My Soldier Too

by Bev Prescott

  Judge Agnes addressed Ben. “Counselor, I’d prefer to cut to the chase here. I’ve already read your motion, and I know Mr. Cutter well from our previous encounters over the years. He’s been a character witness in my courtroom for more wayward veterans than I can count. I understand fully what your arguments are. Instead of you asking the same standard questions and Mr. Cutter giving me the same standard answers, I’d like to ask him a few questions of my own. You can decide after I’ve finished if you have anything to add.”

  “I have no problem with that, Your Honor,” Ben said.

  “Excellent. Mr. Cutter, raise your right hand,” Judge Agnes instructed. “Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?”

  “I do.” The General put his hand down and settled into his seat.

  Judge Agnes removed her glasses and laid them on the bench. “Mr. Woods committed a serious offense. I get that you believe he’s a decent fellow at heart. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here on his behalf. My role, however, is to ensure the safety of the public. Tell me, in your own words, why I should allow this motion.”

  “In my opinion,” the General said, “there are three kinds of people in this world—those who take care of themselves, those who won’t, and those who would if they knew how to.”

  “And you believe Mr. Woods is in the last category?”

  “I do. I’ve spent my life working to help guys like him find their way. Despite my own bad deeds as a young man, I’ve made amends because I was given a second chance. All Carl needs is for someone to give him a chance, too. He needs the opportunity to make things right. Sometimes, those of us who’ve hit rock bottom and manage to survive can contribute to making this world a better place. Survival can make a person stronger and better. I believe Carl has it in him to do good things.”

  “Are you asking me to wipe the slate clean where Mr. Woods is concerned?”

  “No. That’s not what he deserves. Tabula Rasa would be a mistake. In fact, his record should always be a reminder to him of his bad deeds. But I do think you should give him the opportunity to become the man he was meant to be. In the end, if he doesn’t do right, lock him up and throw away the key.”

  Judge Agnes eyed the General. “Still using your Latin, I see.”

  “At least I got something out of having gone to Plymouth Latin High School before I was drafted.” He folded his hands on top of his cane.

  “Tell me why you still live on the streets after all this time, Mr. Cutter.”

  “The thin line between life and death is my reason.”

  “I’m not good with riddles. You’ll have to explain.”

  The General laid the cane across his lap. “The other day, when I was walking down Cambridge Street, I saw a young starling trying to learn to fly. He must’ve wandered away from the nest or he was abandoned by his parents. There weren’t any other birds around. Despite his struggle, he didn’t relent. I watched him for a long time, trying to say words of encouragement he might understand. Finally, he figured out how his wings worked with the wind. He taught himself to soar. The irony with life is, just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, you fly headfirst into a window, which is what that young starling did. I walked over to him. He lay there motionless on the concrete. I picked up his body and put it in my pocket. Later that day, I buried him in the Common.”

  “What does that have to do with your still living among homeless veterans? I’m sure the system has a better place for you,” the judge said.

  “The men at the shelter are like that starling. They’ve come home from war often abandoned by the life they had before, and now they need to learn to fly all over again. My mission in life is to provide them encouragement and hope. I’m also there for them when they fall or fly into that window. I may not have a comfortable or stable life, but I’m at peace with my usefulness among them. Other than people like Ms. Parisi here”—he pointed toward Isabella—“they’ve got no one else to look after them. Like I said, there’s a thin line between life and death for these men. I don’t necessarily mean life in the literal sense, either.”

  “Ah, not as in whether the body lives or dies, but rather the soul?”

  “Precisely, Your Honor.”

  “Thank you for sharing your philosophy.” Judge Agnes put her glasses on. “It’s your lucky day, Counsel. I’m granting your motion for a reduced sentence.”

  She turned to Carl Woods. “Don’t ever let me see you in this courtroom again. I won’t be so benevolent next time. Thank you, Mr. Cutter, you may step down now. This hearing is adjourned.” She banged her gavel on the bench. To the escorting officer she said, “Take Mr. Woods and have him processed for transfer to the Boston Central Drug Rehabilitation Center this afternoon.”

  Isabella, Ben, and the General gathered outside the courtroom.

  Ben slapped the General on the back. “Thank you for that. I don’t know how you did it, but you pulled it off, yet again. I was sure the judge was going to send Carl straight to jail without a second chance. Then you came out with that dead bird story. It was brilliant. You have a flair for courtroom theatrics. You’d make a great lawyer.”

  The General gave Ben a withering stare. “I don’t know about that. Even though I respect the work that some lawyers do, I wouldn’t be interested in selling my soul to the devil. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to go check on Carl.”

  Isabella touched the General’s arm. “Would you like me to go with you?”

  “No, my dear. It’s getting late, and I know your brother’s big homecoming dinner is tonight. Call it a day, won’t you? Me and the boys will be fine. You go and enjoy yourself.” The General kissed Isabella’s cheek and nodded at Ben. “Counselor.” He turned and went on his way.

  “He’s never liked me, has he?” Ben said.

  “I’m sure he respects your skills, and I know he’s grateful for the work you did to help Carl,” Isabella said. “So am I.”

  “Respecting someone and liking them are two different things.” Ben put his arms around her. “At least you like me, and I’m crazy about you. I can’t wait to see John again tonight. I’ll bet your parents are thrilled with the idea of having us all under the same roof.”

  She smiled at the thought. “They are, especially my grandmother. She had Mom take her out shopping for a new dress just for the occasion. I love seeing how happy they all are. It’s going to be so much fun tonight.”

  Ben squeezed her tighter. “I’m so relieved they’ve accepted me as one of their own. I already feel like a son-in-law, and we’re not even married yet.”

  Being in Ben’s arms didn’t make Isabella tremble like being in Madison’s had. There was comfort in his embrace, though. He was steady, predictable, and the kind of guy she always imagined she’d marry. “My family does love you.”

  “Good. Listen, I’ve got a late appointment at five this afternoon. I’ll plan on meeting you over at Sophia’s afterward. Is that okay?”

  “Sure, that’s fine.”

  “Do you mind if I stay over at your place tonight? You know I can’t pass up the fine Italian wine I’m sure will be flowing at dinner. You wouldn’t want me to drink and drive would you?” His hand slid a touch lower down her back. “Plus, it’ll give us a chance to spend some time alone together for a change.”

  Isabella’s cell phone vibrated inside her shoulder bag. At first she wasn’t sure if it was the phone or her nerves. She pulled out of his arms and fumbled for her phone. “I need to get this.” She glanced at the number and pushed the mute button.

  “You look disappointed,” Ben said. “Were you expecting a call from someone?”

  She dropped her phone and knelt down to retrieve it. “Sort of, I guess.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means I’ve had a stressful week, okay?”

  “I’m not sure why you’re getting so snippy. What’s the matter with you?”

  She plopped her cell phone back into her bag and
tried to shake off her sudden agitation with Ben. “I didn’t mean to get snippy. I was just hoping that Madison, I mean Capt. Brown, the nurse you met at the shelter, would call. I need to talk to her about something.”

  “I remember her. You blew me off last Saturday night to make dinner for her. How did that go?”

  “Fine. No big deal. It was just dinner.”

  “Of course it was just dinner. What else would it be?” Ben squinted at Isabella. “Why are we on the verge of arguing?”

  Isabella took a deep breath. “I don’t know. Maybe because I’m tired. Let’s start over right now. All I want to do is have a nice time with you and my family tonight. Yes, please, I want you to stay over, too.”

  “Great. I’ll see you soon, then.”

  Isabella watched him go. She noticed other women in the hallway looking at him appreciatively. Lots of women would claim him in a second, yet all she could think about was Madison. Still no word from her all week.

  Maybe Isabella should make the first move and call her. But what would she say? Nothing like this had ever happened to her before. Gravity didn’t seem to anchor her to the world anymore. Maybe it was best that Madison hadn’t called. Her feelings for her were a magnetic attraction that pulled her deeper toward a place she wanted to go, but was afraid to enter. What if I never kiss her again? What if I do?

  Chapter 9

  Ben took Isabella into his arms. “I had a nice time with your family tonight. I really enjoyed seeing John again. He told me he’d love to officiate at our wedding one day. Everyone is so happy about Michael and Sarah.” He moved to kiss her lips, but she turned her head so that he had to settle for brushing his lips against her cheek. “Your parents will be as thrilled as I am when you finally say yes.”

  Isabella pulled away from him. “I’d like to change out of this uncomfortable dress. I’m going to put on something else. Maybe we could watch a movie or a TV program when I get back.”

  “That’s not exactly what I hoped we’d do, but sure. I’ll take some wine into the living room and choose something. Anything in particular you’d like to see?”

  “No. Pick whatever you want.” She hurried from the room.

  He should have known better than to bring up the subject of marriage. Isabella’s already cold feet had recently become polar icecaps when it came to them tying the knot. He’d never admit it to her, but he enjoyed their game of cat and mouse.

  He poured a glass of wine and propped his feet on the coffee table. He reached for the TV remote and caught sight of the flashing red button on Isabella’s answering machine just as the side of his hand accidentally made contact with it. He leaned toward the machine when he heard the recorded voice.

  “Hi, Isabella, this is Madison. I’ve been thinking about you a lot and about what happened between us the other night. I’m sorry for the way I left things. We’d probably both feel better if we talked about it. If you’re free tonight, I’d like to stop by. Maybe you’re already out. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll come over in the morning after my workout at Bixby’s. If that’s not okay, give me a call. I really need to see you. Bye.”

  Tiny beads of sweat formed along Ben’s brow. That was why Isabella had been more distant lately. He wouldn’t let this happen. Anger swelled within him. His instincts about Madison had been right. He didn’t want to know exactly what had happened between her and Isabella, but he’d make damn sure it didn’t happen again.

  He reached over and hit the delete button. He contemplated what to do the following morning. Maybe he’d take Isabella to breakfast so she wouldn’t be there when Madison showed up. Or better yet, he’d be at the condo with Isabella when Madison arrived. They’d be a happy couple enjoying breakfast after a lovely family evening that culminated in a night of lovemaking. That ought to be enough to send a clear message to her that Isabella belonged to him.

  Isabella came back into the living room. “Did someone leave a message on the answering machine? I thought I heard a woman’s voice.”

  “It must have been the television. I couldn’t find anything good to watch, so I turned it off. Besides, I’m not really interested in TV or a movie right now.” He motioned for her to sit with him. “Do you have any idea how special you are to me?”

  Isabella nestled into Ben’s arms as they sat together on the sofa. She willed herself to listen to her head, not her heart. She kissed his neck and heard his breathing grow heavy with passion. Unbidden, the words her father had said earlier in the evening during his toast to Michael and Sarah replayed in her memory and made her nauseous with guilt. “When all of my children are finally married and carrying on in the Parisi tradition, I will be ready to die a happy man.” He’d raised his glass high. “To my precious sons and daughters.”

  All evening, she’d been working on convincing herself that she should make love to Ben tonight. She had to know if she could feel the same thing for him that she did for Madison. If she could, everything would be so much easier. She’d marry him and live the life she’d always believed she was meant to have. She caressed the side of his face.

  He kissed her.

  Maybe Madison’s kiss was a fluke. Impetuously, she put a hand on either side of Ben’s face and returned his kiss with as much passion as she was capable of. Nothing. His lips were soft, but not like Madison’s. He smelled nice, but his scent didn’t leave her breathless like Madison’s did. The kiss ended, and she moved her hands to his waist. Underneath his shirt was a flawless washboard stomach. Strange, but at that moment, all she could think about was what it would be like to touch Madison’s stomach. Her tortured emotions were interfering with her desire to give herself to Ben.

  “Are you all right?” he asked.

  “I’m a little out of sorts from this past week, I guess. Everything’s fine.” She admitted to herself that she was a liar and coward. And like remembering her father’s toast, she again felt sick to her stomach. She wanted to feel something, anything for Ben. The slightest tingle would’ve been enough, but nothing. Dammit, he loves you. She pulled him to her and kissed him hard.

  His hands roved over her body. “I’ve been waiting all night for this.” He undid her blouse buttons.

  Isabella was filled with apprehension. This wasn’t the first time they’d slept together, yet his touch seemed foreign to her now. He slid his palms over her stomach and up near her breasts. Tears welled in her eyes. He pushed her down on the sofa and climbed on top of her. She recoiled at the sensation of his arousal against her. The thought of being with him repulsed her. I don’t want to do this. Remorse and guilt besieged her, not only for leading Ben on, but for kissing someone other than Madison. She’d told Madison she’d end things with Ben, but she was about to sleep with him.

  Ben touched her breasts. “Let’s go to the bedroom.”

  Her tears became a sob. She put her hands against his chest and pushed him off of her. “I’m sorry, Ben. This isn’t right anymore.” She caught her breath between sobs. “To tell the truth, it never was.”

  He sat woodenly beside her on the sofa. His nostrils flared. “What the hell is the matter with you, Isabella? Can’t you make up your mind about anything? I really don’t know how much of this I can take. What is it you want?”

  She pulled her feet up onto the sofa and wrapped her arms around her knees. If she could make herself smaller, maybe she’d feel less vulnerable. “I don’t know.” She put her hands to her face and cried even harder. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”

  “What? What didn’t you mean to have happen?”

  “Please, don’t ask me to talk about it. I don’t know what words to use.” She brought her sobs under control a bit. “Just know that I care about you.”

  “I shouldn’t have lost my temper.” Ben rubbed her back. “You might not know what you want, but I do. I want you. No one will love you like I do. No one can give you what I can. Tell me what’s wrong. I want to help.”

  She wanted to scream, “Don’t love me, because I d
on’t love you.” She didn’t. Instead she said, “You can’t help me. No one can until I help myself.” She looked into his eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”

  He took her into his arms. “Come on. Let me put you to bed. A good night’s sleep will help you feel better. We’ll talk about this in the morning.” He pulled her to her feet and led her to the bedroom. Ben tucked her in, left the room, and closed the bedroom door. A good night’s sleep was out of the question. Isabella spent the night hating herself for not telling him that things were over for good between them.

  Chapter 10

  Madison rang Isabella’s doorbell a second time. She probably shouldn’t have presumed it was all right to drop by. After all, Isabella hadn’t called her back after the message she’d left the previous night.

  The door opened. Ben, his hair disheveled and wearing only a pair of boxer shorts, stood there looking smug. Madison was disgusted by the thought of Isabella with him.

  “Hello. It’s Madison, right?” She heard the condescension in his tone. “Sorry for my appearance. Isabella and I were out late. We’re finishing breakfast. What can I do for you?”

  I’m not some door-to-door salesman, you ass. Couldn’t Isabella at least have called and told her not to come over?

  Madison heard Isabella’s voice. “Who’s at the door, Ben?” A moment later she appeared next to Ben in the doorway. He put his arm around her possessively. “Hey, sweetheart, it’s your friend Madison from the clinic.”

  Seeing Isabella wearing a T-shirt without a bra, silk shorts, and standing next to Ben was like being run over by a speeding train.

  “I didn’t expect you,” Isabella said.