan said as I threw the chain then suddenly jumped up on my knees and slammed the window over my bed shut.

  “FUCK YOU. YOU DON’T HAVE SHIT. FUCK YOU KENAN.” I yelled into the phone as I got out of bed and ran to my dresser to get my gun.

  I grabbed it up and cocked it quickly before I ran back over to the phone. I could hear Kenan’s laughter before I put the phone to my ear and that shit made my flesh crawl.

  “Don’t worry baby, I’m long gone now; but not for long though. See you soon my sweet Kaniyah. See you and OUR baby. Bye daddies babies!” Kenan said as he laughed again then hung up the phone in my face.

  I just stood there and cried with my gun still in my hand as I stared at myself in the mirror over my dresser. For the first time, I could see that monster in my eyes and I hated my reflection.

  “Not if I don’t see you first bitch. And I promise that will be the last time.” I said out loud as I used the butt of my gun to break the mirror then ran out of the room.

  Chapter 2

  I ran through the house with my gun in hand, full of rage and ready to pop. I could still hear Kenan’s eerie fucking laughter in my ears as I searched each bedroom for my brothers. No one was in sight, not even Spicy as I made my way to the living room. Seeing that no one was home explained how that fucker had gotten in, but it didn’t help me to figure out where my family was. My heart raced as I thought about what could have happened while I made my way through the living room door. As soon as I was inside, I noticed the weed and broke down cigars still on the table along with a Black N Mild in the ashtray still smoking. That let me know everyone had left in a hurry, but where they had gone and why was still a mystery to me as I stood there and stared around. They had told me I needed 24-hour protection, yet there I was vulnerable and all alone. I felt panic as I walked over to the window and peeked out, saw no one in front of the house, and then made my way to the door. As soon as I opened it up and looked down, Spicy looked up at me from the porch with a curious and concerned look on her face as she hit the blunt she held in her hand.

  “Hey baby, you okay?” My mother asked me as I shook my head no, stepped out on to the porch, then looked down at the gun I still held.

  I felt numb and outside of myself as I looked back up to stare straight ahead and tried to get past the feelings I felt. I stood there and stared out into space with a stoic expression as I thought about all my parents had done in their young lives and how all of their bullshit was affecting me. For years, I didn’t even know who I was or where I came from, only for it to be revealed and become the biggest tragedy of my life. I felt anger towards Spicy for hiding it, yet I forgave and understood her. Kenan on the other hand, I felt something for him I had never felt before; and that shit kind of scared me.

  Suddenly, gone was all of the sorrow I carried around all of my life and the confusion I had grown accustomed to over the years. All of those things had been replaced in a matter of seconds and the only feelings I could identify were those of hate and determination. I hated Kenan with every fiber of my soul for what he did to me and my baby, and with that hate grew my need to make him feel that pain. I guess Spicy could see that in my face too as she threw the blunt and hopped up off the porch with her gun cocked and ready.

  “Na, what’s wrong?” Spicy asked frantic as she stepped up right beside me and touched my arm.

  She leaned closer to look into my face, so she could stare at me eyes while I just stood there and looked right through her. I felt rage take over my very being as I saw myself killing that bastard. After seeing that written all over my face, Spicy stepped back to my side scared, as she called my name and asked me questions.

  “Na, baby please. Talk to me Kaniyah.” My mother said as she shook me gently and I began to laugh.

  I laughed angry tears as I vowed to myself that I would murder every male in his bloodline. I wanted to end that sick ass curse and prevent another female from feeling what I felt. I really wanted to erase the memory of Kenan altogether, but I knew that I couldn’t. I knew that I would never be totally rid of the devil when I reached down with my left hand and touched my belly, feeling his baby growing inside of me. Something in me screamed out to get rid of the baby, but I blocked that shit out and finally spoke to my mother instead.

  “He was here. That muthafucka was here and he left
a message and a gift for me. He said he’ll be back to get what’s his. I guess that’s me and the baby. But guess what ma?” I said in a flat, emotionless tone before I slowly turned to look at my mother.

  I must have looked like a total maniac too because she gasped lightly before she asked me what.

  “I’m gonna find that bitch first and every other sick, male bastard he ever made. All of them dead Spicy. I mean that. I’m dead, so they might as well die too. Maybe shit will be okay then.” I said before my mother told me it was already okay and to stay right there on the porch until she came back.

  She said she was going to check the house before she ran through the front door with her gun in hand and on go. I stood there for a while still numb before I followed her inside with my gun ready too. As I walked, the baby almost seven months along inside of me kicked and fueled my rage even more. I couldn’t help but to wonder what kind of person the child would be and what having it would do to me. In reality I was having my child and sibling rolled in one; all because my father was a sick bastard. Just thinking about that pissed me off and caused me to curse and punch the walls on the way to my room. Once there, I bust back into my room mad as fuck while Spicy made her way back down the hall yelling all was clear. As she walked past, she stopped in my door way and saw me sitting at the end of the bed with my gun in one hand and the only picture I had of me and Kenan in the other. Angry tears ran down my face as I cursed and asked why me while looking at our seemingly happy images in the picture.

  “Why the fuck this have to happen to me? Why weren’t you just honest with me mama? Where the fuck am I supposed to go from here?” I asked Spicy as I looked up at her and saw tears in her eyes.

  I watched as my mother rested her body against my door frame then slid down to the floor. Spicy shook her head and cried as she looked up at me and said she didn’t know.

  “I don’t know where we go from here baby, but I know we do it together. I know that we can get through anything together baby. We gonna figure something out.” Spicy said as she wiped away her tears and I shook my head no.

  I didn’t want to figure shit out because in my mind I knew what had to be done. I could see no solution for the hell I was living through other than eradicate the demon who had done it. I told Spicy that too as she shook her head in disbelief.

  “We don’t have to figure shit out mama, because I know what to do. We gotta find that bastard and kill his ass then find every male he made and kill their asses too. That’s the only way we can end this curse and make sure they don’t fuck anybody else off like they did me, well US! That’s the only way.” I said as I stood up and went over to my window to look out.

  I stood there and stared as I thought about how that bitch had snuck in right over my head. I thought about how if he truly wanted to kill or hurt me he could have done it then. That gave me an idea I was sure my mother would think was crazy, but I said it anyway.

  “I just thought about it Spicy. Kenan got in here today right under our noses, right? Matter of fact, the bitch walked right over my head. So, if he wanted to kill or hurt me he would have done it then, but he didn’t. That means he still holds hope that I’ll come back to him.” I said as I heard Spicy grunt then I turned to face her before I continued. “That tells me the bitch still trusts me and he holds on to the hope I’ll see shit his way one day. Maybe I should? Maybe I should make that one day come sooner than he thought? That’s probably the only way we will get him. Let me pretend to be with the sick shit he on and gain his trust back. I’ll go back home all scared but remorseful and shit; then I’ll catch that hoe sleep and slit his muthafucking throat. That could work Spicy. I know it can. There’s no other way.” I said as my mother got up and shook her head no.

  She walked over to me and grabbed me by my shoulders before she looked deep into my eyes. I guess what she saw scared her because her tears began to fall again.

  “No baby, that’s not how we gonna do this shit. We not using you as bait. I’m telling you Na, this nigga is insane. We gotta be strategic with this shit. Putting you or the baby at risk is not an option.” Spicy said as I shook my head no and pulled away from her.

  Hearing her shoot down the only fucking solution I could see working set me the fuck off. I threw my gun on the bed before I stormed over to the dresser and began to knock everything off while I cursed and cried angry tears.

  “Why not Spicy? What other option do we have? I can’t live with this shit knowing he still out there. I have to kill this bitch and end it all. I have to!” I yelled as I knocked my TV down and kicked that bitch across the room.

  I couldn’t control my thoughts or emotions at the moment, it was like I was outside of my body again. Spicy ran over and tried to hug me but I pushed her off as I continued to rant.

  “My fucking life is over Spicy, but you telling me don’t end his? Hell naw. Where my brothers at? THAT BITCH GOTTA DIE RIGHT NOW!” I yelled so loud and with so much aggression that I felt something in my lower stomach pull.

  As soon as I felt that a pain I had never felt before shot up through my pussy to the pit of my stomach and made me fold up. I almost fell face first on the floor but my mother was right there to catch me. Spicy grabbed me up and helped me over to the bed as the pains continued and I felt short of breath.

  “Na, calm down baby. You gonna send yourself into early labor. I promise you we gonna get that bitch, but not at your safety’s expense. Your brothers out right now looking. We got a lead as soon as you went into your room to rest. Some bitch from the hood called KJ and said she saw Kenan around the house. That was before he broke in on that creep shit, even before the boys left. She said he living at a lil house in east Memphis with some bitch though. She didn’t know the address, but told KJ what hood it is so that’s where they at now.” My mama said as the pains in my stomach grew more intense.

  I balled up in the fetal position and tried to stop the pains as Spicy asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital.

  “NO! I just want my brothers. I need my brothers here. I need to know they aite. Who the bitch that called? How she know to look for Kenan? This shit sound funny to me mama. I just want my brothers. Call KJ.” I screamed as my mind raced and I prayed my brothers were okay.

  I had already lost my uncle Bear at the hands of the monster because he was trying to defend me, I couldn’t lose one of my brothers too. If I lost one of them or my uncle Tootie, I didn’t know what I would do. I was sure I wouldn’t be able to calm the rage inside of me though, that’s why I just kept telling Spicy to make them come home.

  “Okay Na. Okay. I’m fina call KJ now. Just calm down baby. Your brothers are okay. We gotta make sure you are though.” Spicy said as she looked at me with tears in her eyes before she shook her head and picked up her phone.

  As soon as she had her phone in her hand it began to ring and I recognized KJ’s ringtone. Mama knew it was him too, so she instantly answered it and put him on speaker.

  “KJ, where you at? Na over her spazzing she so worried about y’all.” Spicy said as the sounds of KJ’s background blast through the phone.

  I could hear Uncle Tootie and Kam cursing as someone screamed to the top of their lungs like Freddy Kruger had they ass. Just hearing that and not hearing Ky’s voice made my heart race and the pain in my stomach slowly subside. I guess my focus was more on my brothers than what was happening inside of me, because I jumped up so fast Spicy looked at me crazy.

  “What KJ, you okay? Where Ky at?” I yelled over the screams and the loud voices.

  I could hear KJ’s breath deep, after that then Ky’s voice filled my ears.

  “Here I am big sis. I’m okay. That’s Boogie screaming and shit.” Ky said as I breathed a sigh of relief then fell back down on to the bed.

  Boogie was Kam’s best friend, a rude little gangsta with a big head. I loved him like a brother true enough, but I was happy it was his screams I heard and not one of my brothers. Knowing that wasn’t Ky eased my heart a little, but knowing som
ething had happened at all kept me on guard and ready to go through with my plan.

  “Yeah, that Boogie yelling. He took a bullet to the leg. That shit was a set up, we walked right into that shit. The bitch who called with the tip said she was lil Bree from around the block, Tavo’s sister. That shit was a lie though.” KJ said as I looked at Spicy and she told KJ I had already called that.

  “Yeah, NaNa was right ma. That shit was a setup from the start. We got there, pulled on the block and it was about 15 niggas out there waiting on us. Being the niggas we are though, we still got out strapped and went to the door with the shit. That was our mistake though, on that tough shit and not using our heads. We all know we don’t do reckless shit like that, especially when we don’t got all of our soldiers with us.” KJ said before uncle Tootie said that was his fuck up because he knew better than they young asses.

  KJ ignored that slick shade and continued his story after that as I hung anxiously on his every word.

  “So anyway, we fucked up and mobbed our dumb asses up to the door. We get to the door and that bitch open up and look like the whole hood came out that bitch. The Jugg nigga was leading the pack and them bitches started dumping. We ain’t no hoes though, so we bust back as we made our way back to the whip. Boogie took one in the leg after he blew a nigga whole face off. He bleeding bad as hell too, but we can’t take him to the hospital. The shooting on every fucking news station, so we taking him to a nigga uncle Tootie know in Millington. We halfway there now so I’ll just call y’all back after we see wasup.” KJ said as I shook my head and asked who was the bitch that had called.

  I wanted to put my hands on that bitch for being a send out and almost getting my brothers killed. Pregnant or not, I had to have that bitch.