by Elise Jae
“It feels like I haven’t been touched in months.”
The words are a breath across my neck, and for a moment, I wonder if she’d feel this way with any of her other regulars.
“But you’re the only one I want to touch me.”
Kissing her is like finding water in the middle of a wasteland. Her lips the only succor I need to sustain myself.
But I want more. I always want more with Hannah.
“Let me make you come.”
She nods against my lips, not pulling away from me even to agree.
I’ve never had so many clothes working against me before, but she shifts in my lap and her hands quickly deal with the row of buttons down her waist and I take full advantage of the space that’s made.
I can do this.
I’ve gotten her off with just my fingers before.
It’s been a while, but if there’s one thing I’ve memorized, it’s where Hannah’s clit is.
I find it in an instant as my fingers part her folds and the breath she inhales sounds like a shiver.
If others can be believed, Hannah is the most responsive woman on our planet. And I’ve never doubted that for a moment.
She arches back against me and it’s so easy to slide two fingers into her.
“I want to see your breasts, Hannah.”
She doesn’t hesitate.
The move isn’t as graceful as usual, but she gets her shirt off, throwing it away like it’s a snake. It only takes a pinch and her bra loosens. She tosses it aside as well.
My other palm glides over her breasts, fingers finding one nipple, rolling it between them.
Saints, she’s beautiful. There’s nothing shy about the way she moves against me. Nothing shy about the sounds she makes as I slip a third finger into her heat and grind the heel of my palm against that that coil of of nerves that acts almost like a pressure switch.
The harder I work her, the closer she gets.
And when she comes….
She’s the most beautiful woman in the universe.
My cock is hard against her back and I move her as she crashes through the final waves of her orgasm.
And even though I know I shouldn’t, when I pull my hand back, I move it to my lips.
Hers is a taste I never want to be rid of, and it only makes my cock ache more.
Her breathing isn’t back to normal yet, but I stand, turning to place her on the couch so I can drop to my knees in front of her and take even more of her.
Her skin is soft beneath my fingers as I grip her thighs tight and drag her to the very edge of the cushion.
The keening sound she makes when I cover her with my mouth shoots straight to my gut.
She comes on my mouth so quickly, still riding the high from my fingers, and I drink her in, watching her face as she reaches that high and comes back to me, a haze of lust darkening her eyes.
“Need a break?” I ask, flicking her clit with my tongue once more.
She shakes her head. “I need you out of your clothes.”
My cock needs that too. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“I want to suck your cock, Hazard. I know we can’t do... everything right now but I’m not going to leave this house without making you come.”
My balls hurt so badly, I have to agree.
The moment I nod my head, her smile turns wicked and she leans forward her hands finding the hem of my shirt and dragging it up and over my head.
She pauses for a moment, her eyes tracing down my chest, and I let her look her fill.
I might be an ugly mass of scars and discolorations from years of dealing with the monsters that roam the caldera, but the way she looks at me makes me feel like those imperfections are the most desirable thing in the world.
Her hands reach for me, dragging over my shoulders and down my chest. But she doesn’t say a word when she looks back up, her eyes meeting mine.
She slides down me and I move back, making room for her.
“Why,” she asks, raising a brow. “Are you still wearing pants?”
With a laugh that’s more of a deep breath than anything else, I reach for the band of my pants. They slither down my legs and a moment later, Hannah’s hand wraps around me.
She strokes me once and sighs. “I’ve missed your cock.”
“My cock has missed you.”
The pursed smile she gives me is a little accusing, and I wrap my hand around the back of her neck, pulling her to me to crush her lips in a kiss that sears straight through me.
“I’ve missed you more than it has though.”
She hums, as if agreeing, and trails kisses down my chest. “You’ve always been my favorite Hazard. You’re the only one….”
Whatever she’s about to say, she shakes her head and, squeezing the base of my cock, she dips her head, swirling her tongue around the tip of me.
I was painfully hard before.
I don’t know how long I’ll last.
But when I tell her as much she just looks up at me, smiling around my cock, and sucks a little harder. That cliche of seeing stars comes to mind.
Slipping my hand into her hair, I let her keep her own pace, but I know she likes the idea that I might tighten my grip, that I might take control of her and use her mouth like it’s my own personal toy.
Not this time.
It only takes a few more minutes of Hannah practicing that art she’s so good at before my abdomen tightens. Her nails dig into my hips and she takes all of me into her, one last time before pulling back to drink my come.
The way she closes her eyes, as if savoring every last drop… It’s no wonder men fall in love with her every damn day.
She pulls off my with a sharp pop and licks her lips as she meets my gaze.
“I’m not done with you yet, Hazard.” She climbs up me, straddling my legs, so my still hard cock is pressed between our bodies. When she kisses me, I taste myself on her lips and groan as memories of our times at the club bombard me.
I drop my forehead to hers. “I’m not going to take that choice away from you, Hannah. We should stop here.”
“I don’t want to stop….”
“And we’re both too high on each other to make clear decisions right now.”
She wants to argue. I know she does.
But in the end, she nods, and, stepping away from me, goes to her bag and pulls a bottle out from the bottom of it.
“You came prepared?”
Shaking her head, she says, “The perils of never cleaning out your purse.”
I don’t want to tell her no, but I can’t countenance the risk. Because I know how easy it would be to start and in my lust filled haze take that choice away from her.
“I don’t want there to be an accident… do you have something I could….
Her head tipped to the side, a sweet little smile and she digs through her purse again. She holds up a cloth bag and pulls the drawstring. Freeing an oddly small toy from it. It’s bright purple, smooth and….
“Is that what a human cock looks like?”
She nods with a shrug. “One of the guys at the club was curious and again… I’m in severe need of cleaning out my purse.
“But, it’s got a nice base on it, so I’ll be able to hold it in place and there’s no chance you’ll get past it.”
She tosses me the lube and with a wicked little smile, she sucks on the toy like a lollipop.
“Mmmm. I’d rather it was yours.”
“I won’t last long… The question is, what are your priorities.”
“Fair.” She gets onto the end of the couch, knees depressing the cushions as she leans forward, wiggling her ass at me.
When I pop the cap on the lube, she drags the toy over her and, after a few, tiny strokes, slips it into her still soaked pussy.
Under her breath, she says, “I wish this was you” with a sigh.
But it can’t be me. Not yet.
I stroke myself with the lube as I move to stand behin
d her.
She’s right. The wide base won’t let me slip into her. Watching her for a moment as she plays with the toy, I make sure to cover her over with the slick liquid.
It drips on my couch, but I couldn’t give a fuck. Because Hannah is here and for a little while, I can pretend she’s mine for good.
When I press into her with a long, slow slide, the sound falling from her lips is so sweet it threatens to push me over the edge before I’m even fully inside of her.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to remind her she’s mine, even though it isn’t true... yet.
And that’s what keeps me from saying it.
My movements are slow partially to keep from hurting her, but also because if I took her the way my body tells me to, I’d only disappoint her.
But as she adjusts to me, and her moans get deeper, I know I’m in trouble.
Today isn’t a day we can take our time. I can’t keep her until the sun has set and risen again.
I pull her upright, stilling inside her, and reaching down to toy with that tight bud of nerves that drives her toward that high.
“God, Hazard. I never realized how much I loved those mirrors.” She drops her head back to my shoulder, hands reaching up to grab my head. “I want to see your face.”
The silicone cock slips out of her and barely register that it falls to the floor.
I don’t dare turn her around. My lips find the sensitive point beneath her ear, and hold her to me with one hand caged beneath her breasts, the other working her clit until she's panting, gasping my name and tightening on my cock in the most beautiful way.
She comes apart on a cry so loud, the windows shake. And I thank the Saints I was able to last long enough to get her there. But not any longer.
I follow her over that sharp peak and I have no idea how I manage to keep us upright. No idea how I manage to turn us so that when I pull myself from her, she’s on my lap
I don’t remind her that if she accepts my bonding request she can have this every day, any time she wants it. I’m not going to use sex to coerce her.
Twelve
HANNAH
Hazard holds me close, his lips in my hair, thumb dragging circles over my arm.
I’ve never had sex with anyone outside the club after Noa. It should feel strange or wrong… but it’s Hazard.
Being with Hazard has never felt anything other than pure perfection.
Or as close to it as I thought I’d ever get.
“I should go.” I say, my voice a whisper against the silence of his home.
He nods against my head, but I don’t feel like he’s agreeing.
“Bathroom?” I ask, twisting so I can kiss him.
Drinking in my kiss, he doesn’t answer right away. He drops his forehead to mine and whispers words I don’t know against my lips.
It’s a distraction that keeps me from realizing what’s happening until I’m already in the air.
He’s stood, holding me against him, and I have no idea how he managed it.
But he carries me to a small bathroom tucked to one side of the kitchen.
When he sets me down, I expect the tiles to be cold, but they’re toasty warm.
“I’ll grab your clothes.”
He walks away from me, and I take a moment to catalogue his… assets before I start to clean up.
Taking a shower in front of a plate glass window is strange. Not because I have a problem with others seeing my body, but because the view beyond is all white snow and black rock.
When Hazard comes back to me, he’s got his pants back on—I’m not sure if that’s a guard against the temptation that always flickers through me around him… or his own.
He places my clothes on the counter and grabs a towel for me as I shut the water off.
I half expect him to dry me off, but he holds the towel out and takes the kiss I offer in exchange. And then, he leaves me.
It shouldn’t surprise me. Nothing about today has been routine, but privacy is exactly what I need right now.
Because as I pull my clothes back on, the question that our interlude allowed me to ignore comes rushing right back to the forefront.
It’s not a question of whether or not I want Hazard as my bondmate… it’s a question of whether I’m willing to risk his heart.
He’s waiting for me when I come out and he stands, but he doesn’t come to me. Eyes following me through the room, he’s perfectly still.
There is no question I can ask him that will answer the fear roiling inside of me, but when I move to his side, he doesn’t offer me a chance to ask anything at all before he kisses me so sweetly, I want to sink into him and never leave.
“I’ll take anything you’re willing to give me Hannah.” His eyes meet mine and I search them, desperate for a clue… anything that will answer my fears.
“What if it’s me?” I have to ask the question that’s plagued me almost since I set foot on the planet. “What if my ability to bond is broken?”
I expect him to try to tell me it’s not. But he doesn’t.
Hands slipping around my shoulders, he leans down and brushes a kiss across my lips.
“Even if that’s the case…. I don’t need the bond to know I love you. I don’t need it to want you every second of the day.”
I sink into the strong warmth of his body.
“If you accept my request and we don’t fully bond… I will still spend every day of the rest of my life loving you, Hannah. Nothing will change that.”
I’m glad we’re not bonded right now, because all he’d feel through the bond is terror.
I want him so badly, I’m afraid of saying yes.
Pressing up on my toes, I brush my lips over his. “I’ll see you soon.”
Because I have to leave.
I can’t think straight with him so close.
Turning away from him hurts more than I realized it would. Each step to the door drags at me, and when I take hold of the door’s handle, I let myself look back.
Hazard stands in the middle of his home, hands in his pockets. Watching.
Waiting.
I don’t say goodbye. That seems too final.
I don’t say anything at all.
The frigid air outside is a blessing and I breathe the prickly chill into my lungs to try to clear my head.
But all my thoughts swirl like they’re in a blender.
Only one thing pops to the surface as a whole thought...
I pull over when I’ve gotten half way down the mountain.
Because I believe Hazard. And I’m not sure I can stand the idea of hurting him.
But he wants me. And I want him. And that’s a far better starting point than what I came to this planet with.
It doesn’t take much of a push to send my mind spiraling off on what a future with Hazard could look like. It could be everything I’ve ever wanted….
I pull out my comm and dial Mary’s number. She doesn’t answer, but I don’t want to wait until I get her on the phone.
“Hi Mary, it’s Hannah. I’ve made up my mind. Do whatever you need to do, because I’m accepting Hazard’s request.”
I disconnect the line, take a deep breath and head down the mountain, feeling—for the first time in a very long time—the golden warmth of hope blossoming.
But nothing good ever seems to last.
The man standing in front of my garage, not letting me drive through, is wearing an official uniform.
I kill the car in the drive and get out. “Is something wrong?”
But he doesn’t answer me.
Another officer. One I didn’t see, grabs hold of me, turning me roughly to the car and cuffing me behind my back.
They don’t read me rights—they don’t do that here—and they don’t answer any of my questions.
But the time anyone speaks to me. It’s to tell me to shut up as I’m dragged through processing.
They press my hands to gel pads and they scan me through a system—that records
all of my vitals and gives them way more information than I’d consent to if anyone had bothered to ask.
I’m dragged back through another room, and I see Mary through a window, she’s yelling at someone, but I can’t hear what she’s saying, if I thought I could get away from the man holding my arms, I’d struggle to get to that window and call out to her.
But I just feel so numb.
Thirteen
HAZARD
It’s been days. I haven’t heard from Hannah. She hasn’t answered my calls. And I stare out at the tundra, wondering how anyone could survive something like this.
I don’t want to eat, I can’t sleep. Even when I have to go out into the Zone, everything feels slower, muted. Like I’ve been locked inside a box and all of my senses are caged off.
There’s a knock at my door, but it’s not her.
Now that I know we’re partially bonded, I realize that the sense I could feel her wasn’t just a trick of my lovesick mind.
Because it’s not going to be her, I don’t bother to look at what I look like.
I cross the room and pull the door open.
Killing the tiny lingering hope that had settled at the back of my mind.
It’s not Hannah, it’s Kimba.
“Hey.” She pauses in the entryway, looking around the space, like she expects there to be something I shouldn’t have, hidden away. “Are you doing okay?”
“Yeah, why?” I’m starting to feel like I’ve got this lying thing down.
“Well, we get notified about things… like when someone requests a bondmate… but also when they cancel that request.”
“Ah. Are you here to try to have me reup?”
“No. It just… you’ve been waiting for months and I thought, if it was frustration that prompted your withdrawal, maybe you’d like someone to talk to.”
“I don’t need to talk, and I don’t plan on requesting a bondmate again.” I don’t know if she knows I asked for Hannah, but if they informed her that the request was withdrawn… I guess that’s a pretty good indicator that Hannah said no.
“I wanted something I couldn’t have. Knowing that… coming to terms with that has made me realize that bonding to someone would be like a prison for us both.”
“I know he’s never really said it, but D is in charge of more than just your patrol routes. He’s here to make sure you’re happy as well as healthy.” She leans against the back of the sofa, watching me. “Is there anything either of us could do?”