Lost Star

by Rebecca Royce

  I hadn’t known there was a greenery on Artemis. At my unasked question, Trenton shook his head. “Long gone.”

  “Oh yes, you guys just came off Artemis.” Melissa nodded to herself. “How is she? Holding up? And as for your bee statement, Sienna, I suppose what you’re telling me is that you only sting when attacked. I understand you. But you need to understand that I have to protect this station. You’re carrying an unlicensed weapon, essentially, in your brain. I don’t know what to do about that.”

  I sighed. Neither did I. It certainly looked like I wouldn’t be staying here.

  12 Choices and Control

  Almost everyone in the room was a stranger to me, and yet, they were here to help make a decision about what happened with my future. The women I had met. Melissa, Diana, Paloma, and Waverly were all now people I’d started to get to know. The guys—I had to somehow not think of them as my guys because they weren’t that, not in the way that the rest of the men in the room belonged to the women here—were people I knew. And then there was Devil.

  Otherwise, I recognized Nolan from when he greeted us and several of the others from the scene in the promenade. Everyone else was entirely new to me.

  And all of them stared.

  “So let me get this straight,” one of the dark-haired men sitting with his hand on Amber’s shoulder addressed the room. I didn’t know his name, but he certainly seemed like he was used to having the full attention of everyone speaking. “She buzzed Devil, who is here under my protection, because she recognized him from when he worked for Evander.”

  Amber visibly swallowed. “Amari, you have to understand, the last time she saw him was when he caused her harm. She’s defending herself.”

  “I understand that. And I actually don’t find it that odd that she can do that. We move energy in the Chen Empire. It’s a logical step to use it that way. I’m fascinated. But I want my man protected and guarantees she’s not coming after him again.”

  Blaze shook his head. “Then maybe you should get him off the station.”

  I looked between them. Guarantees? How was I supposed to do that? If he came after me—

  They kept speaking. “He’s here with me. As one of my guards. Devil has my confidence. We’ve all come to trust him immensely.” Amari—I now knew his name—nodded toward Devil. “He saved my brother’s life.”

  “Then you’re being foolish.” Blaze was so calm when he uttered that phrase, I could almost not believe he’d said it. “And I’ve never known you to be. Not at any time when you and I worked together were you ever anything but savvy and smart. Yet here you are, in possession of Devil, the deadliest of the deadly, the perfect Evander soldier, and you’re trusting him?”

  From where he stood, leaning on the wall, Devil shifted. It was a small move, but I noticed it. Not that I had any idea what it meant. He might just not like being talked about. I certainly detested the feeling. Like bugs crawling around on my arms.

  “It’s been a year since the majority of the fighting ended. People change. Particularly in the Chen Empire. You changed, why can’t he?”

  Blaze shook his head. “I was never the perfect Evander soldier. Trust me, I never lived up to him.”

  Devil lifted his eyebrows. “Still jealous?”

  Amari’s hand shot up so fast, I could hardly follow the movement. “Not helpful right now.”

  “Okay,” Melissa interrupted all of them. “Listen, I get it. You want him protected. I don’t think that Sienna is looking to hurt him. I can certainly understand how it happened, and that’s that. Enough. What I want to know is what to do from here?”

  I had to speak up. “I’d like to go home.”

  “Well, that’s obviously not happening.” I didn’t know who the man sitting next to Diana was, but he was tall, like a Super Soldier, and had that kind of feel about him, as though he was just a bigger presence than anyone else who wasn’t like him.

  Next to Waverly, a man with odd-looking eyes shook his head fast. “Out of the question. You can’t go home.” He turned his head to address Melissa. “No, this is the most easily defendable position. We all stack up here and wait. I mean, it could be years. We’ll send ships in and out, keep a rotation, and eventually when they come for her, we’re ready.”

  The blond man next to Paloma drummed his fingers on the table. “Let’s be honest, Earth is the most easily defendable position. But we aren’t doing that, because it’s not rebuilt and it is here.”

  “We’re working on it, Sandler.” One of the other two who looked like Amari shook his head. “If you want to stop building your fancy ships and help more, we’d go faster.”

  The so-called Sandler rolled his eyes. “Not criticizing, just stating fact. So we’ll take some of my fancy ships, and we’ll surround Mars with them. See if we can draw out Evander. Give you Super Soldiers a break.”

  I stopped listening. No one had paid attention to what I said. Not a soul. I wanted to go home, and they didn’t care. But really, why should they? I was a problem for them to solve, not a person.

  Wade patted my leg. “It won’t be forever,” he spoke in a low voice. “This will work better than what we were doing, and then you’ll be able to go from there. Just until we get rid of the Evander ship so they don’t build more from this one and overwhelm us again.”

  I supposed I didn’t have a choice. But that was the story of my life.

  Everyone started talking at once again, but I zoned out. It was like I didn’t need to be in the room at all.

  Wade grabbed my arm as we exited. “Hey, listen, I uploaded the formulas I’ve been using on you into the main computer that should be sent to all the major ships, in case you ever need to exit on one fast and you don’t have me with you. Just tell the medical personnel to look for it.”

  I sighed. “Do you think that’s likely?”

  He shrugged. “I’m not going anywhere. They can dart around in space without me trying to draw in Evander. I’ll stay on the station, but I like to imagine the worst-case scenarios. And so I thought—”

  His eyes widened a second before a large hand shot out and took him by the neck. I cried out but another hand covered my mouth. Struggling, I didn’t know who held me as I watched Wade crumple to the ground, passed out.

  “Don’t panic. He’s fine. Or will be in a few moments.” It was Devil’s voice in my ear. “I have a device in my pocket that gives me a few minutes that your group can’t hear you or me talking. If they try to find your heartbeat, they won’t right now. That’s going to scare them, and they’re going to try looking for you.”

  We were in a long hallway that should have led to the lift, but right now, we were all alone. What was he going to do to me? I geared up to zap him, and then he spoke again, stopping me in my tracks.

  “I have to make this right with you. The Chens are big on that. Making things right. I did you a great disservice, stealing you from your home and giving you to the executives. They’ve made you sick. I didn’t know they were going to do that, but truth is, I would have taken you anyway because back then, I did everything I was told to do. I heard you in there when no one else did. If you want to go home, I’ll take you now. Is that what you want?”

  He let go of my mouth. I could have screamed, only I didn’t. Instead, I dropped down to check Wade’s pulse. Sure thing, he was out cold but breathing, and his pulse was strong. Okay. I could think. He was offering to take me home?

  This was Devil, who had hurt me, who had kidnapped me, who had…he wanted to make things right?

  “You’re very smart. I can always tell. We’re running out of time. They’ll come looking any second. In fact, I think Blaze and Anders have both cued in. Corbin now. What is it? Are you coming with me? Am I taking you home?”

  This was what I wanted, but I had no time to think. “How do I know I can trust you? Blaze doesn’t. They think you’re just about the most dangerous, untrustworthy person out there. How do I know you’re not going to bring me to Evander?”
/>   He shook his head. “You don’t.”

  I took a deep breath. I wanted to go home, and if he wanted to take me, he could do it easier than this. I’d be out cold just like Wade. No, he’d asked. That wasn’t the move of a person who wanted to deliver me to the enemy. The people here didn’t care that I needed to see my home with my own two eyes, or that I couldn’t stand not knowing what happened to Joy or my parents.

  Nodding, I put out my hand. “Take me home.”

  His smile was small but present. “Let’s go.”

  I stared at the man I’d just run off with and wondered if I’d lost my mind. We were in a small vessel. It had one room beside the main control area where Devil piloted the ship. A tiny bathroom was attached to a living-slash-sleeping space that also had a bathroom attached. Two chairs up front were for the pilot, Devil, and the co-pilot, who I guessed was me on this one. Not that I had any idea what I was doing. There was a med machine next to the small couch that converted into a bed in the back.

  Pulling my knees to my chest, I regarded Devil. He was handsome. I wouldn’t have thought so before, but now I could see it. His face was long and oval shaped. He had a well-trimmed beard, and his brown hair was long and up in a bun at the top of his head. I didn’t think it would be as long as Corbin’s if he let it down. It was also slicker looking. He was neat and well put together in his uniform. The last time I’d seen him, he had been in a uniform, too. But this one was different. There were dark circles under his eyes that led me to believe he wasn’t sleeping well.

  Of course, I hadn’t seen a person yet who slept well.

  “Wade will be okay?” It was the third time I’d asked. He’d taken care of me, and I’d left while he was knocked out.

  Devil tapped furiously on the control panel. “I’m sending Master Chen a note explaining things, that I need to make this right with you. That way, they can call off whatever hunt they’ve started on the station. I’m sure Wade will be fine, but I’m asking after him.”

  He leaned back on his seat, and when I didn’t comment, because there really was nothing to say, he spoke again. “They should have had you on a ship like this. I mean, Artemis is old, right? How did they expect to beat Evander like that? Blaze should have known that. I trained him. Or a little bit, anyway. Fast and sleek. He’d have gotten you away quicker.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “In a two-room shuttle? I was in cryogenic sleep. He needed a doctor and a crew. Artemis did just fine for them. I’m grateful. It might have been better for them if they’d left me asleep.” Tiredness wrapped itself around me. “I just want to go home, and I’ve caused nothing but trouble. They must be relieved to be rid of me.”

  Anders’ words from the night before wrapped around me. He’d wanted to take care of me. If only such things could actually be. “I don’t want anyone to be hurt because of me. I don’t want Evander hurting anyone else. That includes you. If I’d had any more time to think about it, I probably wouldn’t have done this because I wouldn’t want you hurt.”

  He side-eyed me for a long moment. “Evander can’t hurt me any more than they already have.”

  I tilted my head. “They could kill you.”

  “That would be a cessation of the pain. Not the opposite.” He shook his head. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking to die. I’ll make this up to you by bringing you home. I’ll keep you safe from Evander while you figure out what’s next. That’ll be one less thing on my conscience keeping me up at night.” He smirked. “Words I never thought to speak. Fucking Chens.” He said the last two words with amusement in his voice, not hostility. Clearly, the man liked the Chens.

  “What other things have you tried to make up for?” It might have been a bad idea to ask the question. Maybe I really didn’t want to know.

  He shook his head. “You’re the first. They haven’t let me out a lot yet, and I’m not sure they’ll let me out much after this. But it is the right thing to do, even if it comes with restrictions to personal freedom. Again.”

  I didn’t know what the Chens did or didn’t do, but it sounded like there was a story there. I just wasn’t sure I should get to know Devil more than I already did, which was not at all. “I don’t remember what happened to me.”

  “You wouldn’t. Your friend was threatened into drugging you. I made her afraid, and she did it, and I took you when you were asleep. You weren’t made sick in front of me. But as I was locked away to be frozen asleep again, I did hear them say we were under attack. Presumably, that was whoever rescued you from them.”

  It was hard for me to imagine my father leading some kind of fight to get me back, but that must have been what happened. This was the problem. I had to go home to get answers. I couldn’t live with this big gaping hole in my life. What had happened, who had done what… I had to know. Maybe that made me selfish that I hadn’t done just what those people wanted from me. I could have stayed on Mars Station.

  And waited. And maybe gotten them all killed.

  Conflicting emotions rushed through me. I couldn’t remember ever feeling this unsettled before. Had I ever been so torn up?

  I rubbed my face. “I think I made a mistake. I’m being so unkind. The least I could have done was wait on Mars Station. A million things were done for me while I slept. It’s not okay that I broke the rules.”

  “Do you always just obey?”

  “Yes. What else is there to do? We don’t get to determine our lives. From the moment we’re born, they’re sorted out for us. One thing to another, but the path is there. Mine has gone off kilter, but that doesn’t change that—”

  “Do you hear yourself?” He quickly interrupted me. “You might as well be working for Evander. We do get to decide our lives. You wanted to go home. If that isn’t the case, I’ll take you back to Mars. Or Earth. Or wherever you want. But don’t do it because someone told you to do it. You’re a person. We all get to say what to do with our time. Yours is already cut short. I mean…fuck…they shot you up with incurable diseases, and I can’t imagine that thing in your arm is going to keep you healthy permanently. Don’t waste time being good when you could be happy.”

  I sat back in my chair and leaned my head against it. There was a time and place to be, as he put it, good. I knew this to be true the same way that I did anything. But he wasn’t entirely wrong either. I was sick. It was hard to get my mind around that, as though the fact that I knew it hadn’t made it sink into my mind enough that I understood it. That didn’t even make any sense. Why was I so confusing, even to myself?

  The deed was done. I wasn’t going to question it. “Take me home. Thank you, Devil.”

  He nodded. “No need for thanks. This is a quest to self-improvement for me.” He winced. “Sometimes I feel like Shane these days. Never mind. I’m doing what I’m doing because I’m doing it.”

  “You could have just said I’m sorry. I probably would have forgiven you, and you could have moved on from whatever this is without having to run into the Dark Planets.” I might be stating the obvious, but there it was.

  When he smiled, half of his mouth lifted up in amusement that almost looked sardonic. “I’m not sorry.” He held up his hand. “And the thing about saying that is you have to mean it, as far as I can tell. I know this goes directly against what I said to you about my conscience. So I will try to explain what can’t be explained. That time…my whole life up until the point that I got dumped on the Chen’s doorstep, it feels like someone else lived it. And also doesn’t. It’s like I’ve had two lives. I feel terrible for the things that I did in the sense that I should, but I can’t seem to feel anything about them at all. But I can’t sleep because of all the things that other person, who also happens to be me but not, did. So I’d better figure out how to make amends for what he—I—did, so that I can sleep again.”

  “You’re right. It makes no sense. Sounds like you’re just as screwed up as me. Two people with no idea what we’re doing traveling through space together on a ridiculous mission that maybe w
e shouldn’t be doing at all.”

  It surprised me so much when he laughed that a grin hit my face before I could overthink it. Maybe the experience startled him as much as it did me, because his eyes widened. Whoever this new Devil was, he must not laugh very much.

  “Well, life isn’t dull. I’ll give it that. I was born on the other side of a black hole, and I spent a huge amount of time training people to do awful things on behalf of a corporation that created me. Now, here I am. Yep, not dull.”

  I nodded. “I was born so powerful with an ability human beings don’t have unless they’re born on my planet. I was so good at it, they decided I should probably be a spiritual leader so that I could help people feel better about the shitty things in their lives.”

  Yep. I’d said shitty.

  I giggled, which made him grin again.

  “You’re right. Life is strange. I didn’t think I’d be sitting in a shuttle with you, ever.” I shook my head. “Considering that just a few days ago, I was certain that you were the stuff of nightmares.”

  His smile faded as he nodded. “I am. I still am. Make no mistake. There will always be part of me that will be him. That other me. The one who makes me feel sick, but who I can’t really feel. He’s always in there.”

  That should have made me run, but instead, I put out my hand and squeezed his. He stared at where I touched him as though he’d never seen two people holding hands before. He gently squeezed me back. “You’re surprising, Sienna. I can see why they’re all in love with you.”

  I shook my head. “No one is in love with me.”

  “Trust me that I can hear things you can’t. I can…tell heartbeats, as you know. The way that they breathe. The shortness of it. The way it sounds, they…never mind. It doesn’t matter. You just need to trust me that I know.”

  “They took care of me for a long time. They’ve done enough.”