Wishing for a Cowboy

by James, Victoria

  A few minutes later, Janie was huddled under a blanket with only her hand, which was holding the wineglass, and face exposed. “I think we need to play a game or something,” she said.

  “Game?” He nearly choked.

  She nodded. “What else are we going to do?”

  “So many good things that we can never do again. If our lives weren’t so complicated, we could finish what we started—what we were both enjoying a couple of hours ago,” he said, taking a long sip of beer.

  “That’s very presumptuous of you, Aiden. I’ll let it go because of the extenuating circumstances and the statistics around the uptick in conception rates during blizzards, but that’s not going to happen. Never again, remember?”

  “Right.”

  “Never again.”

  “Then you need to stop looking at my mouth,” he said.

  “I wasn’t looking at your mouth, except to notice all the frowning. You’re starting to get frown lines,” she said, then took a sip of wine, not looking the least bit upset by everything that was happening…or not happening.

  “Fine. I’m sorry. Let’s just go to bed,” he said, standing. He actually couldn’t deal with this anymore. He was angry that his son didn’t think he was good enough for Janie. He was angry that he’d made such a mess of his life that he couldn’t take Janie out. And he was angry that Maxi, who hadn’t called him in over a decade, decided to call him while Janie was on top of him.

  And he was angry that this was so messed up. That he was so messed up.

  “Oh, I see. You need to go and pout by yourself in the privacy of your own room while I freeze to death. Great boyfriend material.” She was teasing him again. Under any other circumstances, he would have fun with this, teasing her right back.

  He pinched the bridge of his nose. “That’s not it at all. And you’re not going to freeze to death. You might be cold, but you wouldn’t freeze to death. I wouldn’t let you—”

  “Ha! You wouldn’t let me? Wow, Aiden. I mean, I knew you had to be a little cocky with all the attention you get from women at the bar, who seem to find that dimple that appears out of nowhere on your ridiculously handsome face charming, and that they think your scar is somewhat thrilling—the whole piercing-blue-eyes-and-black-hair thing with the incredible body is also a bonus—but I never expected you to be this arrogant. You can actually control who freezes to death and who doesn’t. Wow. It’s good to know you have superpowers. Good. To. Know.”

  That didn’t sound like teasing anymore, and the unexpected heat in her tone only fanned the flames of his attraction even higher. Playful Janie was adorable. Confident Janie was alluring. But fiery Janie was damn near impossible to resist.

  He ran a hand down his face, wishing for some kind of divine intervention. Where was the phone call now? “Then what do you suggest we do, Janie?”

  She lifted her chin. “We sleep together.”

  …

  Could she blame that on the wine? Maybe, if she weren’t so annoyingly lucid at the moment.

  Aiden’s face turned white, and Janie sputtered, quickly trying to clarify. “I mean, like huddled together like two childhood friends. I have a feeling you’d be hot as a furnace. Really hot. In a non-hot way. Like, as in your temperature. Not your…everything else.”

  Aiden stuffed his hands into his pockets, his mouth in a thin line. “Not happening.”

  She let out a huff of air. Part of her really was irritated with him, because men and their arrogance sometimes, but most of her was enjoying this banter way too much. She’d never gone toe-to-toe like that with a man before. Not one she was attracted to, anyway—certainly not one she’d been kissing on the couch that same night—and it surprisingly made her want him more, not less. Getting riled up in a debate made her want to get riled up in other ways, without words. She needed to get away from him before she said or did something she couldn’t take back.

  “If you’ll excuse me,” she said evenly, “I’m going to go to bed. I’m sure Morris will keep me company.” She made a big gesture of swooping the blanket around her shoulders and then grabbed a flashlight as she left the living room. She kind of hoped he would call out after her, beg her to come back, but realized he wouldn’t once she reached the hallway. He was right. She was wrong. This wasn’t happening between them—she knew that—but it was still humiliating.

  As she brushed her teeth in the bathroom, she aimed the flashlight at the counter, her gaze wandering the counter and all of Aiden’s toiletries, and she marvelled at how intimate all of this felt. How easy it had been to get used to him. She would feel lonely when she moved out, especially if Will stayed here.

  She rinsed her mouth out and brushed her hair, staring at her ghost-like reflection in the partially darkened mirror. A shiver went through her as she remembered the determined look on Aiden’s handsome face, the raspiness of his deep voice, when he said she was the most gorgeous woman he’d ever met. It’s not that she doubted his sincerity, but it was hard to truly believe, because she had never thought of herself that way. All of the ways that she hadn’t looked like her sister just made her think she was inferior. For so long.

  She wrapped the blanket around her a little tighter as she shivered and stared at the face she’d looked at her whole life. It had never really mattered up until now. Maybe that’s what made all of this so disconcerting. She had accepted what she’d been told her entire childhood. She had accepted it without ever questioning whether or not it was true. And she didn’t know if it was even worse that as an adult, she still couldn’t quite see who was right. Reaching for her glasses, which she’d left on top of the counter, she slipped them back on.

  All of that aside, it hadn’t really bothered her until Aiden. Somehow in the last few weeks, he’d gone from stranger, to friend, to…something else. It was the “something else” that she didn’t know what to do with. They both knew they couldn’t be together. Will was priority one. But she’d wondered if she was the type of woman Aiden would find attractive. Well, he did. She knew that now. She also believed him. But it was hard to accept.

  She opened the bathroom door and walked to Will’s bedroom, careful not to trip on the blanket wrapped around her. So much for their evening alone together. It was still better than sleeping on the couch, though. Especially when the guy in the other room was purposely staying far away. That rejection stung. She understood it, but it stung.

  She couldn’t help but wonder if he’d stay away if she looked like Maxi. And then she hated herself for thinking that. Just stop thinking and go to bed. She pulled back the covers and quickly scrambled into the icy sheets and then tucked the other blanket around her before it lost its warmth.

  After surveying the room and calling for Morris, who was a no-show, she decided to try and sleep. Hopefully the power would come on sometime during the night and tomorrow morning she’d be enjoying a nice cup of warm coffee in front of the fireplace. She double-checked her phone was on and facing her just in case Will needed to reach her.

  Satisfied, she placed her glasses on the nightstand and shut her eyes and tried not to think about how cold she was.

  Just as she was drifting off to sleep, the covers flew off—and she screamed.

  “It’s just me,” Aiden said, his deep voice thick as he completely surprised her and scooped her up into his arms.

  “What are you doing,” she said, limbs flailing and then holding on to him for dear life.

  “Trying to be nice. Don’t make it so difficult,” he said, walking into his bedroom and then placing her on the bed. His bed. Her cheeks were flaming as she quickly assessed his room. She’d never been in here. Like the rest of the house, it was clean and without clutter. A dresser, two nightstands, and a king-sized bed.

  “Don’t do me any favors, Aiden,” she said, scrambling under the covers. She may have been slightly giddy over this. Touched. But she didn’t want him t
o know it. Somehow letting him know felt like giving up on an argument, even though she couldn’t remember why she needed so badly to win it.

  “Well, this certainly isn’t for my benefit,” he said drily, joining her under the covers and wrapping her up in his arms.

  She couldn’t breathe in the best way possible. She was pressed against him, his large, warm hand splayed on her waist, and before she could even think of it, when he shifted his leg, she tucked her feet in between his calves.

  “Holy crap, your feet are like ice,” he growled deliciously against her neck.

  “And that’s with two layers of socks on, so you were wrong about me not freezing to death. I would have,” she said, her voice sounding breathy. “Starting at my toes.”

  She now realized what he’d been afraid of. It wasn’t that he didn’t find her attractive enough. It was…this. This was too close not to want to be more than friends who slept in a bed to stay warm on a cold night. This was torture. She scooted a little closer to him because, as she’d predicted, he was a human furnace. And his bed smelled like him. Delicious and masculine and…she inhaled deeply.

  Loudly, she realized.

  “Do you have allergies? Are you going to sneeze on me?”

  “No,” she choked, trying to turn around to frown at him.

  He squeezed her waist. “Stop moving. Just. Stop.” His tone was firm, but she detected a hint of amusement in it as well.

  Her heart pounded rapidly, and she wanted to turn around to face him, pretend like this could happen. And if she dared to wish for anything, she’d wish that she and Aiden and Will could be a real family.

  Immediately, she was mortified for even thinking that. That was selfish. It was what she wanted. It wasn’t what Will needed. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone; it would just confuse Will.

  The sound of Aiden’s deep breathing against her neck, the warmth emanating from his strong body, and that hand so securely placed on her hip made her very happy that, if this was all she got, she would know what it was like to be held by him. What it was like to feel like a beautiful, desirable woman to such a beautiful, desirable man. She would never forget this night. He’d gone against his own better judgment and brought her here. Because she’d asked him to. She had never asked anyone for anything. At first, because no one would have done it anyway. And later, because she’d learned to rely on herself.

  How many nights when it was just her and Will had she wished for someone to come in and ease the burden? Someone to talk to? Someone to rely on? But never would she have dreamt up Aiden, because he was beyond anyone she could have dreamed of. Maybe it was childish or silly, but it felt so good to have someone hold her. To have someone bigger, stronger, holding on to her as though he’d never let anything happen to her.

  She drifted off to sleep, wondering what it meant that she’d asked Aiden…and he’d listened. She wanted more. She wanted more Aiden, more of this life, even though she knew that when they woke up tomorrow, it would all be over.

  Chapter Thirteen

  There had never been a better morning in Aiden’s entire life. He opened his eyes and looked down at the woman still asleep in his arms. The covers were in a heap on the floor. Aiden had been vaguely aware of the power coming on in the early morning hours and probably should have said something, but he’d been enjoying his little piece of heaven. Janie was lying half on top of him, her full breasts plastered against his chest, his one hand on her hip, as though even in his sleep, he wanted to hold on to her.

  Sun streamed through the windows, a reassuring symbol that the short but intense storm was over. He needed to get to the barn and check on the horses. Careful not to disturb Janie, he slowly rolled out from under her and covered her with the blanket. She curled into the pillow and didn’t even stir awake. He stood there for a moment, not really thinking about anything but rather feeling…everything.

  He didn’t know how he was supposed to let her go—how he was supposed to pretend their connection didn’t exist. He wanted her in every way, and that’s what made it all so painful. If it had just been physical, it wouldn’t have mattered. But Janie was everything, and she had brought him everything. She was the first person he’d opened up to about his life with his dad.

  He leaned down and moved the silky hair off her face, then kissed her temple—the last time he’d get to do that. He straightened up and headed out of the room, determined to start the day and try and go back to normal.

  An hour later, after feeding the horses and showering, Aiden stood by the kitchen sink, listening to the coffee percolate in the quiet house. He turned around at the sound of a loud meow as Morris sauntered into the room with his usual seriously grave expression and sat down on the floor beside his feet. “Morning, Morris,” Aiden said.

  Morris meowed again, looking more like a lion than a cat, his pale green eyes watching him intently. Maybe slightly judgy.

  “Are you hungry?”

  In response, Morris walked over to the cupboard they kept his cat food in and sat, staring at Aiden with that same expression. He almost laughed, but life wasn’t that funny right now. He poured his food in the bowl just as the coffeemaker beeped. Coffee was exactly what he needed. He pulled a mug down, and, just as he was having his first sip, Janie walked into the room.

  “Good morning,” she said, dodging his gaze, and made a beeline for the mugs.

  “Morning.” He leaned against the counter and sipped his coffee. She’d showered, too, and her hair was still wet. Her sweater and jeans clung to everything he remembered being plastered to his body last night, and he wished he could go back. Back to the kiss on the couch, back to sleeping with her. He wished last night could go on forever, and he wished they had other options than to go back to what they were before yesterday.

  If wishes were horses…

  “Did you already get out to the barn?” she asked, taking a sip of her coffee and sitting at the table.

  “I did. Everything was fine. We got a hell of a lot of snow. Roads won’t be plowed for a while.”

  “At least the power came back on,” she said, leaning down to pet Morris.

  Their stiff conversation was almost painful to listen to. “Did you hear from Will?”

  She winced. “I caved and texted him. As you suspected, they never lost power at all. Now they’re eating pancakes and bacon, and he’s basically living his best life. I have you to thank for that, because I never would have let him go. Also, at the end of his text, he said something like, I hope Aiden was a gentleman. I don’t even know what he’s talking about. Or that he’s ever used the word gentleman.”

  Aiden choked on his coffee. This kid…his kid…this scenario was almost funny.

  But also not.

  He pushed those thoughts aside and concentrated on the fact that he had been right about something—his son’s safety. Not because he wanted to be right, but because it was one of the first things he’d had a say on as a parent and he’d made the right call. “I guess that’s one of the reasons single parenting is hard. You don’t always have another person to bounce ideas off of. That was one decision out of how many that you had to make on your own?”

  She smiled, and her approval meant more to him than he could have imagined. “Well, you did good.”

  He ignored the absurd amount of sentimental thoughts he was having and tried to focus on the practical. “Did he say what time he wanted to be picked up?”

  She shook her head. “He said Logan will drive him home after lunch.”

  Great. It was just the two of them until lunch. He made a mental note to thank his friend. “What are your plans for the day?”

  “It’s my day off. Maybe you and I should start talking about what happens next with Will. I know he loves his time with you, and he loves the ranch…but I can’t imagine just leaving him here and going back to Chicago. But it’s also too soon for that. I mean, I’m as
suming he’s coming back with me…finish the school year and then come back here for summer? I don’t know, I’m just tossing ideas out there. We have one week left.”

  It felt like Janie had just ripped his guts out. He didn’t want to think that far ahead because…he didn’t know. “And your needs, too,” he said. “I don’t want you to leave because you feel there’s no place for you here. You…could come this summer. You have been a mother to Will, and there is always a place for you wherever Will is.”

  She blinked furiously and glanced down into her mug. “Okay,” she said softly.

  He gripped the edge of the counter and resisted the urge to walk over there and pull her into his arms. He wanted to offer her everything, even though that was impossible. He had given up wishing a hell of a long time ago; he knew there was no point in any of that. But, he supposed, if he were to wish, he’d wish for part of his past to be rewritten. He’d wish for Janie to be Will’s biological mother. He’d wish for their lives to be uncomplicated and that they could just raise Will together. “Has Will said anything to you about what he wants to do?”

  She shook her head. “No. I haven’t wanted to push. But I do know he said that he does love Wishing River…and he’s really, really fond of you, Aiden. You are filling this hole he had inside. You are restoring his faith in adults. Maxi unintentionally made him distrust adults, I think. But you… He knows you genuinely care about him, and he loves it here. I, um, now that you gave me the generous gift of being debt-free, I need to look into finishing veterinary college. I don’t want to put it off for too long because I’m afraid I’ll never go back. I’m so close.”

  He swallowed past the lump in his throat. “You should finish. Logan said you’re a natural. That you’re really talented. Do you have to go back to Chicago, though? Can you transfer your credits to a school out here?”