Lost Star

by Rebecca Royce

  Wade ran a hand through his hair. “Been a long time for me. But yes, I remember, and honestly, I’m not sure that one place isn’t as good as another. What will we find? People. Some of them will be great, others awful. Some of them might even betray us. That’s what happens with homes. They let you down. I don’t care where we go, as long as we stay together.”

  I lifted my head to regard him. “That’s not true though, is it? You picked a home, sort of, for your brother and sister. How did you go about doing that?”

  “Venus wasn’t thought to be on anyone’s hit list during the war. The school was good. It seemed like a good fit. Honestly, I just wanted them safer, which meant getting them away from me.”

  Corbin pointed at the board. “Venus is on our list.”

  Now, that caught my attention. “Really? We could go to where Wade’s family is?”

  “We could.” Corbin smiled. “As he said, Venus isn’t on any important targets list. Give us time to buckle in, to get ourselves set up to handle the assault. They might not look for us there. Although, if it were me, that’s right where I’d look for us. I’d have someone sitting there waiting to see if we showed up.”

  I rose, sitting still didn’t seem to go with how jittery my hands were. I just needed to move. “So we can’t go to Venus. There are kids there we can’t put at risk.”

  “There are kids everywhere.” Devil walked up behind me, placing his hand on the small of my back. It was a comforting presence. “Kids live everywhere we would go. Unless we found an abandoned planet. They do exist. But it would have nothing we needed set up to survive. We’d have to start from scratch.”

  Corbin ran a hand through his hair. “I think that could be kind of awesome. If we weren’t at risk of being attacked by Evander. Like if it were just the eight of us, I can’t think of anything I’d like more. Just make some world for us. Start over. Who cares about social norms or trying to figure how to fit in with other people? We have our own little spot of the universe where we can just be ourselves.”

  Dev shrugged. “You’re smart enough to figure out how to fit in socially, if you want to. That became very clear with the Chens. When I went through their indoctrination time. Anyway, you are certainly intelligent enough to work that out, if I remember from your training.”

  They all turned to stare at him. Devil had just brought up a time when they’d really all hated each other. Blaze cleared his throat. “Let’s keep going.”

  “I can’t mention that I trained them? Before you did? I can’t even bring up that I actually know them?”

  Blaze smirked. “I thought you were really good with social norms.”

  “Okay.” Trenton swung around in his chair. “Enough with that. I don’t personally hate you, Devil, if that helps. I mean, I could kill you because you took our girl, placed her in danger, and were ultimately responsible for her being sick. But I don’t hate you. I don’t equate hate with death. Anyway, next up. What’s the next planet?”

  They never got to answer, as Kellan jumped to his feet, his eyes on his tablet. I guessed he was flying Artemis. I never could tell which one of them was doing that. “Incoming.”

  Everyone dashed from the room except Wade, who grabbed on to my arm. I stared at him for a long second. “Evander?”

  “Yep. Come. You’re with me.”

  I got to my feet just as we jarred left, an explosion rocking the ship. Wade and I both went flying. I hit the table next to me, and Wade went into the wall. My ears rang from the explosion, and a second later, Wade was next to me.

  “You okay?” he shouted at me.

  My head spun, but I forced myself to sit up. “I think so. What the heck happened?”

  “We got hit.” He pulled me against him, and we walked together, or maybe a better description was limped, from the room. “It happens sometimes. Depending on the damage, they’ll do a few things. I know they don’t want to evade anymore. They want to conquer. I have no idea what role this will play, if any.”

  Alarms sounded, and he had to shout for me to hear him. Wade wasn’t moving much better than I was. Maybe he was just more used to it. They had been at war a long time before I woke up from cryo. This was likely not his first time.

  We made it to the med bay, and he patted the table. “Jump up. I’ll look at your ankle.”

  That was when I spotted the blood on him. I gasped. “Forget me. I twisted my ankle. You’re bleeding. Badly.”

  Blood dripped down his leg, I could see it pooling around his ankle where his pants were up a little bit from his shoes. He shook his head. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”

  Wade? I spoke in his head to make my point.

  “Maybe I shouldn’t say this, particularly now, but when you do that, it makes me instantly hard.” He rubbed his eyes. “Fuck. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  I liked it. I’d have liked it more if he wasn’t bleeding, there wasn’t an alarm blaring, Evander wasn’t attacking, and we weren’t being thrown around in the sky.

  “Are you okay? I mean, I know you’re bleeding, but you don’t seem exactly yourself.”

  He rubbed at his eyes. “I don’t know. I think I may have hit my head. But we’ll deal with that in a few moments. Doctors don’t go into the med machine in the middle of a battle.”

  We jerked left again, and I held onto the table to not fall over. Wade did the same. He shook his head. “Let me look at your ankle.”

  “Let’s not worry about my ankle. I can put weight on it. It’ll wait until after we deal with whatever this is.” I swallowed. “Let’s look at your ankle and talk about your head. You get on the table.”

  He stared at me for a second before he stumbled onto the shaking table. There had to be a better system for handling this than shaking, dangerous ships. Did people really just live like this?

  And it was my fault.

  Wade ripped his pants, that were torn anyway, and dropped the bottom end. “Yep. I’m a little dizzy.”

  Whether that was from his head injury or the fact that blood gushed down his leg was questionable. I stared at his knee. Okay. I hated blood, but I was going to be brave about this and take a look. He had a huge gash, and blood rushed out of it, but there was nothing visibly in the knee. That was something. I hoped.

  “Um, that doesn’t look good. Right?”

  He winced. “No, it doesn’t. And truthfully, I have no idea what did it. I’m a little bit out of it. We are going to treat these things until I can get in the machine. First things first, we need to clean it and flush it out.”

  His voice was getting more and more slurred the more he spoke. That was a very bad sign. “Wade,” I touched his shoulder. “Listen to me. You’re not okay. You need to go in that machine right now.”

  He held onto my arms. “You’re right. I think it’s my head.” He squinted at me. “Don’t know how I didn’t notice.”

  We could figure that out later. “Into the machine. Sooner in, sooner out. Okay? But I don’t know how to run the thing.”

  “In this case, just press power and go. Not perfect, but it works, mostly. Fuck.” He put a hand on his eye, and I tried to help him down and into the machine, which was made twice as hard since Artemis was officially dancing in space. It was loud. Alarms were sounding and I had no time to be scared, because the doctor needed me to take care of him, even though I had next to no idea how to do this.

  Well, I had some idea. Press power. Press go. Yes, I could do those things. I hoped. Or I’d scream for help, and one of the guys would hear me and come. Even though that would mean they were stopping what they were doing, which I was sure was more important than helping me press power.

  Despite my obsessing, I got Wade into the machine. He helped more than he hindered. “Power. And Go.”

  He sort of nodded. “I’ll fix your ankle when I get up.”

  “Sure.” I bent over and kissed him. Surprise showed in his eyes before he closed them. I quickly shut the lid on the machine and hit power. Lights flickered. Tha
t was a good sign that I’d done something correctly. Then I hit go. A whooshing sound started.

  Oh thank the universe, it worked. I let out a breath I held. But now what?

  I didn’t have a job in this situation, except to hold onto something and manage not to fall on my face. I’d no sooner thought that than another explosion, similar to the one earlier, happened again. It didn’t matter how hard I held on, I flew backward into the wall. My head rang, and I sank down to the floor, darkness pulling me under.

  I woke to pain and strong hands lifting me off the ground. It was Anders.

  “Sienna? You with me?” His voice was low, rough. There was black soot on his face, and his shirt was torn. That was the first thing I thought through the pounding in my head, before a second thought dawned on me in utter horror.

  All my shields were down.

  Every bit of the mental imagery I used to close down the use of my power was gone. Why? I had no idea. This had never happened, not since I’d learned how to do this as a child.

  I was wide open, and whether I wanted to or not, I was going to take on everything that Anders was feeling right then. It rushed at me, and he gasped.

  “I can’t control it.” I managed to tell him as his pain hit me hard. Not of the physical variety, but every terrible thing he’d been carrying around inside of him for…well, forever. I laughed. It wasn’t funny, but these guys thought they weren’t dealing with real human interaction? Oh, they certainly were. And then some.

  Loneliness. Pain. Terror. Those were just some of the few. Anger. That was a big one.

  “Sienna, you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to take it.”

  So he was feeling the transfer by now. How could he not? “I…I don’t mind, Anders. I can’t stop right now. I can’t control it. And it’s you.”

  As I spoke the words, I meant them. This was Anders. He was one of mine. Why would I have this ability, if not to help him? “Give it to me.”

  He shook his head, but didn’t drop his arms. It would be hard now, even for a Super Soldier. Oh, his pain went deep. I closed my eyes against it as my raging headache warred with the pain from Anders. His was worse. Tears leaked from my eyes. This poor man. How was he getting through the days feeling this all the time? I opened my eyes to gaze at him.

  “No,” Anders spoke through gritted teeth. “I’m not forcing this on you. That’s my pain. Not yours. But…damn. I can see why they want you. Fuck. It’s like a drug. It’s taken control of me, and it’s like euphoria.”

  I touched his cheek. “Nothing to do if I can’t stop it.”

  I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to. I could do this. It was something I could do. He needed this.

  “Yes you can.” He flared his nostrils. “You’re hurt, so you need to dig deep for the strength. I know you can do it.” He called over his shoulder. “I need someone. Now.”

  The ship wasn’t shaking. Did that mean it was over? I drifted, just the pain moving me to tears, nothing to do but endure it, nothing but endless nothing. Nothing to look forward to. They weren’t my thoughts. They’d been Anders’ at some point. Not currently. He wasn’t in that much emotional strain at the moment, which was great.

  “Look at me.” He shook me gently. “Breathe with me. Count to four and search for it. You can find the will power to shut it down. You’re in control of your abilities. Not the other way around. Breathe with me.”

  The door opened and closed. Devil was there. He was equally as beat up as Anders. If he came over, I’d get his pain, too. The dual experience might be too much for me. I’d never tried doing this for more than one person at a time. Not to mention, I’d never done it with my shields down either.

  “Don’t come too close,” Anders spoke over his shoulder. “Go get a sedative. We might need it. And your ship had a med machine. Get that moved in here just as fast as you can.”

  Dev didn’t argue. Instead, he turned and ran.

  “Look at me,” Anders ordered again. His shoulders started to slump. He’d need to sleep after this. Maybe for a good long while. Letting go of the stuff we lugged around inside of us was hard. Maybe the hardest thing in the world. “Come on. You can do it, Sienna. Find the ability to block me out. I know you can.”

  He believed I could do that? How funny. I wasn’t sure I could even lift my arms again after this. Still, he looked incredibly sure of himself. So I did what he asked. I looked. There they were. My walls. Not that they were physical walls. They were more like mental blocks I’d put in place to keep this ability where it belonged, locked away, unless I said otherwise.

  They were mental pictures I used that looked like literal walls. Yes, I could see them. As a rush of loneliness threatened to drag me under, I pushed at the images until they moved in my mind like a picture book. Quickly, they took place, moving where they were supposed to be, where they should have been the whole time.

  Drip by drip, my openness to his emotions shut off like a leaky faucet being fixed. We stared at each other, both of us breathing hard. He touched the side of my cheek. “How long does it last?”

  “What?” My thoughts were clouding over again. It was hard to think. “Are we safe?”

  “No. But we are momentarily okay. How long until my pain comes back to me and leaves you?”

  That was a hard, loaded question. “Some of it will never return to you. It’ll stay with me until it dissipates. Some of it will return soon. There are some types of grief that I can’t keep away from you. They’re yours; they’re not mine to keep. They’re too much.”

  He nodded. “I don’t want you carrying my burdens. They’re not yours. You’ve done nothing to earn them, you don’t need their punishment.”

  “It’s what I was made to do.” Why didn’t he understand? If that illustrated anything, it was how out of control I was to any of this. I’d been born with these abilities. Who was I fooling, thinking I could decide when and where I used it?

  He kissed me lightly on the lips. “You’re concussed. You’re scared and not at your best. But let me assure you, that was not what you were made to do. I can see why they want to weaponize you. I won’t let them. You’re mine.” He paused. “Ours. Wade has more time in that machine. So we’re going to put you in Devil’s.”

  The aforementioned man ran in, pulling a machine behind him that was being pushed on the other side by Corbin. Dev swung around. “I’ve got the sedative from my ship.”

  Anders nodded. “We’re going to give her a dose and put her in the machine. The dose because I know what you’re feeling right now, and I don’t want it messing with your healing.”

  What was I feeling? Too much. I closed my eyes. I could ignore this. I’d gotten good at it over the years. This had been a daily punishment for existing that my life forced me to endure. Take other people’s pain, and live with it. If they just left me alone, I could lie there and ignore it.

  “I don’t know that I need meds.”

  Anders shook his head. “I won’t do it if you say no, but I’m asking you not to. The machine works better if you’re not feeling like hell when you get in. Emotionally. It’s the brain waves.”

  Corbin and Devil both squatted down next to me. Dev touched my cheek gently. “I’m sorry you got hurt, Sienna. This will be okay.”

  I nodded. “Okay. Give me the dose.”

  Why the heck not?

  17 Planet-side

  A hand brushing hair off my face woke me from the haze where I floated.

  “Hey there, beautiful. Time to wake up. They gave you quite a dose of that sedative.” Wade’s voice drifted toward me, and I forced my lids open to look at him.

  Everything was sort of foggy. “What’s going on?”

  “You and I had matching concussions.” He kissed the end of my nose. “We’re both okay, now. I heard you in my head when I woke up.”

  Had I been calling out to him? “I don’t remember doing that.”

  “I love that you reach for me in your sleep.”

  I reache
d up close enough so that he could kiss me, and he did. We weren’t in the med bay. That was all I knew. Other than that, my sole focus was on getting Wade to kiss me. I wouldn’t have known before that moment that it was possible for my nipples to ache. Were we alone? I didn’t know, but I suspected we were. Wade was quiet in his desire for me. I doubted he’d be speaking such sweet words if we were in the presence of others.

  Of course, we always kind of were.

  I smiled at the thought. It was amazing how well I’d adjusted to that.

  His own grin met mine as our lips pressed together. “I’m not sure what’s making you smile like that, but I like it.”

  I brushed the hair off his forehead. “Feeling a little bit goofy.”

  “They completely gave you too much sedative, but I applaud their effort to do something for you so you’d heal better. When did you get concussed? I have very little memory of the time between the explosion and the med machine.”

  That made sense. He’d been pretty dang out of it. I looked around. Okay. I was in my room. But something felt off. Different. I rubbed at my eyes. “Something is wrong.”

  He nodded. “We’re not in space.”

  I sat up. “Where are we then? Mars Station?” That hadn’t felt like this. It was the lack of the rumble of the engines I was feeling. When we’d docked on Mars Station, it had still been there. Just this deep, ever-present rumble that I’d managed to tune out over time, but now, couldn’t help but notice the lack of.

  “No. We’re somewhere in the Dark Planets zone.” He lay down next to me, staring at the ceiling. “You and I slept right through a really big crash landing.”

  We crashed? I’d never heard of that happening. “What? Is everyone okay?”

  “Yes. Which is good, since I was too out of it to help. Everyone is utterly fine. Even Anders, who conked out for a couple of hours after his encounter with your abilities.”

  I bet he had. His pain was deep inside me now. I’d shed it eventually. Until then, I had to live with it. Not that I would tell him about it. My melancholy would be my own. Learning to fake being happy was one of the things I’d been trained to do. I was good at it.