Wanted - Dead or Alive: A Bad Boy Outlaw Romance

by Alpha, Alyssa

  It isn’t like I dabbled much. This realization came immediately after my date with Jay, so really I’ve only had one mini dating attempt, and that was enough for me to make the decision to remain single. Until I can fully move on from Dexter, I want to keep my sole focus on Ellie Rose. Men can wait, she can’t.

  “Mummy!” I hear her yell over all of the other children racing to their freedom. She’s always been the loudest one. Shyness has never been an issue for my daughter!

  “Hey baby.” I smile back.

  She races towards me and throws herself onto me, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck. I shut my eyes for a second, savoring the moment and drinking in all of her love before setting her down on the ground.

  “Tell me about your day, sweetheart.” I cup her little face in my hands, brushing down the blonde hair that’s grown disheveled by her day of activities. The love I hold for this child fills me up until I’m almost fit to burst.

  “Well, first off we did our spelling test, and guess what? I got top marks…”

  I smile brightly as I listen to her babble on while we amble towards home. She loves school and I’m so glad for that. My education was unfortunately cut short by what happened in my earlier years. I still went to school, but I wasn’t really there.

  My mind was all messed up because of Ryan, and later Nicolette’s disappearance, which meant that I screwed up all of my exams. I’d been promised a bright future by all of my teachers and I’d failed them all, along with myself.

  I wonder for a second what my life would be like if none of that had happened. Would I have gone to college? Would I now have a successful career? Would I be married? Where would I be? Who would I be?

  I quickly shake my head, ridding my brain of these thoughts. No, I never want to think like that. If none of that had gone down, then I wouldn’t have my daughter now—my world, and my everything. For all the shit that happened, for all the heartache and lost futures, she is the result. I can never regret anything; I can never wish that things had gone differently. I have all that I need in her and I can at least ensure that she never misses out on anything.

  As we walk down the road on our daily route, near to where we live, a surprising shadow pops up into the distance. A very familiar one.

  One that I never thought I’d see again.

  I stop dead in the road, unable to make my limbs move even one inch. My mouth turns to ash and my brain scrambles in every single direction.

  It’s him.

  My heart practically leaps up into my mouth, pounding painfully. It really is him. Dexter Hart, the man who I thought had vanished forever. He hasn’t seen me yet, because we haven’t made eye contact, so I can’t be one hundred percent certain that I’m right, but deep down I just know.

  What do I do? Do I call out to him? Do I run? Do I scream?

  “Are you okay, Mommy?” Ellie Rose says, breaking through my shock barrier.

  “Huh?” I reply, glancing down at her innocent, confused face.

  “You’re not walking. You’ve just…stopped.”

  “Oh, yeah. I…I’m sorry.” I stammer over my words, feeling my cheeks flush a bright red.

  I look up once more, trying to feel more confident this time, but the shadow has already gone. Vanished from my life once more. Was he even there? Did I just imagine him?

  “Um…” I try to swallow down my emotions. I don’t know what to do; I’m all over the place. I can’t just go back to our apartment now, because my thoughts are far too jumbled. I need distractions, noise, and company. “Shall we go to Auntie Nic’s house?”

  “It’s Friday, Mommy.”

  “Mm-hmm…” I’m distracted, still frantically searching for him, for the ghost of the man who I thought I saw. “I know.”

  “They come to us on Friday’s. Toby comes to play and have dinner.”

  “Oh yeah.” I shake my head. Stop being so stupid, Willa! Pull yourself together. “Yeah, of course. Urgh, sorry, Mommy’s just being silly. Let’s go home and wait for them there.”

  “Willa!” I hear a familiar male voice boom out. “How are you, my dear?”

  I look up to see Adam strutting towards me. He’s coming from the direction that I thought I saw Dex heading in, and he’s tucking some money into his top pocket. He always likes to flash what he has, but he’s not too insufferable about it. Not with me, at any rate.

  “Yeah, I’m okay, thanks.” I try to smile brightly, but I’m still too stunned and confused to form a proper reaction.

  “Are you headed home?”

  “Yes we are, Adam! Uncle Lucas, Auntie Nic and Toby are coming over to play!” Ellie replies.

  She adores Adam, and he dotes on her just as much. It’s sweet really—it’s good for her to have some positive male role models in her life. Well, as positive as a guy like Adam can really be, anyway.

  “I’m glad I ran into you, E.R!” He bends down and ruffles her hair affectionately, calling her by the nickname that only he is allowed to use—Ellie Rose’s rules! “I have a gift for you.”

  I try not to roll my eyes, but he’s always buying her stuff. It’s ridiculous. We have a house filled with so many toys that I could open a store if I wanted to.

  “Do you?” My daughter pretends to be shocked, but she’s only playing along. This is their little role-playing game that I have no part in.

  “I got you…” He dramatically pulls something out of his pocket. “The prom dress outfit for your doll.”

  “Wow!” She shrieks excitedly, taking the dress from him. “Aurora is going to love this! Thank you!”

  “I know she will, sweetie. And you’re welcome.”

  “Thank you, Adam,” I interject quickly.

  He grins at me and I force a weak smile back.

  “Come on, Willa. Let me walk you home. I want to talk to you about a new line for the salon, anyway.”

  I don’t want him to walk me home, but I can’t say no without making a fuss. He really doesn’t have to speak to me about new products, but he always asks my opinions on things. It’s nice to feel important, but a part of me hopes this isn’t just another way for him to get closer to me.

  I want to have time to stew on what I thought I saw, but it seems that I’m not going to be afforded that luxury. I even want to scan the area to see if I can find him again, but I’m not going to get the opportunity to do that either.

  I contribute minimally to the conversation as we walk—only as much as is absolutely necessary—but luckily Adam doesn’t seem to mind. Ellie Rose is chatty enough to disguise it anyway. She can talk enough for three people.

  At first, I’d wanted to see my sister to discuss what I’d seen as soon as possible, but as I draw nearer to home, I realize that I probably shouldn’t tell her anything. She’d only disapprove and go on a rant. She never wants to see him ever again, and she thinks that I feel the same. Plus, I’ve spent enough time moaning about Dexter to her, so I really shouldn’t bend her ear about this topic any further.

  Especially since she believes he’s the furthest thing from my mind now. I need to keep this act up if I want her to remain calm around me.

  Adam draws me back into the conversation. “So, Nic is nearing her due date again.”

  “Yeah, I know. She must be mad, going through it all again!” I let out a strangled laugh.

  “She’s gonna love having a girl though.”

  “Yeah, her family will be complete. Although I wouldn’t put it past her to have about six more children!”

  Adam chuckles. “Yeah, she always was a bit of a wild one. I bet she’d love a large family.”

  Family. I look down to Ellie Rose. Our family will always be this; nothing more. It’s never going to be the complete unit. I’m happy for Nicolette, of course I am, but I can’t help feeling a bit jealous. I’m happy with what I have, but I would love to have Dexter here too.

  Maybe that’s why I imagined him today.

  “Okay, well this is us.” I turn to face Adam outside of my ap
artment. “Thank you for walking us. It was lovely to see you.”

  He leans in and places a soft kiss on my cheek, a sad longing look in his eye. “See you soon?” he asks.

  “Adam!” Ellie Rose cries out. “When are you taking me to the zoo again?”

  She really has no shame in asking him for anything. Luckily, he genuinely doesn’t mind. Plus, he actually wants to do things with her all the time, which is a bit of a nuisance for me, but like Adam, I can’t seem to deny Ellie Rose anything.

  He grins. “Next weekend? Saturday?”

  “Yeah!” she yells excitedly. “Can I, Mommy?”

  “Yes, I don’t think we have anything planned,” I tell her.

  She races inside, satisfied that she’s gotten all that she wants.

  “I’m sorry, Willa. I can’t help but spoil her.”

  “I know.” I nod back at Adam. “Thank you. You know I appreciate all that you do.”

  We smile at each other awkwardly for a few seconds.

  “They’re already here, Mommy!” Ellie Rose yells, breaking the tension of the moment. “Toby, Auntie Nic and Uncle Lucas!”

  “I better go,” I say, relieved for a clear end to the conversation. “See ya.”

  I watch him walk away then wander inside and softly shut the door.

  The noise from my home is chaotic. When the kids get together, they are always so damn loud. I love it. After so much loneliness, so much quietness, having a wonderfully exciting family is music to my ears.

  “Hey guys, who wants a drink?” I say. I rush into the kitchen, needing a moment to think. I just want a second on my own, so getting drinks for everyone is a good excuse.

  Was it him? I can’t really remember anymore. It’s already become like a distant memory with a dream-like quality to it. He looked different; rougher, more beater down by life. Maybe it was someone else entirely. Maybe I just saw what I wanted to see.

  Maybe I really am going mad.

  “Willa, where are those damn drinks? I’m dying of thirst over here!”

  My sister’s delightful tone breaks through my thoughts and brings me back into the present moment.

  I need to focus. I need to act normal. I need to get back to real life and stop fantasizing about crazy nonsense.

  “I’m coming back out there in a sec!” I call out.

  As for Dex…he’s never coming back.

  Thirty

  Dex

  “Are you sure I can’t tempt you to stay?”

  Adam’s words swirl round and round in my mind. Did he really think that I would want to remain in the shitty life of crime for a second long than I had to? Maybe he thought that all this time stuck in the thick of it would have been long enough to tempt me back into all of my old ways. Well, it wasn’t. I’m nowhere near back to the man that I once was, nor would I ever want to be.

  “I’ll pay you, better than you’ve ever been paid before!”

  Does he not realize that the shiny prize I’ve been aiming towards is worth so much more than anything else? Certainly much more than any money. He could offer me millions of dollars and I’d still turn him down.

  I finally finished my last contract a week and a half ago and handed over responsibility to his next schmuck. Now I’m free, finally free. Adam tried to persuade me to stay, and he offered me all sorts of material gains, but I wasn’t even slightly interested.

  “Maybe just some temporary contracts, then?”

  These were his last words to me, just as I was walking out the door. I said nothing and just slammed it behind me. I didn’t agree to it, but I didn’t shut him down either. I’m not really sure why; maybe just to keep my options wide open.

  Just in case…

  As much as I wanted to rush straight to Willa’s side the second I could, I knew that wasn’t possible. I needed a few days to clean myself up, sort myself out and get my life in order. My hair is now cut in a respectable style, my face is fuzz-free and I’m dressed much more nicely than I ever have been before. I’m a clean, regular guy who can finally be seen in public. After hiding in the shadows and the underground for so long, it’s oddly liberating to be able to blend in with the everyday normal people.

  On top of that, I’ve been practicing sobriety. I knew that my drinking was spiraling out of control, so about a year and a half ago, I started to wean myself off it slowly. I could sense that the end of my crappy life was drawing ever nearer, and I didn’t want alcoholism to be the way it happened. I certainly didn’t want to end up in a gutter, or some shitty rehab facility, keeping me away from Willa even longer than I had to be. I wanted my real life to begin as soon as it possibly could.

  I’ve even gone and gotten myself a super sweet home of my own. I never thought that I’d be a home owner, to be honest. It was my first ever proper adult purchase, and I wanted to do it before going back to Willa. I want her to see how much I’ve changed; I want her to see how much I’ve worked towards our future. Instead of frittering away the money that I made from betting, I saved it all with her in mind.

  And now I’m ready to go and find her, I’m ready for our lives to start. I’m the man that Willa deserves at long last. I’ve become a solid rock that she can rely on, a bodyguard that can protect her, the man that can provide for her. Now, I just need to see her. I need to find her.

  The only trouble is I have no idea where she is.

  I’ve spent a bit of time loitering just out of sight around Nicolette’s apartment, waiting to get a glimpse of the woman that I love. I know that I should just summon up the courage to knock on the door and ask, but I haven’t quite worked up to that yet. I know that even if Willa has forgiven me for abandoning her in such a cold, callous way, Nicolette won’t have, and she’s the type of woman that you don’t want to get on the wrong side of. She’s scary, and I want to gauge where Willa is in her life before facing that wrath. That may be the cowardly choice, but I wouldn’t put it past her sister to resort to physical violence, which I’d probably deserve after the heartbreak I undoubtedly caused.

  I know, what the hell happened to the arrogant son of a bitch that I once was, right? The old me would have stormed over there, hammered down the door and simply demanded answers. I couldn’t do that now. I wouldn’t want to bulldoze in, hurting other people in the process. I actually take the feelings of others into consideration now.

  Huh, I guess I’ve grown up. Who would have thought it?

  Yesterday, I caught a sighting of Nicolette and Lucas. But no Willa, not yet. I guess she doesn’t live there anymore; there mustn’t be any room. I don’t know why I just assumed that she wouldn’t have left in all these years. After all, I knew Nicolette was expecting. Now they have a young boy, and it looks like another is on the way.

  No, I was wrong to assume that she would have put her life on hold, waiting for me. She didn’t even know that I was ever planning on coming back.

  If she’s moved out of Nicolette’s place, what else has she changed? Shit, she might not even be in the city anymore. I never considered any of these obstacles when I was daydreaming about our reunion, and now all sorts of possibilities flood through my mind.

  What if she’s left the country? What if she doesn’t want to see me? What if she’s married?

  Oh, please god, don’t let her be married.

  I turn back to head home, giving up after another long day of not seeing her. How long am I going to keep this up before I accept that it’s never going to happen? Stupid question, I guess…it’s like asking how much she means to me.

  I’ve always regretted the way that I deserted her. Now that I can tell her everything, I need to see her, and I don’t know where she is. It’s so frustrating. I always thought that things would be easy once I’d made the choice to go and find her, and this is turning out to be the hardest damn part.

  As I near my home, I spot a familiar figure at the end of my road and my heart sinks. Adam. The last person I wanted to see. I don’t need another conversation with him right now; I’m not
in the mood. Now that things aren’t going exactly as I planned, it’ll be a little harder to fight off his coercion. He has a very persuasive nature about him, and that’s why he’s been so successful in business.

  Rich, smarmy prick.

  I decide to keep my head down and walk in the shadows to avoid him at all costs. Now that I can blend into the background, I intend to use that to my advantage. I’ll be inside soon enough, there’s no way he can speak to me then…

  Who’s that? I can’t help but wonder. I only glance up to check that he isn’t looking in my direction, but I’m quickly distracted by the woman that has him so captivated. It’s clear from his facial expression that he worships this woman.

  A morbid curiosity floods through me. I’ve never actually seen Adam with a woman in the daytime. He’s always been more of a late-night hookup type of guy, but come to think of it, I haven’t seen him do that for a very long time.

  I move forward to be nosy, forgetting my plan to get inside as quickly as possible. I can’t help but become increasingly intrigued by the sort of woman who could finally change the famous Adam’s vampirish dating ways. She must be something special, and I need to see why with my own eyes.

  I discreetly move around them until I can get a good view of her. At first she’s only side on so I can’t really see her, but then she laughs loudly and flicks her hair over her shoulder. That’s when I get a glimpse of her face, front on. She may look a little different to the last time I saw her—after all, she’s twenty-four years old now—but there’s no mistaking those piercing baby blue eyes. I’d recognize them absolutely anywhere.

  “Oh, fuck,” I whisper, feeling myself die a little inside. “Adam and Willa.”

  I was not expecting my reunion with Willa to begin like this. Deep down, I knew there was the possibility that she would have moved on, but I never really felt it. And certainly not with him. Why did she have to end up with Adam of all people?

  Why not?

  My evil mind whispers to me. You left her, abandoned her without an explanation. Doesn’t she deserve someone like him? After all, Adam is affluent, powerful, and surprisingly stable for a mob boss…why wouldn’t Willa want him? Why shouldn’t she be with someone like that?