Lost Star

by Rebecca Royce

  “So we’re somewhere in the Dark Planets. Where is Evander? Did we get them?”

  He sighed. “That’s the problem. We don’t know. Our sensors are damaged, the coms down. We got a distress call out to Mars Station, we think, before it all went to hell. Then Trenton managed to get the ship down safely before it all blew. Poor Artemis. She’s had better days.”

  And here I had been asleep through the whole thing? “I…I can’t believe I slept through it.”

  “Well technically, the machines kept us that way. As long as they were working, we weren’t waking up before they wanted us to. I took you out about an hour ago. Brought you in here.”

  The sound of a buzzing, saw-like sound reached my ears. I forced myself to sit up all the way. “How are you feeling? And what is that noise?”

  “That is, I think, Corbin cutting us out of the ship. Right now, we can’t get off. He’s sawing through the doors to get them open so we can exit. Then they will assess the damage and figure out if we can fix her or abandon her.”

  Abandon her? I hadn’t been on this ship very long, but it felt like we should do better than that. Just because she was older, and maybe not at her finest, didn’t mean we should simply leave her here to be looted or whatever. She’d kept me safe when I’d been in cryogenics. This was once Melissa Alexander’s ship. I imagined she had lots of stories. No, whatever we did, it couldn’t be abandonment. Even if someone didn’t quite fit in the world, that didn’t mean we just up and threw them away.

  I rubbed at my eyes. I was really getting personal about Artemis. The guys wouldn’t just rid themselves of Artemis unless they had no other choice. I didn’t think.

  “Should we go help?”

  Wade grinned at me. “We should. But you’re in no condition right now. You’re still doped up.”

  I looked around. Was I? “How can you tell?”

  He pointed at my eyes. “That way. Your pupils. They’re not quite right yet. Come lie down. They’ve kept the temperature nice on this part of the ship for you. It is a million degrees out where they all are.”

  “That many, huh?”

  He winked at me. “That’s a totally accurate description. Scientific and everything.”

  I liked this version of Wade. He was so easy going right now. It was almost as if I’d taken his pain away, too. “You’re very relaxed.”

  He drew me to him, and I put my head on his chest. “Well, you kissed me before you put me in the machine. I’ve been in an excellent mood ever since. And then there was the kissing just now. Puts me in a pretty good mood.”

  His heart beat steadily. “I keep thinking dark thoughts, Wade. You might want to run away, not get closer.”

  He was quiet for a moment before he placed a gentle kiss on my temple. “What kinds of dark thoughts?”

  “The kinds that are wrapped up in the fact that everyone is potentially getting hurt because of me. The kind that wonders if I shouldn’t have just let Evander have me, because then my father would be okay and not missing, and you all wouldn’t be wrapped up in this shit. The kind that feels pretty worthless, since the only thing I can do is something I don’t want to do. The kind that realizes I have no value on this ship to help anyone.”

  The screeching of the saw got louder. Was that a good sign or bad? I didn’t even know.

  Wade placed another kiss on my temple. I loved that he did that. It was so gentle, such a caring thing to do. “I don’t like the idea that you’d give yourself to a corporation that makes babies in labs in order to send them to battle. That kills the babies that maybe don’t measure up in infancy.” He rolled over, bringing me with him so that we faced each other, side to side. “I often feel useless on this ship. And overwhelmed by the fact that I can’t do what the Super Soldiers do. Trenton never feels that way, and I wish I had his abundance of self-worth.”

  I swallowed. “Do you ever wish you hadn’t been saddled with me?”

  “I don’t think of it that way.” He brought my hand to his heart. “I followed you. They came to get you, to keep you from Evander, and I ran after you. Before I’d ever met you. Sienna, I’m devoted. Even in that chamber, you did something to me. Forgive me if that is weird or too much. But it’s real. And that’s the best I can do.”

  “It’s not too much. I’m just wondering how I can be worth all of this mess. I’m one woman with a moderate amount of power. Why all this fuss from Evander? Why chase me around the galaxy? Why crash ships? Why put lives at risk?” It felt good to say these things aloud.

  He tilted his head. “Sienna, you brought Anders to his knees. By the time I woke up, he was out cold. But I heard all about it. That is a man who, if the stories are real, once took out an entire brigade by himself on some planet Evander wanted to take over. You brought him to his knees. Think about the implications of that. You could undo Super Soldiers. Not to mention, if they steadily used you to clear them of whatever weighs them down emotionally, they don’t have to put down quite so many people in their crews from emotional bombardment.”

  I hadn’t thought about any of that. Truthfully, I’d presumed it was my zapping skills they’d wanted. “I’m one person. Even me with my abilities, I couldn’t do all that.”

  “So they figure out how you do it, and they weaponize it, basically. Take a bunch of young girls and force the abilities onto them.” He groaned. “This is not stuff I want to dwell on too much. Makes me really, really angry. Like I’m going to go steal a shuttle and figure out how to open the black hole and just blow them mad.”

  I stared down at the number on my wrist. It was up to five. I held it out so he could see. “It’s up.”

  “You were concussed and you overused your abilities. Let’s see what twenty-four hours brings.”

  I nodded. I supposed that made sense. “Okay. I get really nervous about the numbers. It weighs on me.”

  Wade nodded. “I’ve got you, Sienna. And you’re not a burden for me. You’re…redemption.”

  I kissed him then. Yes, we were crash landed somewhere in the middle of who knew where. Evander could be coming for us any second. We were literally stuck inside of the ship. Right then, I needed Wade. I wasn’t going to overthink it. If someone needed us, they’d come get us.

  I climbed on top of him. I was no expert on this, having done this exactly once. However, some things were more natural this time. I at least had an idea of what I was going to be doing.

  Except, three kisses in, it was clear that I didn’t.

  Wade pulled back, breathing heavily. “You want to be on top? That’s how you like it?”

  I opened and closed my mouth once before I could finally speak. “I don’t have that much experience to know. It was just something I was trying.”

  He winked at me, letting go of me to put his hands on the headboard. “I shouldn’t do this with you right now. You’re half-zonked. But the thing is, you kissed me when you were perfectly sober. I think you do want me.”

  I stared down at him. I wasn’t feeling particularly loopy. But maybe I just didn’t know. “I do want you. I’ve wanted you from moment one.”

  Okay…yes, I would probably not usually say that.

  His smile was slow. “We’re going to try this again when you’re not still on sedatives.” He kissed my chin. “But for right now we’re going to cuddle.”

  He was hard. I could feel it, and I wanted to grind myself against him. I’d never had the urge before. It was everything I could do to restrain myself. I slowly climbed off him. I was sure he was right.

  Only it really, really sucked.

  I must have dozed off again, because when I woke up, Wade was reading on his tablet. He scanned through fast, swiping the page, and then the next page. How did he do that so fast? Wincing, he kept turning. Something he was reading he didn’t like.

  “Hey,” I said, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. “You okay?”

  He set down the tablet. Did he not want me to see what he was looking at? “Yep.” His smile was fast. “Morning
. Again. I told you that you were out of it before.”

  I smiled at him. Yep, even I could feel my head was clearer, and thanks to that, Anders pain was much closer to the front of my consciousness right then. I pulled my knees up to my chest and put my forehead on my knees. Loneliness. I shouldn’t be feeling them, the emotions weren’t my own. But they were Anders’ and he lived like this. If having no choice but to drop my shields had done anything to relieve this for him, then I was grateful to it.

  Still, I shouldn’t be feeling alone when I was pressed up next to Wade on the bed.

  He rubbed my back slowly. “Any physical pain I could help with?”

  I shook my head. “No. This is…the aftermath.”

  “What is that you feel?” He kissed the back of my neck. “I’m not a great emotions guy. When we get our comms back up, I can have you talk to Ari. He’s a psychiatrist. I am more like a let’s-fix-the-bone-and-cure-the-disease kind of a person.”

  I leaned on him instead of my knees. “I’m feeling lonely. But I don’t want to get into too much about this, because they’re not my feelings and Anders doesn’t talk about these things, I don’t think. And they’re his private emotions. I just have to kind of deal with them now.”

  Wade chewed on his lip. “Hate to give this up. Only I know what has to happen. Stay here. Don’t move, okay?”

  I stared at him as he gently set me against the headboard. “You’re leaving?”

  “Yep. But you won’t be alone. Just wait a second.”

  Wade threw his blanket off of him and walked quickly from the room, putting his shoes on as he did it. I told him I was lonely, so he left? I groaned. Seriously, I might never understand men. Had I gone too dark? I probably had.

  What did he mean I wouldn’t be alone? I threw my feet over the side of the bed. I rose to chase after him when I spotted his tablet. What had he been reading when I woke up? I touched it, and the screen cleared from the save power mode to show the page he’d been reading.

  It was some kind of medical reading. Why had he been making that face about it?

  The door opened, but it wasn’t Wade coming back. No, Anders stood there. He was shirtless and sweaty. I set down the tablet. “Are you okay?”

  He visibly swallowed. “Are you?”

  We stared at each other across the room. There was always a certain amount of awkwardness that went on when running into someone I had cleared at some point. That was why I preferred not to see them. But it was different this time with Anders. He belonged to me. Or at least, he wanted to, and I loved the idea as well.

  I didn’t feel uncomfortable, more like relieved that I’d been able to help.

  He crossed to me fast, drawing me to him. I put my head on his sweaty chest. I never thought I’d like this sort of thing, but I did. A lot. Who cared that he was a little messy right now? He was here.

  “I’d take it back. Can you do that?” His whisper in my ear was like a caress.

  I shook my head. “No, it’s mine now. Are you okay? It can be draining.”

  His laugh was not full of mirth, it was more sardonic. “Yes, I’m fine. You’re the one who went through that. I’ve actually never felt better in my life. No wonder they erected a fortress and called it a temple to protect people like you. Sienna, you’d never be left alone.”

  I held onto him. “You were the one living like that. For so long. I barely touched a fraction of it. We could have gone for hours.”

  “No.” He pulled back to stare at me. “I told you. I’m here for you. I’m yours. You aren’t going to do that again. Do you understand? Not for me, and frankly, I’m not sure I can stomach the idea of you doing that for anyone. That was painful for you. Your whole body was pale, your eyes vague.”

  I’d never heard that before, but then again, I’d never had exactly that experience. “I’m okay, and it’s not avoidable. Sooner or later, by choice or not, I’ll have to do it again.”

  He kissed me. It was such a sweet embrace that I melted into him. Anders stroked the side of my face. “I just want to keep you safe, and it seems like the last thing I’m able to do. Why can’t we put an end to these fuckers? You being here helps. Like from the time you woke up from cryo, there were so many things that were just better. Because you exist. I can’t explain it. I just knew you were the one for me. And here you are.”

  Tears flooded my eyes. “In other words, the loneliness might go away?”

  He shook his head. “It’s always there waiting to surge forward, like when Devil took you away and I wondered if we’d never see you again, it surged back. I thought okay, yeah, this is familiar. It’s just part of things, and now, if I gave it to you…”

  I cupped his cheeks. “It’ll pass in me. I don’t keep what I take. Eventually, I shed it like a bad layer of skin on a snake. I’m going to be okay. It’s just going to suck for a few days.”

  He nodded before he leaned over to kiss me. His lips were smooth, warm. I loved the faint smell of sweat on his body, and I roamed my hands over him. I’d helped him. Every second of the discomfort was worth it.

  I kissed him back, relishing in getting to do this with him. His hard body hardened even more, and I sighed against him. He moaned, a small sound in his throat, and I was undone. I wrapped my arms around his neck to try to get closer. He dropped his hand and rubbed it between us, cupping my breast. I jolted under his touch, and he smiled against my mouth.

  “You like that?” His voice was a whisper.

  “I more than like it.”

  He nodded. “I take great directions. I’ll learn to do whatever you like, even though I am so completely new to this. I think the others are probably…”

  I put my finger on his mouth to hush him. “I don’t want to talk about the others right now, just us. I’m not exactly swimming in experience. But you said I made you less lonely, and that’s such a gift to me. You can’t know what that means. I couldn’t care less about what you know how to do. Let’s figure it out together.”

  “Sienna.” He shook his head. “How are you real? When the universe is so completely filled with nothing but sludge and pain?”

  I hated that was his life. I didn’t want that for any of us anymore. We needed clear skies. No more being lost in the universe, no more not knowing where and how we belonged. Was it possible? We could belong together?

  He laid me down on the bed. “You’re amazing, you know that, right? What you did, taking those feelings, I didn’t know such a thing was possible. Even seeing what you could do, even knowing it. Experiencing it was something else.”

  I sighed. “It’s just something I was born able to do. Don’t be over impressed. Nothing I worked at. Nothing I earned. Like I have blue eyes. I just have it.”

  He kissed my neck, right at the place where my shirt exposed it. “Guess what? I’m impressed with your eyes, too.” He winked at me, which seemed such an un-Anders thing to do. “Deeply, deeply impressed with them.”

  That filled me with so much warmth. It was such a silly thing, but it really did. “Thank you. They’re just eyes.”

  Anders shook his head. “Not to me. They’re gateways to your soul. I want to know all their secrets.”

  “I have no secrets.” I really didn’t think that I did. Everything they needed to know about me, they knew already.

  He let out a long breath. “Yes, you do.”

  Anders kissed me, and that effectively cut off what I would have asked him next. What were my secrets? By the universe, I’d work that out later. How could I think when his lips were moving down to kiss my neck again? Oh yes, apparently that was a spot I liked.

  I squirmed beneath him, which gave me a good feeling for just how hard he was.

  Biting down on my lip, I decided exactly what I wanted. “Flip over.”

  I would have moved him if I could, but this was Anders. I wasn’t going to get him to move unless he wanted to. But he’d told me that he wanted to know what I wanted. Well, I wanted this.

  He did just as I asked.
Leaning down, I kissed him and he kissed me back. He sighed, and I ground against him, digging my core into his cock. His sigh quickly changed to a moan as his hips jerked upward, meeting me in how I moved against him.

  Soon we were in a rhythm, grinding against each other while our tongues danced in each other’s mouths. He moaned, and so did I. My breasts hardened, my nipples aching. Yes, I wanted this. My insides actually throbbed with need.

  He was shirtless. I needed to be. Throwing my shirt away, I rid myself of all of the clothes that were in my way from being entirely naked with him. I tugged at his pants, and he ripped them off, throwing them aside.

  I stared at him for a second. Yep, that had happened. He’d ripped his pants right off and thrown them to the side. His cock was right there, blocked only by his briefs, and he must have been hurting from the inability to be free.

  Touching it on the outside of the cloth, I met his gaze with my own. He was such a beautiful man. Almost like he wasn’t quite real. How could he exist? He thought I was beautiful in a place of darkness? Well, this man needed to take a look at himself.

  Because he was stunning.

  “Are you going to rip them, too?”

  His smile was slow. “Would you like me to?”

  Giddiness filled me. “Yep. Do it.”

  We grinned at each other like neither one of us had a care in the world. Anders finally did just what I wanted, he ripped them right off and threw them wherever his discarded clothes went in this room. He was so strong, he could tear into material like it was nothing at all. He’d barely lifted a muscle. It was like he’d barely moved at all.

  And it was so fucking hot, I didn’t know what to do with myself.

  “Well, here we are.” I lifted an eyebrow. “You’re stunning, Anders. Really, really beautiful.”

  “Hey, that’s my line, gorgeous.”

  No, it was totally mine.

  18 Breaking Through