Damaged and the Knight

by Bijou Hunter

  Aaron gestured for me to come back into his work space. We talked over a few ideas. Fortunately, Aaron was more creative than me.

  “I have a high tolerance for pain,” I said while he worked on the design.

  “But you’ve never had a tattoo before.”

  “No, but I can take a punch. Does it hurt more than that?” I said, touching the snake tattoo up his neck.

  “A punch might hurt more, but it’s one hit then it gets numb. With a tattoo, the pain isn’t as bad, but it lasts longer.”

  “I really want the tattoo.”

  “If it’s too painful, we’ll break the tat into parts. That way, you can get what you want, but the pain won’t be overbearing.”

  Nodding, I sat quietly while Aaron sketched. Finally, my curiosity got the best of me. “Did you do Judd’s tattoos?”

  “A few of them. The pirate ship and cross. His mom’s name and the eagle on his chest he got back in Memphis.”

  “I really love those tattoos you did. Will mine have that dark shaded look?”

  “Black and gray style is what you want. I might use a little color if it’s okay, so where Heaven opens up, it’ll be a bit brighter.”

  Aaron turned his sketch pad around and showed me what he worked up. For a second, I couldn’t breathe.

  It’s so beautiful,” I finally said, taking the sketch pad. “You can tattoo that on me?”

  “If you want me to change anything, let me know.”

  Smiling, I studied the drawing of an angel falling from Heaven. Heartbreakingly beautiful, it was more amazing than I could have ever dreamed.

  “I love it exactly the way it is.”

  Aaron watched me for a few minutes while I traced the sketch. “Does the angel have anything to do with Judd?” he asked.

  Meeting his gaze, I shrugged. “Why?”

  “He came in a few weeks ago and asked for an angel tat.”

  “Oh,” I mumbled.

  “Seemed like he was basing the face on a specific girl.”

  “Was he with anyone?”

  Aaron grinned. “Judd doesn’t do the girlfriend thing, Tawny. He just sleeps with women. I’ve never even heard of him going on a date.”

  “What about you?” I asked. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

  Aaron’s grin widened. “Coop would never let this happen. Besides, I’ve already been someone’s second choice before and I’m not a fan.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Having a pretty girl show interest isn’t something a guy needs an apology for.”

  Smiling awkwardly, I sighed. “I wanted Judd, but he didn’t want me. I’m trying to get over him.”

  “I understand.”

  “You had your heart broken too?”

  “Yeah,” Aaron said, rolling back on his chair to his computer. “She held my heart in her hand. Unfortunately, she held a lot of guys’ hearts in her hand.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Life is about disappointments. Without the pain, how will we appreciate the good stuff?”

  “True.”

  “You and I are young. We’ll find someone else who won’t shit on our hearts.”

  Smiling, I tried to imagine being close to someone like I felt with Judd, but it seemed impossible. Even Aaron with his pretty blue eyes and easy smile didn’t inspire me to be in his arms. Yet, maybe I could learn to want someone else with enough practice.

  Chapter Ten

  David’s Bridal smelled rich with flowers and Bailey frowned at me like she was prone to do when things stunk. Farah stood on my other side, looking ready to run for the door. The place was filled with so many dresses and accessories that I understood why Farah felt overwhelmed.

  “How will I choose?” she finally muttered.

  “Pick something that doesn’t make you look like a slut. That’ll narrow it down,” Bailey said, now frowning at a headless mannequin wearing a tiny wedding dress with a long train. “Oh, and stay away from too much lace. Don’t want to look like someone’s grandma.”

  A wide-eyed Farah looked at me as I took her hand. “This is fun. We’re going to look at them all and pick our favorites. Then, you’ll try them on and narrow them down. With so many to choose from, you’re sure to find the perfect dress.”

  “I just don’t want to look like I’m trying too hard.”

  “You’re an idiot,” Bailey snorted. “Try too hard to what?”

  “Look fancy.”

  “You’re wearing a fucking wedding dress. You’re supposed to look fancy. It’s not like you’re ever getting married again. If things don’t work out with Coop, he’ll never let you go. Nope, you’ll be heading for a shallow grave.” While Farah rolled her eyes, I stared at Bailey who shrugged. “Too honest?

  “Is that a real question?”

  Bailey grinned. “What I meant to say was Farah and Cooper are so fucking perfect for each other that they’ll never get divorced, so she should wear the fanciest damn dress she can find. It’s what I would do if I was once dirt poor and now had money.”

  “Great effort, but you lost a little bit of your fake niceness at the end.”

  Bailey grinned. “Great effort is still something.”

  “Yes, it is,” I said, taking Farah’s hand. “Let’s start narrowing things down. I’ll show you a dress and you decide if it’s too poofy or not poofy enough. We’ll eventually hit the right level of poofy.”

  Farah laughed. “I want a good amount of poofy. It’s rare that a girl can be poofy without looking stupid.”

  “Maddy will be poofy no matter what she wears,” Bailey said as Maddy entered with Jodi and Sawyer. “I don’t even know how she can get a bridesmaid dress if she’s going to swell up more before the wedding.” Everyone frowned at Bailey who glanced at me then back at Maddy and added, “You’re swelling with the gift of life.”

  Maddy laughed. “Was that you being nice?”

  “That was me trying, yes.”

  “Ah,” Maddy said, forcing Bailey into a hug. “I get so emotional these days. I sure hope I don’t get snot on you.”

  Bailey glared at me over Maddy’s shoulder. “Snot away. It’s the least I can do when you’re cooking my niece.”

  Leaving Maddy to snot up Bailey, I joined Farah at the racks. We quickly narrowed down the not poofy enough dresses and the sales clerk helped us towards a more poofy section of the store. The too poofy dresses were soon added to the no-go list. Finally, we narrowed it down to around ten dresses.

  “What about the bridesmaids dresses?” Bailey asked, leaving Sawyer to twirl from a sugar-induced high.

  Farah glanced around and bit her bottom lips. “It’s a Valentine’s Day theme, so the dresses should be a deep red.”

  “Like blood?” Jodi asked. “Classy.” Unable to tell if she was being sarcastic, the three of us looked at the older woman who suddenly frowned. “Where the fuck is Skye?”

  “She cancelled,” Farah muttered, now looking at bridesmaid dresses.

  “Fuck her!” Bailey squawked. “The bitch is out of the wedding!”

  Hiding her hurt, Farah shrugged. “She had something to do.”

  “Don’t be a doormat, Farah,” Bailey grunted. “That bitch is all into herself. Screw that shit. You’d be here for her stupid dress shopping. Dump Skye and find another bridesmaid.”

  “Why do I need another one?”

  “Cooper already decided how many dudes he’s having. You need enough chicks to walk with them. Duh.” When I frowned at Bailey, she added, “You look pretty today, Farah.”

  Everyone laughed then Jodi stepped up to Farah. “Don’t worry about the bridesmaid dresses yet. Just pick what you want for yourself. It’s your day. Who cares what the rest of these dipshits wear?”

  “Hey, Mom,” Bailey whined.

  “You and Maddy can check out those dresses while Farah focuses on Farah.”

  “What about Tawny?” Bailey asked, grabbing my hand. “Can I take her with me?”

  “No,” Jodi said, pul
ling me away. “She should help her sister.”

  Bailey opened her mouth to complain then shut it and walked away as if she wasn’t pissed.

  “Look at her learning shit,” Jodi said, grinning before turning to us. “Farah, focus on you today. Take your time to narrow down your choices to a few dresses then you can think it over. The wedding isn’t for months, so don’t stress this. It’s supposed to be fun.”

  Farah nodded. “I’m nervous.”

  “Nothing happens today,” Jodi insisted. “I wouldn’t let you buy a dress today, even if you begged. We’re just looking.”

  Smiling easier now, Farah nodded. “New stuff still stresses me out.”

  “All brides get weird. My sister turned into one of those Bridezilla bitches and knifed her best friend. Weddings make people nuts, but it’ll be fine. We have time to make everything just the way you and Coop want, so have fun.”

  Taking Farah’s hand, we walked to the dressing rooms with the salesclerk who brought the dresses. I was careful to avoid the wall of mirrors as I waited for Farah to try on the dresses. The first few were pretty, but not shockingly so.

  Yet when Farah appeared in the third dress, I gasped at the sight of her. Jumping up, I couldn’t believe how stunning she looked.

  “You look like a princess.”

  “Do you think it’s too much?”

  Shaking my head, I was in awe of her beauty. I turned to look at her reflection, saw my smiling face, and flinched away. Farah immediately pulled me closer.

  “You are so beautiful, Tawny. One day, I hope you can see that.”

  “I just hate my smile.”

  “I know,” she soothed, caressing my cheeks. “One day, maybe you won’t.”

  “Maybe. I really like this dress on you,” I said, forcing a smile. “You look amazing.”

  “I feel like someone else. Do you think it’s pompous?”

  “Stop with the pompous shit,” Jodi said, having gone out for a smoke break. “You’re marrying the prince of the damn town. You want to look good. Do you think Coop is worried about looking pompous?”

  “No, but Coop doesn’t care what anyone thinks.”

  “True. He wants you to be happy though, even if that means you’re pompous,” Jodi said then studied Farah. “If he sees you in this dress, he’s going to turn stupid. I like it.”

  Even smiling, I felt edgy. “I’m going to go outside to get some air.”

  Farah frowned. “Do you want me to go with you?”

  “You’re wearing a wedding dress and it’s cold outside. I’ll be right back.”

  I felt Farah’s eyes on me as I walked out the front door. The weather felt nearly winter, rather than autumn. Yet, the cold was good against my skin.

  “What’s up?” Bailey asked, joining me.

  “I’m feeling weird is all. Probably not good company.”

  “I don’t care. Whatcha feeling weird about?”

  “I’m just in a mood.”

  “How come?”

  Giving in because Bailey wasn’t giving up, I tried to explain. “Sometimes, I look at Cooper and Farah and the life they’re making and it seems perfect. Pristine like a sparking pool. Sometimes, I feel like I’m the turd dirtying their pool.”

  “You shouldn’t talk about yourself like that. You’re great. I mean that too. I really like you and I don’t like a lot of girls. Even Farah gets on my nerves because she’s…well I don’t, but she just gets on my nerves. You don’t. You’re not a turd.”

  “Maybe, but I hate my face.”

  “You’re really pretty though.”

  “Once, I looked in the mirror and saw something that made me realize I was a bad person. I just hate looking at my face now.”

  “You’re not bad.”

  “I try to hide it, but I’m nasty and wrong.”

  Bailey hugged me against her. “Stop. You’re going to make me cry and I hate crying.”

  Pushing the pain back down inside me, I focused on Farah waiting for me in the store.

  “I’m sorry. I just feel sad sometimes.”

  “You deserved everything, Tawny. I’d give you it too, but I think what you need isn’t something I can buy.”

  “No, it’s not, but I appreciate the thought.”

  “Am I being a good friend? I don’t know because usually I just tell people to shut up and leave me alone when they have feelings.”

  “You’re being great,” I said, hugging her. “You did make me feel better. Important too.”

  Bailey sighed. “I’m jealous of the attention Farah is getting for the wedding. I might need more help to keep from showing her up.”

  “Imagine you’re picking things out for your wedding. If you think about how you’ll have a beautiful wedding one day with a guy who loves you like Coop loves Farah then you won’t feel so jealous. You can settle down and be supportive.”

  “I’ll try, but I’m not kidding about Skye being out of the wedding. I don’t care what Farah says. Skye is a bitch and she doesn’t value Farah. She only cares about her boytoy and her friends in Memphis. Fuck her. She’s not in the wedding, even if I have to tie her up and ditch her somewhere.”

  “I don’t want Skye in the wedding either. Farah probably doesn’t either, but she’s not great at confrontation. You can tell Skye to fuck off, so Farah doesn’t have to. It’ll be your bridesmaid duty.”

  Bailey laughed. “I’m going to make that bitch cry.”

  Laughing too, I returned to the store where Farah waited. Her expression was dark until she saw me giggling with Bailey.

  “I know you can’t pick a dress today,” I told Farah, “but I like this one the most. We’ll take pictures, so you can remember how beautiful you look.”

  Maddy appeared next to us. “I found a dress that’ll look good on me as well as you skinny broads.”

  “I found a dress in red,” Sawyer said, still twirling around. “Farah, you look beautiful.”

  “Thanks, sweetpea.”

  “Who’s ready to ditch this place and get lunch?” Jodi asked.

  Everyone looked restless as we took photos of the dresses we liked and made plans to come back closer to the wedding for fittings. Walking out of the store, I held hands with Farah and Bailey while thinking only happy thoughts.

  Chapter Eleven

  When my birthday arrived, I decided it was a big deal. I wasn’t merely one day older, but a woman now. No more hiding behind my sister and her man, I would build a life of my own. I already had a job lined up at Denny’s for the morning shift. I also found an apartment I could afford on my salary. Cooper was pissed about both of these changes. Farah just seemed sad, but she claimed to understand. For her, I was still the damaged little sister in need of protection. No more hiding behind Farah, I thought waking on my birthday. From this day on, I was a new woman.

  By the time the house was filled with Cooper’s friends and the party was hitting full gear, I decided I would find me a boyfriend. While no man could compare to Judd in my mind, any guy might help me take another step into independence.

  While Aaron made clear how he and I couldn’t happen, I still hurried to his side when he arrived.

  “You came,” I said stupidly.

  “Of course. Happy birthday.”

  “It’s just I don’t know any of these people, but I know you.”

  Aaron grinned. “Let’s see if you still like me after the tat. I’ve had more than a few people stop talking to me afterwards.”

  “That’s stupid.”

  “Pain makes people stupid.”

  “By people, do you mean women?” I asked, hands on my hips and fake offended.

  Aaron’s smile grew. “Oh, no, I’m not falling into that trap. Besides, men the size of linebackers have freaked out and girls small enough to fit in my trunk have dozed off in the middle of it. Can’t be sure how you’ll react until you’re under the needle.”

  “I’m excited though,” I said, smiling up at him. “Your drawing was beautiful and imagi
ning something so amazing on my body seems unbelievable.”

  “Wait,” Cooper grunted, suddenly appearing from behind a corner, “what’s on your body?”

  As Cooper hovered over him menacingly, Aaron laughed. “I told Tawny that you wouldn’t want us hooking up.”

  “No fucking way.”

  I punched Cooper’s arm as hard as I could, meaning he barely felt it. “Stop threatening him. I’m a woman today and I’m hooking up with anyone I want.”

  “No, I have to screen them first,” Cooper said with complete seriousness.

  “He’s your best friend,” I muttered.

  “Exactly. He needs a woman who will swoon for him. You’re more like giddy over him. Not good enough. Find someone else.”

  Aaron and I laughed while Cooper shrugged. His irritation faded when Farah appeared wearing a clingy burgundy sweater. Cooper’s gaze locked onto her chest and Farah grinned knowingly.

  Seeing our chance at a getaway, Aaron and I split up to avoid more Cooper meddling. Heading towards the kitchen, I hoped Bailey would arrive soon, so I’d have someone to talk to. Farah had to play hostess, but she kept an eye on me when she wasn’t teasing Cooper.

  Leaning against the kitchen island with its dark granite, I sipped a beer and nibbled some kind of hors d'oeuvres Farah ordered. The food tasted weird. Good at first then like an explosion of gross in the back of my throat.

  “Pretty fucking awful, huh?” a guy said next to me.

  Turning towards the garden room, I was startled to find a big bald guy behind me. Like Cooper, he didn’t seem like the sort of man capable of sneaking up on anyone. Yet, he simply appeared.

  “I’m going to spit it out,” I said, leaning over to casually rid myself of the nastiness into the trashcan. When I stood back up, the guy grinned in a way that said he was on the hunt. “I’m a picky eater,” I muttered awkwardly.

  “The Goldstein girl recommended the caterer. Don’t trust a girl from Memphis, I guess,” he said then added. “I’m Mac.”

  “Tawny.”

  “Yeah, the birthday girl.”

  Mac was the kind of guy to help get my mind off Judd. Fun and wild, he wasn’t forever, but I was only looking for a distraction anyway. Smiling big for him, I hoped the yucky hors d'oeuvre wasn’t in my teeth.