Only Me

by Vivian Ward

  Kneeling on the mattress, she takes me in to her mouth, it feels like it’s been forever since her sweet tongue has swirled around the head of my cock. The warmth of her mouth combined with her twisting action of her tongue is almost enough to make me come but I hold back and allow myself to enjoy every second of it.

  Her tongue traces over every ridge of my hard, veiny cock as it throbs in her mouth. Unable to handle it another second, I grab her hair and pull her head away.

  “Turn around, babe. I need to be in you right now.”

  Just like a good girl, she heeds to my command and spins around until her ass is level to my cock. That’s when I notice a tattoo that was never there before. It’s a heart with a lifeline that flattens at the end.

  “What’s this?” I ask, my fingers tracing her soft skin at the bottom of her back.

  Turning her head around, she blushes. “I got it because of you.”

  “What does it mean?”

  Swallowing hard, she pulls her hair into a makeshift ponytail as she sits up on her knees. “The heart signifies us—the beginning of our relationship. The lifeline represents our ups and downs, the heartbeat of our relationship and….,”

  “And what?” I press.

  “The death of it. The death of us, because that’s how I felt once you were gone: dead inside.”

  Fuck, I know exactly what she means. “Come here, you beautiful woman.”

  Lifting her chin with my fingers, I kiss her soft, swollen lips. I don’t know how I got so lucky, but I’m glad I did.

  Climbing on the bed with her, I lay her back on the pillows and instead of having raw, passionate sex with her, I make love to her because I truly love this woman. She’s my everything.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Toni

  Wrapped in Lucas’s arms with the sunlight peeking through my curtains, I can hardly believe that he’s in my bed when I wake up. It’s like a surreal dream and I’m so happy he’s here.

  “Good morning,” I say as I roll over to face him.

  “Morning, beautiful.”

  “Are you hungry? I can make us some breakfast before we get started on the laundromat today,” I offer.

  “Sure, that’d be great. Do you have any bacon?”

  “No, but I can run down to the corner store and pick some up,” I say, getting out of bed. “Do you want anything else?”

  “Let me,” I say, tossing the covers to the side. “You go ahead and take a shower while I’m gone and then I’ll take one when I get back.”

  “Are you sure? I don’t mind making the trip.”

  “I’m positive. Besides, after the loving you gave me last night,” he kisses me. “We both need our strength because we’ve got a long day ahead of us.”

  “Okay,” I giggle as he slaps my ass. “I’ll be quick so don’t take too long. I want to get over there this morning to get as much done as we can.”

  “You’ve got it, boss,” he salutes me as he grabs his jacket and keys on his way out the door.

  Gathering my clothes for my shower, I get a whiff of Lucas. Bunching the material of my shirt around the neckline, I take a sniff and all I can smell is his cologne. Smiling, I almost regret taking it off but the warm water seems so inviting.

  Washing my hair in the shower, I think about last night and how amazing it was. As much as I’ve missed him and having him around, I forgot how awesome the sex was—and still is. He took his time with me, making every moment of it perfect. When I invited him to my place, I had hoped it would lead to sex, but I wasn’t counting on it.

  As much as I want things back to the way they used to be, I’m still worried that if I do the wrong thing, or make the wrong choices, he’ll walk out of my life for good. He did it once, so why wouldn’t he do it again? Lucas doesn’t like to be challenged, and once he’s got his mind made up about something, you can’t tell him any different.

  In a way, I guess I’m still trying to guard my heart from being broken again. Showing him the letter that I wrote him when I first started AA was really putting myself out there, but if we’re going to try to make this work, I want him to know—no, I need him to know—that I have a lot of regret about how things ended. He had a pretty big part in it too, but I wanted to show him that there I am remorseful and that I never stopped loving him.

  “Hey, babe,” I hear him calling as I get my towel to dry off. “Where do you want me to put this stuff?”

  “What’d you get?” I yell from the bathroom.

  “Bacon, juice, and a few other things.”

  I can hear him rattling around in my fridge which makes me throw on my clothes as fast as lightning. My refrigerator is near empty and I look like I live like a damn bachelor. I hate grocery shopping. It’s so pathetic. There’s nothing worse than shopping for groceries for yourself. I used to try to eat healthy and stock up the fridge, but it’d all go bad within a week so what’s the point? Plus, I hated going and seeing all these women pushing their babies in their tiny carseats on top of the cart while they piled groceries into their basket like a storm was about to hit.

  You know the typical woman: husband, 2.5 kids with one in the oven, living the perfect life in a beautiful house with a white picket fence. They’re the kind that make me sick, mostly because that’s what I always wanted but fucked up.

  Maybe this is my second chance—our second chance. We can start over new and try to give our relationship a real chance. I’m proud of him for not drinking, but if it’s only because of me, that kind of worries me. That’s not a reason not to drink. He needs to stay sober because that’s what he wants, not because I’m around and it kind of worries me. What happens in six months or a year when he decides that he’s going to have a beer or he wants to go to a bar? I don’t want to stop him, but I’m sure as hell not going to condone it. Not while I’m trying to recover.

  “Holy shit,” he says as I slide into the kitchen, still pulling my t-shirt down around my waist. “You have no food here! Your refrigerator looks exactly like mine,” he teases.

  “Yeah, I’ve been busy and haven’t had time to shop much.” It’s not a complete lie, but it’s far from the truth. “You can just stick everything in there since it’ll obviously fit,” I laugh.

  “Obviously,” he mocks me, laughing with me.

  “Go on and get in the shower while I get breakfast started,” I smack him on the ass just like he did to me.

  “A little feisty this morning?” he grins at me. “Because we can go for round two.”

  “Go. Now.”

  While he’s in the shower, I cook our breakfast of bacon, scrambled eggs, and a few pieces of toast. It’s nothing gourmet but it’s been forever since I’ve had a real meal like this unless it was fast food or from a diner.

  “Damn, you can still cook,” he says, licking his fingers as he finishes the last of his food.

  “Thanks,” I grin and shrug my shoulders. “I’ve always loved cooking, but you knew that.”

  “Yes, I did,” he rubs his stomach. “So, are you ready to go? We’re going to start hanging the drywall today, but first I need to estimate on how many sheets we’re going to need so we should head over to the laundromat. That way, we can get everything in one trip.”

  “Sounds good to me,” I agree with him as we put on our coats. “Let me just grab some gloves. It’s going to be cold in there today since the temperature has dropped so much. Monday can’t come fast enough so I can call the gas company to get the heat turned back on.”

  “Hurry up,” he says, heading outside to warm up his truck.

  When we pull up to the laundromat, I can’t even believe my eyes. All of the front windows are busted, along with the glass door.

  “Oh my, God!” I yell, jumping out of the truck.

  “What the fuck?” Lucas asks. “Who the hell would do something like this?”

  Walking through the broken glass which is littering the sidewalk, I unlock the broken door and walk inside. Shards of glass lay all over the floor along
with several bricks and large rocks. There’s a piece of paper tied to one of them so I walk over and pick it up.

  “What’s that?” Lucas asks.

  “I don’t know, it looks like a note,” I say, untying the letter.

  Opening it up, I begin reading it and can’t even finish it because I’m so pissed.

  “What? What does it say?” He asks.

  “You read it,” I shove the note in his hand, disgusted with what it says.

  He starts reading it out loud:

  “Hope you like your busted windows as much as I like my shattered relationship, bitch!”

  “Oh, fuck,” he mutters. I can’t believe she did this. I’m so sorry, babe.”

  As he read the note a million things flash through my mind like: how am I going to pay for this? What other crazy shit is she capable of, and the worst question of all….do I want to find out?

  “Don’t,” I say. “Just stop.”

  “What?”

  “I’m sorry, Lucas, but I can’t have this. I can’t have any of this.”

  “Any of what? What are you talking about?” He asks.

  “I can’t deal with crazy, not right now. You’ve got to go.” I want to say more, but I’m afraid of what might come out of my mouth and I don’t want to say anything that I’ll regret. Looking at all the busted windows and broken glass makes me realize how far I’ve come and how far I’ve still got to go.

  “Toni, you can’t be serious. Come on, it’s not that bad.”

  “No,” I wave him off. “You should go. I don’t need this negativity in my life. I’ve worked so hard to get where I am today, and I don’t need any setbacks to fuck up my sobriety or my business. This is my livelihood, Lucas, and I don’t need the extra drama.”

  As much as it hurts me to make him leave, every word I said was true. I cannot let his girlfriend, or whatever she is, bring me down or fuck with my business. My entire life is tied up in this laundromat. Imagine what she could’ve done if we’d already put new walls or washing machines in. She could’ve destroyed them too, and I can’t risk it.

  On the verge of tears, I look around at the mess and wonder if I’m being too hard on him but right now I can’t do this. I know it’s only temporary—at least until he gets shit straightened out with her, but it still hurts nonetheless.

  “It’s not permanent,” I tell him. “Right now I just need space. She did a lot of damage because of you—because of us. You have to look at things from my perspective, and right now I need time to think about things.”

  Looking at me with the paper still in his hands, he crumples it and tosses it to the ground. “Whatever, Toni. I’m out.”

  Turning on his heels, he opens the door and the bell chimes just as he steps onto the sidewalk and drives off in his truck. It’s only then that I realize that I’m now stuck with no help and no car. I do the only thing I can and take out my phone to call Mon because right now, I could really use a drink, a friend, and some help. She’ll give me two out of three, and I’ll take it because that’s what I need the most: a friend who can help me.

  “Hello?” her voice croaks as though I woke her.

  “Hey, Mon. Are you sleeping?”

  “I was,” she yawns. “What’s up?”

  “Can you come to the laundromat? I need you here ASAP before I lose my shit.”

  “Sure hun, what’s wrong?”

  I can hear her shifting the phone as she gets out of bed. “It’s a long story, but Lucas’s girlfriend smashed out all of the front windows of the laundromat and I’m stuck without a car and no help.”

  “Oh, my,” she says. “I’ll be there in about twenty minutes. Let me get dressed and let my doggy out to potty, and I’ll be right there.”

  Just as I’m hanging up with her, a text from Lucas comes through that reads: I’m sorry.

  Sighing, I rub my eyes just to make sure this isn’t a bad dream, but when I open them, all the busted windows and broken glass are still there.

  “I bet you are, Lucas. I bet you are,” I mumble to myself as I grab the push broom to start cleaning the mess while I wait for Mon.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Lucas

  I could kill Alicia for what she did. Toni has every right to be upset, but I wish she wouldn’t take it out on me. I’m going to fix this and make sure it never happens again.

  Leaving the laundromat, I pull out my cell phone to call Alicia but she doesn’t answer. My call goes straight to voicemail. Instead of leaving a message, I decide to go pay her a visit.

  Her car isn’t at work, so I decide to take a trip by my place to make sure she’s not there doing more damage. I don’t know why she busted out all of the laundromat windows. We were never a thing, and maybe the fact that she knows I was with Toni was enough to push her over the edge but that doesn’t give her the right to mess with Toni or her business. If she has a problem, she can deal with me.

  Driving by my house, everything appears to be in tact so that means she must be at her house. Turning onto Bates, I make a left and head straight for her place.

  “So help me God, she’d better be at home,” I say to myself.

  Her car is parked on the street in front of her house, so I pull up behind her and kill the engine before I jump out of my truck and knock on her front door. It only takes her a minute to come to the door.

  “Lucas, how nice of you to visit,” she says with a stupid grin plastered on her face. “I knew you’d want to see me again.”

  “You’re delusional. Do you know that?”

  “Come on in,” she holds the door open. I don’t move a muscle and stand firmly planted on her porch. “It’s cold outside, come in.”

  For what I have to say to her, it might take me a few minutes so I step inside her house. She’s blaring Everything You’re Not by Demi Lovato, and she begins signing the tunes to me.

  “Can you turn that shit down? We need to talk,” I say, my voice stern. I’m not here to play her heartbreak shit because we were never a couple and I made that very clear from day one. I’m here to set her straight and stop this shit once and for all.

  “What? You don’t like the music? Because it’s true?” she spits at me.

  “What you did to Toni’s business was wrong, Alicia. Do you have any idea how much damage you caused?” I shout over the music and her singing.

  Covering her ears, she continues singing the words to me. Ripping the plug out of the wall, I’ve had enough of her shit.

  “What’d you do that for? Can’t handle the truth? It hurts, doesn’t it, Lucas?”

  “What the fuck ever, Alicia. You need to get it through your head that we were never a couple. What we had was more of a friends with benefits type of situation, but we were far from being a ‘thing’.” I use air quotes to emphasize a thing. “What’s your problem?”

  Snorting, she laughs at my remark about never being a thing. “If you think I’m going to roll over and let that bitch take you away from me, you’re as crazy as she is, Lucas Hunt.” I start to talk, but she holds up her finger. “You see, my dear Lucas, what I had for you was nothing but love. Who do you think watched you drown your misery in alcohol? It sure wasn’t that bitch! Who do you think watched you almost throw your business down the toilet? You’re right, me again!” Her voice keeps getting louder with each question as she somehow manages to raise it one octave at a time. “Who do you think dragged your sorry ass to your first meeting—that was court mandated by the judge—so that you didn’t waste your whole fucking life? ME AGAIN!”

  “Alicia, I know you’re upset, but you can’t fuck with people the way you did Toni. You had no right to do that. You better stay the fuck away from her—and from me!”

  “And what thanks did I get for all of those things?” she goes on, ignoring me and everything I say. “I get a big fuck-you-Alicia right to my face. It didn’t feel too good, just like I’m sure it didn’t feel too good when the two of you saw her laundromat this morning!”

  She’s right
. I felt like complete shit when we pulled up and saw the windows. For some reason, I had a feeling that Alicia was behind it but I was hoping that I was wrong. Surely, someone who’d been so helpful to me wouldn’t do something like that, would she? But she did. Her crazy ass even wrote a note to go along with it. Who does that?

  “Now her windows match my heart,” she bursts into tears. This chick is bat shit crazy. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. She’s having a complete melt down. “Because, Lucas, you smashed my heart and broke it into a thousand pieces!”

  Hysterical, she flops onto the couch, sobbing. “I didn’t break your heart because it was never mine to break, Alicia! I never loved you and we were never a thing. God! Why can’t you get that through that thick skull of yours?”

  She continues to ignore me as she goes on crying. “Alicia, you’re going to have to pay to replace all of those windows. You know that, right?”

  “HA!” She yells. “Me? Pay for Toni’s little busted and broken windows? Not on your life, asshole! I’m not paying for a damn thing. Let that bitch—that successful little bitch—whom you love so much because she can start her own business pay for her own damned windows!”

  She really doesn’t want to push my buttons. I don’t want to play dirty, but I will if I have to because Toni means everything to me. I would destroy anyone who would try to harm her.

  “Alicia,” I say through gritted teeth as I try my best not to slap the shit out of her. I’ve never hit a woman in my life—the thought’s never even crossed my mind, but today it has. “You will pay for those windows. Don’t make this harder on yourself.”

  Cackling, she finally ends her laughter with a snort. “Ha-ha! You’re a funny man! Don’t make this harder on myself. What? What are you going to do, Lucas? Huh? What’s big, bad Lucas going to do to me?” She’s mocking it and it’s really pissing me off.