With regard to Diana, he found himself drifting between two extremes. Sometimes he wanted to let her go - to encourage her to have her own life and do what she wanted, without any consideration toward him. But at other times he wanted to go to her, grab her and hold her tight, and tell her that they should keep working on their marriage, no matter how difficult … how useless … it seemed.
But he kept quiet and he gave her the space even he felt she deserved.
~~~~~
Diana seemed to have found herself spending more and more time with the old friend from her past, David. It was only dating, with the occasional end of night kiss, and she was happy with that. He had recently divorced, and knew Diana and Lincoln were only recently separated, so no lines were crossed between them, but she found comfort in simply having a man who she knew and trusted, to talk to and spend time with.
When they had gone out a few times and were starting to be regularly seen, though, people started to take notice and a photograph of them appeared in a media article about a fundraising event they had attended together as ticket holders.
Lincoln saw the page and the photo and felt a range of emotions flow through him. He didn't want to be angry at her, or disappointed, or accusatory, because he wasn't her husband in that moment. And yet, it fuelled him greatly toward anger. They weren't divorced yet. She had no right to be seeing someone else - and especially so publicly.
And the fact that it was David, the very man he had pulled her away from when they had met. Something about that infuriated him even further.
No, he was confused about boundaries now. He knew he had gone outside of their marriage, but at least he had tried to hide that. This was something else - putting it out there in front of the media, to be reported upon.
"Lincoln," he heard her say simply when he called her, feeling his emotions on a very high alert. "What can I do for you?"
"We need to talk," he said and heard her sigh heavily.
"Of course. Where and when?"
"The apartment? Tonight?"
"Alright."
And then the line was dead. It was that simple. Tonight he would confront her and ask her to explain herself.
~~~~~
Diana approached the apartment entry with a deep feeling of dread inside of her. She hadn't known from the tone of his voice which aspect of their marriage they were now going to have to talk about, but she suspected it was about her having been seen out with David.
She took a deep breath before pressing the buzzer to request admission, and waited, hoping inside of her that he wasn't going to have anger inside of him. He had not expressed that emotion many times during their life together, but that day that they had both seen the missing person's report on television about that girl … and the comment Diana had made, calling the girl a whore … in that moment she had been able to sense just how enraged he had been, and that had been the point where she knew she was best to run and not look back. She never wanted to face that rage again. But she couldn't keep away from her husband forever, and in their recent times together everything had been good. But she knew that this was something that might upset him - of course it was. And perhaps in some small way, she wanted to invoke some hurt in him, just as he had invoked hurt in her through his infidelity.
Soon enough she was facing him as he opened the door and welcomed her in. He said nothing at first, closing the door behind her and offering silently to take her coat.
She followed him through to the living area and finally had to speak, since he did not appear to want to.
"Why am I here, Lincoln?"
He took a deep breath and looked at her, wanting for the two of them to sit down, but sensing she might not be as receptive tonight.
"I want to talk about … the photos … of you and David."
"What about them?"
He was surprised and realised he had expected her to be defensive, perhaps even try to deny that anything was going on between them.
"Why are you seeing him? And so publicly? We aren't divorced yet…"
Diana found her concern for how he would be going to react, replaced quickly with an anger of her own building inside of her. Throughout their marriage she had held in many emotions as they had occurred, determined always to present the perfect wife image of dedication to just being there to support her husband. But tonight she would not so easily give in to his needs and reassure him she was still there for him.
"You are not seriously going to throw that card at me - the 'we are still married' card?? After your affair that lasted three years?!"
"That was different, and you know it."
"Yes, I do know it! It was underhand and deceitful. You had sex with another woman - a young girl at that - for three years, without having given me any indication that you were so unhappy in our marriage. You did far worse than I am doing, Lincoln. I am dating someone who I enjoy the company of. We are not hiding, we are not lying about what we are doing…"
"You are still my wife…"
"Only in name, and you know it. We are not husband and wife - we haven't been for a long time."
"We spent those nights together…"
"Yes, we spent two nights together, when you needed it. When you needed to be close to someone. When you needed sex."
Diana saw his face changing, and the anger growing on it. A part of her feared him if he got angered, but she found strength and suddenly another part of her was ready to start fighting back.
They were still standing, facing each other, both with a look of passion and intense infuriation with the other on their faces.
"No!" she saw him yell at her. "When we last talked you said you would wait for me to change. You said you would be there for me when I got myself together. You didn't tell me you would go out and start seeing other people!"
"I'm not seeing other people! I ran into David after you and I last spoke, and we have been spending some time together. I'm not having sex with him, or spending nights with him. I haven't had sex with anyone in my entire life apart from you. So don't get all high and mighty with me, insinuating that I am doing something wrong and you have been an angel…"
"We aren't talking about me!"
She came close to him with what looked like a snarl on her face, surprising him and making him actually feel intimidated with the strength flowing from her.
"Of course we aren't talking about you. Because everything you do is perfect and should be in the public eye, except for all those times where you have been not perfect, Lincoln. And those times need to be hidden away … as if they don't exist."
"You will stop seeing him…"
"Oh no, you don't get to tell me…"
"You are my wife and you will not see him!"
Diana felt the anger insider of her at boiling point and didn't stop to check it before she raised her hand and slapped him across his face - hard.
Not only was Lincoln surprised by the action, but on her face he could see that she was just as surprised as he was. But that was nothing compared to the intimidation she delivered to him as she spoke deeply but clearly.
"You will not interfere in my life, Lincoln. You made your choice to be unfaithful to me, and now you have to live with that decision."
"No!" he said, but not before her hand made another round against his cheek. He rubbed the site she had now hit him twice on, and felt a familiar feeling occurring inside of him.
Diana watched him and saw it too - his eyes were alight and shining and she had not seen him like that before, but she knew what it was, a deep understanding coming over her. She knew she should back away and leave but tonight she wanted to taunt him. Right now she was driven to give him a taste of what he gave to others. Tonight she wanted to hurt him.
"Are you getting turned on by that, Lincoln? I can see that you are - you liked it when I slapped you…" she said and gave him another blow, feeling an incredible power start to surge through her. "Look at you, with every strike your eyes are changing a bit more, and I
can see you are hard," she said, purposely lowering her eyes to his track pants, which were hiding nothing.
"I am angry at you, Lincoln, for every little moment of our marriage that I smiled and gave all of myself to you, while you lapped it up and gave nothing to me…"
"That's not true!" he yelled at her and received another blow.
It was not even occurring to him to stop her, or to somehow restrain her.
"There's something you need right now, and I think that I definitely have the anger in me to give it to you. Go into the bedroom, Lincoln, and bring me that riding crop you have in there."
Lincoln looked at her, confused.
"How…?"
"Now!"
Instantly he walked quickly into the bedroom and pulled the item out, the feeling of it in his hands instantly reminding him of a different person, a different place…
"Give it to me," Diana commanded and enjoyed the look on his face. It was now not quite - but almost - a look of fear, like he was finally seeing something in her that he thought he might need to be worried about. "Where do you want it?" she asked but the question seemed to confuse him, like he could not comprehend what she had said.
"Where do you want it?!"
Lincoln felt himself in a panic. This was all so out of the ordinary - so unexpected. But when he looked at her and saw the crop in her hand, he also felt himself lick his lips before he pulled down and took off his track pants and underwear, and turned himself away from her, presenting his backside to her.
"Is this where you want me to hit you?" she asked, a different voice coming out of her now, he noted.
In his confusion he didn't answer quickly enough.
"IS THIS WHERE YOU WANT ME TO HIT YOU?!" she screamed at him, and he nodded.
"Yes!"
Instantly Diana found an incredible surge of power flow through her to her arm, and she naturally brought the crop out to the side before bringing it back to him with a force that almost made him topple forward.
"Brace yourself on something," she said forcefully and he instantly looked around and put his hands on a sideboard that was secured at the wall.
Immediately he felt another blow come at him, making him grow harder. Diana saw it and was surprised, but it drove her on even more.
"I am going to keep seeing David, Lincoln…"
"No!" he responded and immediately felt another blow hit him.
He was quiet, revelling in the feelings his wife was bringing out in him.
"Yes! I am going to have my own life, without you."
"NO!!" he yelled out, feeling an odd mixture of emotions - fear of losing her, but also the arousal that was only getting stronger. He didn't want to be so aroused while she was saying what she was, but he couldn't help it, and with the final blow that she now delivered, he felt himself finally reach the point of no return.
Diana watched him as she delivered that final blow, and even from her angle she knew what was happening. She had never seen anything like it - she had never even heard of anything like that happening. His ejaculation had such a power behind it, and she didn't even comprehend the fact that it was so messy, him having done so down the front of the sideboard. She didn't even care about that mess, so didn't make any move toward wanting to clean it up. What she was focused on was his body convulsing, and his face.
But she wasn't finished with him yet. No, it was not alright with her that he should have an orgasm in pleasure, when he had tried to be so controlling of who she could and couldn't see.
Lincoln saw her walk right up to him and he raised his eyes to hers.
"I'm not finished yet. Don't even think I am close to being done with making sure you know how many emotions I have suppressed over our years together. Stand up!" she yelled at him and he pushed himself upright, still feeling like he was in some kind of shock, even after the release.
He saw her move toward the sofa, where she stood and pulled down the dress trousers she was wearing, discarding them abruptly before reclining back.
"Get down on your knees here in front of me, and do to me what you did last time."
Lincoln heard the instruction and blinked at it. In his vision she looked spectacular, wearing only a blouse, and otherwise completely bare.
"Now!"
He immediately walked to kneel in front of the sofa and leaned in to taste her. As he pleasured her he felt her hand come onto the back of his head and grip his hair, forcefully pushing his face harder against her. He felt like he was suffocating but did not dare try and pull back, finding that he himself was becoming aroused again.
Diana revelled in the feelings, using her hand to control him being more forceful or easing off so she could feel a little less pressure when she needed to.
Finally he felt her convulsed against his mouth, but she didn't let up her hold on him.
"Keep going!" she said with power behind her words, curious now to see if that could be repeated. She was a woman in her forties and only just now discovering different things about her body. And he was here - so she would use him as she wanted. For the first time since they had met, she was going to take from him and not give any thought to what he needed from her.
Lincoln continued, feeling himself once more very hard now at her request for him to bring her to orgasm again. He reached down with one hand to touch himself, but she saw the movement.
"No, Lincoln, you don't get to touch yourself. This is my time," Diana said and immediately saw his hand come back up to her thigh.
The effect was even more arousing to him, and he could feel himself threatening to orgasm even without stimulation.
"You won't orgasm yet. When I say the time is right, then you can orgasm. But right now you will concentrate just on me."
She heard him groan deeply and the vibration of that sound emanating through his mouth sent her over the edge.
Lincoln held his mouth still, her hand still clamped on the back of his head, but after a few minutes he felt her take her hand away. When he looked up at her, he saw a look he had never seen before - not once in their long marriage. He didn't know what it was, or how to read it.
"Now you can release. How do you want to?" she asked and he realised he was now past the point of surprised. Now it was like he was with a completely different person.
"Answer me!" she yelled at him and he felt small … like he was someone unimportant, there only to please her.
He finally found his voice, although spoke softly to her.
"Inside of you."
Diana sat up a bit and moved to the edge of the sofa, where he had positioned her last time, and braced herself by leaning back on her hands.
He looked at her, not sure if she was offering herself or not, and found himself actually afraid to use his initiative and make any assumption.
"Do it!" she yelled at him now, with a voice that was almost … demeaning.
He didn't know why, but the tone of it drove him on. He immediately moved forward and slid inside of her, and in this she let him take control … initially. She watched his face as he moved in her … gently, slowly. Like he wanted to make it last. But she didn't want him to have control, so took the control back.
"Harder, Lincoln!" he heard her yell at him and he immediately started thrusting into her with more force than he would have expected her to want. He let go and was moving with faster and faster movements, and deeper movements, until finally he exploded inside of her, groaning loudly as the release came.
Diana continued to watch him as he went through his recovery, and then felt him pull out of her. She was surprised by the evening's events. When she had come into the apartment she had been worried about his anger - she had never anticipated she could feel such things herself. That she could do such things herself. When his eyes met hers, she knew he was also wondering where such actions and anger in her had come from.
Lincoln felt confused, like he was not sure what to do now. Like he had lost control completely and he didn't know how to get it back - or if h
e wanted to get it back. He continued to kneel before her, wondering if she would make the next move, and soon saw her lean toward him and kiss him on the lips. Softly at first, as if finding her way to him, and then more aggressively.
No, she hadn't finished with him yet, they both realised at the same time. She was far from finished.
~~~~~
"I'm going to stay here tonight," she said to him - it wasn't a question and she didn't want an answer. It was just the way it was going to be.
Lincoln nodded at her, speechless.
"And then tomorrow, I am going to walk out of here and I am going to resume getting to know David."
He didn't reply, just looked at her intently as if he had no idea who this woman in front of him was. They were both sitting on the sofa now, dressed again after both feeling absurd at being dressed only on their top halves, with lower halves completely bare.
For the first time since his father had died, Lincoln felt intimidated by someone. He had never seen anything before in Diana, like she had been so far tonight, and it confounded him greatly.
He continued to be speechless as he watched her stand up and just walk to the bedroom, saying nothing to him, not even looking at him. He sat a moment longer, uncertain what he was supposed to do, before he followed her.
When he walked into the bedroom she was standing by the bed, waiting. As he came in, she turned to look directly at him, and when he got closer she pushed herself against him and kissed him passionately, with more aggression showing itself. She didn't let up for some time, and Lincoln could feel her pushing her body hard against him, rubbing against him, making him hard again.
Discretely she manoeuvred him so he was standing at the edge of the bed with the back of his knees touching it. Suddenly she pulled away from him and pushed him - shoved him - so that he fell back onto the bed. Since she had last been with him she had forced herself to do research into sex - she had allowed herself to watch porn for the first time in her life - not to get off and climax herself, but rather to see other things that people did in the bedroom. And she was going to use him to practice.
"Move up the bed more," she said forcefully and he obliged, doing as she said.
Darkness of Heart (Painful Deliverance Book 2) Page 11