Lost Star

by Rebecca Royce

  “Three years. Almost exactly. Tomorrow is three years.”

  I closed my eyes. “I’ve been putting off knowing that for sure. I couldn’t… I didn’t want…”

  He put his hands on my shoulders. “I get it. You didn’t want to know, because that was too big a number. But now you know.”

  I forced myself to swallow. “Dev, if that was three years ago, why is it still such a mess? Shouldn’t this be rebuilt?”

  He audibly sighed. “Let’s go look. We don’t know what they’ve done. Maybe it’s not all as bad as here.”

  Dev took my hand, and I walked with him. This small amount of the world had been my whole existence. I’d never seen more of the planet. There were no people around, and that was different, too. Unless they’d all gotten on various ships and taken off to the sky. It was hard for me to imagine. These people were farmers and merchants. They didn’t fly ships.

  And yet, I knew from firsthand experience that some were. We walked in silence. I actually appreciated that about Dev. He wasn’t trying to make conversation. That was hugely helpful right now, since my mind was a bunch of gobbledygook and I might not be able to coherently speak.

  Eventually, we reached the town that was the last stop before we reached the temple. Everything was closed except a market up ahead. I’d never purchased anything there. Others did that for us. But I knew the owner, because his wife came to the temple and I’d helped her through three miscarriages. They’d eventually gone on to have four boys, but that did nothing to eliminate the pain of the first three.

  Sometimes, we could pretend that this far out in the Dark Planets, we were immune to problems of the Earth variety. Sure, we had fewer things and were constantly inundated by pirates. But we also didn’t have to play politics like they had to. And yet, the same problems that Earth had with conception and birth happened here.

  It was hard to have any children, and the ones that were born were almost always boys.

  I pointed to the shop next to the market. “That’s my parents’. They’re tailors.”

  Dev nodded slowly. “It’s hard to imagine having parents. I know people do. The Chens are parents, but just the very idea that people are raised in a home with the people who had them blows my mind.” He shrugged. “Let alone parents who own a shop.”

  I rubbed the back of my neck. “I wasn’t raised by them. They gave me over when I was quite young. The temple raised me. But yes, I had parents.”

  I walked over to the outside door and peeked through the window. It was empty. The clothes that hung everywhere, the radio that always played music, were all gone. It was just an empty shell of a building.

  “Someone’s coming out of the market.” Dev placed himself between me and the street. He was so big, it was actually hard to see around him, but I recognized the squeal and the voice when she shouted.

  It was Kristy Webster, the woman whose husband owned the market, and who I had helped over the years.

  “Sienna,” she shouted again. “You’re back. We didn’t believe it. They said you were probably going to die.”

  The thought made me look at my arm. It was still at the number two.

  “She’s not going to die.” Dev spoke through clenched teeth. “Sienna, is she safe for you?”

  I nodded, but he couldn’t see that, which occurred to me after a second. “She is.” I stepped out from behind him, and he didn’t try to stop me. “Hello, Mrs. Webster.”

  She rushed me. As people always did. And threw her arms around me. “Oh, we have all felt so awful with you gone. So completely terrible. I…I never thought I’d get to feel good again, but here you are.”

  I swallowed as my arms went around her like a sense memory. People hugged, and I hugged back. I’d been trained to do so a million times.

  She shook and waited. All it would take to make her feel better would be to open my wall and let her in. Kristy would pass her feelings onto me, and I’d take them. She’d go on for days relieved, just because she encountered me.

  The problem was…just like the people we’d met on Artemis, who we saved, I didn’t want to do that for her right now. I’d done it for years. Trained since birth, practically. People asked, and they received.

  But I had a device on my arm that told me how sick I was, and I wasn’t in the mood. I might never be again. I didn’t really feel like I had a duty to do so. When I lived in the temple, the people paid to keep me alive. I had to help them, as I existed based on their goodwill. It was circular, although that had never occurred to me before now.

  Only I was tired of owing, tired of being indebted. No. I wasn’t going to do that right now. I had enough to carry on my own without adding her burdens to my shoulders right now.

  “I’m sorry, Mrs. Webster.” I let go of her and stepped back. “Not today.”

  She blinked rapidly. “Oh…I see. I…” Her cheeks turned pink. I’d never wanted to embarrass her. That wasn’t my intention. “I didn’t realize…”

  “That’s okay.” I smiled at her. “No harm done. Just not today. Now, maybe you can help me with some information. This is Devil,” I introduced him with his full name. That nickname was just for me. He’d probably think that was dumb, but there it was. “And he brought me home so I could get some answers. What happened here? I got pieces of it, but I wasn’t ready to hear them. Could you tell me now?”

  She nodded fast. “They took you off planet. One of the Evander people told my husband that they were going to force you to obey, to make you sick so you’d comply. He told us so we’d never fight. Alan didn’t listen. He told your father. They made plans. Your dad and several others led an assault. I’m not sure why it worked.”

  Dev snorted. “They didn’t think there was even the possibility that it could work. Or that it even would be attempted.”

  “Well, they got you, but they couldn’t just bring you all the way here again. They’d just come back. So they took off running. Honestly, I have no idea. Alan came back, but your father and mother never did. They said they were going to protect you. I have no idea. I just don’t. Then Evander came back here and punished us.” She looked down. “They destroyed everything.” She waved her hand. “As you can see. Then these people came and sold ships. It’s been a whole mess.” Kristy visibly swallowed. “Are you…are you okay? Did they save you? Make you not sick?”

  Dev put his arm around me. “She’s okay. Come on, I’m going to take her to the temple.”

  “There’s no one left there.” She sighed.

  He scooted me on. “We’ll be there. So then there will be two people there. That’s something.”

  14 Hello, Again

  The temple was gone. Well, that wasn’t technically true. The building was still mostly there. Someone had blown out the windows. But the whole feeling of it—the way it had seemed sort of otherworldly while I remained hopelessly flawed—was gone. It was just a place now, like any other empty building. I’d lived here, and yet, it was gone.

  I wandered from room to room, looking at things. Any traces that I’d existed in these walls were gone. Joy was nowhere to be found, as though she also vanished from space and time. The elders, the ones who had come before me, their rooms had been raided. This place had been formed when the unusual abilities that I and others had started to appear, and now it was nothing.

  “You okay?” Dev watched me from a doorway. He leaned against the side, taking up most of the space between the rooms.

  I had a headache, but my wrist number remained at two, so I supposed that I was actually fine. “Not any sicker.”

  He furrowed his brow. “That’s not what I meant. This is a big deal. What they did here, to the planet, to the people, that’s what I used to do. I’ve just never seen it from this end before. The aftermath. I was the cause of this kind of thing. Me, and the others you know. This is what we did to planet after planet, place after place. This, and then some.”

  I nodded. I knew that. I wasn’t unaware of who it was that I’d been spending m
y time with lately. “You didn’t do this. You don’t have to take responsibility for it. Own your own sins, and leave the ones that aren’t yours to other people.”

  Dev opened and closed his mouth. “I did take you. That, I did.”

  “I don’t remember it. The last thing I remember is zapping you.” I walked toward him. There was nothing for me here. Not the temple, not Joy, not my parents. This had been a mistake. But still, it was mine to make, and I’d needed to come here more than anything else. I had no idea what to do next, but there it was. My past was here, desolated and gone.

  I didn’t consciously know I was going to hug him, but that was what I did. People hugged me all the time when they needed things. I’d been expected to do it. Maybe that was why I wrapped my arms around Devil and didn’t let go, even though he’d given me no indication that he was a hugger.

  As soon as I realized what I’d done I tried to let go. This was an invasion—I knew that better than anyone—but he held on, not letting me release him.

  “I can apologize for doing this.”

  Dev laid his head on top of mine. “No, don’t. I’ve never had a hug before. I like this one.”

  “I really should have asked.” Even as I said the words, I closed my eyes. He smelled really clean, really fresh, so completely different than the rest of this place. “I’m overwhelmed, but it’s no excuse and…”

  “Sienna,” his voice was low, “I like the hug.”

  Okay. I wasn’t going to overthink it. In the future, I’d give it more thought, but for right now, he was all right and so was I. “What do I do now? It’s all gone. I have nothing left here. What do I do?”

  He didn’t let go as he pressed his nose to the top of my head. “Fuck.”

  That wasn’t the response I’d been expecting, not even close to it. “That bad? My future is that dire? I mean…we could go back to Mars Station and…”

  “No.” He tightened his hold before he gently let me go. I swayed for a second before I found my feet. “That’s not why I cursed. They’re here. I thought we’d have a little more time. That guy can really fly that old ship. I’ll give him credit. He’d have made a great Super Soldier.”

  It took me a minute to follow what he’d just said. “Artemis is here?”

  “Yep. They landed. And they’re not wasting time. I’ve got all of their heartbeats.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Do me a favor, and don’t get in the middle of what is about to happen. They’re going to have to work this out with me. Yep, they can hear me. I’m saying it, and they can hear me. Well, almost all of them can. My point remains. Don’t get in the middle of it.” He winked at me, which was a surprise move. “Don’t zap me either, please.”

  I swallowed. The guys couldn’t be very happy with me right now. I’d run off after everything they’d done. If they wanted to yell at me, then I supposed they had every right.

  A light in the distance caught my attention, and I turned toward it. Everything on the planet was so damned dark now, that even the smallest amount caught my attention. This wasn’t a small glare, it was a big one.

  I held up my hand to shield my face. “What is that?”

  “A light that we sometimes used to illuminate the night sky temporarily like it was day. Turn around. It’ll only get brighter as they come closer. They’re just letting me know they’re fully-armed.” He shook his head. “I’m not impressed, Blaze. I don’t give a shit how many toys you have. Come and talk to me.”

  There was a pause, and then Blaze’s voice pushed out into the night. “Talk to you? You’re lucky I’m not fucking pulverizing you, you piece of shit.”

  Wow. I caught my breath. Devil merely tilted his head. “Kindly remember that there is a lady present.”

  “Remember it?” Blaze moved so fast, one second, I couldn’t see him, and the next, he was in Dev’s face. “Did you remember it when you stole her off a station and took her out into the universe only in your small, nothing shuttle with only you to protect her? Did you think about the fact that she’s a lady when you pulled this stunt? I don’t give a shit what you told Amari Chen. She’s ours. Not yours. And you had no right to fucking do this.”

  I swallowed. “Blaze…”

  “No.” Dev shook his head. “Sienna, don’t get in the middle. Trust me on this.”

  “Trust you?” Blaze outright shouted now. “You’re the one who gave her to Evander to begin with. You did this to her.”

  “That’s right,” Dev shouted back. They were so close, their foreheads were practically touching. “I did. And this was my chance to even start to make it right. What wouldn’t you do for the chance to fix anything you’ve done? Anything you did for Evander that keeps you up at night? Think about it. The shit we did didn’t go away because we had the chance to change. We’re not forgiven. So I took the chance to listen to someone I hurt, and I am trying to figure out how I can even begin to fix it. You wouldn’t have done the same thing?”

  Blaze grabbed Devil’s shirt. “I won’t let you destroy her. She’s ours. Mine. I keep her safe.”

  “You didn’t listen to a word she said in that room.”

  I couldn’t stand this. Dev had said to leave it, but they were talking about me, about to come to blows over me. How was I supposed to just stand here and…

  “Don’t,” Kellan pulled me back until I was against his side. When had he gotten there? I looked around, not seeing anyone else. He turned me to look at him. Against me, I could feel how hard he breathed. He must have been running. How had Blaze gotten here so fast?

  I shook my head. “He only did what I wanted. I needed to come here, and he made that happen. That’s all.”

  “Oh.” Kellan laughed, but it was joyless. “There is so much more than that going on here. I’m so glad you’re okay. If you wanted this, needed it, you could have told me. I’d have done this for you. We all would have.”

  “Kellan.” I squeezed his hand. “You said no. You all said no. Not to mention, you were leaving me. Blaze told me that. I wasn’t your responsibility anymore. You were giving me to Melissa or something.”

  He took my cheeks in his hands, smoothing his thumbs over them. It would be a restful, sweet gesture, if Blaze and Dev weren’t about to kill each other. “I was never going anywhere. I’m sorry you thought that was a possibility.”

  “Got her?” Anders was there, followed by Corbin. Then Wade and Trenton. Everyone was talking. It would be easy to get lost in Kellan’s words, in the kindness in his usually hot, angry gaze. But then Blaze shoved Devil, who grabbed onto him, and they both went down to the ground.

  I gasped, and Kellan turned me around, all but handing me to Wade. There was a crowd of very big men between me and the battle between Blaze and Devil.

  “Are you okay?” Wade tugged at me, getting my attention.

  “Am I okay?” I shouted over the noise. “No, they’re going to kill each other.”

  He winced. “I don’t think they’re going to do that. But there are things to work out. I’m so sorry he got the jump on me like that.”

  Got the jump on him? “I’m sorry I left you on the ground. You’ve saved my life, and I left you there.”

  “Sienna. This is Devil we’re talking about. From what the guys have said, he’s a master manipulator and a really scary guy. If you think you ever really had a choice, you’re mistaken.”

  Okay. I couldn’t take any more of this. That wasn’t the Devil I’d gotten to know over the last day or however long it had been. I couldn’t even keep track of the time anymore. Not without any sun coming and going. All I knew was that I didn’t want this. Not a fight about who did what and when. I was in the remnants of my home, a place that had been special and was now dead. And each and every fucking—yes, I cursed now in my own head—one of them was acting like little fucking boys.

  “Stop,” I shouted, placing every bit of power I had into it. Even though I didn’t zap anyone, the same power that moved through me when I did traveled then. I wanted them to hear m
e. They just had to stop.

  Standing in front of Kellan, with their hands over their ears, Trenton, Corbin and, Anders winced while Wade stumbled backward. They spread out enough in their action that I could see Blaze and Devil on the ground doing the same.

  I panted. I’d never done that before, hadn’t known I could. It was as much instinctual as anything else. My heart raced, and I had to put my hands on my knees just to try to breathe. “Don’t do that. All of you. Please. Stop. I need you not to do this. Not over me. Not ever. Just no.” I wasn’t making a lot of sense, rambling. A strong hand came to my back. Wade.

  He knelt down, meeting my gaze. “Sienna, deep breaths. Okay? I don’t know what you just did, but you’re panting.”

  Devil and Blaze both stumbled to their feet, coming to the crowd around me.

  The world tilted left and then right. I knew this feeling. It happened sometimes with the zapping. I stared at Wade for a long second. “I’m going to faint.”

  “I can’t believe he let him on the ship.” Anders spoke somewhere nearby in a low voice.

  “I can,” Trenton answered, as he stroked a hand over my head. It had to be him who’d done that, because his voice was so close. “I think they really bonded in the day she was away with him. I can see it. The same way that we feel, he does. It was let him on the ship, or potentially lose her to him. He’s not going anywhere. If Blaze isn’t going to kill him—and that stop she blasted at us certainly told us she doesn’t want that—then he’s with us now.”

  Anders sighed. “You don’t understand. He taught us all at various points. He’s scary.”

  “Yeah? So are you,” Trenton answered.

  I moaned, unable to stop the sound as I officially stirred from my stupor. Everything sort of hurt. Trenton’s hand stopped moving. “Hey there.” His voice was soft. “You’re okay. Wade has checked you out and declared that you aren’t hurt or sick. Just used a ton of energy. Passed out. You needed a few minutes. He’s gone to try to get either Blaze or Devil to take a little medical care. I doubt that will happen, but he left you here with us.”