Saving Us

by Heather D'Agostino

  “I don’t belong to anyone, especially you,” I bent my elbows so I could lean down in front of him. “You don’t scare me anymore,” I hissed. “You’re nothing to me.”

  “Right,” he smirked. “Keep telling yourself that sweetheart. We’ll see how you feel next week.”

  For a moment, I lost my resolve. I had no idea what he was talking about, and the fear that he was going to be out next week sent me reeling.

  “Oh,” he chuckled, “you didn’t know.” He leaned back and crossed one ankle over his leg, “I go to court Tuesday. I only have five more days in this hellhole, and then I’ll be home. Nobody in their right mind is going to convict me.”

  “You stabbed someone in a crowded room. What makes you think that you aren’t spending the next twenty years locked up?” I laughed manically.

  “I was protecting you,” he tossed his head back. “You have a habit of making bad choices, especially when it comes to who you fuck.”

  Momentarily stunned, I stood straight once again and cocked my head to the side. “You’ve sunk to a new low, you know that,” I sighed. “Goodbye, Richard.” I turned and began walking toward the door. I didn’t want to be here any longer. I didn’t need this, and I sure hell didn’t want to listen to anything he had to say.

  “Ask him,” he called to my back. “He’s not who you think he is. He’s dangerous, Madison. I was protecting you.” His voice rang out behind me as the guard opened the door and allowed to me to slip out.

  When I got back to my car, the sun had risen in the sky warming everything around me with its rays. Summer was right on the cusp, and nature had been reminding me every chance it had lately. I quickly removed my jacket, and tossed it in the backseat as Richard’s words floated through my mind.

  “He’s not who you think he is.” It had to be some lame attempt to get me to side with him. Richard always did know what to say to make me agree with him. An uneasy feeling crept over me as the words rang louder.

  Was Cole hiding something? We’d shared so much during those weeks we’d formed our friendship. Even after we started dating, he’d always told me that I was more like him than I knew. Had Cole been lying? Was he just like Richard? Surely not. His scars couldn’t have been self-inflicted. Cole’s father, a monster just like Richard had inflicted them.

  He’d confided in me one day about how his father beat him and his mother. I thought about what Wes had told me about Angie being in town. I wondered if she’d taken beatings, too. Could she deny what Richard had said about Cole? Could Wes? Would they? Did I even want to know? As a plan formed, I cranked my car and began driving toward the gym. I wanted to talk to Wes, and I knew that was the best place to find him.

  ooooooooo

  When I pulled up at McKay’s, I parked near the back of the lot. Cole’s Explorer was near the front, and I didn’t want him to know I was here. I did not intend to talk to him, and I’d been doing a great job of avoiding him lately. He had a habit of leaving early; Erin told me the last time we talked, so I figured I would wait him out.

  Sure enough, as soon as the sun had set, Cole emerged from the gym. His hair was damp and combed back. I couldn’t tell if it was from sweat, or if he’d showered. He was wearing a dark pair of athletic shorts, and a tee shirt with his gym bag slung over his shoulder. My body cried out to him, but I resisted. I was not giving in. I’d been fighting with myself for the last month and was finally getting to a place where it didn’t hurt so much. I knew the only way he could move on was if I cut off all contact.

  He looked up, and his eyes darted around as if he could feel me watching him. He shook his head as if tossing the feeling aside before climbing into his car. “It’s better this way,” I mumbled as he pulled out of the parking lot. Before I lost my nerve, I rushed to the gym door, and stormed inside. I needed to talk to Wes, and I needed my anger toward Richard to make myself do this.

  “I need to talk to you,” I tapped his shoulder from behind. He was laughing with the woman he was talking to, and he spun, not realizing it was me.

  “Just a s–,” the words died on his lips as his eyes flashed. He glanced around, and I knew he was looking for Cole.

  “He’s not here,” I crossed my arms over my chest and tapped my foot. “I came to see you, not him,” I scowled.

  Wes reached up and gripped his neck, “Ooookkkaayy,” he dragged out the word.

  “What is he hiding?” I huffed.

  Wes squinted at me, “What are you talking about? Who?”

  “Don’t play dumb. I know you know Cole is hiding something from me, and I want to know what it is.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Maddie. Maybe you should talk to Cole about this,” he turned back to the woman that he’d been talking to, “Same time tomorrow?” he asked her. She nodded and scurried away. He turned back to me and scowled, “I’m not getting in the middle of this. I told him the same thing. You two need to talk and work whatever this is out between you. I’m not a therapist.”

  “No, you’re an asshole who won’t help me,” I yelled.

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he leaned forward and growled.

  I held my ground, refusing to flinch, “Then enlighten me.”

  “It’s not my secret to tell. You need to talk to him,” he shook his head before looking up at the ceiling and muttering, “I’m not doing this.”

  “He’s gonna get out you know?” I shouted when Wes turned his back on me and walked away. Wes froze, his body stiffening. “I went to see him today, and he says he’s getting out because he was protecting me from Cole. Please,” I begged. “Tell me Cole didn’t do anything that Richard can use to get out.”

  “Sonofabitch!” he hissed. His shoulders slumped before he responded dejectedly. “Meet me tomorrow at Cool Beans. I’ll tell you everything you need to know.”

  Chapter 2

  Cole

  When I got home tonight, I found Angela standing in my kitchen cooking dinner. She had the stereo blasting away, swaying to the music as she stirred a pot that was sitting on the stove. My chest constricted when I saw her. It should have been Maddie in my kitchen. I couldn’t figure how things had gone from so great to so horrible so quickly. We’d made up, I thought, when we were at Vibe. Then, her ex had to come and screw things up…again. It seemed with Maddie that every time we took a step forward, we took two backward soon after.

  “Hey,” I called out as I passed the kitchen on the way to my room.

  “Dinner will be ready soon,” Angela called after me.

  I nodded before slipping down the hall. As soon as I closed the door to my room, my cell vibrated in my pocket. I sighed, tossed my gym bag on the bed, and slipped the phone out. When I looked at the number, I growled. It was the gym. What the hell did he want now? I’d just left. I sat down on the edge of the bed as I lifted the phone to my ear.

  “What do you want, Fucker?” I barked.

  “Geez, chill man,” Wes chuckled.

  “I don’t have time for your shit tonight. It’s been a long day,” I growled as I flopped backward on the bed.

  “Well, you better make time,” he warned. “She came in here after you left.”

  Hearing Wes talk about Maddie caused every hair on my body to stand up. I had felt her presence when I left the gym, and it angered me that she was there and avoiding me.

  “And?” I reached up and pinched the bridge of my nose.

  “Dude, I know you don’t want to hear this, but you need to tell her. She knows something’s wrong, and that asshole of an ex does, too,” Wes sighed and I could hear him moving around on the other end.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “She went to see him today,” he paused, “and he’s claiming self-defense on the attack. He told her you were dangerous. You need to tell her what happened with your dad. She needs to hear it from you, before she finds out from someone else.”

  “I can’t,” I began to panic. “She’s never gonna trust m
e if I do.”

  “Cole,” Wes’s voice got quieter. “She wants me to meet her tomorrow and tell her. She’s figured out that I know something. You were a kid; she’s gonna understand. Please,” he began begging. “I don’t want to tell your secrets. Those are yours, but she’s gonna find out. It’s better if it comes from you.”

  “Nobody knows about this but you and Ang.” I tried to come up with a reason to keep this secret, but I couldn’t seem to find one. “I’m nothing like that jackass, and that’s who she’s gonna think of me when she finds out about this.”

  “Meet me at Cool Beans in the morning. She’s gonna be there. You two need to talk. Whether you tell her or not, you need to talk,” he huffed.

  “I’ll be there.” Every instinct in me screamed that I needed to do this, but the fear of Maddie finding out what I’d done all those years ago had me cowering like the sixteen year old I was when it had all happened.

  “Am I eating alone again?” Angela called down the hallway.

  “I gotta go,” I clicked the phone off, cutting Wes off mid-sentence, before rising to my feet and storming back out the kitchen. “No, little sis. I’m coming.”

  “So what were you meatheads talking about?” She grinned at me as she scooped some type of meat onto our plates. Angela was five foot two, and a hundred pounds soaking wet. She had the same chocolate hair as I did, but her skin was fairer.

  “Guy stuff,” I crinkled my nose as I looked at the plate she set in front of me. “Hey, Ang? What is this?”

  “Beef tips over rice,” she groaned as she yanked her chair out and flopped down in it. She made a big show of how tired she was and tossed a dish towel on the table.

  “Shouldn’t it be…I don’t know…a little chunkier and not so runny?” I snickered when she scowled at me.

  “Listen here, big brother,” she narrowed her eyes at me as she waved her fork in the air. “You’re lucky I’m here cooking. You could be eating TV dinners again if you don’t watch it.”

  “Speaking of you being here, doesn’t Alex miss you?” I offered a soft smile as I watched her freeze mid-bite.

  “I don’t know,” she grumbled. “Ask his new girlfriend,” I couldn’t have missed the bite in her tone if I’d tried.

  “When did that happen?” I reached across the table and clasped her hand.

  “Right before I came out here. I didn’t know you’d been hurt until I got here. I was originally just coming for a visit and to clear my head,” she murmured. “I’ve got a lot going on right now, and I just…” she blew out a breath.

  “Talk to me,” I squeezed her hand. “I’m here…for whatever you need.”

  “I’m thinking of moving back,” she looked away from me. “Everything I know is here, but everything I have is in California.”

  “I’ll help you. We can go get your stuff, and you can stay here as long as you want. Is that it?” I cocked my head to the side. She refused to make eye contact with me, so I pressed again. “Ang?” When she finally looked at me, she had tears pooling in her eyes, “Did he hurt you?” My first thought was that Alex had turned out to be just like our father. My mother had gone through a phase where she dated losers that were like him. It was as if she didn’t know any better, and was going with what was familiar.

  “He didn’t hurt me,” she sobbed. “But Cole?” She wiped at her eyes, “I’m pregnant.”

  “Huh?” my mouth dropped open.

  “Gee, you look just like he did when I told him,” she shook her head at me. “Glad to know everyone has the same reaction.”

  “I’m just stunned,” I muttered. “So what happened?”

  “I told him I was pregnant, and he told me he was seeing someone else. He said he’d give me money to have the problem taken care of, but I can’t do that. Tell me you don’t think I should do that.” She was crying so hard she was shaking.

  “I think you should do what you think is best; I’ll help you with whatever you need. Have you told Mom?” I moved over and wrapped her in a hug.

  “I was hoping you would help me with that.” She buried her face in my chest and hugged my shoulders.

  “I can do that,” I whispered. “It’s gonna be ok, Ang. We’re going to get through this, and we are going to love this kid. Do you hear me? It’s gonna be ok.”

  “Thanks,” she mumbled. “Here I am dumping my problems on you, and you’ve got your own to deal with.”

  “I’ll be fine. I’m going to fix my problems tomorrow,” I murmured. Just thinking about Maddie had my stomach in knots. “I have to tell her what happened with Dad.”

  Angela nodded, “I know. She’ll understand; she loves you.”

  “How do you know?” I pulled back so I could look in her eyes.

  “I’ve seen the way she looks at you. She came by here when I first arrived. She asked how you were. I couldn’t get her to come in, but I watched her face when she saw you sleeping on the couch. The way her eyes softened, and the sound of her voice…she loves you.”

  “She sure has a funny way of showing it,” I muttered.

  “Tell her about Dad. Tell her everything. Put it all out there. Let her know that you’re not keeping anything from her. Give her the choice to love you. She won’t run, I promise.” She leaned up and kissed my cheek before moving out of my embrace and back to her seat.

  “How can you be so sure?” I began pushing the food around on my plate with my fork.

  “Because I used to be her,” Angela shrugged before shoveling a spoonful of her less than appealing dinner into her mouth.

  I nodded without saying a word and finished my dinner, cleared my dishes, and disappeared into my room to let her words rattle around in my head.

  ooooooooo

  My night was anything but restful, and when I rolled out of bed the next morning, a sense of dread washed over me. I’d never felt like this before, hopeless. I wanted Maddie to understand that I’d done what I had to do and forgive me. However, I had this sinking feeling that all she was going to see was a monster once she found out.

  After grabbing a quick breakfast, I dressed in my usual gym clothes and made my way out to my SUV. I knew after the morning I was having that I would need to go toe-to-toe with a heavy bag when it was over. Already strung so tight, I was sure the meeting with Maddie would push me over.

  I pulled into the Cool Beans parking lot and just sat there staring at the front window. I could see her in there. She had her fingers wrapped around a paper cup and was slowly lifting it to her lips. Her blue scrubs clung to her body just enough to show off her curves, and she had pulled her hair back in a low ponytail. She was breathtaking even when she tried not to be. The longer I sat there, the more I convinced myself that everything would be fine…it had be. I jumped slightly when I heard a tapping at my window. I turned and narrowed my eyes at my best friend. “What?”

  Wes shrugged and stuffed his hands in his pockets. I rolled down my window and heard him chuckle, “I’m gonna let you go in there. She thinks I’m meeting her, but I think you should do this alone. It’s not my place.”

  I nodded and blew out a deep breath, “Hang out here for a little bit in case she bolts? I want back up for that.”

  “Sure,” he reached up and ran his hand through his hair. “I’ll stay for a bit, and then I’ve gotta go to work. Are you coming in today?”

  “I’ll be there, but I might need to leave early. We’ve got a lot of unfinished business, and I’m tired of her avoidance.” I tipped my head in Maddie’s direction. She was still oblivious to us staring at her, and I knew I needed to get in there before she thought she’d been stood up. “I guess now is as good a time as any.”

  “Good luck,” Wes grinned as I pushed open my door, took a deep breath, and entered the shop.

  When the bell the chimed, Maddie’s head snapped up. Her eyes widened as they connected with mine, and she stood up. Her body trembled just like the first time we met, and I saw all the signs of fear. I realized quickly that everything we�
�d worked for was gone, and we were back at the beginning once more.

  I quickly moved in her direction and held up my hand to stop her. “Please? I just want to talk to you.”

  Her eyes darted around as if she was looking for someone before she relented and resumed her seat. “He told you, didn’t he?” Her tone was slightly annoyed and I couldn’t help but laugh a little.

  “Who?” I pulled out the chair across from hers and lowered myself into it.

  She rolled her eyes and began spinning the cup in her hands. “Our therapist,” she deadpanned.

  I smirked as I remembered Wes telling me just yesterday that he wasn’t a therapist and we needed to get our shit together. He must have told Maddie the same thing. “He’s just worried. Wes is a good friend, I’ve known him since I was little.” She nodded slowly, and looked away from me to stare out the window. “I’m gonna get a coffee. Can I trust that you’re not gonna run and will be here when I get back?”

  She shrugged as she mumbled, “Are you gonna tell me the truth?”

  “I’ll tell you everything,” I sighed as I shoved back, and walked over the line that had now formed at the counter. I knew I needed something to get through what I was getting ready to tell her. Coffee wasn’t really what I needed, more like a few shots of bourbon, but this would have to do for now. I only hoped that when I was finished, Maddie would still talk to me. Richard had already broken her years ago, and now I had a feeling that after I told her my secret, there would be no saving us.

  Chapter 3

  Maddie

  My day couldn’t get any worse. My alarm didn’t go off, so I woke up late this morning. I got a call from Jo saying she had to put down two dogs that were longtime patients of mine. Now, as I sit here in the coffee shop…Cole walks in instead of Wes. I’m going kill him, plain and simple. Dealing with Cole had not been on my agenda today, and as much as I want to know what he’s hiding, I’m afraid to find out. What if this changes things between us? What if he tells me something so bad that I look at him differently? How are we ever going to get back to where we were?