The First Touch of Sunlight

by Len Webster

“What are you? Eighteen?” she teased.

  “They’re just for emergencies,” he defended himself.

  “I’m still on the shot. And the old school I worked for in Rotterdam had quarterly health checks. I’m very clean, Sam.”

  He looked down to see where they were so close to connecting. “Have you been with many people since me?”

  Meredith tilted his head back to face her. “I tried,” she said in a small voice. “But if we’re talking technicality, I haven’t been with anyone since you. And you?”

  He gave her a small smile. “I became a dad months after you left. I’ve been raising my son. There hasn’t been much activity for me.”

  She blinked at him in shock. “You haven’t slept with anyone since me?”

  He shook his head. “Watching you walk away was enough for me to never want to be that intimate with anyone else. I have had some sexual activity, but I haven’t had intercourse since I was eighteen. I’ll admit, I got close, but I lost my nerve.”

  “That’s so unbelievable,” she said without thinking.

  Sam let out an awkward laugh. “Yeah, not if you asked the last poor woman who tried.”

  It was Meredith’s turn to laugh as she brushed his right cheek. “We’re both naked, and instead of actually having sex, we’re discussing all the almost times we’ve had it in the last seven years.”

  He bent down and let his lips flutter over hers. “Meredith,” he said softly. “What happens when we’re done?”

  The pain in his voice matched the sad gleam in his eye. Meredith sat herself up just as Sam got on his knees. She then pushed his shoulder so that his back hit the couch cushion. Meredith swung her leg over to hover over him. Her fingers pressed against his jaw as their eyes stayed focus on each other. Her fingers gently made their way down his neck until her palms settled on his chest.

  She lowered herself slowly until she felt him at her entrance.

  “Okay?” she asked like he had the first time they were together.

  Sam pressed his forehead against hers and whispered, “With you … Always.”

  He repeated the words she had said to him seven years ago.

  The three words that acted as her ‘I love you’ decoy.

  But they weren’t teenagers anymore.

  “I love you, too,” she said in a small voice, lowering herself as she stretched to fit him. She loved the feel of Sam wrapping his arm around her and bringing her as close to him as possible. As she looped her arms around his neck, her breasts squashed against his hard chest. Their heavy breathing matched as they remained completely still, memorising what it felt like to be this connected once again.

  Sex with Samuel Michaels was always more.

  It was lovemaking.

  On Saturday, it was as if they were lost in the past and present, familiarising themselves with each other. It hadn’t taken him long to read her body’s movements. And she remembered just how his body had reacted moments before he came.

  Their connection was still beautiful.

  They had made slow and passionate love just once before Sam got a call from Beth about Josh.

  Meredith had understood and told him that he owed her no explanations. He had kissed her goodbye and told her that he’d see her soon.

  It was now Monday.

  And Meredith was in sex remorse, if that were even a thing. It wasn’t that she regretted sleeping with Sam. It was that she hated herself for how quickly she had folded her cards. How quickly she had slept with him the moment he told her he loved her.

  In fact, he hadn’t said it again.

  Not while he was thrusting.

  Not when she had moaned his name.

  Not when he had reached his orgasm.

  And not when she had either, which had surprised her. She hadn’t thought she could orgasm. But then his thumb had reached up above where they were connected and made small circles, and in no time, she had exploded under his touch while he pumped into her.

  It was all so confusing.

  Especially when he had left her naked on her couch.

  Were they just words to him?

  It was killing her not to know.

  Having sex with Sam caused her to slip back to self-conscious teenage Meredith.

  Instead of moving forward, she had taken twenty steps back.

  What if sleeping with Sam had been a mistake?

  What if telling him that she still loved him was an even bigger one?

  “Earth to Meredith?” her best friend said.

  “I slept with Sam!” she blurted out without thinking. Her cheeks flamed in embarrassment. She hadn’t been paying attention to her. Their prep classes were combined into one sports class, giving Meredith and Margot time to prepare the flyers and programs for the prep play.

  Margot burst out laughing. “Yeah, I know. Like seven years—”

  Meredith set down the pages of the play’s program. “Recently.”

  “What?”

  “Yeah.”

  Margot set the envelopes being sent to their students’ parents on the table. “You had a date with Tony on Friday. It is now Monday. Can you explain to me the last forty-eight hours of Meredith’s life?” The smirk on her face had Meredith sighing. Her best friend was intrigued rather than disappointed.

  “I met Beth at dinner.”

  “WHAT?” Margot’s jaw hung low. “You met Josh’s mum?”

  “Yeah. She kinda told me to go after Sam. So I did. I left Tony at the restaurant. He wasn’t even angry. And then I asked Sam if we were done. He said we weren’t. Then he and Josh took me home. On Saturday, we went out to the Bear Hunt, and he told me he loved me. Then … then we had sex.”

  Margot blinked. After she had let out an exhale, she brushed her auburn hair over her shoulder. “So I guess I’m not gonna get specific details? How was having sex for the first time in seven years? You really shouldn’t have waited that long, by the way.”

  “The sex was amazing,” she admitted. “It’s all the feelings after it.”

  “Did you guys talk about you two having sex?”

  Meredith shook her head. “Beth called him when we were done. He left, and I haven’t heard from him since.”

  “That woman,” Margot murmured. “Okay. So what are you gonna do?”

  “I don’t know, Marg.”

  Margot scrunched up her nose as she mulled over it. “I reckon we put on a great play Thursday, and that should give you plenty of time to think.”

  Meredith reached over and picked up a stack of programs she had to put in order before she stapled them together. “You’re right. I can’t rush into all of this. Especially since it involves Sam. But you know what?”

  “What?”

  The heat that radiated in her chest was unbearable. But the realisation was honest and true. “For a little while, I felt like I was his. It felt like we made sense again.”

  Her best friend reached over and covered Meredith’s hand with hers. “You guys did. Sam has always just been an idiot.”

  Unable to help herself, Meredith laughed with Margot.

  The play was a success.

  Because of Charlotte going on maternity leave, Margot had taken over and pulled it off without a hitch.

  Meredith had done whatever Margot requested her to do.

  It included getting the kids lined up for their scenes, getting them changed into costumes, and adding sparkles to the corners of their eyes.

  The play was about forest animals who made friends with fairies, and the lessons of sharing and accepting others’ differences. It was cute to see. When she had crouched to adjust Josh Michaels’ nose of his bear costume, she couldn’t help but laugh at how adorable he was. Somewhere in the audience, his parents waited for him to make his grand entrance.

  Josh had whispered, “How�
��s Dutch doing, Miss D?” to her once she was satisfied his bear nose wouldn’t slip off.

  She had given him a big smile. Meredith told him that her border collie missed him just as much and had wished him luck before she moved on to the next student.

  The kids received a standing ovation once the play had ended. Meredith hadn’t wanted to, but Margot had dragged her on stage and had her bow. The bright spotlight made it hard for her to see who was out in the crowd. She could have sworn Phil was the one who had shouted out, “Go, Miss D!”

  Her cheeks heated, and she quickly curtsied and then ran off the stage to help clean up. She made sure to praise every child for his and her hard work.

  “Great job out there, Miss D,” Harry, the assistant principal, said.

  Meredith had smiled at one of her students before she acknowledged Harry. “Thanks, but it was all Miss Hepburn. I practically did nothing.”

  Harry waved a hand, dismissing her. “So humble. You deserve the credit. You’ve been amazing since you got here. We couldn’t have done any of this without you.”

  She gave him a tight smile. “Again, it was all Miss Hepburn, but thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Yes. See you tomorrow,” Harry said as he shoved his hands in his pockets and began to make his way towards the stage.

  She found their exchange strange.

  If anyone deserved credit, it was Margot.

  She had worked nonstop for the last week to make the play as successful as it was.

  “Miss D …” Josh’s voice got her attention.

  Meredith spun around to see a nervous expression on his face. “Are you okay?”

  He nodded. “Uncle Phil is outside looking for you.”

  Uncle Phil.

  Adorable.

  She was sure Phil loved hearing it. “Wanna lead the way?”

  Josh nodded. “Sure. He’s over here.”

  “Did you see your parents yet?” she asked, just as she had with every other student. Meredith followed the six-year-old through the sea of students who were backstage and towards the front of the school hall.

  “Not yet,” Josh answered.

  They made it to the entry of the hall and stepped outside. Meredith scanned the people in front of them to find Phil nowhere in sight.

  “Josh, where’s—”

  “Dad!” Josh screamed out.

  Oh.

  I’ve been conned by a six-year-old.

  Meredith frowned at the grin on Josh’s face as he gazed up at her. No sympathy from him. She should have seen through his little trick. She glanced back to see Sam standing in front of them. Next to him was Beth, Josh’s mother.

  Seeing them separately, she had been fine.

  But seeing them together.

  It was heartbreaking to see.

  Because they looked like the perfect couple.

  The perfect parents.

  Josh raced towards them. Sam bent down and opened his arms out for his son to run into them. Then he picked up the six-year-old with ease. Meredith blinked several times as Beth stepped closer and set her hand on Josh’s cheek.

  The perfect family.

  The thought had her chest feeling as if a thousand knives had entered it.

  Slowly.

  One by one, they pierced her.

  Short thrusts until they lodged deep.

  She might have been Sam’s for a moment on Saturday.

  But he never belonged to her.

  He had his own family.

  A family she could never get between.

  chapter twenty-nine

  SAM

  Seven years ago

  All weekend, he had been terrified to go to school.

  To see Meredith.

  He was certain she’d never forgive him. He hadn’t called. He had never shown up for her birthday dinner. A dinner he had promised to attend.

  But Beth had fallen down the stairs and ended up in the hospital.

  He had to be there for her.

  He had to make sure his son was okay.

  The same son who wasn’t biologically his.

  When she had revealed that she had cheated on him, Sam had broken up with her. Disgusted at her betrayal. But when she had announced that she was pregnant, Sam had made the decision to be there for her.

  He had loved Beth.

  A hand gripped his arm and pulled him to the locker bay and away from any teachers who would walk by.

  Phil pinned him against the locker.

  “I’m your best friend, but don’t you ever do that to Meredith again!” he growled.

  “Do what?” Sam asked, trying to get Phil off him. Unfortunately for him, Phil played footy. He was more physically fit than Sam was.

  “I had to pick up Meredith on Friday. You left her waiting at the Nove for a fucking hour, Sam. What could be more important than her birthday? She had waited an hour before she called Margot.”

  Sam glanced around them to see no other students in the locker area. “Beth had a fall down her parents’ stairs and was rushed to the hospital. I got the call just as I parked outside of the Nove.”

  “Shit,” Phil said, letting go of him. The remorse consumed his face. “Is”—his voice softened—“the baby okay?”

  He nodded. “Yeah. He’s okay. They kept Beth overnight to make sure.”

  Phil covered his face with his palms and let out a muffled grunt. Then he removed his hands and sternly stared at him, his nostrils flaring. “You have to tell Meredith. I can’t live with the fact that I know, and she doesn’t. You should have seen her face when she got in my car. She was devastated. She had so much belief in you. You let her down. You should have just called her.”

  Sam’s chin dipped. “I know.”

  “I get it. You’re about to become a dad. But you’re hurting someone you love, and that’s not fair,” Phil said. “Come on. Let’s go to English before Miss Maddock gives us an after school for being late.”

  “I’ve just got to stop by my locker,” Sam said, pushing off the wooden surface of the random locker Phil had pushed him against.

  “All right. I’ll see you in there.”

  Meredith hadn’t looked his way during the entire two hours of English. He had gone over to talk to her, but she stood up and asked to go to the bathroom. When she had come back, class was over, and it was recess. Sam had tried to find her, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t find Margot either.

  He knew Meredith would be angry with him for missing her dinner.

  It was to be expected.

  But he wanted a chance to explain.

  Sam knew that he didn’t deserve one.

  He didn’t deserve any of Meredith’s chances.

  His politics teacher, Mr Lorraine, was a no-show, and Sam couldn’t get his mark for the assignment he had turned in on Friday. The school had decided that in order to save costs on CRTs, they would stuff all the students in a large room with one teacher supervising them. Miss Coates was on study hall duty today, and everyone in year twelve knew that she was the most laidback faculty member. They got away with anything with her sitting at the large teacher’s desk.

  As he sat in study hall trying to concentrate, he heard the door open and in came Meredith and Margot. They had literature together, and their teacher must not have shown up, either. Sam’s eyes followed them as they sat at the table in front of him; Meredith sat with her back to him.

  “What do you mean you’re not going to formal?” Margot hissed. Actually hissed. “Meredith, we’ve been planning year twelve formal since we were in year seven.”

  Sam’s interest in their conversation piqued.

  Formal was almost two weeks away, and he had forgotten about it. Since the school couldn’t afford one earlier in the year, some of the school captains got together for a bake sale
and a raffle to fund a last-minute formal.

  Meredith sighed. “I know, Marg. I just don’t want to go. It’s pointless.”

  “You’re being an idiot. You don’t have a date? Phil can be your date.”

  “Phil’s your boyfriend. Plus, with how late they planned it, it’s too close to my final history assignment and way too close to exams,” she explained. Even Sam thought her excuse was lame. But then again, history was the most underfunded unit in the curriculum. They always got the last pick of everything. “And we don’t want Phil to get a bigger ego if he took two girls to formal.”

  “Seriously, I can’t go to my formal without my best friend. I’m willingly letting Phil have the satisfaction that he takes both of us to formal just so you can be there.”

  Meredith sighed. “This isn’t about me not having a date.”

  “Oh, bullshit!”

  “Language, Miss Hepburn!” Miss Coates yelled from the other side of study hall.

  “Yeah, yeah,” Margot said, dismissing the teacher. Sam had to hold back his laugh. “Listen, Mere, I won’t force you. But don’t let what happened affect your final year of high school.”

  Sam kept his focus on Meredith’s loose curly ponytail. He knew that it was her natural hair. When he’d taken her to the Bear Hunt, those loose curls spiralled perfectly once her hair had dried.

  “I know. Tell Phil I’ll be his second date. I’ll be the third wheel.”

  “Ah! That’s great! Technically, Phil’s the third wheel. But we won’t tell him that. He’ll get sad.”

  Meredith had her date to formal.

  As for Sam, he had no one.

  He was thankful when the final bell rang.

  It had been the longest school day he had ever endured.

  Meredith had avoided him every time he got near her.

  Phil was still pissed at him.

  And Margot shot him death glares.

  Sam rummaged through his locker to find the notes from his economics class that he had forgotten to take home on Friday. Although the day had dragged, he was in no hurry to make it home. The house would be quiet with his mother at work. She was relieved to hear that Beth and the baby were okay. His mother knew that he wasn’t the real father, but she was proud of him for being the father the baby deserved.