Physis (Phoebe Reede: The Untold Story #4)

by Michelle Irwin

  Beau pushed open the en suite door and I gasped as I saw the room was already prepared. Had he expected me to have a freak-out? Or was this going to be a grand reveal after we’d shared some kisses? The room was alight with candles, almost every surface covered. A warm, citrus scent filled the space. It was subtle and yet distinctive.

  The triangle spa bath was filled a little less than three quarters full—no doubt allowing for the displacement that our two bodies would cause. A shimmer of steam rose from the surface. Floating on the water was a smattering of rose petals. At one end of the tub sat a small temporary table set up with an ice bucket and a bottle of sparkling wine resting within. Two champagne flutes stood to one side, ready to be filled.

  “I don’t wanna force ya into anything,” Beau said, his voice closer than I expected. “But I’d love to share this with you.”

  It was something that seemed so easy, stripping off and then hopping into a tub, especially when Beau had seen me naked before, but in reality, it made my heart pound and my mouth dry. My palms grew clammy and my breath caught in my chest.

  My throat closed as I looked around at the perfect space. How had he organised all of this?

  He moved around in front of me. “May I?” he asked, making it clear he wanted to help me out of my shirt.

  Despite the fear rising in me, I nodded.

  His fingers made short work of the buttons and then he pushed it off my shoulders. I stood stock-still, trying to fight off flashes of being undressed by another’s hands. Beau’s knuckles traced the lines of the tattoo on my chest. It was the first time he’d seen it since it’d healed.

  “You are so strong. And brave. And wonderful.” A steady stream of compliments passed through Beau as his lips found my cheek, then my throat. But never ones about my looks. Every one of them was about the parts of me he admired. I surrendered my body to his hold, relaxing into his arms as he pulled me near. “You are in control. Always.”

  It was so different to the other words I’d heard, to the pain that had accompanied them, that I couldn’t fall into the memory. Neither could I be completely present in Beau’s hold though.

  “I belong to you,” he whispered as his fingertips traced my sides.

  There was a sharply indrawn breath as if he only just realised I was half-naked in front of him. Then his hand was on my cheek. “I love ya, Dawson,” he said as he traced the outline of my lips with the pad of his thumb. Even though the word terrified me, it was exactly what I needed to hear. “Whatever happens, that won’t ever change. If ya wanna stop, I won’t hesitate to stop for you.”

  I forced my eyes open and found him staring at me. The swirling galaxies of chocolate and amber were shifting in his gaze once more, just as they had been the first night we met. Like then, it knocked the breath from me and left me unable to form a single word. His hands grazed over the cups of my bra, moving as one across my body as our gazes locked. Within his eyes, I saw all the gentle reassurances I knew he wanted to say. The permission to stop at any time. The desire to continue in any way we could. I reached down and unclipped the front-opening bra, freeing my breasts into his waiting hands.

  He groaned louder than me as his fingertips grazed over my nipples. His skin never left mine as he explored and pushed my bra away from my shoulders, down my arms, and off my body.

  Despite me being half-naked, Beau’s gaze was focused on my eyes and not my body. He used his hands to relearn my curves while his eyes silently reassured me. Even though I knew I was in control, knew I could call an end to it at any stage, my heart hammered harder against my chest. My legs began to shake and my eyes burned. I stepped away from him.

  Tears sprung into my eyes. “I’m sorry, Beau.”

  “It’s okay, Phoebe. I mean it when I say it’s up to you.” It felt like he genuinely meant the words, but that didn’t stop me from feeling like I was letting him down. “Can I just hold ya awhile?”

  Even though I had to swallow a few times to find my voice as I nodded, I finally managed to squeeze out a, “Please.”

  His hands circled my waist with slow, deliberate movements before drawing me closer to him. My chest pillowed against his shirt and he buried his face in the crook of my neck. One of his arms wrapped tightly around my waist, the other shifted upward into my hair. We stood like that for over a minute, wrapped in each other. Then his lips pressed to my neck. I moaned as the gentle ministrations reignited the fires the fear had quelled.

  He wasn’t demanding we continue, but neither was he letting my fear win. Just like he had in everything else, he knew the right balance to help me. When to push and when to retreat. The tears that had threatened before started anew, but for a totally different reason.

  “Thank you,” I murmured against the column of his throat. A small sob rocked my body. “Thank you.”

  He pulled back and offered me a confused grin. “What’s that for?”

  “For being you. For being patient. For not forcing me into anything before I was ready. For making me wait and think things through properly when I wanted to do this out of fear. How many men would last sleeping at someone’s side almost every night and be patient enough to wait? I want you, Beau. And I want that to be enough, but being touched still terrifies me.”

  Wordlessly, he wrapped me up again, letting me cry it out against his shoulder.

  “Do you wanna take that bath now?” he asked when my tears stopped.

  A small chuckle left me. “Sure. I can’t let all this go to waste now, can I?”

  Reaching between us, he undid my jeans. The fit was relaxed enough that they slipped off me and fell to the floor. “Can . . . can you turn around?” I asked, not willing to strip off the last of my clothing with anyone watching me.

  “Sure thing.” He spun around to face the door but didn’t step away.

  I kicked off my jeans and pushed off my underwear, nudging it all into a pile in the corner before I stepped toward the bath. The time spent in Beau’s arms had been enough to cool the water down a little. It was still hot enough that my skin turned pink as I slid into the water, but not so hot it was scalding.

  A sigh left me as I settled into the bath.

  “Can I turn around ag’in?”

  “Okay.” The word held more confidence than I felt.

  “Stunnin’.” The word was almost silent, leaving on a sigh as his gaze slid over the length of my body before returning to meet my eyes. “Can I join you?”

  I shifted forward in the huge tub and tried to slow my thundering heart. “Yeah.”

  My breath sped and my heart raced for entirely different reasons as I watched him shed his clothing. His body was as perfect as I remembered; as hard and ready to protect as I needed it to be. The tattoo over his heart was the only mark on his smooth skin. The tan he’d had the first time we were together had faded away because of the long hours we spent inside lately, but otherwise, he was exactly as he had been the first time we’d connected.

  He slid into the space behind me. Before I could lean against him, he poured some of the bubbly into the flutes and offered me one.

  “To us,” he said. “Whatever happens.”

  “To you,” I replied. “For being you.”

  After we clinked our glasses, I took a long sip—draining at least three quarters of the drink—and then relaxed against him. Having his front to my back, his breath warm and constant in my ear, sent my mind spiralling back to another time.

  Another person.

  A darker purpose.

  I sucked down a breath and tried to ignore the screaming in my head.

  “DAWSON.” BEAU’S VOICE was right there, anchoring me in the present. One of his hands traced the length of my hair, pushing it over to one side and brushing his fingertips over my back in the process. The other found its way to my tattoo, tracing his initials in the intricate bold lines.

  “You noticed that, did you?” I asked, hoping he wouldn’t be mad.

  “I told ya before, there ain’t much that esc
apes my attention when it comes to you.” His words were breathy and full of need. The instant they were free, his lips found my neck. My collarbone. My shoulders.

  One hand traced the tattoo as if trying to keep me in the moment with that simple action, while the other explored down my body. He never lingered in one place too long. Part of me, the part I’d tried to bury and knew would never fully be healed, waited—anticipating the bite of the whip or the sting of the cane.

  Neither came.

  When his hand reached my hip, his fingers moved to trace the outline of my birthmark. He was so close to me, to feeling me, and I wanted it. I wanted him. I wanted it all to be enough.

  “You are loved,” he whispered between kisses.

  I tipped my head back, resting it on his shoulder as I let my legs fall open—an invitation to him if he was willing to accept.

  “You are beautiful,” he said, causing me to tense and snap my knees shut.

  How often had I heard that? How often had that been part of Xavier’s reasons for keeping me locked away? I closed my legs but didn’t fight away from Beau’s hold.

  “Dawson.” The word was whispered against my skin.

  It called me back from the past.

  “You are strong.” He brushed a thumb over the phoenix on my chest again as he stroked my thigh again with his other.

  It had been Bee’s goal to make me feel weak. Trapped. Useless. Beau’s words reminded me I didn’t have to be.

  “You are wonderful.” Beau coaxed my legs open again with his soft ministrations and gentle touches.

  Then he was there, his fingers caressing my clit and sending a spike of pleasure straight through me. It had been so long since anyone had touched me for my pleasure, I’d almost forgotten how intense the sensation could be.

  “You are capable.”

  I parted my legs further until I was open to him.

  His other hand moved from the phoenix down onto my breast. With precision timing, he rolled my nipple between his thumb and forefinger, grazed the fingers of his other hand over my clit, and kissed the column of my throat, all at once. The three points all burned together and I felt completely connected to him. To reality and the moment. The sensation was intense and almost overpowering. It left no room for doubt, indecision, or fear.

  “You’re my everythin’.” His lips moved around my throat as his fingers trailed over my entrance. “May I, darlin’?” His voice was low and breathy as he asked for my permission.

  “Please.” The word escaped before I could second-guess it, but for the first time, I was completely in the room with him and desperate for his touch.

  The bad memories were washed away as he curled his fingers within me. With continued utterances and a gentle touch, he took me to the brink and sent me tumbling over.

  I tipped my head back against his chest as the intensity of the experience rushed through me. His lips found the corner of my mouth and I twisted just enough that I could kiss him properly while his fingers went back to their gentle stroking over my body.

  It wasn’t nearly enough and I felt terrible that I’d done nothing for him. I twisted fully so that I could sit beside him in the spa.

  As soon as we were face-to-face, my nerves started to build again, beginning deep in my stomach and flittering out to cover every inch of my skin.

  With the level of care I was growing accustomed to, he shifted to kiss me. His fingers trailed wet paths over my face and down my neck. I tilted my head back to allow him access when his lips moved to follow the same routes.

  The more I responded to him, the bolder he grew, until his mouth passed over the phoenix on my chest and dipped just below the waterline to take my nipple into his mouth. The instant his teeth brushed across the underside of my breast, I yanked away from him and smashed my back into the tub. Displaced by my sudden movement, a wave of water crashed up and over the side, extinguishing a few of the closer candles and drenching the floor. By the time the water settled, what was left was at least three inches lower than it had been.

  Frustrated at myself, I tried to recapture the moment but when his hand touched my face again, my instincts sent my body into lockdown and I drew back again.

  I growled as I turned to face away from him. “I’m sorry.”

  “D’ya wanna stop?”

  “No,” I admitted. “But I don’t know how to continue.”

  With a deft move, he vaulted out of the water and over the side of the spa. When he landed, he lost his footing and had to reach for the glass shower screen to steady himself.

  I fought a smile as I watched his glorious form struggle to stand upright. Between his legs, his cock bobbed up and down in time with the movement of his feet as he basically skied through the water one foot after the other to reach the towel rack. Keeping one arm out to the side to steady himself, he ripped two of the towels from the rack and threw them onto the ground to mop up some of the water.

  Looking pleased with himself, he lifted another towel off the rack and spun back to me. Catching the corner of one of the floor towels, he lost his footing and went down on his arse.

  Worried he might have hurt himself, I clambered from the tub and rushed to his side. I hadn’t anticipated exactly how slippery the floor would be though. It wasn’t just water, but all the soaps and scents Beau had used in the tub that slicked the glossy tiles.

  I lost my footing halfway to him and ended up skidding across the floor on my knees before crashing into his chest. Beau froze under me, no doubt anticipating a recoil or being shoved away, but there wasn’t anything I could do other than laugh.

  While I was laughing, I lifted my gaze to him and the hunger burning there met its counterpart in me. With my gaze locked with his, I cupped his cheek with my hand and found his lips. Needing to get closer still, I straddled his waist as he rested beneath me. The position left his cock brushing against my inner thigh.

  A series of emotions all raced through me at once, the strongest of all being desire to sink back onto him. Between the fire burning inside me and the cold air around me, my nipples were hard little pebbles on the tips of my breasts as they pressed against Beau’s chest.

  A grimace twisted Beau’s lips, disappearing so fast I almost believed I’d imagined it.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “I don’t wanna stop what’s happening.”

  I sat back a little further, and his cock came to rest against my arse. “But?”

  “This ain’t the most comfortable place to take this thing further.”

  The floor was slick and slippery, the water at least a centimetre up his side, and the towel that had tripped him up was twisted beneath his back.

  “Oh. Of course.” I climbed to my feet as carefully as I could, planning on using his skiing technique to cover the metre or so to the door. I made very little progress before one leg went skidding off in one direction and I fell to the other knee. “Fuck!”

  Beau issued an oof as I stopped myself just before I landed across his shoulders. “Then ag’in . . .” he murmured as his eyes focused on the part of me spread wide just in front of his face. “Maybe it ain’t so bad.”

  Lifting his gaze in a silent request, he paused just long enough to ensure I was okay with what he was about to do before pressing a kiss to my inner thigh. Before I’d recovered from the sensation, his lips found my other thigh. Despite the burning pain in the knee I’d landed on, I was eager to take whatever he was giving.

  “Oh, fuck,” I murmured as I lost myself to the feeling of his full lips brushing feather-light kisses over me.

  His hands came to my arse as I centred my weight over him. He guided my hips closer to his mouth. With a flick of his tongue, he brushed my clit and drew my whole focus to that area.

  A sound left him that told me he was enjoying the kiss he was giving me. My breath shortened as I lost myself to his gentle touch.

  “Bed,” I murmured when he used his tongue to open me up. “Now.”

  He chuckled as I fo
und my hands and knees and crawled out of the bathroom. I had no idea how we were going to clean up the whole mess or put out the candles without slipping and sliding some more, but figured that was a problem for later. First, I needed his kisses again.

  Despite the fact that my skin was still tacky from the bath, and the end of my hair was wet, I collapsed down onto the side of the bed. I closed my eyes as I tried to run every mental picture I had of Beau over in my head so that I didn’t get caught up with any other thoughts.

  “I know I ain’t allowed to say it, but you look so beautiful, Dawson.”

  The one-two combo of a trigger word and the word that could call me back caused a confusing rush of emotions but kept me in the present. Beau seemed to realise the effect the combination had.

  “I want ya, darlin’,” he added as he stalked toward me. He climbed up the bed. The first time he stopped was to check out my knees. They were red, but I’d done far worse damage to myself before. Then he moved again, but only far enough to be face-to-pussy with me. “Tell me if ya need me to stop.”

  After checking I was still okay, he traced around my birthmark with his finger even as his tongue found my clit. He kissed my clit with all the passion he used to kiss my lips.

  “Don’t stop.” I reached for his hair, running my fingers deep into the locks. “Don’t ever stop.”

  Despite my need to have him kiss me that way forever, he eventually started to climb my body. The further he went, the more I froze. By the time his lips found my breasts, it was too much. I felt trapped.

  “Get off,” I breathed as I pushed his shoulders.

  He complied instantly, and if I ignored the kicked-puppy look on his face, I could have convinced myself the fact I’d asked him to stop in such a sudden way hadn’t mattered. Assessing me carefully, he twisted as if he was planning on leaving the bed—or at least to admit defeat and lie beside me.

  “No, wait,” I said.