A Gift of Grace

by Amy Clipston

  “I’m not so sure,” she whispered, her voice trembling. “Things have gotten much worse.”

  Keeping her voice soft to avoid Eli overhearing her, she summarized the events from yesterday. Jake listened, hanging on every word and shaking his head in sympathy. When she finished her story, he frowned.

  “I’m so sorry,” he said, taking her hands in his. “They never should’ve treated you that way. You had no way of knowing that work on Sunday is forbidden.”

  “Exactly,” she said. “I was just trying to do something good, and it blew up in my face like everything else. No matter what I do it’s wrong. I really gotta get outta here before I suffocate to death from all of these rules.”

  He squeezed her hand and leaned in close. “It will get better, I promise.”

  She stared into his eyes and her heart thumped. He was so close that she could feel his breath on her lips. When he moved closer, her pulse raced at hyper speed. She licked her lips in anticipation.

  He closed his eyes, and before she could react, his lips brushed hers, causing her knees to buckle and her heart to skip a beat.

  “Jessica,” a voice behind her boomed.

  She jumped back and gasped. Turning, she spotted Eli scowling in the doorway.

  “It’s time to go,” he said. “Now.” He stalked to the front door, locked it, and then marched toward the back of the shop.

  Jessica quickly packed up her bag. “I better go.” She popped up and started for the door, but a strong hand pulled her back.

  “I’m sorry,” Jake said, his brows knitted in an apologetic expression.

  “It’s okay.” She shrugged. “The Kauffmans will just add this to the list of rules I’ve broken.”

  “No.” He shook his head. “This was my fault. I never should’ve kissed you. I’ll tell Eli it was my idea. You’re not to blame.”

  “No.” She gave him a weak smile. “Really, it’s okay. I don’t care what they think. She touched his arm. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She trotted through the shop and out the back door.

  Jessica climbed into the buggy and held her breath, waiting for the lecture from Eli about her inappropriate behavior. However, he was silent the whole ride to Rebecca’s house. She stared out the window, contemplating how the silence was much worse than a lecture would be. She almost wished he would scream and yell and get it over with.

  When they arrived at Rebecca’s house, Jessica gathered up her bag and turned to him. “Are you coming in?”

  “Nee.” He stared straight ahead. “I shall see you tomorrow.”

  “Right,” she said, staring at him. “Have a nice evening.” She climbed down from the buggy and watched as it clip-clopped toward the main road.

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  How was your day?” Rebecca asked as she sat down to supper with her nieces and Daniel later that evening.

  “Fine,” Jessica said with a shrug. “Busy.”

  “The bakery was busy too.” Rebecca glanced at her husband and found him staring at his bowl of soup. She’d give anything for him to speak to her. Whenever his eyes met hers, he showed no emotion at all. The only word he’d spoken all evening was a grunt when he came in the door.

  Rebecca cleared her throat and glanced down at her stew. The silence was deafening. She hoped someone would speak soon.

  “I learned a new recipe today,” Lindsay announced with a wide smile. “I made Shoo-Fly Pie.” She then went into an elaborate explanation of the recipe and how delicious it was.

  Jessica remained silent and nodded occasionally during her sister’s discussion of the dish. However, Daniel kept his eyes focused on his plate as if it were the most fascinating sight he’d ever seen.

  Rebecca squelched the urge to smack him and scream at him, asking him why he was making this situation more difficult than it needed to be. She wondered if he were punishing her for agreeing to be their guardian or for not being able to give him a family of his own. Did he resent that the only children they’d ever raise weren’t his blood relations?

  She closed her eyes and inhaled the aroma of the potato soup while pushing the painful thoughts away. She couldn’t change the past. All she could do was make the best of it and hope for a better future. Her faith would see her through this.

  “Aunt Rebecca?” Jessica asked, wrenching her from her thoughts.

  “Ya?” Rebecca glanced across the table to her niece.

  “You okay?” Jessica tilted her head in question. “Do you have a headache or something?”

  “Ya,” she said, rubbing her throbbing temples. “As a matter of fact, I do.”

  “You can go lie down if you’d like,” Lindsay said. “We’ll do the dishes.”

  “Nee.” Rebecca waved off the thought. “That won’t be necessary.”

  “We don’t mind,” Jessica said. Standing, she gathered the empty dishes. “Go relax.”

  Rebecca glanced across the table as Daniel rose and retreated to the living room. She knew where he was headed—to sit in his favorite chair and pick out Bible verses to read during their devotion time.

  Last night, he’d hurried through the verses without much emotion. Prayer time was shorter than she’d ever experienced. His passion for their nightly devotions was gone. Her stomach twisted at the thought.

  For a split second she felt as if it were her fault, but she pushed the thought away. No, it wasn’t her fault. It was God’s will that the girls live here.

  Or was it?

  Frowning, she wondered if Daniel would sleep on the sofa again tonight. She absently wondered if he’d ever sleep in their bed with her or speak to her again.

  “Aunt Rebecca?” Lindsay asked.

  “Hmm?” Rebecca turned to see her niece studying her.

  “Jessica’s right. You don’t look too good.”

  “I’m just tired.” Rebecca patted her niece’s hands. “Thank you for asking.”

  “Please go lie down,” Lindsay said, steering Rebecca toward the back staircase. “We’ve got it under control here.”

  Rebecca nodded and turned her attention to her older niece. “I went in to talk to you last night, but you were already asleep. Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine, thanks.” Jessica gave her an uneasy smile and then turned her gaze toward the sink. “I just listened to some music and fell asleep.”

  Rebecca wondered why her niece couldn’t look at her. She wondered if it was too painful to talk about what happened yesterday. She contemplated pushing the issue, but she worried she’d push her niece further away.

  “If you want to talk—” Rebecca began.

  “I’m okay. Really.” Jessica waved off the thought with a wet dishrag. “Don’t worry about me.”

  “But I am worried.” Rebecca touched her arm. “You and your sister mean a lot to me.”

  “Just go lie down.” Jessica’s eyes met Rebecca’s. “Really, it’s okay.”

  Rebecca studied her for a moment and then touched her arm.

  Jessica turned, her eyes full of question.

  “I know that the adjustment has been difficult, but I’d like to ask you again to respect our rules,” Rebecca began softly.

  Jessica scowled. She opened her mouth to speak, and Rebecca held up her hand.

  “Before you get defensive, please listen. I know you didn’t mean to upset Daniel yesterday, but I need you to be more mindful of your actions.” She rubbed Jessica’s arm. “It also might make things a little easier for everyone if you curbed your temper.”

  Jessica stared at her for a moment. Then she nodded and turned back to the dishes.

  Stunned at her silence, Rebecca was speechless for a moment. “Thank you for helping,” Rebecca said.

  She stepped into the living room where Daniel sat in his favorite chair reading his Bible. She waited for him to look up, but his eyes never left the page before him.

  “I’m heading upstairs to lie down for a few minutes,” she said. “The girls are doing the dishes.”

  He n
odded without meeting her gaze.

  “Call me when you’re ready for devotions,” she said.

  “Fine,” he grumbled, still reading the Bible.

  Hugging her arms to her chest, Rebecca made her way up the stairs and sank onto her bed. Staring at the ceiling, she prayed that somehow things would work out. There had to be a way that Daniel and Jessica would both accept each other so that they could all be a family.

  Jessica finished taking another order and hung up the phone the following afternoon. The phone rang nonstop all morning. Jake hadn’t been kidding when he said the summers were busy at Kauffman & Yoder Amish Furniture. She’d gotten a short break at lunch to grab a sandwich before the customers flooded her with calls and visits in the store.

  While she had the chance, she opened the ledger and began to update it. She was engrossed in the numbers when she heard someone call her name. She cut her eyes to the doorway where Jake stood.

  “Hi,” he said.

  “Hi.” She glanced back down at the ledger, trying in vain to ignore the heat filling her cheeks at the memory of his lips brushing hers.

  The kiss had been wonderful, but it hadn’t felt right. She’d spent most of the night contemplating the kiss and Eli’s silence, both of which boggled her mind. But she’d figured out one thing—she didn’t want to move fast with Jake. Her life was too much of a mess to even consider a new boyfriend—that was if she and Brian were officially broken up.

  His boots scraped across the floor as he stood beside her. “I owe you an apology.”

  “What for?” she said, her gaze colliding with his.

  “I’m sorry for last night. I never should’ve kissed you.” He sat on the desk and frowned. “I hope you can forgive me, and we can still be friends.”

  Stunned, she stared at him.

  Frowning, he stood. “I guess that’s a no. Well, I—”

  “No, no!” She grabbed his hand and pulled him back. “I mean, not a no. No, wait.” She shook her head and chuckled. “I’m all mixed up. Let me start over.”

  “It’s nice to see you smile again,” he said.

  Her cheeks continued to burn. “Thank you. It’s good to smile again. What I mean is that I’d love to still be friends, and I agree that the kiss was a little too fast for me. But I do forgive you.”

  “Good.” He patted her arm. “I hope we can have lunch again soon. Just let me know when you want to charge your phone.”

  Jessica paused, considering the lunch invitation. Although it was tempting to spend time with Jake, she knew that it would only upset her uncle. The situation at home was tense enough.

  “How about we skip lunch?” She handed him the phone. “Would you charge the phone and then bring it to Rebecca’s house? I think the family would like to see you.”

  Taking the phone, he nodded. “That sounds like a good idea. I haven’t seen Rebecca in a while.”

  “Cool.” She grinned. “And I have to say it was the best kiss I’ve had in a long time.”

  “I agree.” He winked and then disappeared through the door to the shop.

  Jessica grinned while she glanced down at the book. It felt great to have a friend like Jake. Too bad he was her only friend in Lancaster County.

  “Elizabeth?” Lindsay called across the bakery later that afternoon.

  “Ya? ” Elizabeth padded over to her. “Do you need some help?”

  “Does this look right?” Lindsay motioned to the walnut gingerbread. “It just doesn’t look done to me.”

  The older woman leaned over and studied the bread. She slipped a toothpick in and pulled it out, examining how much of the filling stuck to it. “It looks perfect to me.” She turned her glance to Lindsay. “Is something bothering you?”

  Lindsay cut her gaze across the bakery, finding Beth Anne and Kathryn deep in conversation. Biting her lip, she debated sharing with Elizabeth.

  “You can talk to me, child.” Elizabeth touched her shoulder. “Your words are safe with me.”

  “I don’t want Aunt Rebecca to hear.”

  “She’s outside with Sarah and the kinner.”

  Lindsay took a deep breath. “I heard her say that she and Uncle Daniel are having problems.” A lump swelled in her throat. “I think it’s because of my sister and me.”

  “No, no, no.” Elizabeth gave a soft smile. “It’s not because of you and Jessica. Married folk argue sometimes. Right now they are adjusting to a new life with you girls, but you aren’t the cause of their problems.” She squeezed Lindsay’s hand. “They’ll work it out. Don’t you worry.”

  “Okay.” Lindsay hoped she was right.

  “How did you like the service?”

  Lindsay smiled. “It was beautiful. I need to learn more Dutch so I can understand it and participate.”

  “You’ll pick the language up in no time. You’re a very bright girl.” Elizabeth glanced down at Lindsay’s Plain dress. “You look lovely in the dress you and Rebecca made.”

  “Danki.” Lindsay glanced down at the dress and then back at Elizabeth. “We’re going to make more.”

  “That’s wunderbar.” Elizabeth gave her a quick hug. “I’m so happy that you’re here with us.” She pulled back. “Now let’s get that bread on the cooling rack. I want to show you how to make sand tarts.”

  “You caught her kissing Jake Miller?” Scowling, Daniel repeated the words his father had just said. He turned from the back door of the shop and stared over at the field.

  Disappointment mixed with the anger boiling through his veins. He wondered why Jessica hadn’t learned her lesson. What would it take for this child to realize her behavior was unacceptable and was bringing shame to the Kauffman family?

  As if it weren’t bad enough that she had been doing work on a Sunday in hardly any clothes, now she’d been caught kissing a boy in the shop at night. She was a bad influence on Jake and an embarrassment to the Kauffman name, and she had to be stopped—if he only knew a way to make her understand.

  Shaking his head, Daniel’s thoughts turned to his wife. Rebecca kept insisting the girls belonged with them. He wished he could make Rebecca see his concerns were not only for himself; they were also for her and her future.

  Gaining negative attention from the bishop would bring problems that he didn’t need for the family. The bishop would pressure Daniel to get the family in line. Daniel could lose customers if the problem persisted, and the community could ostracize him and Rebecca. Daniel knew he needed to get things under control before they got any worse.

  But he didn’t know how to get Rebecca to listen to him. He’d thought giving her the silent treatment would gain her attention, but she seemed just as stubborn as before. She was more determined than he’d ever known, acting as if everything were okay. He didn’t know how to get her to listen to his concerns and trust in his judgment.

  “What are you going to do, Daniel?” Dat asked, wrenching him from his mental tirade.

  “I’m not sure,” Daniel admitted with a frustrated sigh. He glanced over toward the field. “Nothing seems to be working. Rebecca insists the girls are part of the family. She won’t see my side of it. I told her she had to choose between the girls and me, and she still says she can have both. She won’t listen to me anymore. It’s like she’s a different woman.”

  “Jessica is a lost soul. She’s been through a traumatic time after losing her parents and being uprooted from the only home she’s ever known. She needs guidance in order to find her way now that her parents are gone.”

  “Ya,” Daniel said. “I know.”

  “It seems that only Lindsay has found her way,” Dat said. “She looked comfortable and at home during the service on Sunday.”

  Daniel nodded. He wasn’t completely at ease seeing Lindsay in the Plain attire and attending service, but she seemed more genuine every day. Maybe the girl really did want to be a member of the community.

  However, he couldn’t help remembering how Grace had left. At one time she’d felt a part of the communi
ty too, but then she broke her father’s and sister’s hearts when she left. Daniel would hate to see Lindsay hurt Rebecca as Grace once had. Rebecca never fully recovered from losing her only sister; Grace had broken her heart.

  But her pain didn’t stop with losing her sister. He’d seen Rebecca go through more heartache when the doctor said she couldn’t conceive children. If Lindsay suddenly changed her mind and left the community, it would seem as if Rebecca’s own daughter were deserting her.

  Daniel didn’t want Rebecca to suffer through that pain and loss again. He couldn’t allow someone to hurt her the way Grace had. He loved her more than life itself, and it was his job to protect her.

  “We’d better get back inside.” Dat smacked Daniel’s shoulder. “Peter needs help with that bookshelf he was making.”

  Dat’s expression softened. “Everything will work out. Remember Jessica is still trying to figure out where she belongs without her parents. Rebecca has a tremendous amount of pressure on her right now as their guardian. But, no matter what, she loves you. You and Rebecca have been through a lot, and your love will guide you through this. Together you’ll figure it out. Your mother and I faced some tough times when we were building the bakery and the furniture store. At times we didn’t agree, but we worked it out. Trust your love for each other. It’s stronger than you think.”

  “Ya.” Daniel stared at the field.

  “Oh, and everyone is invited to Robert’s this Saturday,” Dat said. “It’s his turn to host us for Saturday evening.” He then disappeared into the shop.

  Daniel sighed while he contemplated the situation. How was he to convince Rebecca that he was asking for more than obedience to his will? He was asking her to trust that he knows what is best for their family. She had to accept that Jessica needed to respect their customs or return to Virginia. He couldn’t risk losing his place in the community.

  More importantly, he couldn’t bear it if Rebecca was hurt again, when Jessica turned her back on her aunt.

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  I don’t see why I had to come here. I’m not welcome.” Jessica stood in the driveway with Lindsay and Rebecca on Saturday evening and stared at Robert’s large farmhouse sitting on what looked to be a hundred lush acres.