Never a Bride
Page 14
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Luke settled against the wagon seat, allowing the two bays to lead the way to church. By now the horses needed little direction, as the only place they ever went was into town. Beside him, Elizabeth was uncharacteristically quiet, an incident he didn’t welcome since it gave him too much time to dwell on unpleasant matters.
Jane.
His heart ached with defeat. That and something even worse. Guilt. How could he ask Jane to forgive him when he couldn’t forgive himself? If the scars never faded, they would be a constant reminder of his carelessness. One she’d see every time she looked in a mirror. Surely she could never bring herself to forgive him.
He’d struggled over the Coopers’ invitation to dinner this afternoon. He couldn’t bear to face Jane again. But since she hadn’t stepped out of her room since she’d been brought there, he figured there was no sense in turning the offer down. He could avoid her today, but he couldn’t avoid her forever. They’d see each other at church and around town. And now they were practically related. He’d see her every time the families got together. See her and long for her, all the while feeling responsible for his mistake.
He parked the wagon in the churchyard and rushed Elizabeth into the building, knowing they were on the verge of being tardy. It was Daniel Parnell’s turn to lead music, and he had just started a hymn as Luke hung his hat on a peg and stepped into the open sanctuary. Since all the pews were filled, he and Elizabeth stood at the back of the room with a few others.
When the congregation was seated, the Reverend Hill prayed and began his sermon. Partway into it, Luke scanned the room. The Coopers occupied their usual pew near the front, with Caleb and Cassy directly behind them. A woman was seated next to Cassy, then David and—
His gaze darted back to the woman. Jane. . .? A man shifted into his view, and Luke resituated himself to get another look. Her hair was the same deep shade of chocolate brown, but it was drawn up into a mass of curls on the top of her head, not scraped back into a tight knot. And she was not wearing gray or beige. Her dress was some curious mix between blue and purple, with tiny ruffles around the neckline.
But the woman had to be Jane. He would know her anywhere. Would know the graceful curve of her neck and her perfect posture. What was she doing here, when yesterday she wouldn’t even leave her room? Thank the Lord he’d arrived late, and she hadn’t seen him. He couldn’t bear the hurt and blame he was bound to see on her face. He couldn’t face her when he was too ashamed, too loaded down with guilt and remorse.
But he was supposed to have dinner at their house. How could he sit across the table from her, loving her, when she despised him? He wouldn’t go, that’s all. He’d spare Jane from having to see him again. He’d have Elizabeth relay his regrets and go home.
❧
Jane twirled the narrow ribbon around her finger, then un-wound it, repeating the process unconsciously throughout the sermon. As hard as she tried to listen, her mind rebelliously strayed to the man she knew was sitting somewhere behind her. Knew it, because she could feel the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end.
What would she say to him? How could she apologize for her behavior? Undoubtedly, she would stutter and mumble. The words she’d spoken to him the day before replayed in her mind. No wonder he thought she blamed him for the accident. She’d not let him come near her and had ordered him from the room.
When the closing prayer came, she both welcomed and dreaded it. Knots of worry and apprehension curled in her stomach. How would she even manage to get him alone? She could not bear to suffer through an entire dinner without clearing the air first.
The pastor closed the prayer with a hardy “amen,” and Jane rose to her feet with the congregation. Immediately, neighbors came by to greet her and extend their wishes for a speedy recovery. The ladies complimented her on her hair and gown but said nothing about the sutures streaking across her cheek. Ironically, she was unconcerned with her appearance, her thoughts instead on finding Luke.
When a lull came, she seized the opportunity to find him. Not seeing him, she walked casually to the back of the room and out the door, stopping only to greet the Reverend Hill. Luke wasn’t among the small groups assembled on the lawn. Where could he have gone?
And then she saw him. He was riding away in his wagon, urging his horses to a brisk pace. Jane followed him with her eyes, her heart sinking as he passed the Coopers’ place and kept right on going. He’d changed his mind and, undoubtedly, she was the reason.
Icy fear spread through her, freezing the smidgen of hope she’d had. Why, oh why, had she been so rude the day before? He didn’t even want to see her, much less court her! Had he seen her face after all? Was that why he was avoiding her?
I am fearfully and wonderfully made. She repeated the words to herself until she felt at peace.
He’d attempted to see her many times, while she’d been feeling sorry for herself. It was her turn to make an effort. Even if he wanted her no longer, it was her responsibility to make things right with him and release him from his guilt.
Her family joined her then, and she followed silently as they walked the short distance to their home. She heard Elizabeth extend Luke’s regrets and knew she’d been right about his sudden departure. He was avoiding her, and she couldn’t blame him, after the way she’d behaved.
When they reached their house, she pulled her parents aside. “Papa, may I borrow one of your horses for a bit?” Her heart quivered with fear at the thought of riding again.
His brows winged upward. “Why, Jane, after your recent tumble from a horse, and you being such an inexperienced rider and all. . .”
“I can handle a horse now, Papa. Really. Don’t worry about me.”
Her father paused in surprise. “Well, what is it that can’t wait until after dinner?”
Her mother surveyed her face, a small smile forming, then she nudged Eli in the ribs. “Stop being so nosy, husband.” She winked at Jane. “Our daughter knows what she’s about.”
A short time later, she was seated on Satin and heading toward Luke’s ranch. Within moments after mounting, her fear of riding was replaced with a fear of facing Luke. Her nerves twisted in a tight knot, choking her confidence. She might get her chance to talk privately with Luke, but what would he say? More importantly, what would she say? Would he believe her when she said she didn’t blame him?
She nudged her mount to a slow trot. All right, Jane. Just concentrate on your apology and your desire to relieve him of his guilt. That’s your purpose in this little excursion. It is not about your feelings for him. It’s not about winning him back.
She gave a strangled laugh. Who was she kidding? Of course she hoped to win him back. She’d spent nearly two hours with Cassy this morning trying to make the most of her appearance just for today’s confrontation. And she had never looked better—had never felt better about herself. She realized now, she had always felt unable to compete with her sisters, so she had inwardly chosen not to compete at all. Instead of making the most of what she’d had, she’d gone out of her way to hide it. Not that she was a beauty. No, she’d never be that. But she could accept the way God had made her and make the most of what she had.
When she turned into Luke’s drive, her thoughts returned to the coming confrontation. Concentrate on your apology. Concentrate on reassuring Luke. She repeated the words to herself over and over, but somehow she couldn’t convince her stubborn heart to smother the flicker of hope that burned there.
❧
Luke unharnessed the horses, his movements slowed by a weariness that belied his age. He’d gotten himself out of one pickle, only to find himself in another. He’d realized his feelings for Cassy were gone days ago and had confirmed his feelings when she and Caleb returned home yesterday. He’d known right away his feelings for Cassy had been shallow compared to how he felt about Jane.
And seeing the newlyweds’ happiness had brought a mixture of joy and despair. Seeing their secret smiles and affect
ionate caresses had left him longing for his own matrimonial happiness. He could only imagine the joy of sharing his life with the woman who owned his heart. Why couldn’t he have that?
Why couldn’t he? What was stopping him, aside from his own fear? And when had he become such a coward that he was afraid of hearing the truth? Afraid of hearing the blame from his own beloved’s mouth?
Luke halted, holding the horse’s bit in his hands. Why was he running from his one hope of happiness? Jane may blame him, but if she did, he would hear her out like a man. Then he would tell her how he loved her and beg her forgiveness.
He put the bit back in Ranger’s mouth. “Whoa, there, fella. Sorry to confuse you, but we’ve got someplace to go.” Luke reharnessed the bays, working quickly with new purpose. He’d just started to climb aboard, when he heard the trod of an approaching horse’s feet. Rounding the corner, he came up short.
Jane. He walked in a daze toward her, and she reined her horse to a halt. If he’d thought she’d looked different at church, the view from the front left him speechless. Curly tendrils framed her face, drawing attention to her almond-shaped brown eyes. Her chest heaved from exertion, and he noticed the delicate lacework in the bodice of her brightly colored gown.
Jane nodded her head tentatively. “Luke.”
“Jane. What brings you out my way?” he asked, afraid to hope.
She toyed with the reins. “I. . .I came to apologize for my behavior yesterday.”
His insides twisted. “You don’t owe me an apology, Jane. I don’t fault you for blaming me.”
Her brows jolted upward. “But I don’t! The accident wasn’t your fault, Luke. Really, I don’t blame you at all. We—Elizabeth and I—shouldn’t have been sneaking up on you that way. You were hunting. Of course you would assume. . . Well, it was an accident, that’s all.”
Relief flowed through him at her ardent tone. Then he remembered the way she had rebuffed and rejected him the previous day. “If you don’t blame me, why did you send me away? Why have you been avoiding me?”
Jane lowered her lids, ashamed of the way she’d felt and the way she’d treated him. “I guess I was simply feeling sorry for myself.” She gave him a contrite grin as her gaze darted to his, then back down. “I’ve never been much to look at. Then, when the accident left me with this—” she covered the line of sutures on her face with her fingers, “—well, I just didn’t think you’d ever be able to. . .to care for me.”
Luke stepped closer, then reached up to cover the hand on her face. “Oh, Jane, you’ve always been beautiful in my eyes.” The fervor in his eyes held her gaze. “When Cassy and Caleb returned, I knew right away what I’d suspected was true. My feelings for her were shallow. Nothing compares to the way I’ve come to feel about you.”
Jane’s breath caught in her lungs, her wary nature guarding her heart in case she’d misunderstood. She gathered her courage. “Does that—” She cleared her raspy throat. “Does that mean you still want to court me?”
Her heart quickened when Luke’s mouth formed a smile, but when it turned into a full-bodied chuckle, she froze in place. Was he laughing at her?
Then she saw the familiar twinkle in his eyes. “Court you? Jane, I want to marry you.” His expression grew serious, and she nearly drowned in those dark eyes. “That is, if you’ll have me.”
Her heart lurched. He wants to marry me. Me. Plain Jane Cooper. She couldn’t have stopped the smile if she tried. “I’d be honored to be your wife, Luke Reiley.”
Luke released a whoop of joy, then grabbed her around the waist, tenderly pulling her from the horse. She leaned toward him with her entire body.
All, that is, except her foot, which stuck in the stirrup. Before she knew what happened, she was flying toward the ground, a mass of limbs and petticoats. She landed with a thud on Luke, who released a puff of air on impact.
Quickly, she scrambled off beside him. “Are you all right?”
Luke met her gaze, stunned. His face broke into a smile when he realized that Jane had sustained no injuries. Then, his smile gave way to infectious laughter. “You know, that dismount still needs a little work!”
Her sense of humor took over, and she laughed along with him. “There’s plenty of time for you to teach me.”
His eyes shone with promise, holding her captive. “Yes, a lifetime.”
About the Author
Denise Hunter lives in Indiana with her husband and three active, young sons. As the only female of the household, every day is a new adventure, but Denise holds on to the belief that her most important responsibility in this life is to raise her children in such a way that they will love and fear the Lord. Stranger’s Bride was her first published novel. The message Denise wants her writing to convey is that “God needs to be the center of our lives. If He isn’t, everything else is out of kilter.”
Dedication
Dedicated with love to my parents:
Sheri and Bill Huston, and Gary and Marsha Waters.
A Note From the Author
I love to hear from my readers! You may correspond with me by writing:
Denise Hunter
Author Relations
PO Box 719
Uhrichsville, OH 44683