Rag Doll

by Catori, Ava

  He shook his head. “You’re cagey and untamed. Go on and live your drab little life. One day you’ll look back on this and realize you threw away the best thing that would have ever happened to you.”

  She didn’t know what to say. A deep sigh pushed out. Kendle dropped back into her chair.

  “I’m glad you’ve changed your mind.”

  “I’m here for my sister.”

  “Don’t you want this?”

  “I want to crawl into a crack in the wall and fade away. I want to be invisible, not splashed in the pages of a magazine. I don’t want people looking at me, and you want me to be vibrant and be seen. It goes against everything inside of me. And yet, the chance for a better life, the chance to have enough money to hire a lawyer, the chance to help my sister…” Kendle stood and walked to the counter, turning her back to Graham. “I don’t know who I am anymore, but I don’t want to be who I used to be either.”

  Graham stood and went to her side. Hesitantly he placed his hand on her shoulder. “Let me help you.”

  She turned to look at him, and gave a small nod.

  Graham risked placing his hand under her chin, lifting her face toward him. “It’s going to be okay.” He’d save her. He’d step in and rescue her from her demons. He had to. He wanted to. He needed her to be okay. It broke him up inside seeing the pain in her eyes.

  Chapter 11

  She didn’t want to remember. Every time a memory cropped up, it pulled her under the dark waters of fear and loathing. Drowning, aching to breathe, she longed for air. Sleeping in the new environment, a spare bedroom at Graham’s house, felt different. She tossed and turned, but after a few hours she finally fell into a troubled, fitful sleep.

  Thrashing under the sheets, she kicked and struggled. He was back on her, and then her sister. The visions were real, the pain unbearable. She woke and quickly scanned her surroundings. Where was she? Finally coming out of the spiral, she recognized the room and remembered she was at Graham’s penthouse.

  Getting up, she padded to the kitchen to get a drink. For the first time in a long time, she didn’t want to be alone. She wasn’t going to wake her host, that much was certain. She paced the long hallway, and curled up on a chair in the living room. Unsettled, she got up and paced some more, and drawn to not be alone, she curled up in a ball in front of his door. Pulling her knees to her chest, she rested her head on the hardwood floor. She could hear him snoring softly from beneath the door. She drifted back into a light sleep.

  Opening the door, he almost tripped over the girl in the morning. She woke, startled and embarrassed to have been found.

  “What are you doing here?” He was surprised to see her there.

  Kendle sat and pressed her back to the wall. Graham slid down the wall and sat beside her. He said nothing for a few moments, hoping she’d start, and then finally asked. “What’s going on?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “There’s no need to apologize, but I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

  “A bad dream. It’s nothing, really. I guess I just didn’t want to be alone.”

  “Why didn’t you wake me?”

  She looked away. “I don’t know. I’m not used to leaning on people. I don’t share my feelings well these days.”

  “I’ve noticed. I’d like to be your friend, if you’ll let me.” His visions of her modeling and taking him to the top were fading, and images of holding her and keeping her safe were growing. They could do both, but he knew his feelings would get in the way. All he’d ever wanted was to be back at the top…and yet those visions were clouded at the moment, seeing the fragile woman beside him.

  Graham cautiously raised his arm and placed it over her shoulder, leaning her toward him. She was stiff under his touch, but let him guide her to his shoulder. Resting her head, she closed her eyes again. His empathy was comforting, his reassurance helped, but Kendle knew she would fight herself tooth and nail before she’d let him in.

  She didn’t have the words to tell him what happened. It wouldn’t matter anyway. Words wouldn’t change the past. The only thing she could change was the future. If should could help pull her sister from her misery, maybe she’d redeem herself. Maybe then she could forgive herself for not acting sooner, for not stopping him before he could touch her.

  “Do you drink coffee? Why don’t we make some breakfast.” He saw how she relaxed in the kitchen the night before. Maybe she would tell him more about what was going on.

  She nodded and followed him.

  “Will you let me help you?”

  “I don’t know how.” She paused. “You just met me, why do you want to help?”

  He shrugged. “Because I can, and I like you.”

  She wasn’t sure how to respond. He barely knew her.

  “I’d like to get to know you better,” he added.

  “Why?”

  “We’ll be working together…” He knew it was more than that. He wanted to know her in the biblical sense. He wanted to move with her body, within her, connect to her, and he didn’t have any idea why the urge was so strong. It took him off guard when he realized it. He wasn’t looking for a relationship; he was looking for a stepping stone. Could she be both?

  “How did your sister get involved in that lifestyle?”

  Kendle froze. She didn’t want to answer, couldn’t. It was too close to her. “I don’t think I can talk about this stuff. Look, it was just a bad dream. I’m okay now.”

  “Right… why don’t we finish up here and clean up? I’ve got some things lined up for us today. I have some contacts and want to network a bit. But before I do that, I want a couple more shots to add to your portfolio. An old friend owes me a favor, and I might be able to get you started sooner than you realize.”

  “I have to go back to work in a few days,” she reminded him.

  “If this catches, you won’t be working there anymore.”

  “But Stavros…he took me in.” How could she just abandon him after all the help he’d given her? How could Graham not understand that?

  “You’ll have a new life, a better one. If the man cares about you, he’ll want you to succeed. I’ve got a connection that may move things quickly. It can be a whirlwind. Once you’re in the business, it’s easy to get swept up. You’ll be busier than you know, or you’ll drop like a lead balloon. Destiny will carry you along, but with the right set up, you’ll have a good shot at catching. Clarisse has a good eye for these things, and she agreed with me, you have that something special that stands out.”

  “I don’t know if I can handle a busy lifestyle. I’m a waitress. I live in a motel. My life…my history…” She trailed off.

  “Will you tell me?”

  She shook her head. “I don’t think I can.”

  “Will you try?”

  She looked away.

  “You came to me last night, looking for comfort. I found you sleeping in front of my bedroom door. You obviously need to feel safe.”

  “The words are hard to get out,” she explained.

  “One word at a time, it’s all it takes. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what you’re struggling with.”

  “My sister,” she closed her eyes. “We used to work together.”

  “With Stavros? Did he do something?”

  “No. On the street.” The shiver started in her arms and then shook her body. Wrapping her arms across her chest, she spit the truth out.

  “Oh.”

  “See? You’re judging me already,” she said defensively.

  “I’m not judging.”

  “You didn’t expect it.”

  “Did you know I was once a drug addict?” He said the words without thinking. “I threw my entire career away. Trust me, I’m not judging. We all make choices, some good, some not so great.”

  “I didn’t have a choice.”

  He looked at her.

  Kendle’s voice got quieter. “It wasn’t a choice, it was survival.”

/>   “Tell me more.” His words were soft, soothing.

  “We had nowhere to go. We had no money. We would have starved.”

  He frowned. “Why didn’t you go to a shelter?”

  “We didn’t trust anyone, either.”

  “Why?”

  “When you can’t trust your own family, who can you trust?” The words stung coming out, like metal jagged edges scratching at her throat. “Anyway, I don’t want to do this. I can’t.”

  “We’ll try again later, okay?”

  She shrugged. “We’ll see.”

  “Why don’t you clean up, and I’ll meet you in the studio in a bit. I’ve got a few contacts I want to take care of.”

  A piece of him wanted to ride into town, to scoop up her sister, and bring her here. Would bringing her here be a mistake? Or would it help? He’d think on it some more, and maybe broach the topic with Kendle.

  But then what would he do? He couldn’t be responsible for these girls forever. It wasn’t his job. He wasn’t a hero, and there would be more trouble than he wanted. And this weird Franco character she spoke of…who knows what he was capable of. Maybe all of this was a mistake, more complicated that it needed to be.

  He wanted to force himself back toward his goal of stepping up, being at the top, but Kendle was slowly creeping into his mind, clouding everything else. Now it was Kendle he wanted.

  The way to Kendle’s heart was obviously through her sister. He was pretty sure of it. He’d have to save her to capture the woman that was slowly capturing him. Why? Why did he have to get involved? Why did he want to know more? Why couldn’t he focus on the drive to the top?

  What he thought he wanted more than anything was his fame back, but what he was finding was something terribly different. He wanted somebody to believe in him, even if that meant only one person.

  Graham found his way to his office and turned on his laptop. He wanted to drop a line to Ultimate Magazine. Their annual fresh, new faces edition would be coming to print soon enough. If he could squeeze Kendle in there, it would break open a world of opportunity. It’s just that people weren’t really chosen based on some fabulous criteria. You had to buy and bribe your way in. Everyone in the loop knew the deal. Sure, one or two would be pulled from popularity, but the rest were agents fighting to get their clients in, favors passed on, and money changing hands.

  He had the money, but with his reputation tarnished, he knew he’d have to dig deep to get them interested. They barely put his calls through anymore, but he had one final ace in the hole. He knew a very tidy bit of information about somebody on the inside. He found out at a party way back when. The drugs, things happened, and one very married man experimented with a lifestyle choice his wife knew nothing about. He hated to use this slimy bit of gossip, but if it got him back in the door, he wouldn’t hesitate. He’d waited until he was certain he’d found “the girl” that would make it worth his time.

  He’d get her in, he was sure of it. But he’d lose the contact from that point on. When he sent the message, he didn’t expect it to bounce back. He thought…Graham quickly scanned the contact to make sure there wasn’t a typo. Jumping to the site, he scanned through the list of editors and top contacts. Justin’s name was gone. He no longer held the position. Damn. He didn’t know. His loophole had just closed.

  What now? He certainly didn’t want to pander Mick Franklin. Shit. He was his only other in, but Mick and Graham had history. This wouldn’t go over well. What’s the point? He’d have to try another past contact. Mick still held a grudge. Who could blame him? Graham was quite destructive in his drug use, and stepped on one too many people.

  He’d have to call Clarisse and see if she’d call in a favor. She believed in Kendle, right? Or was she just telling him what he wanted to hear? Graham dropped his head into his hands. He just needed a shot. He’d burned so many bridges. Damn the drugs. They ruined his life. He thought they were everything fun and wonderful, but they cost him money, friends, and his reputation.

  Standing up, he headed down the hallway to meet up with Kendle. She was coming from the bathroom, her hair wet, a towel wrapped around her lithe body. He couldn’t look away. She was beautiful. She was everything he wanted at this moment. He wanted to wrap her in his arms, help her dry her body, and brush her hair behind her shoulder so he could tenderly kiss her neck. He wanted to taste her salty skin and feel his hardness deep inside of her. Instead, he turned around and offered her privacy.

  “I’m sorry, bad timing.”

  “I’ll be out in a minute.” She dashed into her room to put on some clothes. Kendle’s heart raced. What was that? Why was she so anxious? She’d been naked in front of the camera the other day, but this time it was different.

  Graham stood in the hallway. He wanted to knock. He wanted to touch her. He turned around instead, and went to the studio.

  She’d been shut down for so long that it was hard to open up. She wasn’t sure what he wanted from her, but she was starting to see he wasn’t the enemy. Maybe she could talk to him, air out some baggage, try to heal her mind a little. It would be nice to talk to somebody. The only person she truly talked to was her sister. Even Stavros only got bits and piece. She felt like a scamp, someone he picked up on the street. Her self-worth slid down into the sewers years ago, and lingered below the city somewhere. She wasn’t sure she even had any left.

  Kendle wrapped the towel from her body around her hair, squeezing out excess water. The towel was soft and plush. The towels at the motel she stayed at were scratchy and hard, smelling of too much bleach. It was such a simple luxury, a soft towel, but it was one she treasured.

  Pulling on her clothes, she padded down the hallway to the studio where Graham was waiting. “Hey.” Her hair was still wet, and as she combed her fingers through, she couldn’t help but notice how he looked at her. “What?”

  He shook his head. “Nothing.”

  “What are we doing today?”

  “I’d like to get a couple more headshots and round out your portfolio. I’d like to do stark black and white portraits.”

  She nodded. “Okay.”

  “In fact, let’s take a few with your hair like that, wet and finger combed.”

  “Like this?” She scrunched her nose, amused at the thought.

  He smiled. “I find when you’re at your most basic, raw level, the camera loves you. It’s intoxicating to see you through the lens.”

  Kendle blushed and looked down.

  She had a little more spark today. It was as if her guard was dropping the slightest bit. She was learning to trust him. It made a difference in how she spoke to the camera. She was more engaged with it this time… or maybe with the man behind the camera.

  Graham snapped some shots, and then put the camera down. He couldn’t help himself. He walked up to her, his hand cupping the side of her face, and pulling her closer, he kissed her lips.

  “What was that?” She pulled back, startled.

  “I’m sorry. I…I’m so drawn to you,” he apologized. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her away.

  “What do you want from me?”

  “Only all of you.”

  Kendle swallowed hard. “What’s in it for me?” She had to be clever, she couldn’t throw away an opportunity like this. It pained her, but what if he could make a difference in Cree’s world, too?

  “All of me. All of my resources.”

  Kendle took a deep breath and nodded her head. She’d sold her body before, this time she’d sell her soul. “Okay.”

  Graham’s arm wrapped around her slender body and swept her in. Kendle tried not to stiffen at his touch. Closing her eyes, she let her mind drift to take her away from the moment. He kissed her gently, his tongue probing her mouth. She’d done these things before, but rarely kissing. They didn’t kiss out on the streets, usually just other sexual acts. Kissing was intimate. He wanted intimacy. She wasn’t sure she could give it to him, but she’d try. She’d do it for Cree.

 
; Graham bent down and wrapped his other arm under her legs. He lifted her and carried her to his bedroom. He hadn’t been with a woman in ages. He’d lost the desire, to be honest. It took him by surprise to want her so badly, but maybe it’s what he saw in her eyes. He could save her, make things better. And maybe if he saved her, he’d save himself from the loneliness and misery he’d felt for far too long.

  As their bodies clung together, emotions swept through Graham. Kendle, however, didn’t know how to feel anymore. At least she wasn’t alone. She was tired of being lonely. Maybe he could fill a void, while she worked to help her sister. It wouldn’t be all bad.

  Lying beside one another afterward, their bodies sweaty from the passionate activity, Graham turned to look into Kendle’s eyes. He wanted to melt into them, but all he saw was vacancy. She’d checked out during and after the moment he touched her. It was too difficult to see the emptiness.

  “You should go.” His heart shattered. He thought maybe he could force things, help her open up, and maybe she’d share in the growing feelings he had. But he was a fool. She would use him just as he had planned to use her earlier. If only they could use each other in perfect harmony and balance. It wouldn’t happen. One of them would end up hurt, and he couldn’t risk it being him. He’d already thrown his future away once, he couldn’t do it again.

  Chapter 12

  When she returned to the truck stop, Kendle hated herself. She had a chance and she threw it away. He knew she felt nothing. She couldn’t even fake it. He shut down in that instant. He never said she had to be emotional. She didn’t know how. Those feelings were locked away.

  “You’re back.” Stavros said. “Did he hurt you?”

  “No. We were just finished.”

  “These promises, will he give you a better future?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  His concern was apparent on his face. “Take the day off. I have someone filling in for you. Take some time for yourself. You seem lost.”

  She hung her head, and whispered, “Stavros, I think I’m broken.”

  He nodded in understanding. “It hurts to feel things sometimes, no?”