by A. D. Ellis
He’d previously interviewed with Sawyer Morgan, but had been called in for a second interview. During that interview with Nathan Morgan, one of the higher-ups with The Center+, Luke had blushed when he spoke the cliché, “I’m a lover, not a fighter.” Mr. Morgan had smirked and raised an eyebrow in question of Luke’s passion for martial arts.
“What I mean is that I do several martial arts for exercise and well-being, but I don’t use the methods to condone violence or harm anyone. I don’t want to take this job if parents are going to be signing their kids up so they can kick someone’s ass, or if adults are going to sign up in hopes of getting in some cage on a televised MMA show. I will teach the basic history, the art form, the benefits, but I won’t teach it as a violent means to an end.” He’d blushed a bit more and ducked his head as Nate had continued to watch him, “I guess you can just call me Mr. Miyagi.”
Nate had thrown his head back in laughter and offered him the job on the spot. “I’ll want you to set up a final meeting with my sons, Decker and Sawyer, but I have no doubt they will be as sold on you for this position as I am. Sawyer has already spoken very highly of you after his preliminary interview with you.”
Luke had already met Decker Morgan who was the main manager of The Center+, and he liked the man immediately. He could tell that Decker was a no-nonsense type of guy and ran a tight ship. He had met with Sawyer a couple times to discuss the plans for the programs, and he had felt an immediate connection to Decker’s twin. Sawyer was in charge of the Arts Program at The Center+. Sawyer and his cousin, Zach, were working together to combine Sawyer’s art programs with Zach’s physical fitness programs since Luke would be teaching several art forms through meditation, yoga, Pilates, and martial arts.
Luke couldn’t lay a finger on exactly why he felt a connection to Sawyer Morgan, but he felt like he and Sawyer had been friends for a lifetime.
Now as he walked into the gym, he instinctively knew the man beating the shit out of a punching bag was Sawyer Morgan. He was an exact replica of Decker, but he appeared softer, more fragile, even as he was putting the hurt to the bag.
Halting at the doorway to the gym, Luke allowed a shadow to hide his lithe, athletic body so he could observe undetected. An unwanted, long-since-forgotten response shot through his body; his veins pumped with liquid heat as he watched Sawyer’s muscular form pummel the stuffed leather swinging in front of him.
Closing his eyes, struggling to retrieve that sense of centeredness he’d achieved just moments before, Luke fought down the feeling of desire that built in him. Sawyer was a colleague, more like a boss in many ways, and the brother and son of his actual bosses. Even if Luke hadn’t sworn years ago to extinguish any feelings he had towards other males, feeling what he was feeling for Sawyer would still be a very bad idea.
Unbidden, his father and brothers’ words infiltrated his mind; the thick, black ooze threatened to overtake him and devour the sense of peace he’d worked so hard to achieve over several years.
“Little gay sunshine boy…”
“Only faggots like the arts…”
“Such a queer little momma’s boy…”
As he’d gotten older, the comments had morphed to take on a more sexually sinister tone.
“You like it up the ass, faggot?”
“Damn girly body and blonde hair, no wonder guys want to fuck your queer ass.”
“Want us to find a big ‘ol gay cock to pound that hole, fag? Would you like that?”
Breath shuddered from his lungs as he stamped down the nausea the memories always brought him. His father had always despised him because of his looks. Luke had a fair complexion, silky blonde hair, and blue eyes. That and his lean, athletic body was a stark contrast to his father and brothers’ meaty builds, dark hair, dark eyes, and naturally olive complexions. Not once in his life had he heard a kind word come from his father’s mouth in reference to him, his youngest son.
His brothers had taken their father’s hatred for him to new and excruciatingly painful heights. The words hurt and still crept into his mind to taunt him, but the physical torture and humiliation they brought down on him was a haunting memory he would battle for the rest of his life. Even if he was ever able to admit he was attracted to men, the physical and emotional scars his brothers had left on him were the shackles and chains which would forever prevent him from experiencing what his body and heart longed for.
A memory of his beloved mother, his friend, his confidant, his protector floated into his mind like a feather on the wind. It had always been her and him against his father and brothers. His mother, Lilly, had never wavered in her constant support and protection of him. When the cancer devouring her body could no longer be held off, she gathered him in her arms and murmured her love to him. In halting gasps and wheezing whispers, she shared her last moments with him. “Luke, my dear baby boy, you’ve not been shown love from a father, but you were born from the love of both a father and a mother. I’m sorry you will never know the man your father could have been. Please forgive me for allowing you to suffer at their hands. Don’t give in, don’t let them win…” She stopped briefly to take a breath, but she never finished what she was saying.
At age 15 Luke didn’t know what to make of her broken whispers about the love of a father. But, ‘don’t let them win’ were words which would bombard his mind like a spray of bullets each day of his life. He would never let them win. His brothers’ and father’s words would never be true about him. He loved the male form, the hard outlines, the muscles, the hair-roughened skin, but he would never give in to those feelings. Ever. If he allowed himself to find physical pleasure at the hands of another man, his brothers’ and father’s words would be truth. He’d be exactly what they always accused him of being. No. He would cling to his mother’s request. He would never let them win.
That promise had never been difficult to keep. He had the constant memory of their hate-filled words to keep his desires in check. If those memories didn’t dull the longing, he would allow himself to briefly recall the physical and emotional torture his brothers forced upon him from the moment his mother passed on. The recollection of that humiliation and pain was enough to remind him daily why he could never acquiesce to the inclinations of his body and soul.
Until he walked into the gym and saw Sawyer Morgan.
Driving a hand through his messy blonde tresses, Luke contemplated leaving.
But his movement caught Sawyer’s attention. “Who’s there? What are you doing here at this time of night?” Sawyer, in contrast to his naturally calm politeness, barked out at the shadows. What the hell? I just need some alone time and now I’ve got to deal with this?
Sawyer’s breath caught in his chest and his entire body tightened in response when the man exited the shadows. Only a few lights were on in the gym, and this man stood directly underneath one. The light reflected from his blonde hair and gave him an ethereal look. At 6’2” himself, Sawyer didn’t often find men taller, but he judged the athletically lean man standing outside the ring to be about 6’3”. His blue eyes were cautious, apologetic, and interested all at once.
“Sorry, man. I didn’t know anyone else would be here.” Sawyer instantly recognized the new martial arts instructor, Luke Hamilton, and walked the edge of the ring to shake the man’s hand.
When a lightning-hot heat traveled between their joined hands, Sawyer took notice, but he also noticed how quickly Luke’s jaw clenched and his hand pulled away.
“I apologize for being here this late. I didn’t think I’d be interrupting anybody. I can leave…” Sawyer noticed that Luke trailed those last words as if hoping Sawyer would ask him to stay.
“No worries, man, you’re welcome to stay. We can go at it alone or team up and fight out whatever it is we’re both trying to rid from our minds.” Sawyer stepped away from the ropes slightly and swung his arms open wide in invitation for Luke to join him.
Wondering at Luke’s behavior, Sawyer watched as the man shuffled
his feet and appeared to have an inner dialogue with himself. Running a hand through his hair again making Sawyer realize it was a nervous gesture, Luke blushed a bit. “I really should leave you to it, but I was hoping to get some issues pounded out tonight so if you don’t mind, I think I’ll stay. Want to go a few rounds?”
Sawyer’s groin constricted and threatened to make itself known with the words pounded and go a few rounds. Turning his back on Luke, he quickly adjusted himself and mentally scolded himself at the same time. Damn, man, the guy was just making conversation. Don’t turn everything sexual. Besides, you’d be a complete whore to go from one man to another in the same night.
“It’s all good, man. Let’s go.” Sawyer tossed Luke some spare gloves and headgear. Aside from his brother and cousins, Sawyer had seldom felt an instant kinship with someone he knew next to nothing about. Yes, he had known Hayden would be a friend even if he wasn’t a lover, but that was because Katie had already assured him that Hayden was a kindred spirit, another gay man just seeking love and acceptance.
This man, Luke, was a complete unknown. Would he balk at Sawyer’s sexual preference when he found out? Was he the type who would have made fun of Sawyer in school? His father had hired Luke, and Sawyer trusted his dad’s judgment. Maybe that was why he felt an instant connection with Luke, like he’d known him for years.
They met in the middle of the ring and bumped fists. Their sparring was light and easy in the beginning. They circled each other, swung, and dipped. While they shuffled around the ring, they spoke.
“So, what brought you here tonight? Most people don’t come to kick ass on the bag at this time of night unless something is wrong.” Sawyer wasn’t sure why he was being so nosey. Would he be okay answering the same if it was asked of him?
“Phone call from my father. Those never go well. I hung up pissed off and hurt as usual, so I came here to calm down with some yoga and then get some kicks in on the bag.” Luke narrowly missed a right hook from Sawyer. “What about you? Do you come here at this time every night or was tonight a special occasion?”
Your whole family knows now. It didn’t go great, but you survived. You have to get used to telling others, might as well start with him. “Well, to be honest, it was a pretty shitty night. I came out to the rest of my family and it didn’t go well at all.” The hurt threatened him with a jab to his heart, he fought against it by lashing out toward Luke. Sawyer immediately felt bad when he saw the blood ooze from Luke’s nose and lip.
“Shit, man, I’m sorry. I forgot where I was for a second. We were taking it easy, and I let my emotions get the best of me. Truly, I’m sorry.” Sawyer tossed his equipment into his gym bag and then removed the headgear and gloves from Luke, throwing them in his bag as he led his injured friend to the first aid kit.
“It’s all good, man. I’ve had a lot worse done to me, I can take it. It’s just a busted nose and split lip. Nice one you landed there, though I can’t say I want to be on the receiving end of your punches again any time soon.” He winced against the pain as he tried to smile and walked with his head tipped up in hopes of keeping his nose from dripping on anything.
Grabbing the first aid kit from the wall, Sawyer opened the door to the locker room and had Luke lean against the counter by the sinks. “Grab some paper towel and clean yourself off.”
Luke leaned across the sink in front of Sawyer to reach the paper towel. The hitch in both men’s breathing added to the palpable tension in the room. Heated sparks jumped from skin to skin when Sawyer’s arm brushed against Luke’s. Breathing deeply, Sawyer fought the wave of desire that rolled through his body when his brain registered the scent of soap and man.
Almost roughly, Sawyer grabbed the paper towel and ran it under the water. Dabbing gently at Luke’s lip, trying to calm his feelings, Sawyer worked until the blood was cleaned away. Using the damp towel, Sawyer managed to clean Luke’s nose. Finding a piece of clean gauze, he handed it to Luke. “Keep this until you’re sure your nose is done bleeding.”
With a last dab of the towel on his lip, Sawyer dug through the kit in search of ointment for the wound. “Here. This should stop the bleeding and maybe numb it a little.” Sawyer let his thumb brush lightly over the crack in Luke’s lip, wishing he could dip his head and let his lips follow this thumb.
Sawyer watched for several seconds as Luke’s chest heaved and his blue eyes darkened. He backed up a bit as Luke abruptly stood up, but he didn’t move quickly enough to miss the other man’s obvious physical reaction to the situation as it rubbed against his own barely-concealed erection. Glancing upward to make contact with Luke’s heated gaze, Sawyer fought the need to wrap his arms around the man and pull his mouth down to his own.
“So, thanks for fixing me up, Doc. I think the sparring is done for tonight, but I’ll take a raincheck for another time. And we definitely need to get you through some yoga and meditation sessions; sounds like you could use the benefits of both practices.” Sawyer saw right through Luke’s attempt to change the subject and avoid the tension between them, but he took the bait.
“Yeah, my therapist has been telling me I should look into some relaxation techniques. Yoga and meditation would probably be just the right combination. I’ll definitely take you up on the lessons. Thanks man.”
“So, um, I don’t know about you, but I’m not tired at all. Must be from the adrenaline of the fight.” Luke smiled as brightly as his busted lip allowed him to. “I’m not ready to go to bed yet. You want to grab some coffee at that 24 hour place?”
Sawyer’s brain flitted from excitement to confusion. He was thrilled to be asked out for coffee by Luke. However, he got the distinct feeling that, even though there was a definite physical attraction, Luke would fight tooth and nail against anything more than friendship. The thought disappointed and puzzled him. Shaking his head to clear the jumbled thoughts he convinced himself he could delve into the why’s with Luke once they knew each other better. And going out for coffee was the perfect way to get to know someone better.
“That sounds good. I’m not sleepy either. Luckily I don’t have to work tomorrow. I’m sure I’ll end up here at some point, but I can stay up until the wee hours of the morning drinking coffee and be none the worse for the wear tomorrow because I can sleep in.” Grabbing his bag and locking the door behind them Sawyer headed toward his car. Halting briefly he scanned the parking lot. His gaze landed on a motorcycle. “Is that yours? Do you want to just ride with me? I can bring you back by here after coffee.”
He watched the hesitation flash over Luke’s face. Sawyer read right through him, he wanted to climb into the car, but he wouldn’t allow himself to do so.
“Nah, I’ll take my bike and just meet you there.”
Sawyer swallowed his ridiculous disappointment. Don’t be an idiot. He invited you for coffee. He’s meeting you there. It’s not a date, you don’t have to drive him there. As he chastised himself he watched with heated eyes as Luke’s ass sauntered away.
Climbing into his car Sawyer noticed a message from Hayden.
Hayden: Hey there.
Hayden: So, tonight was really great. Better than I had hoped for.
Hayden: Just wanted to check on you and see if you are okay. You seemed distracted when you left. If I know you you’re probably feeling guilty about tonight. I’m not expecting a ring on my finger now. Maybe we can make plans for a date soon?
Hayden: So, now I’m feeling desperate…I’ll stop messaging you. But, call me please.
Memories of their night together filled his mind. It had been the perfect physical connection and release, and he’d needed it badly after the issue with his family. But even the physical completeness he’d felt when Hayden took him didn’t make him feel anything different for Hayden. Later when he’d pushed himself into Hayden’s body as he forced away the betrayal he felt from his family, he’d not felt anything but a means to an end. Their time together brought him a physical release, nothing more. He owed it to his friend to b
e honest and let him know there was nothing romantic going to take place between them.
That’s great, Morgan. You’ve got one guy who would marry you tomorrow and one guy who seems dead set against anything but friendship. And which are you the most physically attracted to? Of course it’s the gorgeous man on the motorcycle. You’re going to give the ‘just friends’ speech to one man and the other one is probably preparing to give you the same speech.
Rolling his eyes and scrubbing a hand over his face, he pulled from the parking lot. It’s just coffee with a friend.
Yeah, keep telling yourself that.
Chapter 9
It’s just coffee with a friend. Yeah, keep telling yourself that. Luke Hamilton was in deep and he knew it, but he was helpless to avoid it.
You could have totally avoided it by not asking the man for coffee. You could have gone home to a cold shower and seen him sporadically at work. Instead, you offer to teach him meditation and yoga and invite him to coffee. Yep, that was real smooth. You promised to avoid your attraction to men at all costs. How’s that working out for you right now?
Luke growled in frustration as he leaned into the final corner before arriving at the all-night coffee shop. His head was a jumbled mess of emotions and conflicting thoughts. On one hand, he’d never been so instantly and completely physically attracted to another man. Yes, he’d found several men attractive over the years, but none so much as to make his promise to his mother hard to keep. On the other hand, he was supposed to work with Sawyer, he shouldn’t be muddying the waters by thinking anything about him other than friendly thoughts. And, he did need a friend. He hadn’t been in Torey Hope all that long and he’d never really been the social type. He was more of a loner, whether by choice or forced to be because of the shit he put up with from his dad and brothers. But, was it wise to befriend the one man who made him rethink his vow to never act upon his attraction to men?