Sacred Desires (Samuel #1)

by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

  The room spins and I think I'm going to faint right in front of him. Then I realise that I forgot to take the pill. My breath hitches in my throat and the world around me keep spinning.

  When I open my eyes, Jason is peeling off my dress, running his hands over my body. He has me pinned against the wall. His eyes are on mine, wild and filled with darkness.

  "You don't want to buy an apartment or make a business deal with me. You're here for sex, aren’t you, Poppy?" he asks in the most seductive voice, bringing me to the edge. I want him, but not like that and not here. This isn’t how it was supposed turn out. Jason can’t take advantage of me right now. I realise too late what is going on; in a moment my dress comes down to my knees and I stand in front of him in my underwear.

  He moves his hand over my jaw and then tightens his grip, holding me in place. His hips are pressed close to mine. His popping erection digs into me and I breathe in and out, trying to calm my erratic heart.

  I'm so stupid, stupid, stupid. This Fallen has read my emotions, knows all my secrets.

  "Alright, fuck me then," I say, in control again. It's just sex, after all. We will talk and I will fix this before Dimitrious finds out. Jason’s smile cracks over his handsome face. He takes his jacket off and unhooks my bra. My heart starts hammering between my ribs when he cups my breasts, touching my hardened nipples.

  "Beautiful human woman."

  Then his lips are fast on mine and we are kissing. His moves his mouth over mine, our tongues connected. His touch is rough; he presses himself to me harder, like he is starving for my touch. My heart jackhammers between my ribs. It's not like I don't like a rough sex, but this comes on so unexpected. His hand moulds my breast painfully hard.

  My mind goes clouded with voices and Jason’s growls. The smell of sweat and sex is everywhere, but I want to be touched by him, and the lust pours through me. His lips are hurting me, his hands dig into my flesh. Every part of me wants to get away from him, but he holds me tight and firm. I feel his hand between my legs and moan aloud, gasping for breath. His thumb brushes my clit over and over.

  "Open your eyes, Poppy," he orders.

  When I obey, I wish that I hadn’t, because Jason has discovered my secret. We are still standing in his office, but we are both naked. Jason has me in his arms and he is moving inside me, fast and slow. Deadly and crushing heat slams through me and I want to scream, seeing Jason in his true form.

  Behind him there are wings covered with black feathers, soft and shiny. They move as his hips sway me up and down towards the wall. They are his and he spreads them wide as he fucks me. My limbs go numb, my mouth tries to shout to make him stop, but I can’t speak. It's like someone shoved a cloth into my mouth, trying to suffocate me slowly. My orgasm is approaching, but then Jason grips me and we are floating over the office as he beats his enormous and scary wings.

  "You like rough, don't you, Poppy?" he shouts, and then we are on the terrace. Jason keeps moving inside me as we lift into the air fast. I'm panicking, trying to push him away from me, but the voice in my head roars to come, that this is what I wanted all along. His cock thrusts into me. The cold crisp air hits my naked flesh and I moan, feeling blissful and wrecked.

  After some time, I partially recognise that we are on top of the building, suspended in the air, his black wings beating powerfully. Jason is slowly crushing my hips; the tears stream down my cheeks because I'm unable to get away. The orgasm shatters through me and the pressure in my throat is released.

  "Let go of her, Fallen," roars a voice that sounds familiar. My chest heaves, but Jason is still stuck to me, pleasuring both of us.

  I recognise that voice and let go of a loud, terrified gasp, seeing Dimitrious next to us, suspended in the air. His own wings are snow white, beating loudly over the cold air. He is holding a sword in the other hand, his expression raw and furious. Jason grips me tighter, laughing out loud, but there is no warmth or joy in his laugh.

  "Dimitrious, I should have known that it was you. You're using human women to find us? How crude of you," Jason says, staring down at Dimitrious like he knows him.

  I turn my head to look at Dimitrious. His face is tight with pure fury and hatred. He doesn’t even acknowledge me or the fact that my legs are tightly wrapped around Jason’s. Fear settles in my stomach, deep and wrecking. I thought that I was better than everyone else and now I'm going to pay for it.

  “Tell me, what’s happened to me? Why don’t I remember?” Dimitrious roars, beating his wings harder, his hand gripping his sword so tightly that his knuckles are white. Wind ruffles his black hair. I look back and forth to Jason and Dimitrious, wondering what the hell is happening. Is this the Fallen that he was talking about? “And the woman? Why is she so important?"

  “Sorry, it’s not my place to explain. I’m just a Fallen. Others know too, but they were too weak to use the knowledge to their advantage,” Jason says with a smile, like he enjoys keeping Dimitrious in the darkness. Then he looks back at me and continues to thrust himself inside me over and over until he climaxes. I'm too scared to move or push him away in case I fall.

  “TELL ME NOW OR GO BACK TO HELL.”

  Six

  Dimitrious’s furious voice reverberates in my head. The Fallen laughs, again pushing me away from him and then catching my hand, laughing. All of a sudden I'm hanging in midair. Black wings are moving swiftly in the air as he keeps us both in the same position. The harsh wind blows, stiffening my naked body. Dimitrious flies closer, gripping his sword tighter in his right hand. He looks like an ancient warrior ready for a slaughter.

  "I can, but I think you have to catch me first, Watcher," the Fallen responds, and I scream. I feel my hand slipping, and then the Fallen pulls away. Dimitrious’s deep voice roars through the open sky, but it's too late. I'm falling fast and this time I know that I'm going to die. This is the worst death that I ever imagined—naked, exposed and broken. Police will think that I’ve been raped and it will be all over the news. My short life is flashing in front of my eyes and time slows down. I remember the faces of my parents, the foster homes, the laughs and humiliation. The memories of my two husbands are so vivid. All I ever wanted from them was money and some acceptance. I have never experienced real happiness and now I'm going to die unhappy just after sleeping with someone I didn't even love or care for.

  The wind whizzes in my ears, and from above the buildings I see a shape flying towards me. Terror, bright and electrifying, slams into my chest. I prefer death to being in the arms of the Fallen again. I don't want to be a human whore that died for nothing.

  Someone sweeps me into a tight grip and I see snow-white wings battling the air. Dimitrious brings my naked body to his and I inhale deeply, wrapping my arms around his waist. Then we are flying up, moving fast through the skyscrapers. I hear his aggravated heart thumping faster than it should. I don't care what’s happened to the other Fallen. I want to live, so I can fall in love and have a baby, have my life back.

  We fly through the city, moving closer to the clouds. I want to shout at him to stop, but a few seconds later he drops us both on the top of another skyscraper. For a brief moment I don't know what to do with myself. I'm completely naked in front of him, trying to cover myself, and I break into tears, remembering the way the other Fallen used me.

  Dimitrious takes a few raspy breaths, glaring at me with fury, and the vein in his neck begins to throb dangerously fast. His eyes are vicious and bloodshot as they hover over my body briefly before he settles them back on mine. I wipe the sweat off my forehead, trembling with cold. My whole plan has collapsed. Dimitrious takes off his leather jacket and throws it at my feet.

  "Here, put this on. If you get sick you will be even more useless," he snaps, still holding his sword, breathing hard. I put it on quickly, my hands shaking, and I can’t believe that I'm still breathing. Dimitrious is livid. His enormous wings are folded together on his muscular back. My mind is racing away and I don't know if anything I say will make any differ
ence. It's my fault that Dimitrious had to expose himself.

  "Thank you," I murmur, pulling his jacket tightly around my body. I'm not shy or a prude, but I don't want him seeing me in that state, broken and crushed. "You saved my life."

  His eyes move to mine. "I did, and at the same time I failed to kill the Fallen."

  I want to tell him that I'm sorry, that I made a bad call. In a matter of seconds the roof terrace is gone and we are back in the room where Dimitrious took me the first time after he chose to save my soul. The smell of books is refreshing, but I can’t seem to gather my thoughts.

  Then Rhonda barges through the wooden door, crazy-eyed and red-faced.

  "You let the bitch live? Are you out of your mind, boss?" she shouts, pointing at me like she’s ready to stab me in the chest with the pen she is holding. I cover my face with my hands, trying to breathe. Yeah, so I made a mistake, but the bitch doesn’t need to rub it in. It was my call and I forgot to take the pill.

  Dimitrious paces around the room, glaring at me. He waves at Rhonda, probably to shut her up. "Listen to me, Poppy. I gave you your life back and a simple task. You haven’t listened to Rhonda or me. I could have killed the Fallen then, but I chose to save you instead. A useless, selfish creature who thinks she is better than anyone else," he shouts, standing in front of me. Rhonda snarls at me in her mind, saying I told you so.

  I swallow my tears. I don't want them to think that I'm weak. "I forgot to take the pill."

  “That Fallen could have given me information about my life before being a Watcher, but now he is gone because of you."

  "I think you should kill her, Dimitrious. She hasn't listened and she has a problem with authority."

  "No, please!" I shout, getting up. "I'm sorry. I’ll listen and change. Please let me live. Dimitrious, you know that you need me. I won’t complain anymore. Just give me another chance."

  I have to push myself to say this, to beg. My life is too valuable to me. There is obviously more to Dimitrious than I thought. He is searching for his memories; he wants to put together the missing pieces and I’ve just ruined his best opportunity.

  Rhonda stares at me with disgust, her mind wishing me death. I can’t read Dimitrious, who lets go of a strained breath. Then the world around me spins and the room disappears.

  "I don't really need you, Poppy. You’ve proven to me that I’ve made a mistake letting you live with free will."

  I have no idea where I am, possibly miles away from London, standing near a cliff. The waves crash over the rocks and the wind howls; cold icy rain falls down from the sky. I still have nothing on beneath Dimitrious’s jacket. A few steps forward and I'm going to fall.

  "Dimitrious, listen to me. I can help you to find him again. Please let me try," I beg as he moves closer.

  My skin crawls with fear of my upcoming death. The tiny voice in my head tells me that I should have done what they told me to, I should have listened.

  His black eyes are fixated on me, his teeth bared. Dimitrious takes his sword and pushes me to move forward.

  “Yes, that’s true, but it’s too late. There are probably others that can help me. Poppy, your selfishness and inability to listen to simple instructions ..."

  Then I say something that had stuck in my memory, something that can either get me killed or saved. I have nothing to lose. “Wait, wait. I’ll help you find the woman that you were asking about. Please, I’ll do anything you want."

  Dimitrious’s olive skin glows in the sun; his eyes narrow so much that I think he might kill me with his angry stare alone. My breath comes short. He drops his sword. There is pain in his eyes, raw and transparent.

  "It looks like you're not as stupid as I thought you were," he says like he doesn’t believe that he is saying it. “That woman had something to do with my past."

  The cold shakes my body and I want to say that I get it, but I'm too scared to move. “I’ll help you find her. There are other Fallen in London. I’ll track them down and stick to the plan this time. Please, Dimitrious. I'm sorry that Jason got away."

  Dimitrious roars, spreading his wide chest and lifting his sword as if he is going to cut me in half. Then my leg slips and I'm going down fast. I expect him to fly down and save me, but I hit the icy cold water, painfully moving down. The shock of cold and crushing pain in my limbs spreads, nearly knocking me out. I kick my legs, but every inch of my skin screams with pain. Freezing cold water gets in my nose, mouth, lungs, penetrating right through my body. I lock my eyes shut, expecting death to come fast. There is no point fighting anymore; the darkness is approaching. Dimitrious has made up his mind. I drift down and open my eyes, accepting what fate has created for me.

  Then I feel a strong pull, see a dark shadow, but I shut my eyes tight because I'm afraid to see the real devil, the one that will take me to the slums, the place where I will never be myself again. The cold air shatters through me and I'm flying above the water. I guess Dimitrious changed his mind because now he is holding me close to his chest. I shiver, my teeth chattering.

  I'm too weak and too cold to even lift my head. The gloom embraces me with its strong hands and I drift in and out of consciousness.

  When I'm conscious again, there is no more cold, wind or fear. I'm lying on the sofa in my own shitty flat, wearing a white robe and nothing underneath. It's dark outside and Dimitrious is sitting in the chair with his eyes closed. I'm scared to move or do anything in case he wakes up and punishes me again, over and over. Relief comes naturally, but the tension doesn’t go away. Still, it looks like it's my lucky day today, because he has given me another chance.

  My eyes hover over his calm posture, a gulp forming in my throat. He is truly a beautiful man with olive skin and this enormous silhouette. The woman that he is searching for must be the lucky one. He must have loved her once.

  His chest raises and falls slowly. John was handsome, but Dimitrious’s beauty shines in the room. His silky skin calls me to run my fingers over his ripped chest. Memories float into me of when we were in the air, my naked body pressed against his, and desire sparked. I felt safe and calm, despite everything he had done to me. I shake my head, knowing that I'm stupid. Dimitrious is only half human, the person that holds power over my life.

  In a split second I could be back in the gloom, suffocated by water and darkness. I move, and he opens his eyes unexpectedly, tightening the muscles on his arms. Crackling energy penetrates the room. I sit on the bed, knowing that I should be grateful for what he has done if I want to gain some sort of respect in his eyes.

  "I'm sorry that I disappointed you," I say.

  He exhales sharply, looking down at me with a heavy smile that is barely there. "I have been slaying Fallen alone for over fifteen years. Then Rhonda came along. I'm a warrior, Poppy, and I have a task."

  "And I want to help you. If you lost all your memories, then how do you know about that human woman?"

  He is obviously reluctant to talk about it. The muscles on his forehead tighten and there is a look of raging pain. Is Dimitrious in love with the human woman? What does she mean to him?

  "In the past ten years I started to dream about her. It took me a long time to figure out that these were bits of my previous life. In my memories, the Fallen that escaped today was the one that took her away from me. I found out that he was once an archangel. A Messenger is what you call him here on earth. We all know each other, but only the strongest got their place in Seventh Heaven. The temptations on earth are too good to let it go. Today it was just a coincidence that you found the Fallen that I dreamed about. A bloody good surprise.”

  “But how do you know all this?"

  “Some parts came to me when I saw him today, but that’s not important at the moment. He’s gone. I chose to give you another chance. This is the last one. You have to prove that you are worth my time."

  I tighten my robe around my body, knowing that whatever I say might complicate things. "I will change. I’ll work with Rhonda, and I will listen. Jason
liked me, but the Fallen have women at their feet. I assume they use some kind of power to lure them. It looks like I have to work on a different strategy."

  "Poppy, you have to change that revolting attitude first. The wig won’t work. Be yourself, and use your hair and your body to your advantage. The seduction has to be slow. They have to want you, not the other way around. Then you must lead them into loving you. Once the love strikes them, they are mine."

  Maybe he is right in some ways. I hate my red hair and my small breasts, but this is who I am, so maybe accepting my appearance is the way forward.

  "Dimitrious, I'm not stupid or an idiot. I will do my best."

  He gets up then with a soft smile, staring down at me. Several moments of silence pass and I wonder if there is anything else to say.

  "Poppy Kowalsky, show me what you can do and then your life might just change for the better."

  He puts his leather jacket on, his back just like a human’s now; his white wings and the sword have disappeared. Once I close the door after him, I lock myself in and slide down to the ground, thinking about everything he said. Only a few days ago I was preparing for the wedding. Now I’ve had sex with a Fallen Angel who used me like some worthless whore. Some women from the past called me names, but I always used my sex appeal to get what I wanted. No one ever used me.

  Jason, or rather the ex-archangel, crossed the line. I probably would have slept with him, but as Rhonda and Dimitrious said, this wasn’t how I was supposed to do it.

  I have bruises around my hips. It's not late, but I choose to go to bed to forget about the terrible day and night that I had, only for a little while remembering Dimitrious’s snowy white wings.

  ***

  There is a toddler in the lift with me and I'm melting from the inside out. Dimitrious is with me in his human form. The toddler is with a woman who is probably his mum. She is average-looking, smiling at the baby. Dimitrious is staring blankly at the lift door and I try not to look. Even when I was married to Curtis I always dreamed of having a family. That’s why I wanted to marry John, to have a little baby like that one in front of me, so I can love it. My heart breaks, but I swallow the tears. The baby giggles and I force myself not to smile. It's a girl; she is cute and blond, just perfect.