by Anne Baker
‘Oh God! How long has that been going on?’
Chloe shrugged, ‘All along, I think. Anyway, he’s got another girlfriend.’
‘Marriage would have given you legal rights.’
‘And the need for a divorce.’
Zac began to stir and make his ticking sound. Chloe picked him up out of his carrycot. ‘It’s time for his feed,’ she said. ‘I should have left Adam ages ago, before I had this one. I wish I had.’
‘You mustn’t say that, love. Zac is here now, and he’s a beautiful baby. You stay here and feed him, have a rest if you can. I’ll go and break the news to Marigold and see about some lunch.’
‘What a mess I’ve made of my life.’
‘Darling, you know I’ll help in every way I can. We’ll arrange something for you.’
The bedroom door closed behind her. Chloe lay down on her bed and began to feed Zac. It made her keep still, but nothing could calm her. She couldn’t stop thinking about Adam. She’d thought he loved the children. She’d seen him as her husband even though he wasn’t. She’d truly thought of him as her partner for life.
Had he ever thought of her like that? Or had he deliberately avoided marriage so he could move on when he tired of her? He’d let her down, kicked her in the teeth, altered the whole course of her life. Ruined it. He’d rejected her and there could be nothing more painful than being rejected by a lover. She’d trusted and given freely of all the love she had. She was a failure as a lover, a failure as a homemaker and probably also as a mother. Chloe felt she was touching bottom.
When Zac went off to sleep again, Chloe made herself go downstairs. She had to; she knew from the clatter of dishes that lunch was nearly ready. She’d have preferred to stay in her room and forgo that; she wasn’t hungry. But she had to live here, so there was no way she could hide from Aunt Goldie. She found her reading ‘Cinderella’ to Lucy.
‘Well, Chloe,’ Marigold said, straightening up as soon as she saw her. ‘I’m sorry to hear about your trouble, but you must know how shocked and shamed I felt when you brazenly went to live with a man who didn’t want to marry you.’ Her grey eyes flashed with unforgiving severity. ‘I did my best to warn you. You should have taken heed of what I said, and now I’m proved right. You’ve brought shame on us all and saddled us with these two little children to bring up.’
Her mother came rushing in. ‘Lunch is ready,’ she said. ‘Will you bring Lucy in, please, Marigold?’ She stood back to usher them all to the dining room.
‘She could do with a high chair,’ Marigold said. ‘I don’t suppose you bothered to bring that, Chloe?’
‘I’ve put a cushion on this chair for Lucy,’ Helen said, but nothing could stop Marigold’s tirade.
‘You had a very comfortable life here with your mother. You should not have been in such a hurry to turn your back on it.’
‘No,’ Chloe agreed. How she wished she hadn’t. She was only just in control of her tears, and she wouldn’t be able to stand much more of this.
‘She gave you everything you could possibly have wanted. Holidays at the seaside, visits to the ballet, trips to art galleries.’
‘Would you like some mayonnaise on your salad, Marigold?’
‘Yes please. You should not have let yourself be led astray by that Adam fellow. Whatever made you do that?’
Chloe bit back. ‘I understand you did exactly the same, Aunt Goldie, so it’s in my genes. You can’t push all the blame on me.’
Marigold’s cheeks flushed puce. ‘How dare you say—’
‘Give over, both of you,’ Helen burst out. ‘If you’re going to live with me, you’ll have to live in peace. I want no more of this.’
There was a subdued silence until Lucy piped, ‘What’s Mummy done wrong?’
‘Nothing, darling,’ Helen said. ‘I’ve asked Rex to come for dinner tonight. He usually comes in the afternoon to do a bit of tidying up in the garden. We should all get out and enjoy the sun.’
‘Bringing shame on the family,’ Aunt Goldie muttered under her breath. ‘You’ll be paying for this mistake for the rest of your life.’
Chloe cringed and struggled to swallow the cold beef.
‘You mustn’t let Marigold faze you,’ Helen said to her daughter while they were washing up together afterwards. ‘I’m sure Gran accused her of shaming the family, and she doesn’t realise how things have changed. Neither does she remember how painful it was at the time.’
‘You’re wrong, she’s never forgotten,’ Chloe said. ‘She’s been bitter and twisted all her life. Never got over it.’
‘Take no notice of what she says. In the old days, when it happened to Marigold, it was hard to pick yourself up afterwards. It’s easier now; it’ll be quite different for you.’
She could see Chloe was struggling to hold herself together. ‘Marigold is surprisingly good with Lucy. Give her credit where it’s due.’
‘That’s not easy either.’
‘If I’d known you’d be coming back to live with me, I wouldn’t have let her come. It would have been the perfect excuse.’
‘I should have said something sooner. Let you know that things were getting impossible between me and Adam.’
‘I wish you had. By the way, I rang Rex before lunch to put him in the picture. I thought it would be easier if he knew before he came.’
‘Thanks, Mum.’ Chloe wiped her eyes on the tea towel. ‘I’ve made a mess of my life. Sorry to have landed you in it too.’
Rex was outraged at the way Chloe had been treated. He ached to tell Adam what he thought of him face to face. Just thinking about it made his hands clench into fists. He’d like to make him suffer.
He’d persuaded a young and innocent girl of barely seventeen to have sex with him. Lured her into living with him in his fine house and sired two children with her. Now it seemed he didn’t want her or her babies any more. He’d got himself another girlfriend. Rex didn’t call that love; he thought Adam had abused Chloe.
Her children were delightful, especially little Lucy, who could charm her way into anyone’s heart. Even Marigold had taken to her. How could her real father turn his back on her? He must have a heart of stone.
Rex had meant to spend an hour on his business accounts, but he couldn’t settle to the work, so he drove over to Helen’s garden earlier than he’d intended. He parked his van beside her garage, and though he’d meant to do some gentle hoeing to keep the weeds under control, he set about knocking back some nettles that were taking hold near his compost heap. He slashed at them furiously, trying to get the anger out of his system. He’d deal with their roots later, when he was calmer. He ached to help Chloe. In a way, he blamed himself for what had happened to her.
Why hadn’t he taken up with her before Adam had come on the scene? His reasons sounded stupid now: he was so much older than she was; he’d been afraid she’d think him dull, too old for romance, past all that. He’d been waiting for her to grow to maturity.
Like a fool he’d hung back, but she’d have been his adored wife, he’d have cherished her. He’d have done everything to make her happy. Life would have been good for her and marvellous for him.
And if only he’d waited, been more patient once Chloe had gone to Adam, he’d be free to comfort her now. Once she’d recovered enough, he’d have been able to plead his case, but he hadn’t foreseen a disaster like this overtaking her. Chloe might find a staid older husband more acceptable after this. He’d never stopped loving her, and he’d love her children because they were hers. He’d help her bring them up; he’d have a ready-made family.
What he really wanted to do was to turn everything round for her. But no, he could not. He mustn’t even think of it. He’d consoled himself by getting into Helen’s bed and he’d taught her to rely on him. He’d taken what he’d thought of as second best, but he cared deeply about her too, and he couldn’t push her away now and turn to her daughter. Helen would be distraught. She and Chloe were fond of each other, supportive of
each other. What would that do to their relationship? If he asked Chloe to marry him now, it could destroy everything for her mother.
‘Rex?’ He knew it was Chloe calling his name; he turned to see her coming towards him, carrying the baby, with the toddler at her heels. She looked washed out, grey-faced, and he could see she’d been crying. He wanted to gather her in his arms to comfort her.
‘Chloe, I’m so sorry. Your mother’s told me. Such bad news.’ He could see her face screwing in an effort to keep her tears back. ‘You deserve better.’
‘Mum’s being kind. She’s done her best to welcome me back.’
‘I wish there was something I could do to help.’
She was blinking hard. ‘There is, as a matter of fact.’
He’d heard enough from her mother to know she was traumatised by being put out of Adam’s house and worried about her future. He wanted to ask her what had happened, what had gone wrong. But she might think he was prying. ‘I’ll help in any way I can,’ he said. ‘You know that.’
‘I’ve brought very little with me. Just clothes for a few days. Would you take me back to Manchester in your van to collect the rest? There’s Zac’s big pram and a pushchair, a cot and a high chair for Lucy. Oh, and her rocking horse and all their clothes and other paraphernalia.’
‘Of course,’ he said. ‘I’ll be glad to, but not tomorrow, I’ve made an appointment – I’m hoping to get more work.’
‘The next day?’
‘Yes, that’s fine.’
‘I’ll ring Adam and tell him we’re coming. Thank you, Rex. Mum said you’d help or I’d have never dared ask such a favour.’
‘Chloe, I’ve told you, I’m glad to do all I can for you.’
Chloe waited until she thought Adam would be home from work before ringing him.
His first words were ‘I haven’t changed my mind. I don’t want you back here, so it’s no good asking.’
That felt like another kick from him. ‘I wouldn’t dream of asking,’ she retorted with all the dignity she could find. ‘Wild horses wouldn’t drag me back now. What I do want are my belongings, my clothes and all the children’s things. Cots, prams and toys. I won’t be able to manage without them.’
‘I’ve already packed up most of your stuff. I’ll leave everything in the conservatory. You can arrange for it to be picked up.’
‘Rex is bringing me in his van on Friday.’
‘I won’t be here, I’m going to a sale in Derbyshire on Friday.’
‘Good, there’s no point in meeting, is there? I’ve still got the keys to your house.’
‘So you have. Be sure to leave them behind. You’ll have no need of them after this.’
‘I’ll do that,’ she said and put the phone down, relieved that it was arranged. She still felt very uptight and wished she didn’t have to go back to Adam’s house, but she couldn’t afford not to collect her things. Rex had been sweet, but all the same, she’d be glad when the Manchester trip was over.
During the first days back at her old home, Chloe wasn’t able to relax and she couldn’t sleep. It didn’t help that Lucy kept asking, ‘When is Daddy coming to see us? When are we going home? I want my bike and I want Daddy.’
Aunt Goldie had said some horrible things to her, but now she and Mum were bending over backwards to be kind; they couldn’t do enough to help.
Chloe got up early on Friday morning to wash and dress the children. She’d arranged for Rex to pick her up at half ten, so that Ruby would have time to clean up and go.
Mum and Aunt Goldie had offered to look after both the babies, but she elected to take Zac with her. He was a hungry baby, needing to be fed every three hours, and she was breast-feeding. She had loads of milk and would be uncomfortable and leaking if she didn’t feed him.
Rex arrived at the appointed time and strapped the carrycot behind her seat. He was dressed smartly today. ‘Nice silk shirt,’ she said as they started off.
‘A Christmas present from your mother.’ He turned to smile at her. ‘Too good for gardening.’
‘You’re very kind to take me to Manchester. It’ll take up a lot of your time.’
‘I always enjoy a day off doing something different.’
‘Adam won’t be there, but I’m not looking forward to this.’ She felt at ease with Rex; she’d known him for years and saw him as a family friend, part of the old life she’d turned her back on two and a half years ago.
‘He’s treated you very badly.’
‘He’s a crook. That’s how he can afford an expensive lifestyle. I couldn’t stay.’ She told him how she’d found out, and about the false alibi she’d given him.
‘Then you had to leave him.’
‘Yes, I was afraid that sooner or later it would all blow up in my face. That we’d both be charged with fencing and I’d be in big trouble.’
Rex’s heart turned over that she’d confided that to him. ‘I didn’t realise you had that sort of problem. I thought it was the usual, you know, not getting on.’
‘That too, when I couldn’t persuade him to give up. It all went sour.’
It upset Chloe to see again the lovely home she’d thought of as hers. ‘At least it’s locked up and there’s nobody here,’ she said to Rex. ‘Come on in.’
Nothing had changed, except for the collection of baby equipment, cardboard boxes and bags waiting in the conservatory for her to take away. She helped Rex carry the things out to the drive, ‘There’s a lot here,’ he said.
‘There’s probably more,’ she told him. ‘I bet he’ll have forgotten half the nappies and cot sheets. I’m going to check the airing cupboard and my wardrobe. I don’t want to leave any of my clothes here.’
She left him to load his van and went upstairs. The airing cupboard was stacked high with things that belonged to her and the children. She tied them into cot sheets and stuffed them into pillowcases. Then she dragged Lucy’s toy box containing her bricks and colouring books and other bits and pieces on to the landing.
Warily she went into the bedroom she’d shared with Adam. Trying not to look at the vast bed, she opened the door of what had been her wardrobe. It made her gasp to see the garments hanging inside, only two or three, but they were not hers. She slammed the door shut and turned round to see fluffy white slippers by the bed and a whole collection of cosmetics on the dressing table. So Adam had had another girl here. To move her in this quickly, he must have been carrying on with her for months.
She took her alarm clock from the chest of drawers, and recognised the exotic bottle of perfume standing beside it. She picked it up, opened it and sniffed at it. She’d never cared much for it; the scent was too heavy for her.
Rex appeared in the doorway with Zac in his arms. ‘He was starting to cry,’ he said. ‘I think he needs changing.’
‘This was my Christmas present from Adam,’ she said, and hurled the bottle of perfume at the skirting board as hard as she could. It didn’t break the glass, but the stopper rolled away and a heavy cloud of cloying scent rose into the air. She shut the door on it.
‘I’ll change Zac in the bathroom, I’ve done all I can here.’ She put her clock in the toy box before taking the baby from him.
She didn’t want to spend a minute longer in the house than she had to. As soon as she was sure Rex had loaded everything belonging to her and the children into his van, she double-locked the front door and posted the keys back through the letter box.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
REX CLIMBED INTO THE van, started the engine and began the drive back. He’d felt Chloe’s tension from the moment he’d followed her inside the house. Now the van was full of her raging emotions.
He tried to comfort her. ‘You’ll be all right now.’
She was unbuttoning her blouse, getting ready to feed her baby in the passenger seat beside him. He glanced at her before he could stop himself. One exquisite rosy breast was being offered to the baby. He heard Zac’s satisfied sucking.
He sat up str
aighter, gripped the steering wheel harder and took a firm grip on himself. Chloe didn’t realise what she was doing to him. He anchored his gaze on the road ahead.
‘I don’t know how I’m going to cope.’ Rex thought he could hear tears in her voice. ‘Mum’s trying hard not to say “I told you so”. Well, of course I knew the family would hate me for living with Adam.’
‘No,’ he said. ‘They feared for you, they knew how difficult it would be if things went wrong.’
‘They couldn’t help but know, could they? It’s Aunt Goldie’s mistake over again. Look what one unsupported baby did to her life. And I was daft enough to double the handicap.’
‘Chloe, you mustn’t think of it as a handicap.’
‘Actually, it’s a disaster. How else would anybody see it? If only I could put the clock back. I’d give anything to be back working in the civil service.’
‘Hindsight makes everything clearer.’
‘It would be hard enough even if I didn’t have two children.’
‘You mustn’t regret having them. Show them you love them and they’ll grow up level-headed and contented. They won’t always be babies, they’ll be real people who’ll love you for the care and affection you give them now. Many would envy you your family.’
He could see that Zac had finished feeding and Chloe was buttoning up her blouse again, but she couldn’t put him back in his carrycot unless Rex stopped the van. The baby was dozing off in her arms.
‘Are you hungry?’ he asked. ‘There’s a café round here somewhere. We could have a bite to eat.’
‘Yes, there’s one on the next corner.’
It was only when he tried that he found he couldn’t get the carrycot out without first unloading the pram and rocking horse.
‘Never mind, Rex. I can manage a sandwich with him on my knee.’
They went inside a fancy little café and he ordered bacon sandwiches and a pot of tea. While they ate, he told her about his own unhappy upbringing.