Saving Us

by Heather D'Agostino

  My head snaps up just as he drops back down in the chair across from me. As he sets his coffee on the table, he runs his palms down his face. I can’t help the anxious look that slowly covers my features. I wanna know what he’s hiding. I wanna know what Richard meant when he said he was dangerous. Surely, it can’t be that bad. “Just tell me,” I begged. “Whatever it is…”

  “I don’t know if I can,” he muttered.

  “Just try,” I reached for my cup again and turned to glance out the window. It is a beautiful day out. The sun is shining, and people are bustling about through downtown. “I know something bad happened. I know you think it’s your fault. Just tell me,” I mumbled. “Not knowing is making it so much worse. Whatever it is, we have to deal with it; Richard claims he knows and that it will help with his self-defense claim. He said there is no way they will convict him.”

  Cole sighed loudly as he placed his elbows on the table in front of us and gripped his hair. He tugged a few times as an angry growl slipped out. I couldn’t help but cower in the chair. I’d never seen him this way, and it frightened me.

  He waited a few beats before he started, but on a deep breath, it all seemed to come pouring out of him. “My dad was a mean sonofabitch; I told you this. Beating on my mom seemed to be his favorite thing. It was bad when we were little, but as we got older, it seemed to get worse. My father was a drunk, and whenever he’d been at the bars, he’d come home and get pissed at my mom, or me, sometimes Angela.”

  “Your sister,” I mumbled.

  “Yes. When we were younger, he seemed to beat on whoever was available, but as I got older, he started staying away from me. I was getting bigger, and I think he was worried I’d hit back. I stayed at Wes’ house as much as I could, but running away never protected my mom.” He paused for a moment before lifting his eyes to meet mine. He shook his head slightly before squeezing his eyes shut. “The last time he beat her was the worst. I’d been at football practice, and I came home late. When I walked in the door, Ang was leaning over Mom on the kitchen floor. Broken glass was everywhere. I don’t know what set him off, but when I got a clear view of my mother, I all but lost it myself. I’d been telling myself for years that I was never gonna be like him, but seeing her laying there…it flipped a switch in me.” He swallowed a few times and shook his head.

  “Maddie…he’d beat her so badly that he broke her jaw. She had a dislocated shoulder, and a cut so deep on her thigh it required stitches. One of her eyes was so swollen she couldn’t open it. Angela had come home in the middle of it all and locked herself in her room. I guess Dad had gotten his fill with Mom because he didn’t go after her and left the house before I got home. I helped Angela get Mom to the hospital, and then I went back home to wait for him.

  “My sister begged me not to do anything. She knew I was the only one who could protect my mother, but I didn’t care. All I saw that afternoon was red. I went into my parent’s bedroom, and dug through the drawers of their dresser until I found it…my Dad’s .357. I loaded it and carried it back downstairs. I sat down at the kitchen table, placed it beside me, and waited…for hours. I sat there angry at the world, and the hand I’d been dealt. There was no logic, no reasoning; that had been silent since I saw my mom lying in the floor. The only thing that mattered was to stop him from hurting us anymore.

  “Later that night, he stumbled in the front door, drunk off his ass.” Cole gave a self-deprecating laugh as he sipped his coffee. “He didn’t even try to hide what he’d done. He laughed at me when he saw me sitting there. He made some snide comment about how I was a scrawny little bitch of a boy and needed to grow a pair balls.

  “I don’t remember much of what happened after that. I remember him coming in the kitchen, and pausing when I lifted the gun to point it at him. I remember him taking a swing at me. I remember him lunging for the gun, and I remember it going off. The next thing I remember is the cops showing up. Apparently, one of the neighbors heard the gunshot and called the police. They told me later that I’d been in shock when they arrived. They said they found me leaning against the cabinets as I sat on the floor; my dad’s body slumped over not far from me. Blood covered my hands, but I didn’t speak. They police said that it all signs showed self-defense, so charges were never filed,” Cole’s voice drifted off as he faced the window. “I shot my father, Maddie. I killed him, and I’m going to have to live with that knowledge for the rest of my life.”

  “You were protecting your family,” I reached for his hand, but he shook his head at me.

  “I knew what I was doing. The only reason I got off was because my sister stood up and told the police what he’d been doing to us all those years and you could see Mom’s injuries that night.”

  “But Cole…” I trailed off when he turned to face me and our eyes connected.

  “This is why I didn’t want to tell you. Don’t feel sorry for me, Maddie. I don’t want your pity. All I ever wanted was your love. I don’t want you to see me as anyone other than the man that taught you to fight back.”

  I leaned back in my chair and nodded before glancing at my watch, “Shit.”

  Cole furrowed his brow, “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m late for work. I was supposed to be there twenty minutes ago,” I quickly pushed back and stood up. “I gotta go.”

  “So is this it?” He stood and I didn’t see the man I’d been avoiding. All I saw was the sixteen year old that was afraid of rejection.

  I shook my head slowly, “No.” I reached out and placed my hand lightly on his forearm. “Thank you for telling me.” I chewed on the inside of my mouth for a minute before looking into his eyes, “I was going to go to the gym tonight. Maybe we could work on some more of my self-defense? See how it goes?” I waited to see what he would say, but he just stood there staring. “I can’t just forget what happened at Vibe, but I’d like to try and move forward.”

  He forced a smile before mumbling, “I’d like that, too.” He bent down and pressed a kiss to the top of my head, reinforcing his statement before uttering it again.

  ooooooooo

  My day never really got any better by the time I left the office, but thoughts of punching something seemed to put a little bounce in my step. I climbed into my car and began heading toward McKay’s with the promise to let go and try to move on tonight.

  After signing in at the front desk with Wes, I looked around for Cole. I didn’t see him right away, so I quickly headed for the locker room to change into my workout clothes. I slipped on a pair of yoga pants and tugged on a tank top over my sports bra. After pulling my hair up in a high ponytail, I appraised myself in the mirror. I looked tired and worn down. The fact that I hadn’t slept well in several weeks was probably part of the problem. It seemed that the nightmares that Cole had chased away were back and even worse. The only times I had ever really slept well were the times I’d been wrapped in his arms. With the way things had been lately, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever have that again. I’d been pushing him away for weeks with the excuse of protecting him, but I think that I was protecting myself more than anything.

  “You coming?” his voice called from behind me.

  I jumped and spun around. Darting my eyes around frantically, I swallowed before uttering, “This is the women’s locker room.”

  Cole smirked before crossing his arms over his chest, “You’re the only one in here, I checked. You ready?”

  I nodded without saying a word before I tossed my things in a locker and motioned for him to lead the way.

  “After you,” he stepped back and let me pass.

  I shook my head as I fought off a grin before walking over to the area where we’d always worked out. “What are we going to work on first today?” I peeked up at him. I watched him swallow, and his eye flashed as he shuffled his feet around.

  “I was thinking we could work with the bag,” he motioned to a smaller sized heavy bag hanging not too far away. “I can hold it for you, and we can work on your form.”


  “Ok,” I crinkled my nose. I wasn’t sure what he was getting at. I didn’t really need him for this type of workout. I could do this on my own. “You don’t have to help me if you have other things to do. I can do this alone.”

  “I want to help. I just have to take it easy,” he cocked his head to the side. “Here,” he handed me a pair of gloves. “You’re small and light weight. You wanna make sure you put your whole body into it. Turn your hips like this,” he placed his hands on my hips, and rotated them slowly. I could feel the heat radiating off him as he stood behind me, and the troubles I’d been facing that day seemed to melt away. Cole always had that effect on me. With a look, or a single touch, he could make everything better. “Bring your arms up like this,” he used his right hand to grab my wrist, “and bring it forward this way.”

  “That’s it, huh?” I laughed as I watched him shake his head and step back.

  “Yeah,” he chuckled. “Let me get over here and then you can have at it.” He moved to stand on the other side of the bag and gripped it in both hands. “I’m ready…hit it.” I pulled my fist back, and slammed it forward into the bag as hard as I could. It rocked slightly, and Cole made an “umpf” sound.

  “I’m sorry,” I cringed. “Too hard?”

  “No,” he shook his head. “That was great. Do it again.”

  We went back and forth on this for most of the night, only taking small breaks in between turns. Wes stepped in a few times so Cole could hit the bag harder, but for the most part, we worked out alone. When we finished, Cole huffed as he tugged his tee shirt over his head. He’d been sweating for a while, but hadn’t given in. When he released the fabric and tossed it aside, I gasped. His beautiful body now bore another scar…a scar that I’d caused. “I’m so sorry,” I mumbled as I stared at him. He looked confused at first, but when his eyes saw where I was staring, he shook his head.

  “This was not your fault, do you hear me? Not your fault,” he moved closer and stood so our chests were brushing against each other. “Nothing that happened that night was your fault.”

  “Yes, it was,” I looked down but didn’t step away. “If I hadn’t been with you, it wouldn’t have happened. It’s because of me,” my voice was barely audible, but I know he heard me. I lifted my finger and traced the bright pink scar that ran across his ribs on the right side. The muscles quivered and bunched under my touch.

  “Listen to me,” he gripped my chin causing me to look up at him. I placed my palm flat against his ribs in the process. “Richard did this, not you. He’s the one with the problem, not you. I’m fine, we’re fine, and you can’t let him take anything else from you. Do you understand? He’s not taking anything else.”

  “But what if he gets out?” I blinked up at him and his eyes softened.

  “That’s not going to happen,” Cole growled.

  “But he said–,” I tried to finish the thought, but Cole smashed his lips against mine, cutting me off. I was shocked at first. We hadn’t had any physical contact since that night at the club a month ago. I’d been trying so hard to stay away, but as his lips began moving against mine, my body remembered what he did to me. My mouth soon joined in, and as I leaned in, Cole wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him.

  Cole ended the kiss way too soon, and when my surroundings began to intrude, I remembered what I was going to ask him. “What about your past? He’s gonna tell everybody.”

  He sighed. “He doesn’t know shit. I was sixteen; those records are sealed. He’s talking out his ass hoping that one of us will give in.”

  “I don’t know. Richard’s a good lawyer. He may be a bad guy, but he’s great at his job.”

  “Trust me,” Cole pecked my lips. “He’s not going to win this one. I’m going to prove to you that I can keep you safe. We’re gonna beat him and move on with our lives. There are too many good things here to waste time worrying about that asshole.”

  “I just…” I tried to argue again, but he shook his head.

  “Trust me,” he murmured before tipping my head back and sealing his lips over mine once again in what turned into a soul-searing kiss. I wanted to believe him…so much, but until Richard was out of my life for good, I just wasn’t sure I could.

  Chapter 4

  Maddie

  Over the course of the next few days, things seemed to be a lot of the same. Work was busy, Cole and I worked out each night, and Erin accompanied me to meetings. My life was starting to return to normal, but in the back of mind, I was sure it wouldn’t last. Things never stayed positive for long. I’d learned over the years that as soon as you let your guard down, that’s when things turned to shit.

  When I woke up late on one of my busiest days, I should have just called in sick. Showing up late was just the beginning of what I had later decided was my worst days yet.

  “I’m sorry,” I panted as I rushed in the door to find Dr. Mills ushering a dog to the back room to prep for surgery. “My alarm didn’t go off, and then…” I paused when Hannah glanced at me with a sad smile.

  “It’s ok, just get yourself together. We’re understaffed today. Jenny won’t be in,” Hannah called out as she disappeared into the back room. I sighed before shoving my things in my desk then rushing out to the waiting room to collect my first patient.

  We were more than busy that day, and when the last client left, Jo, Hannah, Ben, and I all but collapsed into chairs in the back room. “This day was insane,” Ben chuckled.

  “Yeah…I think we need a night out,” Jo grinned. “Wanna meet up at Vibe later?”

  I cringed. Just thinking about going back there sent my heart into overdrive. “I think I’m just going to go home, take a soak in the tub, and maybe enjoy a glass of wine. Thanks for the invite though.” I pushed myself up from where I was sitting and began gathering my things to leave.

  “I’m in,” Ben grinned. “Finding a lady to get lost in tonight is just what I need.”

  “You guys have fun,” Hannah waved as she headed for the door. “Matt will kill me if I don’t come home and help with the kids. He’s had them all day. Charlie has a project to work on, too.”

  “Sure thing, boss,” Ben yelled after her. “You go do the mom thing.” He looked over at me, “You know the only way to get past what happened is to go back there, right?”

  I nodded, “I know; I’m tired.”

  “Well, have a good night, and enjoy your time off,” he grinned.

  “I’m not taking time off,” I gave him a confused look.

  “Yeah, you are. Dr. Mills has your schedule cleared for the next four days. She said you requested it,” he shrugged.

  “Nope,” I slowly shook my head. “Guess I’ll have to ask her tomorrow.”

  “Ok, sure, but you’re off tomorrow,” he chuckled.

  “No, I’m not,” I argued as I grabbed my things and made my way out to my car.

  ooooooooo

  After being stuck in afternoon traffic, I finally made it home. My apartment was quiet, just what I needed to decompress from the day. I made quick work of stripping off my dirty scrubs and drawing a hot bath. A soak in the tub would do the trick, and as I sank down in the water, I sighed with relief.

  I don’t know how long I was in there. I awoke to someone pounding on my door. The water had grown tepid, and I almost fell when I stood to climb out. I wrapped a towel around myself and rushed to look out the peephole of the door. I gasped when I saw him and silently wondered what he was doing here.

  “I know you’re in there. I saw your car downstairs. Are you gonna let me in?” He pounded on the door again. I backed up slowly and swallowed. Forgetting the fact that I was standing there in a towel, I began releasing the locks on the door. Taking one last deep breath, I opened it, and stepped back. “I was beginning to wonder if I’d have to eat this alone,” he smirked as he peered through the doorway.

  “What are you doing here?” I gasped when he slowly stepped over the threshold.

  “I thought we
could have dinner together.” He held up a pizza box and grinned. “Well, if you get dressed, that is. If you don’t, I might decide I want something else for dinner.”

  I looked down at the towel that I was clutching tightly around my breasts and blushed. “Sorry,” I muttered as I turned toward my bedroom. “Give me a minute.” I scurried down the hall and slammed my door closed behind me.

  As I raced around the room, throwing clothes on, I kept muttering to myself. “What the hell is he doing here?” It wasn’t like Cole to just show up, and with the way things had been between us lately, I hadn’t been expecting this in the least.

  “You ok?” he called out causing me to jump. He must have come down the hall because he sounded like he was right outside my door.

  “Just a minute,” I yelled back as I tossed the towel in the hamper, and released my hair from where it had been pinned on top of my head. I opened my door and crept back out to where I’d left him. When I rounded the corner, I found him flopped across the couch with the TV remote in one hand and a beer in the other. “What are you doing here?” I shifted on my feet as I took in his appearance. His body language said he was relaxed, but the frown lines on his forehead said otherwise.

  “I need to tell you something, and I decided to just bring you dinner. Have a seat,” he patted the cushion beside him as he shifted to sit up a little straighter.

  “Ok,” I murmured. “You’re scaring me.”

  He leaned forward and placed his beer on the coffee table before raking his palms down his face, “I got a phone call from the DA this morning.” My back went stiff as the visit I’d had with Richard drifted through my mind. “You’re safe,” he reassured as he turned toward me. He placed his hand on my knee and looked up at me with pleading eyes. “I’m gonna protect you, I promise.” I nodded for him to continue, and he squeezed my knee lightly. “Richard was able to get bail set. He figured out some loophole that the DA had missed. He put his house up as bond and was released this afternoon.”