Her eyes glowed, and Ian saw the familiar defiance. “He is my son.”
Ian’s shoulders shifted back just slightly, his back straightened a little more. Subtle changes, but the overall effect was an unquestionable air of command, of authority. “He is my son, too. And I’m going to take care of both of you.”
Without another word, he stood up and scooped Lexi into his arms, carrying her back toward the master bathroom.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“Would you prefer a shower or bath?” he asked, lifting the milk-soaked gown over her head. His eyes lingered over her full breasts, her ample hips.
Lexi placed her hand over her belly self-consciously, all too aware that the pregnancy had added curves to the ones she’d already had.
Ian clasped both hands around her wrists and pulled them away. “Never hide yourself from me,” he said huskily. “Jesus, Lex. You just had my child. How can you think I would see you as anything less than the goddess you are?”
“But I’m so... soft,” she mumbled as she looked down at the pooch where she had once been flat. She’d never been a hard-body, but the swimming and careful diet had kept her trim and relatively firm. Months of bed rest and the pregnancy had really taken a toll. Her eyes trailed up Ian’s tight, hard physique, so lean and drool-worthy, and she felt the now-familiar welling of tears behind her eyes. God, she hated these hormones. They were turning her into a paranoid cry baby.
Big, strong hands caressed her gently. “I like you soft,” his voice rich and thick like honey. “And believe me, sweetheart, I’m hard enough for the both of us.” Taking her hand, he pressed it against some very rigid proof of that statement.
Just that quickly, tears were replaced by a quick flash of heat zinging through her body. Ian wanted her. She stroked him through his jeans, following the shaft all the way to the tip of his waistband. He allowed her to do that a few times, then gently caught her hand and brought it to his lips.
“Uh-uh-uh,” he chastised. “Not for a while, baby.”
“For me, yes,” she agreed, her voice dropping. “But not for you.” Lexi went for his belt.
“Later maybe,” he growled. “Let’s take care of you first.”
“Shower with me then,” she said, pointing to the wet spots on his shirt. “Looks like you’re a casualty of my overzealous let-down reflex, too.” Before he could refuse, she added, “You can scrub my back.”
Ian’s hesitation was not lost on her. After everything that had happened, she couldn’t blame him. He was worried, she got that. But that didn’t mean she was going to let him off that easily. The worst of the danger had passed. She had survived, and their son was perfect. Clearly she was stronger than even she had believed.
She was being given a second chance, and she was determined not to blow it this time. “It’s alright, Ian,” she said softly. “I really want this.”
Lexi silently cheered when Ian began removing his clothes. The step-in shower was easily large enough for two people, and included a seat for Lexi. No less than six gleaming shower heads were positioned along three sides. Ian stepped behind her, his hands gently pushing her down onto the seat that had been placed in the middle, and he began to wash her hair.
She tilted her head back, enjoying the slow, lazy circles he made with his fingers. It felt so good, it almost made up for the fact that she couldn’t ogle him from this position. “Oh, God, that feels good,” she moaned. “Don’t stop.”
Ian chuckled softly behind her. He took his time, massaging her scalp, then her neck, then shoulders and back.
His hands felt wonderful; she had forgotten how magical Ian’s touch could be. Judging by the few side glances she’d managed, he was every bit as affected as she was, too. There wasn’t much she could do to alleviate the ache in her core, but there was no reason he had to suffer.
When he turned away to replace the body wash on the little shelf built into the corner, Lexi made her move. The second he turned back around, Lexi’s hands were clutching his hips, drawing him between her lips.
“Ah, fuck!” he ground out, his hands flying to her head. Lexi smiled around his thickness, grateful that the shower seat placed her at the perfect level for this. She devoured him greedily, starved for the man she had thought she’d lost forever.
Nine months, two weeks, and four days. That’s how long it had been since she had last seen him. That’s how long she had been dreaming of being with him again. She couldn’t have stopped herself even if she’d wanted to (she hadn’t).
“Baby,” he growled in warning, but Lexi had already sensed his rising climax. Like a woman driven, she sucked him deeper, harder, one hand cupping his tight sac, one finger lightly stroking his seam. It was his undoing.
Lexi took everything he gave her, suckling him for more until every last drop was spent. Then she looked up at him and smiled.
Satisfied that she had gotten her way, Lexi gave him no hassles whatsoever about going back to bed for a little while, but fate had other plans. A loud wail sounded from the other room, their son anxious to remind them of his presence. Ian brought him back to her a few minutes later, smelling all clean and baby-like.
“You changed his diaper?” she said, impressed.
“Of course I did,” Ian said, acting a little affronted.
“I knew there was a reason I fell in love with you.”
Ian grinned. “Say that again.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too. Now feed our son.”
Lexi laughed. “I’m not sure who’s more excited about this – Patrick or you.”
“Me,” Ian said, with a look of anticipation as he settled himself in front of her, mesmerized by her fingers as she parted her top. “Definitely me.”
* * *
Ian watched as Lexi nursed their son. If there was ever a more perfect image, he couldn’t imagine it. Even now, weary as she was, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Christ, he loved her so much. She had been through so much, and she’d had to do it without him. Never again. Never again would she have to face anything alone, because he was going to damn well make sure of it. Nothing was going to hurt her or his son again.
Including him.
He didn’t know how he was going to find the strength to resist his baser urges, though. The pregnancy had given her more curves than a mountain road. Denying himself the pleasure of that would be the ultimate test of his resolve. That, and the unspoken challenge in her eyes.
Never take your eyes off the enemy. That was a mantra drilled into every soldier’s head from day one, one that Ian was reminded of earlier in the shower. He had turned away for a second, one second, and she’d managed to annihilate every one of his defenses until the only thing he could do was hold on for dear life. He hadn’t had the heart nor the will to push her away, not when she looked up at him with those big amber eyes that managed to convey, without words, just how much she loved and wanted him.
He was awed by it. But as glorious as it had been, he couldn’t let it happen again.
* * *
Lexi‘s heart swelled as she took in the scene before her. Ian was sprawled out on the recliner, eyes closed, chest rising in a steady, easy rhythm. Patrick lay across his chest in almost the exact same position, the child’s back to his father’s front, Ian’s large hand protectively holding him in place. Both heads were tilted slightly but at exactly the same inclination, two sets of legs identically extended.
It was how she had come to find them each morning as of late, things settling into a familiar pattern. After the second feeding of the night, Patrick was usually not interested in going back to sleep right away. Ian would take him into the other room, allowing her to rest for a little while longer. It was a nice thought, and very considerate, really. But she would have much preferred Ian’s body next to hers on the bed over a few more Z’s, especially considering that once he left, she found it impossible to rest anyway.
Her need for him, her depen
dence upon him continued to grow. Every day with him only ingrained him that much more in her heart and soul, and she worried about what the future would bring.
They hadn’t discussed it, and that was part of the problem. A lot depended on the results of her next checkup, for that would be when they would decide the next course of action. So far they’d just been taking things one day at a time, avoiding the subject.
Despite Ian’s presence over the last couple of weeks, his life was back in Pine Ridge; that was clear, even though he didn’t come right out and say it. His family was there. His friends. His jobs – both the legitimate and covert – were based in the sleepy little Northeast town as well. Until recently, she would have said hers was here in Benton, with her job, her doctors, Aidan. But Ian’s presence was changing that, and she was coming to realize that where she really wanted to be was wherever Ian was.
Except as time went on, he was putting more distance between them, finding more ways to avoid being close to her, especially at night. She frowned at the pillow and blanket on the couch. For the last two weeks, Ian had been slipping out of her bed the moment he believed she’d fallen asleep. At first he’d stayed with her at night, curling his warm body around hers. He’d kept his sweats on to reduce temptation, but she’d understood, believing it to be a temporary thing until her post-birth recovery was complete.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t turning out that way.
Granted, she had made it difficult for him, especially in the beginning. Reaching for him in the middle of the night, slipping her hand beneath his waistband, loving the heavy feel of him in her hand. If she was lucky, he’d let her stroke him, sometimes even guiding her. Once she’d gotten really lucky, and had managed to get her mouth on him, but it was only once. And each time, just like that first time in the shower, he’d withdrawn almost immediately afterward, finding some excuse to avoid any further intimate contact. Now, he had progressed to double-knotting the drawstring of his pants, ensuring that he woke up before she managed to get too far.
And didn’t that just make her feel pathetic.
So she’d taken the hint, keeping her hands above the waist in an attempt to make him feel more comfortable. But if anything, it seemed to make things worse. If she snuggled up to his back or placed her hand on his arm, his body tensed and she would back off, feeling each rejection more keenly than the last. Then, he started disappearing before she had any chance at all, using her exhaustion against her.
It was strange, really. She felt more alone now than she had before he had arrived. So far she’d been able to hold her tongue, but having him so close and yet so far away was taking its toll. Her appetite was nearly non-existent, and the only sleep she managed were little catnaps here and there.
At least he and Patrick had taken to each other. To say that they adored one another was an understatement. Ian’s eyes literally glowed with pride when he looked at his son. At the sound of Ian’s voice, Patrick would instantly calm. And, Lexi swore, they actually communicated with each other, simply by staring into the other’s identical blue eyes. It was a little freaky sometimes.
As if sensing her distress, Ian’s eyes opened and he locked right on her. God, she thought, those eyes should be declared lethal weapons. They bore right through you with the precision of a laser, cutting through every defense you constructed.
Concern etched through his features when he spotted the glistening in her eyes. Without another word, she turned and went back to the bedroom, the soft click of the door informing him quite plainly that it was not an invitation.
* * *
God, he hated this. Every cell in his body screamed to be with her. To hold her. To kiss her. To show her that she and his child were everything in the world to him. But it was so hard, literally. Being within a hundred feet of her gave him the hard-on from hell, and she felt the need to do something about it. He totally got that. Loved that she loved to please him. But it was too one-sided, and he wanted, no – he needed – to pleasure her, too. And he couldn’t.
It ate away at him. No matter how many times she tried to explain that she was okay with having to wait, he’d still end up feeling frustrated and helpless afterward. No matter how many times she tried to tell him that it gave her great satisfaction to care for him, that it was another way of loving him, he just couldn’t accept it.
He’d seen the hurt in her eyes, wished to God he hadn’t been the one to put it there. But just being close to her was driving him insane. Feeling her breasts pressing against him. Her soft, sweet breath across his skin. Those soft little sighs she made in her sleep – it was more than he could bear.
He swore he would never, ever lose control around her again, but goddamn it, she made that difficult. Images of what she had looked like in that hospital bed, bruised and battered, appeared in his head, made his belly sick with disgust. He had done that to her. And God help him, some sick part of him wanted to do it again.
Not to hurt her, no; he never wanted to hurt her. But he did crave to be with her again in that fiery, unbridled way, where everything else ceased to exist. To be inside her, feel her hot, tight sheath loving him; to feel her legs wrapped around his hips as he drove into her over and over again, marking her, filling her until she couldn’t even remember her own name.
But to do so was to risk her life. And he would never, ever do that again.
These were the demons he faced, and Lexi simply didn’t understand that every time she took him in her mouth, every time she stroked him into ecstasy, his hunger, his need for her grew. Now it was so strong, it scared the shit out of him. He knew Lexi was waiting for her next doctor’s appointment, waiting to get the green light for sex, but secretly he was dreading it. Because inwardly, he was terrified that he’d hurt her again.
Yes, it was hard to see the hurt and confusion on her face caused by his rejection. It cut him up inside like a thousand little knives. But it was better than looking down at her battered body, worried that each breath she took might be her last.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Ian heard the shower going on and off. Heard the soft sounds of drawers opening and closing. The gentle hum of the breast pump. He frowned. Patrick would be up soon and ravenous as always. That kid was a Callaghan through and through, eating enough for a couple of kids. Why would she –
The light chime of the door bell sounded, deepening his frown.
“Aidan,” Ian greeted, stepping aside to let the other man in. “Wasn’t expecting you, man.”
A puzzled look crossed over Aidan’s face, but he covered it quickly. “How’s the Prince today?”
It was a little joke they shared, the nickname given to Patrick at the hospital by the doting nurses since he’d been treated royally from the moment his existence became known.
“He’s good,” Ian said, shifting him slightly. The boy, now awake, reached toward Aidan. Aidan gave him his finger and a huge grin.
“You know, it’s just scary how he looks at you like that,” Aidan said as Patrick focused on him. “Like he’s already got it all figured out.”
“Yeah, that’s what Lex says, too. Why are you -”
Lexi made her appearance at the moment, looking fresh and lovely in a pretty aqua sweater, black skirt, and sandals. Her hair was brushed to shining, forming soft waves that curled in toward her body. She wore just a hint of makeup, but it was enough to take his breath away.
“Hey, Aidan,” she greeted when she spotted him at the door. “What are you doing here? I called for Fritz.”
The other man nodded. “I know. Fritz is off today, his wife’s home in bed with the flu, so I’ll be your ride.”
“Oh, that’s too bad,” Lexi said with genuine concern in her voice. “I’ll make her some soup later.”
“I’m sure she’d like that.”
Feeling like the odd man out, Ian shifted slightly. “Going somewhere?”
“Yes, actually,” Lexi answered without looking at him. “There’s plenty of milk in the fridge. I left
a big bottle out on the counter. It’s still warm.” She took Patrick from Ian’s arms and rubbed her nose into his neck, making him giggle. “Be good for daddy, sweetie. Mommy will be home soon.”
“Where are you going?” Ian asked, hating the needy undertone of his voice.
“I have a few appointments. Should be back by dinner.”
Ian glanced at the clock. It was barely nine a.m. “What appointments? There’s nothing on your calendar.” He knew, because he had looked. Worried that Lexi might try to do too much too soon, he had taken it upon himself to ensure that did not happen. Thankfully, he had found an ally in Aidan, who handled the business side of things.
Without answering, she handed Patrick back to Ian and looked at Aidan. “I’m ready. Let’s go.”
“Lex –“ said Ian, but she was already out the door. Ian turned to Aidan. “What the hell was that all about?”
“Not sure. But shot in the dark? Lexi’s pissed.”
Ian nodded, barely managing to bite off the “no shit, Sherlock” comment before it made it past his lips. “What appointments does she have today?”
Aidan shrugged apologetically. “That, I honestly don’t know. But when I heard Lex had called for Fritz, I figured something was up. Don’t worry, Ian. I’ll keep her out of too much trouble.”
And that grated against Ian’s nerves like steel wool on his skin. Aidan shouldn’t have to be doing anything of the sort. That was his job.
“Maybe you should keep an eye on Patrick,” Ian said, surprising himself. Aidan was probably the only person outside of his own family that he would trust with his son. The man had proven himself more than enough over the past seven months. “Let me take Lexi wherever she needs to go.”
“Do I look stupid to you?” Aidan said. Then he shook his head. “You still don’t get it, do you?” Opening the door, he took one step into the hallway. “But honestly, Callaghan, I hope you figure it out soon, because I don’t think either one of you is going to make it through another one, and you’ve got the kid to think about now.”
First and Only: Callaghan Brothers, Book 2 Page 21