The First Touch of Sunlight

by Len Webster

  “Right there,” she urged.

  “Let go, Meredith,” he rasped, his chin just resting on her mound.

  “Oh … God … Yes, yes!” she moaned as her orgasm surprised her and caused her to convulse. Her thighs trapped him, but he continued to stroke and pump her through the greatest high she had ever experienced.

  Sam had pressed his lips against her inner thigh before he crawled back up to her and kissed her deeply. He settled between her legs, his thick hardness pressing against her sensitive core.

  Instead of entering her as she had thought, he pressed his forehead to hers and whispered, “I’ve missed you so much, Meredith.”

  Between her heavy panting, she replied, “Not as much as I’ve missed you.”

  The alarm that hollered caused Meredith to groan. She threw an arm in the direction of the sound, and after blindly searching, her fingertips found her phone. Squinting her eyes, she saw that it was 5:30 a.m. With a sigh, she turned off the alarm to find Sam asleep on his stomach. His right arm around her. Careful not to wake him, she slid from his touch and out of his bed.

  When she had agreed to stay the night, she hadn’t thought of the morning after.

  The morning after all the orgasms, I love yous, kisses, and moans.

  Because right now, she’d rather be immersed in all of them than have to drive back to her parents’ house and get ready for work. Using the light from her phone, she searched the floor to find her discarded clothing near the end of the bed. Once she had tiptoed to the pile and picked up her underwear, she slipped them on first before her bra and then finally her dress. Careful not to make a sound, Meredith scooped up her heels and opened the bedroom door. Slowly shutting it behind her, she breathed out; thankfully, she hadn’t woken him up so early.

  Either Sam was a deep sleeper, or he had at least five alarms set.

  The house was still dark.

  Meredith yawned as she rubbed her eyes. She had to be at school by seven thirty to prepare her classroom and go through this week’s lesson plans. She also had to write thank-you letters to parents for their attendance at the play. It had been something she had to do in Rotterdam. Giving parents praise was a way to get them more involved in their child’s school activities. It opened up the parent–teacher relationship.

  Once she had made it to the kitchen, she picked up her handbag off the counter. With soft footsteps, she went down the hall towards the front door. Just seeing the frames had her curious. When Meredith reach the front door, she flicked the light switch to turn on the hallway lights.

  It was spectacular to see the downlights illuminate the frames. Unable to help herself, she was drawn to them. Meredith took several steps until she felt as if she were in the middle and then faced them.

  Memories.

  Moments.

  Pictures upon pictures.

  Of Sam.

  Of Beth.

  Of Margot and Phil.

  And so many of Josh on his own and with them.

  Then one picture caught her eye. It was sandwiched between a photo of a newborn, and one of Beth sitting on a hospital bed holding that same newborn and Sam by her side.

  It was a sonogram.

  She had a feeling it was the same sonogram she had come across in Sam’s car.

  Her chest weighed heavy as she reached forward and let her fingers press against the glass.

  She was right to have gone away.

  Josh got his chance to grow up beloved by his parents.

  Josh deserved it.

  Meredith took a step back and scanned the wall.

  So many beautiful moments she had missed.

  One caught her eye. It was of Margot and Phil wearing party hats with Josh and his first birthday cake.

  They were happy.

  The year after she had left Warren Meadows, Meredith Driessen had forgotten what it felt like to be happy.

  But seeing the happiness in all the photographs made her smile.

  She envied their moments, wishing she’d had the chance share it with them.

  Meredith let her handbag dangle around her arm as she unlocked her phone. Then she opened a new message as she spun around for the front door. Once she had opened it, she ensured the door was locked as she stepped outside and closed it behind her.

  She breathed in the early morning air and then sent Sam a message.

  Meredith: Thank you for last night. Sorry, I had to leave to get ready for work. Hope I didn’t wake you.

  Then she stared at the message that she had sent.

  Deciding it wasn’t enough, she sent him another.

  Meredith: I love you, Samuel Michaels. Never underestimate how much I care and love you.

  chapter thirty-three

  SAM

  Seven years ago

  “You are a lifesaver,” Beth blurted out as she took the small container of vanilla ice cream with M&Ms and Crunchie pieces mixed in it from the girl behind the counter. “I’ve been craving Cold Rock ice cream all day.”

  “Thanks,” Sam said to their server.

  He followed his pregnant ex-girlfriend towards the tables by the window, and they took their seats. He hated coming to Cold Rock. Not because he didn’t like their ice cream, but because it was always so cold. Other ice creameries around the South Eastern suburbs were nowhere near as cold as this store.

  “How did your last politics assignment go?” Beth asked as she set the container down on the table.

  “Got ninety-three percent for it, which was surprising since I didn’t really like who I had to write about. But I’ve been focused the last couple of weeks.”

  Beth frowned. “Since Meredith found out?”

  “Yeah,” he confirmed.

  He hadn’t spoken to Meredith since she’d found the sonogram he’d left in the car. He had forgotten about it. He hadn’t wanted her to find out that way. It appeared planned and malicious.

  “I can’t imagine what she’s feeling. I feel so guilty—”

  “You have nothing to feel guilty about, Beth,” he scolded.

  She leant forward. “How about the fact that my ex-boyfriend, who I cheated on, is about to claim my unborn son as his. That is a lot to feel guilty about.”

  “I told you. I want this with you.”

  “The moment you sign that birth certificate, that’s it. You can’t turn back,” she reminded him.

  Sam rolled his eyes at her. “I know. That’s why, the moment he’s born, I’m signing it. Talking about birth certificates, have you thought of names? You’ve been reading those 1,001 baby name books all month.”

  Beth let out a hum. “I like Rodrigo.”

  Sam burst out laughing. “Rodrigo? Where in any of our ancestry did either of our families originate from a Latin American country?”

  “Okay, wise guy,” she challenged. “Give me names.”

  “I like Patrick.”

  She shook her head. “I’m not naming our son after a SpongeBob character. Next name.”

  “Patrick is better than Rodrigo. Can you image Rodrigo Michaels? Not happening, Beth.”

  “Okay. Stanley?”

  “Do you hate our child?”

  “No!” she gasped, offended. “Julian.”

  He cringed. “No. I know an annoying asshole named Julian.”

  “Okay, not Julian.”

  She let out a huff. “Ian?”

  “Stick a knife in my chest, Beth. Ian Michaels? Really?”

  “You suggest names then!” she raised her voice, annoyed at him.

  “The letter ‘J’ names are ones I like,” he stated. “How about …”

  “If you say Jerry, I’m going to kick you in the groin,” she warned.

  He laughed. “I wasn’t going to say Jerry. How about Joshua? Joshua Michaels.”

  To his surprise,
Beth burst into tears and then began to sniff. Sam handed her a tissue from the dispenser.

  “Are you okay?”

  She nodded as she dabbed under her eyes. “I just get super emotional now. But I love that. Josh.” Her hands went to her belly. “Little Josh Michaels. We can’t wait to meet you.”

  “Wow,” Sam breathed.

  Their son had a name.

  He wasn’t just some little image they saw on the ultrasound machine.

  He had a name.

  Joshua Michaels.

  I’d sacrifice all of me for you, Josh.

  Beth: My cravings are out of control. Could you possibly get me some bacon and some red velvet cupcakes? I’ll even cook you some bacon. Pleeeeeease??

  Sam: Sure. I’ll stop by the shops now. School’s finished. Anything else you need?

  Beth: If you see any baby gloves, like mittens but without the thumb part, could you get some. One of the girls at that birthing class told me to stock up on them. He’ll scratch his face up. It’s a MUST!

  Sam: Okay. I’ll get him some mittens without the thumbs. And bacon and red velvet cupcakes for you.

  Beth: Bacon’s for you, too!

  Sam: Doubt it. I’ll see you soon.

  He locked his phone and slipped it into his right pants pocket while he took out his car keys from his left. In the almost three weeks since Meredith had left him at the reserve, he had studied more and focused on the next stage of his life: becoming a father and starting university.

  He and Beth had made a deal.

  Sam would get his dream.

  They would find a way to juggle their son, jobs, and university.

  He already had a recommendation from Mr Lorraine, who was close friends with former Victorian Premier Steve Andrews about getting an internship. Sam had an interview in a couple months’ time. It gave him and his now mentor, Mr Lorraine, enough time to build an outstanding cover letter, resume, and essay.

  He’d still be a politician.

  Someday.

  As he left school grounds and entered the car park, he froze when he saw her leaning against his Jeep. Meredith was staring at her feet, unaware that he had discovered her.

  He could turn around and leave. Catch the bus to the shops or have Phil pick him up. Take the easy way out and avoid this confrontation.

  But she needed answers.

  She couldn’t have them all, but he’d give her some.

  “Meredith,” he said, hoping he sounded bored and dismissive. It would help if his heart would stop beating so hard and so fast.

  She lifted her chin. For the first time in a long time, she wore her hair down instead of her usual high ponytail.

  Meredith took a deep breath and pushed off his car. “So you’re gonna be a dad?”

  She wanted him to confirm it for her.

  He could see the hope in her eyes.

  She wanted him to tell her no.

  “Yeah, I’m going to be a dad.”

  She flinched, wounded by his reply. “You knew this recently? Or for a while?”

  “For a while.”

  It was as if something clicked in her brain and her eyes widened. “Oh my God,” she breathed, figuring out how long he had known. “That’s why you tried to drown yourself? You knew she was pregnant the entire time we got close? You kept it from me for that long?”

  He didn’t stumble over his words as he answered, “Yes.”

  “You knew how much I cared about you.” She shook her head unbelievably. “I gave you the benefit of the doubt … I love you, Sam.”

  And I love you.

  But he didn’t voice it. He just kept quiet.

  Meredith brushed her hair behind her ear. “Tell me you love me. Because I can accept this. I can support you. It’s your child. That doesn’t—”

  “But I don’t love you!” he roared.

  She flinched. For the first time ever, Meredith was afraid of him, and he hated that flash of fear in her eyes. “Please, Sam,” she begged. “I want to talk.”

  “No. There’s no point,” he lied. “Enough of this, Meredith. This isn’t a game. She’s carrying my child. Whatever I felt for you is non-existent. You’re just some stupid girl who didn’t realise just how much she got played. I want Beth. Not you. You’re never going to be good enough for me, Meredith. I choose Beth. I love Beth. I love the mother of my child more than I could ever fucking love you. Why can’t you see that? Why are you so goddamn naïve and blind?”

  Hurt consumed her facial features. It was so heartbreaking and raw.

  Her pain was a blunt blade entering his chest; it filled him with sensations that could have him on his knees writhing in agony.

  If Sam had ever thought he could be worse than his father, then it was at that moment. The only girl he had ever wanted, since he was thirteen, had her heart ruined by him.

  She looked away and clenched her eyes shut. Then, after a long pause of silence, she faced him. “So this, you and me, was all pretend? You honestly love her more?”

  No.

  Words couldn’t compare his love for Meredith to Beth’s.

  “You were just a distraction for a little while,” he lied.

  He heard her gasp.

  He couldn’t have missed it.

  It was a blow behind the knees.

  The punch to the gut.

  The ripping out of her heart, section by section, from her chest.

  “I was a distraction?”

  “Not a very good one,” he hissed.

  Stop, Meredith.

  Please just go.

  Stop making me lie to you.

  This time, it was the right blow. Tears skidded down her face. “I had sex with you!” she cried out. She brushed the moisture from her cheeks. “I had sex with you. I let you touch me. I let you kiss me. I let you touch parts of me where hands before you savaged my skin. I let you inside me because I thought … I thought I meant something to you.”

  Her sobs had Sam balling his hand around his keys, hoping the dull edges could dig into his skin to relieve the ache in his chest.

  “I’m tired of this,” Sam said, faking the bothered tone in his voice to hide the pain that was really there. “Get away from my car, Meredith. Go home. Go study for your exams.” He held the Jeep’s remote, pressed the button, and unlocked his car.

  Meredith didn’t move.

  She stood in front of his car, staring at him.

  Then she took a step forward, tilting her chin slightly so that her anguished blue eyes locked on his.

  “Look me in the eye and tell me. Don’t you dare blink. Say it. Say you don’t love me. Destroy my belief in you.”

  Sam grasped her shoulders tightly, causing Meredith to wince beneath his touch. He dug his fingers into her.

  Not to hurt her.

  To make it raw.

  To make this lie real.

  He didn’t blink as he told her the greatest lie to ever leave his lips. “I. Don’t. Fucking. Love. You. Meredith.”

  Her body felt as if it lost strength. He felt her trembles. Meredith took a step back. Her bottom lip, the same lip that had brushed against his, quivered.

  She took a deep breath. “I love you,” she said in a soft, broken voice. Then she turned and began to walk away.

  Smile, Sam.

  You finally turned Meredith away.

  chapter thirty-four

  SAM

  Present

  Beautiful blonde hair fanned over him as he kissed Meredith’s chin. It was Wednesday, and she’d come over for dinner and a movie. She had told him about her day at work. The assistant principal had continued to praise her for the success of the play, but she didn’t feel like she deserved it. But Margot did, and she had told him that several times. Meredith had said that it was becoming uncomfortable bein
g complimented for a task she’d barely had any say in. She just made sure the children were lined up and had their costumes on.

  After dinner, they had found themselves on the couch kissing. Their hands explored. Their tongues mingled. It was hot and had him needing her. Needing the feel of her soft skin beneath his fingers as he entered her for the first time. Making love to Meredith got better and better with each night they spent together.

  It wasn’t just sex.

  There was a lot of catching up.

  They spoke of their dreams for each other.

  The dreams that had long died after them.

  Their hopes.

  And on Monday night, Meredith had fallen asleep in his arms whispering her desire to stay in Warren Meadows after the end of the school year. Tuesday morning, he had woken and cooked her breakfast. His pancakes weren’t as great as at the Bear Hunt, but Josh had always said they were good. As she cut into her banana and chocolate chip pancake, he had asked what she meant. She revealed that she’d have to find a new school if the primary school she was working for didn’t offer her a contract extension. The thought of her leaving had him sweating because he had just gotten her back. Meredith reached out and grasped his hand. She shot him a reassuring smile and promised she’d find a new school nearby.

  “Sam,” Meredith said in a breathless whisper, her hands cupping the back of his head, holding him to her.

  Post-orgasm Meredith was beautiful.

  The heaviness in her voice.

  The softness in her blue eyes.

  And her pink cheeks.

  He’d never experienced anything like it.

  Sam had gone seven years without seeing it.

  He was still buried inside her, his arms around her back, keeping her in place.

  He kissed her chin once more then nestled his forehead against her collarbone. “Yeah?”

  Her fast heartbeat vibrated against him. “Are you still going to Margot’s birthday party on Saturday?”