Noob Game Plus

by Ryan Rimmel

  I nodded, jumping onto Badgelor’s back and drawing my sword. “We are off to save the princess!”

  Chapter 39 – Bird in a Bind

  Beakatrix watched, as the Honored One and the strange, poop-covered man raced off. She filed away the word ‘princess’, vowing to figure out what it meant later. There were entirely too many words and phrases from the human tongue that she just did not understand. The grammar and syntax were somewhat different than what she remembered, and certain letters were not meant to be spoken by someone with a beak.

  She hoped that ‘princess’ was some sort of cleaning apparatus. While she, of course, respected the Honored One, his companion was stinky.

  Beakatrix turned to survey the rest of the humans and sighed. They were all wearing strange outfits, and the local area looked downright primitive. At least they were still giving the proper respect to War Badgers.

  Beakatrix groaned, as the men quickly gathered up the massive pile of eggs and started carefully loading them onto the wagon. Large crates were torn open and dumped to make room for the eggs, and the porters gingerly and lovingly packed them. She shuddered at that. Beakatrix had never desired to be a hen. Now, it looked like she was about to have a massive flock.

  It would be a real shame if the suspension gave out, and they all got cracked. She glanced over at the human wagon leader. He was diligently double checking everything, like the flock leader had told him his tail feathers were at stake.

  The other person that the poopy man had been talking to walked over. His name was Cole, which was, at least, pronounceable. Jim started and ended with letters her vocal apparatus had trouble pronouncing in her language, so it was easier to remember him by his nickname.

  Cole said something about where Jim, again, such a terrible name, wanted them to take her. She considered that for a moment. She would not stoop to pantomime. Even if she did, Beakatrix wasn’t entirely sure that the humans would be able to follow it. She could speak a few words in the human tongue, though.

  She shouldn’t call Jim ‘the poopy man.’ The War Badger had laughed when she’d said it, so she knew it was not an optimal choice. She just had to pick an honorific that wasn’t insulting. Beakatrix needed to choose her words carefully. Choose, that was it. Jim had Chosen her. Human’s called their Anointed “Chosen” or some such. Hopefully, if she said it emphatically enough, the primitive humans would understand her. She spoke slowly and loudly.

  “The Chosen One requires us to travel west,” she said, in what she hoped was passable human language. She must have used the right words, because Cole nodded and asked her a follow-up question. It sounded like a “yes or no” situation. Beakatrix answered in the affirmative, with a nod and a broken “yes.” She couldn’t understand what Cole said next. His accent was terrible. Assuming he could follow the basic concept of going west, Beakatrix could hope that everything would work out.

  Soon, everyone else began getting ready to move even faster. The men wearing iron suits were running back toward the town, yelling something. They prepared to move in a few minutes. She cocked her head. To think, she had been worried that she would miscommunicate somehow.

  Chapter 40 – Riding the Badger

  “Right there,” grunted Badgelor, as I adjusted myself. So far, it had been a long and strenuous ride, but I was getting the hang of it.

  “Quit wiggling like that,” I hissed.

  “Just grab me by the hair on the back of my neck. Work harder,” replied the badger, as we continued our journey of discovery.

  “Guys,” stated Shart.

  “Easy for you to say. There is hair everywhere,” I replied, spitting. “It's even in my mouth.”

  “It’s going to get in your mouth, if you aren’t careful,” growled Badgelor.

  “Yuck, this tastes like sweat and bologna,” I groaned, as we continued pounding along.

  “Just tilt your head back and think of Windfall,” replied Badgelor.

  “You need to get the rhythm down better,” I hissed, spitting again.

  “Seriously, guys,” stated Shart.

  “I’m almost spent. I have to do all the work, while you just starfish,” said Badgelor.

  “What were you expecting? I’ve never done this with a badger before,” I said.

  “You’ve never done this with anything before,” chuckled Shart.

  “You are not helping,” I shot back.

  “Get ready for it,” said Badgelor. I felt my muscles tightening unconsciously. Then, I was flying. For an instant, I felt weightless. It was marvelous. Then, we slammed back onto the trail. Badgelor kept on running, as I struggled to hold on. It was not going well.

  My Riding skill had been at the lowest rank when we’d started this tribulation. Now, I was up to Initiate, but my bruised butt had suffered greatly for it. Earning Riding experience was not a time-consuming endeavor, if one was willing to sacrifice their backside to level up. Badgelor assisted my leveling, because he was considered a higher-level mount. That granted a pretty significant experience benefit, as we continued this ordeal. Finally, it dinged.

  ● You have increased Riding to rank Journeyman. Select a perk!

  ‘Oh, thank God,’ I groaned inwardly, searching the Riding perks for the one Badgelor required. I found Share Energy quickly enough and selected it without any dithering.

  Instantly, the ride became much smoother. One thing about Ordinal’s system was that there wasn’t much of a difference between any point in a skill rank; however, once you gained the final point to move up to the next rank, the difference was night and day. So far, my ride on Badgelor had been just short of terrible. Now that I’d hit Journeyman, I could suddenly feel the chaffing on my ass lessening.

  The new perk was great, because it meant that Badgelor could share my Stamina pool. More importantly, for this long-term journey, Badgelor could share my Stamina Regeneration. With my stats where they were, the badger’s Stamina Regeneration had just doubled. Badgelor could shift up to high gear for the entire time we were traveling.

  As an aside, I noticed that our Mana pools were also shared. That meant that Badgelor could now use Laser Vision from our combined Mana pool. That would hopefully make his attack even more impressive. If nothing else, he could fire it more often.

  So far, we had been traveling north. I had a “Rescue the Princess” quest that pointed in the general direction of the ruined temple. Unfortunately, the temple was several days north of our current location, even with Badgelor’s increased pace. We were off the great road, seeing the countryside instead of the Royal Lands.

  “Explain that to me again,” I ordered Shart. “I might be able to pay attention now that my thighs aren’t being shredded.”

  Shart groaned. “The king of Falcon only technically controls the territory directly adjacent to the highway. Cities like Union are also under his domain, but, out here, you are in the lands of the nobility. Right now, the civil war means that the duke and the duchess have allies that control everything.”

  “Well, we will have to hurry to find Julia,” I said, looking down the road we were traveling on. The great highway was massive, impressive, and perfectly flat. This road was of lesser caliber. There were ruts and grooves in the middle, where wagons had cut through the paving stones long ago. There was also only enough room for one wagon to travel across at a time.

  People were traveling the road, but, as we approached, they quickly got out of our way. Traveling on a massive War Badger had its benefits. Because of the crowds, we began trotting at a brisk pace. As we passed, people bowed. It was just a few at first; then nearly everyone else joined in. I initially thought it was because I was an adventurer, but Badgelor promptly corrected me.

  “They are bowing for me,” he stated calmly, stretching his back. Now that I had Journeyman Ride, the trip was more comfortable for him, as well. I had been bouncing up and down on his kidneys for the first few hours of our trip.

  As we continued north of Union, the crowds thinned. Eventually,
we had the road to ourselves. Badgelor increased his pace, my Stamina Regeneration allowing him to move into overdrive. I was on top of a tank that, in short clips, could blaze down the road at a good seven leagues an hour. Our movement was absurdly loud. Any birds or little critters up ahead of us kept darting from the trees.

  “Well, at least they’ll know we’re coming,” I said.

  “Damn right, no one jumps for joy when they see a War Badger charging toward them,” chuckled Badgelor. “Hell, you should see what I cause most people to do.” I could guess.

  “Any luck on the temple?” I asked Shart. I knew there was a temple, and I knew the approximate direction. However, that didn’t translate to knowing exactly where it was. Ordinal quests would direct you to a certain vicinity. Your destination could be anywhere in the massive radius where the directional indicator from the quest ran out.

  “I’m still looking. You know, I am in limbo. I’m looking at pure rather than a decent map. If you had been there before, it would be easier,” stated Shart.

  “Sorry to inconvenience you. From now on, I’ll try to keep the needs of future Shart in mind,” I responded. “How long will it take them to summon you?” We had decided that was the only reason the other adventurers hadn’t killed Julia yet. People who could summon Elder Demons were rare. Finding someone else that could do it would have been too time-consuming.

  “Only a few hours,” stated Shart. I winced, but he continued, “However, she can only summon me during a specific time frame.”

  “Oh, that makes things easier. I can only assume that your cosmic greatness is only summonable once in a blue moon,” I snarked, recalling something Julia had said.

  “Yes, the Dragon’s Moon, that is correct,” stated Shart. “I’m honestly surprised you knew that old nickname for it.”

  “When, pray tell, does that moon arise?” I asked.

  “A week after the Phoenix Moon wanes,” stated Shart. “So, about three more days.”

  “Of course,” I grumbled. That made some sense, if you thought about it. Phillip and Su-Kar had been strategic about their arrival at the lodge. They had given themselves time to collect Julia while still ensuring they made it to the ruined temple before the Dragon’s Moon. The duo had also factored in enough time to head through Union and pick up Hardragon and his friends. That certainly explained why they were there, as well.

  “I take it they can make her perform the ritual with the collar,” I commented to Shart.

  “Probably,” he confirmed. “They can certainly make her start the process. Remember, bad things will happen if you screw up a demon summoning ritual.”

  “Would it be bad enough that she would just decide to sacrifice herself instead?” I asked, considering Julia. She seemed like the type of person to go down in flames, if that is what it took to save her lands.

  “Whichever demon she summoned would take her soul as an eternal plaything,” replied Shart. That sounded bad. Shart continued, “What did you expect? Did you believe she was going to win an all-inclusive vacation and a year’s supply of candy?”

  There was some noise ahead of us, so Badgelor slowed to a trot. Moving at maximum speed was excellent for distance, but he was not well-versed in slowing down. I insisted he get a head start on it. I’d discovered that, when people saw the badger barreling toward them at top speed, they tended to critically fail their crapping themselves checks. I miss my Break Wind spell. Shart and Badgelor had begun betting on how many people the badger could make shit themselves in panic.

  “I need a lance,” I said to Badgelor, just to change the subject.

  “Duh,” he replied, “but maybe not as much as you’d think. In my experience, Earthlings don’t know how to fight on a War Badger.”

  “What do you mean by that?” I asked, curious. I looked over Badgelor’s broad back, trying to think of how to fight on it. I could get to one side and swing down, but that would leave his other side exposed. Then again, few things hurt Badgelor. His unguarded flank might not be a concern.

  Firing a bow off Badgelor’s back would also be tricky. As he moved, his head tended to bob up and down. I’d have to time any forward-facing shot pretty carefully, lest I hit him in the back of the head. I could use Magic Shot, given his near-total resistance to my magic, but that was just another limit on my options. Plus, badgers were not very steady when they moved. They were prone to rippling while plodding along.

  “There is another problem,” stated Shart.

  “Of course, there is,” I replied, as we continued walking.

  “Well, I found the dungeon tag for the ruined temple,” stated Shart cautiously.

  “You can find the tag but not the physical location,” I said flatly.

  “They aren’t on the same list,” replied the demon. “In any case, I can see the dungeon. The first several floors are empty.”

  “That’s good, right? That means I won’t have to fight through those floors,” I said hopefully.

  “Nooooooo,” groaned Badgelor. “It means they have a Dungeon Master with them, right, Zit?”

  “Yup,” stated Shart, ignoring the nickname, “Which means you have a fun new problem. The creatures of the dungeon are rampaging around the local area.”

  I facepalmed.

  “That should make it easier to find, at least,” offered Badgelor lamely.

  “If the monsters are spread out, they are probably attacking anyone nearby. I’m guessing that the dungeon is near several hamlets,” I said.

  “In this area, I’d guess villages. It’s a pretty populated area with a high birth rate. You’re looking at small villages, not hamlets, full of children. Weak, defenseless children,” stated Shart.

  “So, monsters are running around attacking everyone and everything nearby. I’ve just got to break through them all to find the temple,” I said, sighing. “Well, I guess that can’t get any worse.”

  “Funny you should say that,” started Shart, and I mentally glowered at him. He continued anyway, “The temple is on a Necrotic Source. If the monsters destroy the local villages, the dungeon will level up from a ruined temple into a Necropolis.”

  “If all the monsters are outside, how can the dungeon level up?” I asked. Adventurers dying in the dungeon was the primary way that dungeons leveled up. At least, that’s what I thought, in my imperfect understanding.

  “Well, it's a temple on a Necrotic Source. The monsters just have to bring their victims’ remains there, and the temple will do the rest. Any corpse left there for twelve hours will turn into a fresh undead. If they can create enough undead, the dungeon will level up,” explained Shart.

  “And the Dungeon Master is making them do that?” I asked.

  “Yes,” replied Shart.

  “I take it this is a high-risk proposition for the dungeon,” I said.

  “Yup,” growled Badgelor, “Monsters that die in the dungeon are recycled. If they die outside the dungeon, though, their energy is lost. It will take a great deal of time for the dungeon to recover. At a minimum, losing that many monsters will seriously weaken the dungeon.”

  “Which proves that there is a Dungeon Master there. The dungeon itself wouldn’t send monsters out like that,” stated Shart.

  I thought about that. “How many undead are we talking about?”

  “Several hundred, at least,” stated Shart. “They will be weaker than if they were in the dungeon; however, they will still be much more powerful than your average villager.”

  That expanded my list of things to do to include stopping an undead mob. If I was going to do that, I would need an army by my side. “Maybe the people of Falcon will unify against the monster threat?”

  Badgelor laughed. Shart laughed. I groaned.

  “There is a civil war going on this season. No one is going to care if an undead horde is rampaging about,” stated Shart.

  “Well, then, I’ll just have to make them care,” I pouted.

  As we turned another corner on the poorly ma
intained road, I spotted a young woman and two small children running across the path. Her husband was just behind them. He was holding a club ineffectively, mostly due to the arrow sticking out of his shoulder. Behind them, three well-equipped bandits were giving chase.

  “Are those deserters?” I asked, bringing up my Lore for the nearest bandit. I didn’t have time to really see anything. Two purple beams intersected with his chest, and the man exploded into gory chunks. I tried to bring up Lore on the next target, but Badgelor was already moving toward him at a high rate of speed.

  As they saw Badgelor, both remaining bandits failed their brown underwear checks.

  Lore required you to examine something in detail. Bouncing up and down while riding a badger made that a bit of a chore. I decided to try it airborne and stood up, planning to launch myself forward. I put my foot on the top of Badgelor’s head and leapt high into the air. Unfortunately, mid-air Lore was no simpler to use than badger-riding Lore. I gave up and activated Falling Star Strike on the third target, just as Badgelor grabbed the second one.

  As lower-level bandits, they didn’t stand a chance. By the time I landed, my Falling Star Strike had turned my target into paste. The blast wave alone probably would have finished him off, but he was my primary target. Badgelor ripped the head off the remaining bandit.

  The entire engagement lasted only a few moments. In that time, Badgelor had managed to cover himself in blood. Thankfully, my strike had blasted the remains of the second bandit away from myself and onto Badgelor. He didn’t seem to mind, judging by the disturbing way he was licking his paws. I turned to look at the family. They had stopped running and were openly gaping at us.

  I shrugged and started walking over to them. “Greetings, citizens, how can I help you?”

  The man struggled to speak. Both children hid behind their mother. I looked sheepishly at my sword for a moment, quickly sheathing it. I gestured toward the arrow. The man looked uncertain but decided to let me examine it. I took the opportunity to use Lore.