The Platinum Rebound

by T V Hartwell

  Kirby sighed and just shook his head as he looked up to the ceiling and then looked down, realizing that he’d been caught red-handed.

  “You lied to me, bro. You lied. And this friend of yours, Antonio, has been going around talking shit about me. About us! I mean . . . who the hell is this guy?”

  “He’s just someone I know in the industry. We used to work together.”

  “And? Are you like fucking this dude? Is there something going on between you two?”

  “Yeah, something like that.”

  “Kirby!”

  “Okay, man. Damn. Yes, we fool around.”

  “So you’ve been fucking this dude?” Jake asked incredulously, a disgusted expression on his face.

  “Yeah, man. We fuck. Is that clear enough for you?” Kirby said, rolling his eyes and feeling cornered.

  “Why the hell would you be telling this guy anything about us? About . . . about me? About Amanda? He’s going around telling people that we’re boyfriends and that we’re in love and all this shit. Amanda knows about us now because of him. They share a mutual friend and apparently Antonio told this friend everything, and he, in turn, told Amanda. That’s why I’ve been asking you if you’ve ever spoken to anyone about our relationship, because God knows I certainly haven’t. Now, even my own fucking grandmother knows . . . she’s calling up my mom and telling her that she heard it from some friend of hers who knows Amanda’s grandmother, who I guess heard it from Amanda, who heard it from her friend Charlie, who heard it from Antonio, who heard it from YOU. This whole fucking thing started with you, bro.”

  “Jake, I’m sorry,” Kirby said, appearing pitiful and contrite. “I trusted Antonio. I never thought he’d say anything.”

  “Well, there’s more he’s been saying. I haven’t told you the worst of it. He’s claiming he had a threesome with you and me. Together. The three of us.”

  Kirby looked at Jake in stunned disbelief.

  “I don’t even know this guy. Where does he get off saying shit like that?”

  Now completely mortified, Kirby just threw in the towel. “This is my fault. The whole thing is my fault. I should’ve never trusted Antonio.”

  “Do you know about this? Why’s he saying we had a threesome?”

  “He confused you for someone else. I had a threesome with him and another guy a while back, and Antonio thought that guy was you.”

  Jake looked at Kirby with puzzlement and anger. You’re fucking other guys? Having threesomes? You say you’re in love with me, but you’re secretly sleeping with Antonio? These and many other questions popped in Jake’s mind so rapidly that he hardly knew where to begin. “Why the hell would he think some other guy was me?”

  “He just did. He’d been smoking some weed and was a little high that night when he made it over here.”

  “So this happened here?”

  “Yeah.”

  “When?”

  “Back in late May, early June. You were out of town with Amanda that weekend.”

  “Kirby, I’m so confused right now. So you’ve been dating this guy Antonio all this time?”

  “I wouldn’t exactly call it dating. We hook up. That’s all.”

  “While you’re hooking up with me and while you were with Laren?”

  “Yeah. I was. I know it sounds bad. What can I say? I guess I’m a freak. You know, there are things you won’t do that he’s willing to do.”

  Jake snickered and shook his ahead. “Yeah, you’re so fucking in love me,” he said dismissively.

  “Don’t judge me, man. I’ve got shit to deal with and you’ve got your shit. I’m not perfect and neither are you. When you were away at Stanford, I messed around with other guys, okay? You weren’t here, and so I found other dudes to hook up with. Antonio became a regular hookup buddy and I let him get a little closer to me than I should have. It was a mistake to talk to him about my relationship with you, but I did. It is what it is, and I’m sorry that things have gone down like this. I didn’t mean for anything to get out about us and I didn’t know that Antonio had been talking to people. I swear to God. This is the first I’ve heard of this.”

  “Well, the damage has been done, Kirby. There’s no going back now. You’ve made your bed with Antonio. You guys can have each other as far as I’m concerned.”

  “Jake, I’m not in love with Antonio. I’m in love with you.”

  “And that’s why you’re sneaking him into our fucking house with some other guy and having a threesome because you’re so in love me?”

  “I’m a man, dude, okay? I like to fuck. I’m sorry. Look, you know that you’re all I want. Fuck Antonio,” Kirby said as he moved toward Jake, who was now standing, attempting to touch him.

  “No. Get off me, dude,” Jake said, pulling back.

  “Will you just listen to me?” Kirby said, stepping closer to Jake.

  “I am listening. Just don’t fucking touch me, dude, okay? Don’t touch me,” Jake said, furious and trembling.

  “Look, it might sound crass and heartless, but Antonio is nothing more than a good fuck to me. Okay? He was my go-to fuck buddy when you weren’t around and then when you got engaged and started to spend less time with me, I continued to see him. But that’s only because I couldn’t have what I really wanted . . . a committed relationship with you. You were so wrapped up with Amanda . . . he was just a crutch for me to satisfy a craving. That’s it.”

  “It doesn’t matter. Frankly, I don’t even care.”

  “You do care. Why do you keep denying your feelings for me? Things between you and Amanda are over now. Why not give us a chance? Look at how upset you are about me being with another guy.”

  “I’m upset because you lied to me. I can’t trust you anymore, Kirby. I trusted you more than anyone in the whole fucking world. We swore to each other to never reveal our relationship to anyone. I kept that promise to you, but you didn’t keep your promise to me, bro. I even deceived and lied to my own girlfriend . . . my fiancée for you. To keep you happy and to give you what you wanted . . . for years, and then you go and betray me? Messing around with another guy and then telling him about our relationship? Bringing him into our house? And then you had the nerve to question me and give me so much grief over Will after we were in Vegas for my bachelor party. Meanwhile you’ve had a little side fling going on yourself all along. I swear . . . what a fucking hypocrite you are.”

  “Listen to you. You act like you were doing me some sort of favor by letting you suck my dick. Give me a fucking break, dude. You wanted it. You gave me what I wanted just like I gave you what you wanted. And I never asked you to lie to Amanda about anything. That’s on you. You did that on your own, bruh. Don’t try to blame me for that. You’re no different from me, man. You deceived your girlfriend just like I deceived my girlfriend about our relationship. The difference between me and you is that at least I’m willing to face the truth about who I am. I’m willing to put myself out there. To put my heart on the line and admit how I truly feel. Yeah, sometimes I do feel like I’m more attracted to guys than I am to girls. Yeah, I’ve had a fuck buddy or two when I couldn’t get what I wanted and needed from you. Yeah, I am jealous of your relationship with Will. I don’t want anyone else to have with you what we share. I’m in love with you and I’m not afraid to tell you or show you. You try to act like you don’t care. That you don’t have deeper feelings for me. Instead, you’re more concerned about protecting your squeaky clean image as this goody-two-shoes frat boy with the Stanford degrees, working for a white shoe corporate law firm, who only dates rich girls with billion dollar fortunes.”

  “Oh, so is that how you think of me? I’m just a goody-two-shoes who only cares about his image and status?”

  “Just calling it like I see it, man. A part of me even thinks that you’re afraid to be in a relationship with me because you don’t see yourself openly dating or being with someone who’s black. If I were lily white like Will, I think you’d be more open to the possibility of a seriou
s relationship.”

  “That’s fucking bullshit. Don’t try to pull the race card on me, Kirby. That’s bullshit and you know it. I can’t believe you’d say that. I don’t want to be in a relationship with a man. Okay? I don’t care if he’s white, black, blue, green, or yellow. I like girls. Okay? And I plan to marry a girl, not a guy. That’s the bottom line.”

  “But you’re okay with fucking a guy while dating girls.”

  Jake’s face turned red. “Fuck this. I’m done. I’m—”

  “You don’t want to face the truth, man. That’s what this is truly all about. You’re in denial, dude.”

  “You know what? I should have never moved in here with you when I came back to LA. This was a huge mistake. I almost didn’t do it, but I let myself get sucked into it.”

  “Oh, please,” Kirby snapped with a roll of the eyes.

  “It’s true. You literally begged me to move in with you because your parents weren’t going to pay for you to keep this place on your own without a roommate. But it was a big, big mistake on my part. I should’ve known better. I should’ve just moved in with Amanda.”

  “What difference would it have made? You ended up not marrying her anyway,” Kirby said as in duh. “And even if you hadn’t moved in here with me, your ass still would’ve been over here anyway, on your knees milking this right here,” Kirby said, grabbing his crotch.

  “Fuck you,” Jake said as he started to walk away feeling disgusted and put off by Kirby and their argument.

  “You like dick, man. Just admit it. You . . . like . . . dick!”

  Now boiling with rage, Jake snatched himself around to look at Kirby before heading into his bedroom. “That’s it. I’m done with you. Done with being your roommate and done with having you as a friend. I’m fucking done,” he said one last time before walking into his room and slamming the door shut.

  Left alone, the air in the living room felt so thick and heavy from all of the negative energy that had just been released that Kirby practically collapsed down onto the sofa. Reeling from the rush of adrenaline triggered by the heated, emotionally charged exchange that had just taken place, Kirby tried to maintain a veneer of toughness. “Fuck you. I don’t need you either. Son of a bitch,” he said bitterly in a low voice. However, deep down, beneath the anger and resentment, was hurt and pain. As he began to settle down and regain control of his emotions, Kirby simply stared ahead with a blank expression on his face, allowing the harshness of Jake’s words to sink in. The idea that such a long, intimate, and loving friendship could come to an end so swiftly and in such acrimonious fashion was something he’d never anticipated.

  * * *

  Chapter Sixteen

  Right after her confrontation with Jake, Amanda initially felt that she wouldn’t go through with the pregnancy. However, the more she thought about it, the more the idea of having an abortion weighed on her conscience. She wasn’t sure she could live with the guilt, and so wrestled with herself, going back and forth about what to do for several days. Feeling angry, betrayed, and deceived, Amanda couldn’t bring herself to tell Jake about her pregnancy, so she’d have imaginary conversations with him instead. “Why should I have a baby with you?” she would ask as if he were there in the room with her. “We’re not getting married. I will never marry you. Ever! What a fucking jerk and liar you are. I’ll never forgive you. Ever! I hate you,” she’d yell and then break down in tears.

  In contrast, she would also fall under random spells occasionally where her mood and feelings about having the baby would shift. One morning, after another fierce argument with herself that had resulted in more tears, she reached over to her nightstand to grab a tissue to wipe her eyes and blow her nose. She continued to lay there quietly, staring into nothingness and then slowly, she placed her hands to her belly and rubbed it gently like a happily expectant mother yearning to touch, feel, and connect with her unborn child. The longer she lingered the more entranced she became as thoughts began to flow through her mind, thoughts of her and Jake as a couple experiencing the joy and happiness of raising their firstborn together. Amanda imagined being in the hospital giving birth with Jake lovingly by her side, encouraging her to push and to breathe. She imagined them crying tears of joy upon seeing and hearing their baby for the first time. She imagined them at the church for the baby’s christening, surrounded by friends and loved ones. Everyone had on white, and they were all smiling. The whole scene, so beautiful and jubilant, made Amanda feel happy and warm inside, causing her to giggle as a single tear streamed down her left cheek. She then imagined the baby’s bedroom, how she would decorate it, and then seeing herself in it changing her baby, holding and rocking her baby to sleep, feeding her baby. The dreamy picture was all so pleasant and joyful; it was everything that she had ever dreamed and hoped for.

  That joyful feeling had convinced Amanda to come to a compromise with herself—she’d carry the baby to term secretly and give it up for adoption.

  ***

  The decision to carry the baby to term had not been an easy one to make, and the increasing physical discomfort Amanda had been experiencing as her pregnancy advanced made carrying out her decision all the more difficult. She couldn’t hide her condition if she continued to feel this poorly. After another sleepless night of severe cramping and bleeding, Amanda managed to fall into a relatively comfortable snooze, until the chime of her cell phone, right next to her, jolted her awake from much needed, precious rest.

  Amanda picked up her phone and saw that it was Lucy, who faithfully called every day. “Hi.”

  “Hi, sweetie! What are you doing?”

  “I’m still in bed, actually.”

  “Oh my God. What time is it? I’m so sorry, did I wake you?”

  “It’s okay. It’s nine o’clock here. I normally don’t sleep this late, but it’s been one of those nights. I didn’t sleep well again. I got up a couple of times because these cramps I’ve been having started to become so intense. I thought if I got up and walked around a little, it would help.”

  “Did it?”

  “A little, but then I went to the bathroom and noticed that I was bleeding again too.”

  “Oh, no. Are you all right?”

  “I’m feeling a little better now, but I’m still tired. I’m just exhausted.”

  “Are you still taking the medication your obstetrician gave you?”

  “Yes, but that’s for morning sickness. Now that I’m experiencing severe cramps and passing blood, sometimes when I’m not even urinating, she’s referred me to a perinatologist. She was able to get me an appointment to see him later this morning, after I’d called her yesterday afternoon to tell her of the persistent cramps and bleeding.”

  “What kind of doctor is that? What do they do?”

  “They’re specialists in fetal health. When a pregnancy becomes complicated or if symptoms like cramping and bleeding become more severe and persistent, like I’m experiencing, then your obstetrician might refer you to one.”

  “Oh my God, Mandi, this sounds so serious. I’m starting to get worried.”

  “Me too. I just hope I’m doing the right thing. I’m starting to have big apprehensions all of a sudden. The more I think about carrying this baby to term, the more I wonder why am I putting myself through this.”

  “You should do what you want, Mandi . . . what you think is best.”

  “That’s the thing; I’m not sure I know what’s best,” Amanda said with a deep sigh.

  “Well, what do you want?”

  “I don’t know. I’m so confused right now. There’s a part of me that wants absolutely nothing to do with having this baby, but I don’t want to have an abortion either. I just can’t bring myself to do that. Of course, I certainly don’t want to tell Jake anything and get him all worked up about it. Co-parenting a baby with him is completely out of the question, especially knowing that I will never marry or be with him ever again. But then this other part of me doesn’t want to give the baby up either. She, he,
it . . . is a part of me now. It’s my baby. I’m its mother . . . you know?”

  “I know, honey, and it’s totally natural for you to have those feelings. I mean, I don’t know from personal experience, but I can certainly imagine that your maternal instincts are beginning to kick in and protecting your baby and doing what’s best for it is becoming all consuming. I get it.”

  Amanda sighed heavily and sat quietly for a moment in contemplation before saying, “I think I should just stick with my plan to leave the country and live in London for the next few months and secretly have the baby there and give it up for adoption immediately upon delivery. I even have adoptive parents in mind already. Did I tell you?”

  “No. I don’t think so.”

  “The au pair we had when I was a baby has a younger sister, Lizzy, who can’t have children, but she and her husband desperately want a child and are interested in possibly adopting my baby.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, it was Alex’s idea, actually. She’s been helping me think through my options and remembered Lizzy not being able to have children and how heartbroken she was after the last fertility treatment they’d tried didn’t work out. I’ve already started talking to her about it. They’re British and live outside of London. So if I moved there to have the baby, I would just hand the baby over to them and then do whatever is necessary to complete the adoption process. That way I’d know that the baby was in good hands and with a loving family and there would be no record of any of it in the US. And, of course, we’d make sure that they and the baby were well provided for financially.”

  “Have you actually met this couple before?”

  “I haven’t met the husband, but I know Lizzy. I sometimes see her and Tabitha, my au pair, when I visit London. Lizzy’s very sweet and only eleven years older than me. She’s thirty-seven and a nursery school teacher. She loves children and this would be the perfect time for her to start raising a child of her own.”