The First Touch of Sunlight

by Len Webster

  “You could have called.”

  Her voice had him freezing.

  “Don’t you think I at least deserved that?”

  Sam breathed out and tried to calm his erratic and tense heart. He closed his locker and faced her.

  The hurt that consumed her face had him clenching his fists.

  She would understand if she knew what had happened.

  But he couldn’t tell her.

  “You did. And I’m sorry,” Sam said.

  Meredith stared at him, as if she was searching his eyes, and then she nodded her head. “Do you know what the worst part was?”

  Sam shook his head.

  “I waited an hour,” she stated with a laugh. But her laugh was deceiving because her pain-filled eyes spoke of her agony. “But that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was after fifteen minutes, I told myself you were running late. At thirty minutes late, I told myself you were stuck in traffic. At forty-five minutes late, I told myself you were trying to find parking. When you were an hour late, I still believed you were on your way. How stupid is that?”

  “Meredith …”

  Her bottom lip trembled. “I believed in you. All you had to do was call. That’s it. All you had to say was that you couldn’t make it. Or that you didn’t want to spend my birthday with me. That’s it. That’s all you could have said for me not to be so upset with you. A simple phone call, Sam. Don’t I deserve that? The same thoughtfulness I give to you?” The crack in her voice was heartbreaking. She was baring everything to him, and Sam was still reluctant.

  Meredith had a good life without responsibility.

  She had everything.

  But for Sam, others far more important depended on him.

  He couldn’t let them down.

  So he remained silent.

  Sometimes, he thought Meredith did deserve how badly he treated her.

  Deserved it for saving his life when she should have let him drown.

  She blinked, as if to keep her tears at bay, and her lips pressed tightly together. “And that’s how you successfully strip me ugly and demoralise me. By the delivery of your silence. Goodbye, Sam,” she said as she stepped around him and left him alone in the locker bay.

  When he had heard the building door shut, he exhaled the breath he hadn’t realised he had been holding.

  “Goodbye, Meredith.”

  chapter thirty

  SAM

  Present

  “So … how was I?” their son, Josh, asked with a big grin on his face.

  Beth laughed as she removed her hand from his cheek. “You were amazing, Josh.”

  “Thanks, Mum. What did you think, Dad?” Josh squinted down at him.

  Sam pursed his lips as he glanced over at Beth and then at Josh in his arms. “You were the fairy, right?”

  “I was a bear!” Josh corrected. His cheeks went pink as his nostrils flared.

  “Oh, that’s right. You, my son, were an excellent bear.”

  “Thanks, Dad. Can I go play with Jake and Paul before we go home?”

  Sam set their six-year-old down on his feet. “Sure but don’t go too far. We’re going out to celebrate your big performance. Cold Rock?”

  Cold Rock Ice Creamery was Josh’s favourite treat place. The kid was obsessed with watching them add his favourite toppings to his ice cream.

  “All right. Five minutes. I promise. Five minutes.” Josh raised his hand and splayed his fingers out at them for emphasis.

  “Okay. Five minutes,” Beth agreed.

  “I love you, Mum and Dad.” He said it so quickly that it was almost incoherent.

  Beth laughed as they stared at their little runner.

  “He’s so perfect,” Beth stated.

  “You did good, Beth,” Sam praised.

  She craned her neck and smiled at him. “We did good. I used to say I could do it without you, but looking back, I don’t think he would have turned out this loving and bubbly. You give him this little spark of attitude that’s just perfect.”

  Sam wrapped an arm around her shoulder and brought her close. She smelt like juniper. A scent he only smelt on her. “He gets his attitude from you.”

  Beth pushed off him. “He does not.”

  “Okay, suuure,” Sam teased.

  “Thanks, Miss D,” several children said, getting his attention.

  Sam turned in the direction of the children’s voices to see Meredith handing out lollipops to them. She wore the most beautiful smile. Her students adored her. It was so clear to see.

  “She’s beautiful,” Beth said.

  “Yeah,” Sam agreed.

  “It’s time, Sam.”

  His focus moved from Meredith to Beth. His heart stopped its beats. “What?”

  “We’ll be all right. Josh and I, we’ll be all right. You, however, won’t be if you keep this up.” She smiled as her green eyes glazed over. “You have sacrificed everything so our son could have a father. You shouldn’t have, but you did. It’s time you got the girl, Sam.”

  “But—”

  Beth stepped towards him and set a palm on his cheek and the other on his shoulder. Just as she had with their son. “But nothing. She deserves you. She has always deserved you. And you, Sam, deserve to be loved by her.”

  Sam reached up and brushed the lone tear that escaped Beth’s eye. “All right,” he agreed, ready to tell Meredith that they could finally be together.

  It was right for them.

  It was time they stopped pretending.

  On Saturday, they hadn’t pretended.

  That connection as they made love was real.

  So real that he almost burst into tears.

  Beth calling had put an end to his and Meredith’s moment of bliss. Josh needed help with his lines, and Sam couldn’t say no.

  He had promised himself that he would always be there for his son.

  Even if it meant leaving Meredith.

  He had desperately wanted to stay, to continue to make love to her until they passed out. Until she believed how much he loved her.

  With Josh’s play coming up, Beth working overtime to rectify an author’s public image, and with his father constantly calling him, Sam hadn’t had a chance to see Meredith. He still didn’t have her new number. And he was only ever free for a few minutes between his work and taking care of Josh. On Sunday, during their first family dinner in months, Beth had shown him which Lego table would be their inspiration. Josh was too busy with his spaghetti to realise that they were plotting his surprise.

  “You could invite her to Cold Rock with us,” Beth offered.

  Sam nodded. Even if he did, Meredith would politely decline. He knew her too well. After he had sucked in a deep breath, he made his way towards her.

  “Excuse me, Mer—Miss D,” he said, interrupting Meredith from her lollipop distributing plans once he’d reached her.

  She straightened her spine and appeared surprised to see him. She glanced around her, and she seemed disappointed.

  “Yes?”

  “Could we talk for a second?” He gazed down at the six-year-olds who were his son’s classmates. “It’s an adult matter.”

  Meredith’s lips made an ‘O’ shape. She nodded and then handed out the rest of the brightly coloured lollies until she had one left. “Sure.” Then she handed him her last lollipop with a small smile. “Lead the way.”

  Sam stepped away from the children and led her towards the vegetable garden, where he knew no students would be. He was tempted to reach for her hand as they made their way to the brightly painted wooden seat, but he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. Meredith sat down first as she glanced down at her hands. Sam could just see her nervously chew her lip.

  “Meredith,” he said softly as he twirled the lollipop stick between his finger and
thumb. “I’m sorry I haven’t called. I’ve been busy helping Josh with the play, work, and taking care of him while Beth works.”

  She lifted her chin up at him. “It’s okay. This week gave me some time to think—”

  “I love you,” he interrupted her.

  Her eyes widened as her lips parted.

  “Being with you on Saturday, it meant everything, but my son has to come first. He’s the only reason why I left you. If it were anyone else, I’d have ignored them.” Sam got on his knees and set the lollipop next to her. He clutched her hands as she gazed down at him. “For so long, all I wanted to be was a great dad. I’m still learning. I learn new things about my son every day. I know I sacrificed you to have him, but I never wanted to choose. I wanted to keep you. I wanted to be worthy of you.”

  “Sam,” she breathed.

  “When I was eighteen, I was given the most difficult set of circumstances. Meredith Driessen noticed me. Saved me. Kissed me. Told me she loved me. Then one night, she made love to me. She gave me moments worth giving up everything for. I loved her. Then I made stupid decisions because I thought they were right. I was given a son, and I let Meredith Driessen, the love of my life, go. I tore her heart out with lies. I convinced her that I loved someone else. Even when I confirmed that my ex-girlfriend was pregnant, she still supported me. I never deserved her. I made her go away. I made her give up everything to make my life easier. That’s how selfish I was.”

  She let go of his right hand and used her thumb to brush away the tears he shed. “Keep going,” she urged in a low voice.

  “Then she came back, and I still punished her for leaving me. I thought if she really did love me, she’d have stayed. She was gone for seven years. She took that touch of sunlight from me. Why did she take so long to come back to me?”

  “Because she was selfish, too,” Meredith confessed. “She was tired of being in pain. She was selfish because she didn’t want to see him happy with his family. She didn’t want to come back because she found being sad and not seeing him made her life a little easier to endure.”

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered as she pressed her lips to his forehead. “I’m so sorry, Meredith.”

  Her hands cupped the sides of his head as she held him against her mouth. Then she pulled back and gaze down at him. “You thought what you did was right for your son. And he grew up happy and loved, Sam. We can’t regret that. It was about what was best for Josh. We didn’t know it at the time, but we both chose right. I chose right by giving you the chance to be the father that you are, and I will stand by that. I might have not been by your side, but I have always supported you.”

  “I waited seven years for you to come back. I haven’t loved anyone since you. I haven’t wanted to love anyone since you. I waited because I knew it was the right thing to do. I fought hard to let you live the life you deserved. I thought you would be happy without me,” he explained.

  She shook her head with a small smile. “No. Not without you. I was in love with you, Sam. I was sixteen when you left an impression on me. I knew then that I would love you. When I pulled you out of that river, I promised myself I would try my absolute hardest to make you happy. To make you feel so loved.”

  Sam’s chest tightened. He grasped her wrists and lowered her hands off him. Then he stood straight, pulling her up with him. His hands found her hips as he held her.

  “You made me feel loved,” he said. “But I didn’t feel like I deserved it. I kept Beth’s pregnancy a secret from you for so long. I should have told you that night you pulled me out of the river. I should have just told you.”

  Meredith set her palms on his chest. “You were eighteen, Sam. You had so much responsibility for someone who should have enjoyed his last year of high school.” Her hands slid up his chest and around his neck until she cupped the back of his head. “Never underestimate how much I love you, Samuel Michaels. How much I have loved you. Even when I was on the other side of the world, I still loved you.” She pressed her lips lightly against his then whispered, “I still love you.”

  “I still love you,” he said wholeheartedly as he returned her gentle kiss with his own. “Would you like to come to Cold Rock with me, Josh, and Beth?”

  She smiled at his invitation but then shook her head. “I’d love to. Thank you for the offer, but I have a lot to clean up. You go have fun with your family. Tell Josh he was amazing as Archibald the bear.”

  He loved that glimmer in her eyes and the way she spoke of his son. Sam loved her. Everything about her. He had always loved her. But circumstances that were thrust upon him made him choose everyone but Meredith.

  “Then how about dinner at my place on Sunday? Just you and me.”

  Meredith bit her lip. “Just you and me?”

  Sam nodded. “Just you and me,” he confirmed.

  “Then I would love to have dinner with you on Sunday.”

  “Happy birthday, Grandma!” Josh yelled the moment they walked into the house.

  Sam’s mother walked into the hallway and set her hand on her chest, no doubt taking in Josh’s ‘I love my Grandma!’ T-shirt that Beth had bought for today. “My little love,” Maria Michaels said as she bent her knees and opened her arms out for Josh.

  Sam’s son raced into her arms, almost knocking her over.

  “We’re gonna have to tell him to stop doing that. He’s gonna hurt Maria,” Beth said as she entered the house with the cake they had picked up from the Cheesecake Shop. It was his mother’s favourite. Black forest torte. And of course, Beth had to get Josh his own rainbow cake to destroy. It was a tradition Sam’s mother wanted to have. Two cakes. One proper cake where she’d blow out the candles. And the other she could watch her grandson happily destroy.

  “Happy birthday, Maria,” Beth wished once his mother stood straight. Then she kissed her cheek and held out her hand for Josh to take. “Let’s put Grandma’s birthday cake in the fridge, okay?”

  “I thought that was my cake?” Josh said as he stared at his mother and then Sam.

  “I’ve got your cake, buddy,” Sam said, shaking the box slightly.

  “Can I put it in the fridge, Dad?”

  Sam walked over to his son and handed him the giant box. Of course, Josh would pick the largest cake the store had for himself. “Be careful.”

  “I will,” the six-year-old said with giant eyes and a big smile on his face. He followed Beth to the kitchen.

  “Happy birthday, Mum,” Sam said as he gave her a kiss on the cheek and a hug. Then he gazed at her to see the happiness in her eyes.

  When he broke the news that Beth was pregnant, it had hurt her the most. It had taken some time before she welcomed Beth into her life. Sam hadn’t blamed her. He had understood. The moment she saw Josh, hours after his birth, she had broken into tears. Her first grandchild. She might not be Josh’s biological grandmother, but she didn’t care. Her love for him mattered more than his DNA.

  “Thank you, Sammy.” She set her palm on his cheek. “I’m so proud of you.”

  He let out a light laugh. “Thanks, Mum. Sorry you weren’t able to come to Josh’s play. They only had two tickets per family. As soon as Margot gives me an early copy of the DVD like she promised, I’ll bring Josh over, and we can watch it together.”

  “I’d like that.”

  “Come on. Let’s have birthday cake first before lunch,” Sam said. “Josh suggested it would be more fun that way.” His phone vibrating in his pocket had Sam pulling it out.

  “Well, if my grandson wants cake first, then we’re having cake first,” his mother stated.

  He playfully shook his head at her as he glanced down at his phone. His stomach clenched at the sight of the name.

  When Sam was eighteen, he had saved his name under ‘son of a bitch,’ but with Josh always wanting to play Candy Crush on his phone, Sam had changed his name to avoid his son se
eing the curse word.

  Bruce.

  Sam’s father was calling him.

  He had been relentless in his calls in the last week.

  He seemed desperate.

  Sam assumed his voicemails were, too. He had ignored them and deleted them each night.

  “Why is he calling you?” his mother asked, fear heavy in her voice. “How did he get your new number?”

  Sam declined the call and returned his phone to his pocket. Then he entwined his arm with his mother’s. “The new assistant at Parliament must have given it to him. I’ll have a talk with her when I get back. Don’t worry about him. He can’t hurt any of us. He can’t hurt you, Mum.”

  His mother set her free hand on his arm and squeezed it gently. “It’s not me I’m worried about. It’s you, Sammy.”

  “He’s not going anywhere near my son,” Sam promised. “Come on. Let’s forget about him and celebrate your birthday. We’ll get your presents out of the car later. Josh isn’t finished wrapping them. He’s just like Beth—completely fussy.”

  chapter thirty-one

  SAM

  Seven years ago

  The school captains chose a DJ that had cost almost the entire small budget. Their year twelve formal was in the gym. The round tables from the library were dressed with white cloths that draped to the floor. The basketball court lines were visible as the strobe lights hit the floor.

  Sam was glad his mother made him eat dinner with her before he drove to the school because the finger food didn’t look appealing. The drinks supplied were cans of Coke, Fanta, and Sprite. It would have been a great formal if Sam had been enjoying himself. Instead, he sat at one of the tables as he watched his best friend, Phil, dance with Meredith. Margot was by them, taking photos. They all seemed happy and carefree.

  None of them had looming colours of responsibilities over them.